Tag: February

February, you always find a way of repeating yourself for the past few years and honestly I’m over it. There’s very little good to remember, instead it’s a stretch of time and waiting. You try so hard for something so simple. I wouldn’t say rock bottom, but why does it feels like it’s always desperate climbing out of something? Why must you be so stubborn?
First was a start of something I would have never known. Something that I didn’t think was capable of happening. Something that I just didn’t know. Something that won’t ever leave me. Just a lot of missing and things unknown. A strange feeling, but I trusted something else because there was no way. It’s just not there, right? It’s happy still. It’s still just a day dream, still that fairytale, but you’re losing it right in front of you without even realizing it. It’s busy, one starts to feel lonely while the other is doing something with a bigger vision in mind. It’s not aligned.
Second, just more of the same thing except it’s known. Be aware of your surroundings. You’re more aware of the bottles than what going in your life. That warmth from last month got you through, so why not continue? It allows you to escape the old and the new, it allows you to escape the feeling of being a ticking time bomb. Any emotions released, good and bad, but you just don’t care because it’s the only time you can express anything. Otherwise, it’s too much to even think of any other time. Stand up for yourself and pour out whatever you feel. Pour out a cup, pour out two, pour out three at least. Shit, we’re already on five, make it six and we’re numb. Perfect. It’s the only thing you can make sense of, the only thing that feels real, the only thing that is staying consistent. The one thing reality is letting you take control of. Just keep busy.
“So I’ll take all of all of my wasted love and turn it into wine in my cup.”
Third, it’s not a full repeat, but there’s lingering. There’s still some of the same. There’s some of the same cups, but not out of control. We don’t drink until we’re numb anymore, but emotions still are there. It’s still there. Keep busy only a few left. There’s joy, but it can still feel lonely, but there’s joy. Things aren’t fueling anymore. There’s room to think with clarity and understanding. Understanding? Maybe that’s a reach. Your skin is tough, but things still sit under it. All you can do is sit and control yourself.

Dear February, save me. You’ve given me everything you gave me, but you’re scorned.

SALLY ♡ T