Tag: Love

Drunk Thoughts: Surrounded By Love.

I will admit that I am not drunk, but I am tipsy tonight. it still counts, I’m actually half a wine bottle down! I am blessed to be surrounded by love for my birthday today (or yesterday if we talkin technicalities) It just be hitting a little harder when you’re in a whole different state and been going through how I’ve been feeling moving. (Another blog, another time haha) I appreciate EVERYONE for the love and all the sweet personal messages I’ve been receiving. It does mean the world to me ♡
Public or privately, I don’t care. EVERYONE took their time out and I appreciate and love it so much! I’m so blessed to be surrounded by love like this. I really truly mean it. Even work showed me love and I’ve only been there for 1.5 weeks. As I get older and now that I’m out of Michigan, I really don’t care for material things. It’s the friendships and bonds that I make that matter the most to me. To keep those friendships alive or going, to still have those connections or making new ones. I just want to be a good person for myself and to others. What’s most important to me is quality time. We only have one life and I want it to be surrounded by people who truly care for me for me and not for anything else, like “Sally’s this persons friend, girlfriend, sister, aunt, etc.” Just there for me because I am my own person and I act upon my own. What you see is what you get. My astrology sign is a cancer, so I care deeply for those with good intents who care about me the same as well. Maybe i’m heading to the drunk zone, with this astrology talk LOL.
But for those who have asked and wondered. I’m doing good over here in Wisconsin. I had my struggles, but you know this bitch got herself and she holding it down and getting through whatever comes her way in anyway she can help herself. I have some really good friends over here too and I really want my close Michigan friends to meet my really close Wisconsin friends one day. Let me clear up the space and say this too, NO ONE IS GETTING REPLACED. Leave that petty shit at home, I got a lot of space to love. ♡

To my Michigan friends or even out of Wisconsin friends, please send me your address over social media because I do want to send you guys little things in the mail! I’ve been going old school pen pal type route with postcards and letters lately. I do send randomly too. Getting a personal piece of mail is something that you get excited about and love and I want to give that to you all! My nieces have LOVED it and I personally love sending it all out too!

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE. You’ll never know appreciative I am of it cause words just can’t explain. Love you all so so so much ♡

For The Both Of Us.

If I had the opportunity to go back into time, I would go back to you and hug you for the both of us. Lord knows you were going to need it and I know I need it now. We’re the same person, but in such two different realities. I need it for the strength, for the encouragement, to appreciate how far I’ve come and because I miss that twinkle in my eye. You need it for the moment, for what’s to come, for who you are, and also for the strength. I wouldn’t go back and say sorry or try to change anything. Not because I think it was meant to happen, but because I don’t know any of the what if’s and I’d rather not try to think about it. It would be maddening either way and in every other different way anyways.

For the both of us, I would go back in time, enjoy that moment with you, remember what it was like and hug you. That hug would have been everything to you because that hug was what I needed and was looking for and felt like I never got. So I would go back in time to hug you for the both of us. The twinkle wasn’t based on truth, but love and I miss that. Sometimes they are hand in hands and other times they aren’t. Balancing them when they aren’t isn’t the easiest, but you got here. You got me here, I’m here.
“Without you I can’t be, you’re the universe to me. You’re the air in my lungs, you’re the fields where I run, you’re the sky where I’m floating.“

Seven Lions at Electric Forest 2019 | June 30, 2019 11:41 PM

POV.

The way we see ourself vs. the way others see us.
It’s sooo different, the different point of views. We are much harder on ourselves and see the smallest flaws that no one would ever see or care about it. We make it hard and complicated to self love. It’s time to unlearn those negatives and start seeing ourselves with the same loving, outside POV.

WHAT OTHERS SEE (Boyfriend’s POV)

I will start off and say that I actually do like this picture that my boyfriend took of me. Yes, it’s also the backside of me, so you can’t see any flaws (except my messy hair lol). I usually like the pictures that my boyfriend takes of me over the selfies I try to take. When he takes the photos I can’t see myself, so I’m not trying so hard to pose to look good. He’ll also take a lot of photos of me when I’m not paying attention, so everything just looks more genuine and in the moment like the one above. Maybe it’s just me and I’m a weirdo, but when I look at his photos I look so different to myself. Almost like “wow I really look like that?”, but in a good way. I see myself in the same way that he sees me. It’s a nice little break away from my own thoughts.

vs

HOW I SEE MYSELF (Self POV)

This picture was taken the same day just a couple hours later and from my POV. I don’t think this is a super bad picture of myself, but there’s flaws that I can see. I’m sure it’s more insecurities than body dysmorphia, but looking at the picture I can say that my upper arm is big and meaty, then I think I need to lose weight around the tummy area and do some squats. Which most people would say I’m insane to be thinking all of that because I’m small already, which I agree with somewhat. Yes, I’m small, but small in size not weight. I’m only 5 feet tall so to a lot of people I am small, but when it comes to weight it’s totally different. Seeing these two pictures, it’s hard to believe that they are both of me from the same day.

Learning to self love is tough because we see ourselves so differently day to day. It’s a daily battle, but find a way to love yourself even if it’s something so small. We see the smallest flaws and turn them into insecurities, so why can’t we try to love the small things instead? When things get tough, find a picture that someone else took of you and try to see yourself from their eyes and love something you haven’t seen before.
It’s time to be kinder to ourselves, to love ourselves the way we see originally see ourselves, the way we actually look. Be gentle to yourself and be gentle in your thoughts. Real self love. We owe that to ourselves, we deserve real self love.

Dear March.

It was pretty until it wasn’t. It snows and then a false spring comes. It’s hard to tell what you’ll get within this month.
Just go for it. Just go. The way things were said was like it was coming straight out of a fairytale. The way I felt, the way the night went, it was a fairytale. I know now that it was coming from a problem or guilt, but also hope and the heart. It gave me hope. I gave me more than hope, blind hope, but it was so perfect. Do I want to ruin this memory or will I remember it as how I did before? Was it a cry of truth or was it innocently true? Sometimes it’s hard to see everything as how I saw them in the moment.
It was a start of something that needed to happen. The good and bad, everything needed to be said and out. I spoke as I was holding back every emotion known to man. I spoke. That’s such a huge thing for me. I cried tears and a lot of them. I remember waking up one morning and I didn’t have time to open my eyes yet and I cried. This was truly the start of everything. It hurt, I was hurt, but it was needed. It was part of what I needed. Healing is so messy. Healing hurts so much until it doesn’t anymore.
What a change. I can’t believe it myself looking back. The thing you said that night, yeah it happened. Was it a cry? I still don’t know, but I don’t think I want to know the truth. The progress of each brings me tears if I think about it. To go through such high highs and straight to the lowest lows, it made it.

Dear March, tell me that there’s light at the end of all this starless night.

SALLY ♡ T

Imagine.

Imagine waking up happy the moment you open your eyes all the way until you fall asleep. Imagine less roads traveled and more of that time spent surrounded by love and laughter instead of your radio and your solo concerts. Imagine less conversations through the phone and more in person. Imagine lonely days being less lonely, each day filled with loving stares, more hugs and more kisses. Imagine a world like that.

Big news though, I don’t have to imagine it anymore because I finally get to live like that. I moved to Wisconsin.
You read that right, I moved to Wisconsin.


All I have to say about it is: it feels right.

SALLY ♡ T

Dear February.

February, you always find a way of repeating yourself for the past few years and honestly I’m over it. There’s very little good to remember, instead it’s a stretch of time and waiting. You try so hard for something so simple. I wouldn’t say rock bottom, but why does it feels like it’s always desperate climbing out of something? Why must you be so stubborn?
First was a start of something I would have never known. Something that I didn’t think was capable of happening. Something that I just didn’t know. Something that won’t ever leave me. Just a lot of missing and things unknown. A strange feeling, but I trusted something else because there was no way. It’s just not there, right? It’s happy still. It’s still just a day dream, still that fairytale, but you’re losing it right in front of you without even realizing it. It’s busy, one starts to feel lonely while the other is doing something with a bigger vision in mind. It’s not aligned.
Second, just more of the same thing except it’s known. Be aware of your surroundings. You’re more aware of the bottles than what going in your life. That warmth from last month got you through, so why not continue? It allows you to escape the old and the new, it allows you to escape the feeling of being a ticking time bomb. Any emotions released, good and bad, but you just don’t care because it’s the only time you can express anything. Otherwise, it’s too much to even think of any other time. Stand up for yourself and pour out whatever you feel. Pour out a cup, pour out two, pour out three at least. Shit, we’re already on five, make it six and we’re numb. Perfect. It’s the only thing you can make sense of, the only thing that feels real, the only thing that is staying consistent. The one thing reality is letting you take control of. Just keep busy.
“So I’ll take all of all of my wasted love and turn it into wine in my cup.”
Third, it’s not a full repeat, but there’s lingering. There’s still some of the same. There’s some of the same cups, but not out of control. We don’t drink until we’re numb anymore, but emotions still are there. It’s still there. Keep busy only a few left. There’s joy, but it can still feel lonely, but there’s joy. Things aren’t fueling anymore. There’s room to think with clarity and understanding. Understanding? Maybe that’s a reach. Your skin is tough, but things still sit under it. All you can do is sit and control yourself.

Dear February, save me. You’ve given me everything you gave me, but you’re scorned.

SALLY ♡ T

Dear January.

You are always so cold, but somehow always filled with warmth and love. The start of a new year and the celebration of making it through another. Everyone thinks you’re a new chapter, but really you’re just a continuation. People count on you to be the new chapter, but it really starts with them to write that.
Adventure comes to mind when I think of you. The first January was the first adventure. It was so perfect, not a thing could or can ruin all those moments. Pure joy and happiness, nothing was questionable. My favorite of them all, the one that only really exists in my head. The last of the daydream.
The second January was a slow warming, if that warming was of a lit match. Trying to put together what was broken and not understood. Figuring out exactly what you need to get through the day, but running to an escape instead. The bottles were warm though. The feeling you had missed and lost. It was temporary and numbing, but it made anything confusing go away. A quick break to breathe. You threw love everywhere, not sure if it even belongs there and then went to the bottles with the same energy.
The third January was full, a more at peace feeling. Seeing actual waves and not the ones that mentally take you in and drown you. In a beautiful place where you don’t need to wait for any unknowns because now you are the unknown. A real reality that you could actually grasp. The understanding isn’t fully there, but you have a better idea of it than before. Something you can let go of at times without a lingering. You keep more to yourself because it’s only right. Protecting yourself, but in a healthy way. Working on recovery on problems you all created.

Dear January, please don’t let me fall. Stay cold, but give us your warmth. Please continue to let the patience of love wait on my drunk heart.

SALLY ♡ T

If You Are Looking For…

this is for you.

What you’re looking for is pure. What you want is gentle and soft even when everything becomes fragile and hard. Someone who will love the moonlight that makes you, more than your sunlight that makes others. Someone who will love your messy days and will love you more after. Someone who knows your flaws as well as they know your perfections. Someone that will take on some of your frustrations and stress with you because they can see it’s taking something away from you. Someone who wants to lessen the weight on your soul. They’ll know how to love you in all the ways you didn’t. They’ll love you in every way that you hoped. Someone who will choose you on bad days just as much as on good days. Everything you feel is your imperfections will be everything they view as your perfections. Being around them will just make you feel in balance.

You deserve it, you do.

SALLY ♡ T

What I Want From 2021.

I’m not going to sit up here and say “new year, new me” because honestly I like who I am and how I am, but there are a couple adjustments that I feel would be better for me. I already found myself a while ago, but it’s hard trying to be that same person without falling in or getting sucked back into old toxic ways. I can tell you that it’s been a real struggle for the past year and a half.

I can agree that I fell back into old ways. I’ve felt like I had to prove myself to others when I really didn’t have too. I felt like I had to save myself when my name was getting dragged in the dirt, when my intentions and actions were made out of love. I let that whole thing eat me alive and I really let it get to me.
I’m gonna talk my shit now, but I really let a person who couldn’t speak or message me without hiding behind multiple fake accounts have so much of my energy. How stupid was I to let that happen continuously? You want to know the worst part of it all? I felt sympathy for this person because I know it all came from hurt, but I was too hurt and mad myself to go about things another way and I got sucked right into the toxic part of it. Before anyone gets ideas and decides to anonymously message me saying that this person wasn’t the only one to create the problem, I know that. I’m not blaming just one side, I’ve been fully aware, this side just happened to be the one that became public. I can also admit and take full responsibility that I fueled a fire and kept it going. What I won’t say is sorry though, I defended my own ass in any way that it felt necessary because a lot of people let all that shit slide and did absolutely nothing, but watch. They wanted the show and we gave that to them.

Now what I want from 2021 is to heal and find my peace with everything I just mentioned and everything else surrounding it. I want to move on and fully forgive myself, my person and all the others. I don’t want to carry this hate and sadness around anymore, that’s just not who I am. What I want from this year is to be able to let go and move on. I don’t want to feel like I have to watch my own back 24/7 whenever I’m in public. I want to be able to meet new people without having to feel like I have to be cautious and question if their intentions are actually genuine or not. Everything that I can do and feel over here is what I want it to be like again there. If you are reading this with ill will, I’m okay with us being complete strangers to each other. I understand that not everyone is for each other and really that’s okay. We can make it mutually known and I won’t ever bother you. I’d rather have that than someone faking to like me because I’m dating this person or cause I hang out with these people. I am not defined by some other person. I can respect the honesty of it.

I know what I want and hope for will take some time and it might not even be this year, but any step closer is good enough for me.
Because I’m going to read this plenty of times through out the year, a reminder, YOU chose to pick love when it was the last thing you felt and YOU did nothing wrong by that. Vivi con amore.
I talked my shit and now I’m leaving it here.

SALLY ♡ T

I Had To Grow Up Early.

I had to grow up at an early age and most people don’t really know that about me or know exactly what that means. At that time I didn’t know what that would mean either. I had to grow up to help raise my first niece, but before you think I’m complaining about it, I’m not. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade that part of me for anything else in the world.

12 years ago today in 2009, my first niece was born and I was only 12 in 8th grade. My sister was only in 10th grade and her baby daddy? All I’m going to say is I’d punched him again LOL. Anyways, when they say it takes a village to raise a child, they are not lying at all. My sister was super-mom, my mom was grandma-mom and I was auntie-mom. The 3 of us (with the help of others) gave it our all for this precious little baby. She really became my everything. I always liked kids before her, but when I held her for the first time I just fell in love. You can thank Anastasia for my maternal instincts and my crazy baby fever. I wasn’t her mom, but I filled in that position when my sister was at work or at school. Guys, when I say she was a super mom, she IS a super mom.

My favorite story is that I actually came up with her name because she almost was named some Japanese word or Serenity. If you’re wondering if I got her name from the movie, then you are 100% correct. I love the movie Anastasia and I really think the name is beautiful. I take full credit for her name and I also take the #1 auntie award. There’s no doubt that I’m the favorite auntie.

I put her in front of everything. I even pushed some of my education to the side so my sister could get her work done and have somewhat of her remaining teenage life by watching the baby. I don’t regret any of it. Like I said, I wouldn’t trade this part of me for the world because if it was for this little girl I wouldn’t be as loving, patient, and selfless. If I’m being really honest, she’s a big part of how I’m able to welcome a special little guy into my life. Having to help raise her and how she was like my own really opened that part of me.

Anastasia is now a preteen that is just doing it all and I couldn’t be any happier. She makes me so proud. Time really goes by so fast, if she could be small again like in these photos, I would just hold her in my arms forever and never let go. She’ll always be my little Anachacha.

Anastasia, one day you’ll see all my post about you and you’ll see all the pictures and I just want you to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I will always be there for you. I can’t wait to see you (but yes I can very much wait) become this amazing young woman, knowing that I had a part of it. You are so loved and I hope you feel that all the time. Happy birthday Anastasia! ♡

SALLY ♡ T