Tag: Love

Protecting My Peace.

It’s something that has been talked about more and more each day, protecting your peace. So what does that actually mean? Basically protecting your space, your environment, not letting everyone take from you. You choose who gets your energy and those that don’t because they will drain you out. It doesn’t even have to be people, it can be actions or objects as well. Negative thoughts? Gone. Toxic family members? See you never. A gift that reminds you of a negative time in your life? Good bye.

I have a few stories of cutting certain friendships, relationships and connections that I really wanted to hold on to but no longer served, benefited or gave me joy. Now when I describe as ‘served me’ or ‘benefited’ I don’t mean it in a way that these were giving me something physical like money or material objects. I mean it in the way that they provided me with positive feelings, happiness, love, and support. Like they were there for me to lean on when needed without judgement or I didn’t feel like it was a competition of who does it better. People who are genuinely there for you, a two way relationship or connection.

Without getting into a lot of details because I still hope them the best, but I had to cut ties with a long term friendship, someone I knew the longest in my life. As we grew up, I think we grew apart and eventually that friendship started to drain me. I remained friends with this person for a long time after just hoping it would change cause I saw them as my #1 go to person. That friendship started to make me feel like we were competing with each other constantly. Eventually something happened, trust was broken and it was time to let go. As sad as it was to lose that friendship, I started feeling lighter, less drained. I no longer was in this negative mindset, it literally felt like I lost a storm cloud over my head. It’s just crazy how people can affect you negatively as much as they can positively.
Another way that I’m working on protecting my peace is being more private with my personal social medias. I had to learn that not everyone is rooting for you. They’re really rooting for your downfall and just waiting to kick you the moment you look like you’re starting to fall. With that even if I publicly outed them, it wouldn’t stop. I was actually fueling their fire, feeding into their ego and giving them the attention that they so badly seeked and needed without even knowing. So I went quiet, I went private. On personal pages of mine, you don’t get to see my life unless I allow you to. I show you what I want to be shown on the other pages that are a little less private. Did that make people mad? Yeah. Did it stop all the crazies though? About 85%, but I’ll take that over what it was before. Then it gave me the opportunity to create this blog to relate with so many out there. It gave me an opportunity to be able to make a safe creative space for myself. So remember, not everyone is there for you and not everyone is rooting for you. That’s fine though, just like how you don’t like certain people, certain people won’t like you. Not everyone is for you and you’re not for everyone. Protect your peace.

If you are feeling drained from certain connections or relationships, I hope you find your way too. I asked on my Instagram and facebook page how others protect their peace and here were some responses that I got back. Hopefully someone can find this useful. (Blocked out names out of respect!)

  • Learning how to not care so much about what others think or say
  • Having a self care routine and making time for yourself
  • Setting boundaries and having gratitude because everything happens for a reason
  • By staying home or limiting your time around certain people
  • When you start to overthink, repeat an affirmation over and over again

I appreciate those that share their thoughts on my Q&A’s and for all of you that read my blog post TONS ♡ I just want to connect with people even if it’s just on a social media level. If I can help, then why not you know? Always take what you need from the blog and leave what you don’t.
We’re out here to GROW, LOVE, and BE HAPPY.

My First Year in Wisconsin.

You read that right. It’s officially been a year since I moved from Michigan to Wisconsin. Time here flew by really fast, maybe a little too quick if you ask me. This past year has taught me a lot about myself, starting over, friendships and so much more. Moving states and changing environments has been good to me, it has humbled me and it has also brought out the worst of me. For the first time in my life, I felt like an outsider and I would be lying if I said it doesn’t still kind of feel that way. Adjusting to a brand new environment was a lot harder for me than what you would expect. Having to let go and move pass a life that you’ve always known is a lot harder than it seems. I guess I’m one of those people who prefer to be where I feel comfortable in, but I’m making it work.

I promised to be honest on my blog, so let’s talk about some of the downsides that came with moving. To start off, I miss my family and my friends so much even to this day and forever will. I’m so big on connections and being away from everyone really hit me hard. I’m missing out on seeing my nieces and nephew grow up and that probably hurts the most. I was so present in their lives and I absolutely adore and love them like my own kids. Hell, I missed my nephew’s birth and I cried after the call in the middle of a house party because I knew I wouldn’t be as present in his life like I was with the other babies. I’m also missing out on all the quality time with my parents, sibling and friends. They play such big roles in who I am as a person. My friends are literally my family, we celebrate everything together from big to small. It’s the connection, it’s the love and support.

Second, I lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan which I would say is super diverse, my friend group is also diverse, even the school I went to was pretty diverse. So it’s all that I’ve ever been around. Once I moved to Wisconsin, it was like the opposite of culture shock for me. I was around a group that mainly consisted of one ethnicity with one or two people of different culture. Even then, those one or two people were very educated in the ethnicity group where they even knew some of the language, music, food etc. so I actually felt like an outsider. Never have I felt that way or experienced something like it.

Third, there’s that saying ‘you can’t heal in an environment that has hurt you’ and as much as I would like to say it’s not true, there is some truth to it. I willingly moved on my own knowing the problems that I would face, knowing that I would be on alert and always on my toes waiting for something to happen. I knew it would be kind of negative at first, which I will say definitely did not help me with adjusting. Sad, but it’s how it was. I saw the outcome of the move to worth more than the hurt and that I could get passed all of it eventually. There were tons of people who tried to get to know me, but really their intentions were to really get to know what had happened before and to instigate or start new problems. I had to and sometimes still have to pick those people out from who my real friends are. It also keeps me stuck in a place or brings me back to it that I’m trying so hard to move forward from. It was hard to make genuine friendships because for a while I couldn’t make out the differences. You wouldn’t believe how many times I was told that I was stupid to move here or all the new anonymous accounts that tried to make my time here hell. Maybe all that can be talked about in another blog LOL. But yes that did happen and yes it use to get to me and yes I use to cry about it.
Now I’m not an angel or perfect, sometimes it’ll come up in conversation and it’s me that’s bringing it up. I’ll 100% claim that. I’m not fully moved on and now I’m living so much closer to the environment where it happened and with people around that knew. I had to learn how to forgive everyone and how to accept things and see things from different perspectives. I’ll keep working on it because I owe that to myself. I’m much more than what people think and I came here for a reason and maybe for a little vengeance, juuuuust kiddinggggg on that last part. If it happens it happens, ya know?

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Now time for the good part. Moving out of my hometown gave me a new start and even though that was hard to accept, I made my way and now I can literally do anything. I just needed this jump start. So if you plan on moving, do it. Just go ahead and do it. Do things for yourself. It may take time, but you’ll settle in eventually. I can say I’m more comfortable and I’m building my life here. I’ve also been learning new things about myself that I never knew. With having this space of being on my own, away from my friends and family, it has opened my eyes about who I am, my potential and who I can become. It’s exactly what I needed.

I met a lot of new people and made a lot of new friends and I even have some very close friends that I very much appreciate and love. My first year in Wisconsin also consisted of a lot of time spent in Minnesota or in different cities like Milwaukee and Sheboygan and even hotel living. If you know, you know. Long story short right after I moved to Wisconsin, I spent about a total of 3-5 months maybe in a hotel due to house cleaning, but because of that I can recommend some pretty nice hotels and restaurants in the Madison area if anyone plans to visit.

Overall it’s been a really good first year. I can honestly say I’m excited to see how the next few years will be because ya girl isn’t planning on moving anywhere else. It’s a lot of work and cost to move to a new state and I don’t have that in me again just yet. I didn’t think I had a lot of stuff to move until I filled up two cars. Plus I have so much in front of me that I wouldn’t want to miss out on. To my first year in Wisconsin and to another year coming, to all the life lessons, adventures and opportunities, CHEERS!
Now enjoy my little 1 year recap video below! ♡

To Childhood Sally.

Dear Childhood Sally (age 1-10),

Hello from 26 year old you from 2022. Oh god have I missed you! What it would be like to be as innocent and stress free again. You don’t even know it, but you have a whole entire life ahead of you that your tiny little child brain could never even imagine. What you dreamed for yourself at this age is not even close to who you become in your adult life. You dreamed of being a singer and dancer or a veterinarian. Sorry to break it to you, but you are none of those. Anyways, I’m here writing to you because I am currently trying to heal you, this inner child that I still carry around. This inner child that at this age went through multiple events that would change you and end up becoming your traumas.

Did you know that you grew up with some of the biggest technology advancements? You went from hit clips to burning cd’s, you were born right after web browsing became a thing, and the start of social media happened right before you hit middle school. You had that play outside and eat dirt childhood and you also adapted quite well with all the technology advancements happening. It’s so crazy to think about. Did you know you also went through your parent’s divorce? I won’t get into much detail, because we can keep that for ourselves, but you are a strong one. You struggled hard with that one and the struggle went on for years. That tiny child brain that couldn’t imagine her future was able to make her way through somehow.

You are so strong and I’m proud of you. I am working on healing your wounds that will eventually become present much later, but I am working on you. I want you to know that I see you and I hear you. I understand everything. I would love to go back in time and sit there to hug you at what you felt were your hardest moments. We are very much still alike still. We hide so much of our emotions because we don’t want other to see us that way. We still need that person to help with our bottled up emotions, but I’ll be that for you as much as I can. Thank you for giving me a great childhood regardless. By the way, we still love the color pink, we just went through a small phase ♡ 

Stepping Into Unknown Territory — The Truth.

What a time to be me. In a positive way, what a time to be me. I get to step into this unknown territory, this unknown area, an unknown place with these unknown feelings. I get to choose, feel, think, and speak for myself and only myself. I get to choose for myself without having to worry about putting someone else’s responsibilities first. I can finally put myself first.

It’s very new to me. I can’t think of a time where I was able to put myself first — like ever. That’s crazy right? I’ve put others before me — what feels like my entire life. Not anymore. So how does that make me feel? Honestly, it doesn’t feel right, it feels very off. I feel very selfish and somewhat empty. I felt fulfilled by being needed by others even if it drained me or held me back from what I could actually achieve. But hey, at least they still needed me, I am that much. I’m learning to understand that I am much more than that, but I also can be that person for others still. I’m learning to understand that I can put myself first and still take care of others, I just had my priorities backwards. It’s whats making this such a new territory for me. I had it wrong all along and I’m okay with admitting to that.

Who was I to be working three jobs to support not only myself, but three other people who were very much capable of taking care of themselves? Who was I to feel like such a disappointment when I couldn’t help pay bills for someone that made more than me with their one job verses my three? Who was I to feel like a failure for dropping out of school because people were throwing their responsibilities on me and I had no choice, but to take it all on? I can’t help but to feel rage and anger because it felt like I had no other choice. I also don’t want to hold onto those feelings because it’s so heavy and it’s so tiring to hold that hurt in your heart. I want to forgive.

Truth be told, I can finally think of goals for myself and actually work towards them. Before, I would come up with a goal, but I would always fail because I wasn’t my own first priority. I constantly failed at things because I put others before me and I let that eat me up. Eat me up to a point where I gave up on dreams and goals and adjusted living my life around everyone else’s schedules. I’m not entirely mad about it because I learned the lessons that came with, but it makes me sad to look back on sometimes. I poured my heart out and into everyone around me and left nothing for myself. Truth be told, even though I’m happy that I get to move forward and it’s exciting to see myself take these little steps, I have no idea what I’m doing. When you are so focused on others around you, you forget about yourself. I always knew how I wanted to end up in life, but I was never able to think about the details of how I would get there. It was like okay I’m at point A, I need to get to point C, but never thought of point B.

I know I have a lot of work to put forward and to put in. I know before I can fully enjoy what’s ahead of me, I have to learn to let this all stay behind me. Even though I felt a sense of fulfillment before, I have to unlearn it and go through this confusing emptiness. I have to be very cautious in what I do until I actually know what to do. Last thing I want is seeing myself fall into old ways again. This is the truth, this is my truth, this is me.

To The Little Girl.

To the little girl,

There’s so much that I could tell you, but where would I even begin? You’ve been through more than most and your experiences are a little more complicated. I’ll start with these few things and we’ll go as we uncover more inner child situations.

You’re confidence and genuine.

You probably think this is crazy coming from this age, but you were very confident in yourself. Probably more confident than you are now at the age of 26. You were never scared of going for what you want. Yes, shy, but you still went for whatever it was that you set your mind too. You are also very genuine and authentic to yourself even though you felt like you should change. People like who you are, the real you. It’s okay to stand out, it’s not a bad thing. I know being shy, but also always standing out was a conflicting inner mess. You naturally stood out no matter how hard you tried to fit in and be the same as everyone else. It just wasn’t you and you do learn how to embrace it later.

Everything thrown your way actually made you a better person.

Yep, that’s right. Everything that you went through no matter how hard it was, it changed you for the better. It gave you perspective and opened your mind. No matter how hurtful it was or how sad you felt, you managed to keep your heart open and full. I want to say thank you, thank you for being so strong and not giving up. I’ll say this over and over, but I’m so proud of you. I know you needed to hear those words more often.

I’m proud of you.

You cried many tears for many years wanting to hear those words. You felt like everyone was always wanting and expecting you to be exactly like older sissy. Nothing wrong with that because she’s super smart and has her life together, but it just isn’t the same fit for you. You think differently, you act differently, you view things differently. You both will have two very different lives that you’ll live and the best part of that is you’ll learn from each other. More than you would have if you were her exact copy, the copy everyone tried to hold you up to. You are your own person and having someone’s recognition of that would have saved you lots and lots of tears. You would have had that validation that you craved so badly. I’m sorry you still struggle with this, but it’s getting lighter and lighter.

I’m sorry that this is what sticks with you and is your biggest struggle. That it’s so hard for you to bring up or talk about without tearing up and shutting out. To the little girl, if I could go back in time I would go back to every time you cried over not feeling enough or recognized and give you the biggest hug. A hug that would heal the both of us cause well… it’s still something that comes up now from time to time. I’m proud of you though and I want you to know that others do feel the same way.

To the little girl,

I’m sorry you felt lack of affection and love. I’m sorry that it caused you to stay in relationships that weren’t the best for you because you didn’t know better. I’m sorry it caused you to hold on to something that wasn’t there or that you hoped it would show up later. There wasn’t anything that you could have done that would have changed it. There’s consequences to every decision made and it’s unavoidable. You made the best of what you could. The lack of affection and love is actually really common with first gen American born kids. It’s hard for not only you, but your parents too. They were adapting and learning a new way of life as well as having to raise kids and trying to heal from their own traumas.

I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for taking everything like a champ because without you, there would not be this current version of me. I could be coldhearted, shut everything and everyone out and hate the world around me, including everything in it. Instead, I care and love with all my heart and still have space to allow more things to care and love in. I know who I am, I know who we are. I will continue to live this way and I will continue to work on healing you.

To the little girl, without you there is no me.

2022.

It’s the new year, so what are my goals or new year resolutions? Well this year I’m not going to make any. Not that I don’t have any, but don’t you guys ever get stuck with a list that never gets finished or your goals change? In my 26 years of life, I know whatever list I make now will not be what I accomplish later. I’m more of a do as you go type of person. So here is all that I wish for me and for you. Take what you need and leave what you don’t.

I wish for your happiness and peace. I wish you heal the things that you do not speak or know. I wish for the growth and lessons that will push you to be a better person. I wish for the love that will forever stay with you. I wish you will take the bad days and remember that it’s just a bad day and that you don’t take all the good days for granted. I hope that you love yourself more and you do more for yourself. Whatever you’ve been trying to chase to fill that empty feeling, I hope you catch it and it lights a light in your soul that never goes out again. For all the tears that you cried in 2021, you don’t meet them again. I hope you remember to take more photos or videos. I wish for good health and wellness. That every person you come across is as genuine as you. You’ll get the break you need this year to sit down and absorb all that you have done and to relax. I wish you the best in your business plans because I know you’re capable and I know you have it in you. All your creative thoughts get brought to life this year. I hope you do take some things from last year and you keep working on them. Those are not achieved in just a year, it’s something you have to constantly work on for the rest of your life. That you do not forget who you are as a person. All the built up anger, I don’t want you to just let go of it and forgive, I want it to fuel the passion of making yourself better. Use it in a good way and not as a flamethrower and use it to burn others in words.
You know what? Settle in already, push your pride aside and accept what has been waiting for you. You could’ve had more good and balance if you were more open to accepting help. It’s okay to get help, you need other people, we all need people. I wish something clicks in you and you stop living on survival mode, you made it, you can rest. Let someone else take care of you for once. I wish you get the nurture you give to others and you accept it without feeling weak and if you end up feeling that way then you allow yourself to be okay with that. All the battles you have within are put to an end. I wish you live life for what it is and that you continue to do that. Love every little thing in the world more including yourself. ♡

Make your words matter this year.

A Girl and Her Honey Citrus Mint Tea.

It’s that time of year again where the leaves start to change, then it starts to get cold and snow. The daylight hours are almost non existent unless you’re a morning person and Starbucks is killing the holiday drink game. Which also means it’s that time of year where I somehow get a cold and all I drink is the Honey Citrus Mint Tea. So here I am, sitting, writing and sipping on some tea.

This first half of winter is beating me up. Boy I’ve been struggling, but I’m getting through. These last few days of 2021 are big reflection days for me. Just going over how my year was, what I wish I would have done differently and what I did that was best for me. I can say I don’t have much regrets at all, but I could have done more for myself. A lesson that I’ll forever be learning. I’ve done a lot and got through a lot this year, so I’m going to take this moment to congratulate and celebrate because damn it was emotional! All the different feelings that I had this year was way beyond any other years. Sally, take another sip of your Honey Citrus Mint Tea cause you deserve it. You did it.

Some highlights of 2021: I was a manager of an hibachi restaurant during the constant changing covid restrictions era. That in itself is a huge accomplishment. I was able to work with my old manager for a month before moving and I adore working with her and just adore her! I was surprised with a going away party from my Sakura family and I cried my little heart out. I love them so much and miss working with them tons ♡ They’re like family to me. I worked there for 4 years with most of them. They saw every bad and good day that I had, they went through and helped me go through all of my early and mid 20’s crisis. I will never forget my last day there because of everyone!

To all the traveling and trips done in 2021, CHEERS! I had an excellent year in food and adventure. I fell in love with views over and over again, I found things that brought out happiness in me that I wouldn’t get if I stayed home. I ate at the Versace mansion which is still so surreal to me! Traveling brings out the best of me and also the fun side LOL If you saw me in Miami, I’m still wondering where that Sally came from, I want her back. I will not stop traveling, it feeds my soul.

My going away party thrown by my friends. That is a huge highlight of 2021, one that I hold so close. You don’t really know how much you’re loved until it’s shown to you. I’m so blessed that I have all these people in my life that enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. It isn’t the last time that we were all going to be together, but that would be it for a while. They give me so much support all the time even with the distance and for that I am truly truly grateful.

My move! Sheeeeeeeeesh it’s been a ride. I moved in April of 2021 to Wisconsin and I still call soda “Pop” and “ope, let me squeeze right past ya” I’m still that Michigan girl. Moving really tested me and I would be lying if I said that I’m fully settled in now cause truth is I’m not, but that’s okay. I’m enjoying it and I’ve met a lot of great people that I consider my really close friends. My boyfriend deserves a huge thank you for being with me every step of the way and helping me make sure I make it as close to home as possible. He is my home guys hehe ♡ The whole summer is a highlight though. All the trips, events, drinking… ya’ll are wild, but a fun wild. Everyone needs to get crazy to survive this crazy world anyways. Thanks to Wisconsin my alcohol tolerance went up HAHA No, but I’m thankful that I get to call Wisconsin my second home, that I get to spend everyday in love with my love and that I’m surrounded by friends who care for me (including my non MI & WI friends that I met through everyone in WI)

My last big highlight that I would like to add is seeing Ramses’s custom runway line being walked live!!! Ramses is one of my closest friend and he does custom apparel under his brand Ramraves. I’ve got to witness and help with the beginning process of Ramraves and to see his work go in a Runway?? PROUD. SOOO PROUD. Ramses when you read this I just want to let you know that I’m still so in awe. Keep it up, opportunities are coming this year! I love you!

To those who are reading this, I hope you had a great new year and this year treats everyone better. It was a rough one for not only myself, but everyone else too. I do want to thank you for all the views, I hit 10k views right before the year ended and that was a cool little milestone and accomplishment for me. For whatever reason you’re visiting my blog to read, I hope you get the year you deserve.

Cheers to 2022! ♡

The Moon Staying Up For The Sun.

The moon tries to stay up for the sun, but she never gets there. She never gets to see the sun.

I feel everything, I feel it all at one time.
My heart goes back and forth, up and down,
But I’m just stuck on the ground.
I don’t know what to do sometimes
I feel like the moon staying up for the sun.

I feel super close,
But also very far.
Is that where you always are?
Within reach where I will never be?

I’ll love you from afar,
While I feel all over the place.
Just remember to send some love within our space.
♡

I usually don’t post my made up poems, so please don’t make me cry and keep your thoughts to yourself, thank you! lmao. I love reading poetry and I’ll come up with some in the right setting. I’m just posting this cause I think it’s decent or good enough to be shown to the public and it’s also inspired by one of my favorite songs Two Places by Tori Kelly. Which I did write another blog post inspired by before (click here to read) but i’m just getting shy now and if I keep typing I’m going to change my mind on posting this, so byeeeeeeeeeeee.

What Was Once Before is Not Again.

What was once before is not again, it will never be again. It could be something that you’re okay with not having around or something that you’ll miss. As you get older, you get all these special memories that you get to hold close to you and some not so great ones that you’ll never forget and wish you could. What a special thing to have though.

Don’t you wish you could relive certain moments over and over again? How special is it to know that we only get to experience some things once? How sad is it that we can only experience things once? And THANK THE GODS that we only have to experience certain things once.

I don’t know if I’m just feeling sentimental or I’m starting my 2 am overthinking thoughts, but I think that I lived a pretty good life so far. I’m pretty happy about it. A little weird coming from me right? I’m always writing about something sad or trying to motivate myself to be less negative and to become better. I’m proud of where I am and who I am becoming. It may not seem like much, but I take pride in where I’ve gotten myself and I can’t wait to see where I’ll be later.

I started to think of some old memories and I started to realize a lot of those will never happen again and the time that I had with them back then was it. What was once before is not again. I’m feeling very nostalgic. Some friendships that I had during my high school years were probably one of the best friendships that I’ve ever had. They taught me a lot and formed my foundation. I’m lucky enough to still be friends and we still contact each other, but I do miss how super close we use to be. I keep these people very close to my heart always. I’m so lucky to have had such genuine friendships during the time where it means the most because that’s what stuck with me. I was able to have those connections, so now I can give those connections to others now. So thank you, I love you guys with all my heart.
Maybe I need to stop being sappy and go to sleep. Good night and good morning everyone. ♡

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.

The Good Doctor

You think you know everything until you become an adult and realize that you actually don’t know shit. You think things will be easy, but then you start to feel emotions that you’ve never felt before. Everything hits you harder and has a deeper meaning bringing up childhood traumas and resentful feelings that you never knew you had. The only way to overcome them is to truly forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.
Forgiving means to be at peace with it, within yourself. You can forgive a person all you want, but if you’re not at peace with it does it really matter? Does that even count as forgiveness or is it just half ass? You can be at peace with someone and avoid them, but you can’t avoid yourself. We carry around our emotions everywhere whether we like it or not. Forgiving people is not just for the other person(s), but for yourself.

It will take time and effort to forgive and to feel at peace, but once you do it’ll be worth so much and more. You need to run through the emotions in order to get there. You need to let your ego, pride, and anger go to let it take you through. Seems crazy, but to forgive you actually have to open yourself up even more. Forgiving is so vulnerable.

I hope that everyone (including myself) can open up and forgive whomever or whatever. Not only will we forgive them, but also forgive ourselves in the process. We’re adults, it’s time to heal in the most healthy ways. ♡