Tag: Love

POV.

The way we see ourself vs. the way others see us.
It’s sooo different, the different point of views. We are much harder on ourselves and see the smallest flaws that no one would ever see or care about it. We make it hard and complicated to self love. It’s time to unlearn those negatives and start seeing ourselves with the same loving, outside POV.

WHAT OTHERS SEE (Boyfriend’s POV)

I will start off and say that I actually do like this picture that my boyfriend took of me. Yes, it’s also the backside of me, so you can’t see any flaws (except my messy hair lol). I usually like the pictures that my boyfriend takes of me over the selfies I try to take. When he takes the photos I can’t see myself, so I’m not trying so hard to pose to look good. He’ll also take a lot of photos of me when I’m not paying attention, so everything just looks more genuine and in the moment like the one above. Maybe it’s just me and I’m a weirdo, but when I look at his photos I look so different to myself. Almost like “wow I really look like that?”, but in a good way. I see myself in the same way that he sees me. It’s a nice little break away from my own thoughts.

vs

HOW I SEE MYSELF (Self POV)

This picture was taken the same day just a couple hours later and from my POV. I don’t think this is a super bad picture of myself, but there’s flaws that I can see. I’m sure it’s more insecurities than body dysmorphia, but looking at the picture I can say that my upper arm is big and meaty, then I think I need to lose weight around the tummy area and do some squats. Which most people would say I’m insane to be thinking all of that because I’m small already, which I agree with somewhat. Yes, I’m small, but small in size not weight. I’m only 5 feet tall so to a lot of people I am small, but when it comes to weight it’s totally different. Seeing these two pictures, it’s hard to believe that they are both of me from the same day.

Learning to self love is tough because we see ourselves so differently day to day. It’s a daily battle, but find a way to love yourself even if it’s something so small. We see the smallest flaws and turn them into insecurities, so why can’t we try to love the small things instead? When things get tough, find a picture that someone else took of you and try to see yourself from their eyes and love something you haven’t seen before.
It’s time to be kinder to ourselves, to love ourselves the way we see originally see ourselves, the way we actually look. Be gentle to yourself and be gentle in your thoughts. Real self love. We owe that to ourselves, we deserve real self love.

Dear March.

It was pretty until it wasn’t. It snows and then a false spring comes. It’s hard to tell what you’ll get within this month.
Just go for it. Just go. The way things were said was like it was coming straight out of a fairytale. The way I felt, the way the night went, it was a fairytale. I know now that it was coming from a problem or guilt, but also hope and the heart. It gave me hope. I gave me more than hope, blind hope, but it was so perfect. Do I want to ruin this memory or will I remember it as how I did before? Was it a cry of truth or was it innocently true? Sometimes it’s hard to see everything as how I saw them in the moment.
It was a start of something that needed to happen. The good and bad, everything needed to be said and out. I spoke as I was holding back every emotion known to man. I spoke. That’s such a huge thing for me. I cried tears and a lot of them. I remember waking up one morning and I didn’t have time to open my eyes yet and I cried. This was truly the start of everything. It hurt, I was hurt, but it was needed. It was part of what I needed. Healing is so messy. Healing hurts so much until it doesn’t anymore.
What a change. I can’t believe it myself looking back. The thing you said that night, yeah it happened. Was it a cry? I still don’t know, but I don’t think I want to know the truth. The progress of each brings me tears if I think about it. To go through such high highs and straight to the lowest lows, it made it.

Dear March, tell me that there’s light at the end of all this starless night.

SALLY ♡ T

Imagine.

Imagine waking up happy the moment you open your eyes all the way until you fall asleep. Imagine less roads traveled and more of that time spent surrounded by love and laughter instead of your radio and your solo concerts. Imagine less conversations through the phone and more in person. Imagine lonely days being less lonely, each day filled with loving stares, more hugs and more kisses. Imagine a world like that.

Big news though, I don’t have to imagine it anymore because I finally get to live like that. I moved to Wisconsin.
You read that right, I moved to Wisconsin.


All I have to say about it is: it feels right.

SALLY ♡ T

Dear February.

February, you always find a way of repeating yourself for the past few years and honestly I’m over it. There’s very little good to remember, instead it’s a stretch of time and waiting. You try so hard for something so simple. I wouldn’t say rock bottom, but why does it feels like it’s always desperate climbing out of something? Why must you be so stubborn?
First was a start of something I would have never known. Something that I didn’t think was capable of happening. Something that I just didn’t know. Something that won’t ever leave me. Just a lot of missing and things unknown. A strange feeling, but I trusted something else because there was no way. It’s just not there, right? It’s happy still. It’s still just a day dream, still that fairytale, but you’re losing it right in front of you without even realizing it. It’s busy, one starts to feel lonely while the other is doing something with a bigger vision in mind. It’s not aligned.
Second, just more of the same thing except it’s known. Be aware of your surroundings. You’re more aware of the bottles than what going in your life. That warmth from last month got you through, so why not continue? It allows you to escape the old and the new, it allows you to escape the feeling of being a ticking time bomb. Any emotions released, good and bad, but you just don’t care because it’s the only time you can express anything. Otherwise, it’s too much to even think of any other time. Stand up for yourself and pour out whatever you feel. Pour out a cup, pour out two, pour out three at least. Shit, we’re already on five, make it six and we’re numb. Perfect. It’s the only thing you can make sense of, the only thing that feels real, the only thing that is staying consistent. The one thing reality is letting you take control of. Just keep busy.
“So I’ll take all of all of my wasted love and turn it into wine in my cup.”
Third, it’s not a full repeat, but there’s lingering. There’s still some of the same. There’s some of the same cups, but not out of control. We don’t drink until we’re numb anymore, but emotions still are there. It’s still there. Keep busy only a few left. There’s joy, but it can still feel lonely, but there’s joy. Things aren’t fueling anymore. There’s room to think with clarity and understanding. Understanding? Maybe that’s a reach. Your skin is tough, but things still sit under it. All you can do is sit and control yourself.

Dear February, save me. You’ve given me everything you gave me, but you’re scorned.

SALLY ♡ T

Dear January.

You are always so cold, but somehow always filled with warmth and love. The start of a new year and the celebration of making it through another. Everyone thinks you’re a new chapter, but really you’re just a continuation. People count on you to be the new chapter, but it really starts with them to write that.
Adventure comes to mind when I think of you. The first January was the first adventure. It was so perfect, not a thing could or can ruin all those moments. Pure joy and happiness, nothing was questionable. My favorite of them all, the one that only really exists in my head. The last of the daydream.
The second January was a slow warming, if that warming was of a lit match. Trying to put together what was broken and not understood. Figuring out exactly what you need to get through the day, but running to an escape instead. The bottles were warm though. The feeling you had missed and lost. It was temporary and numbing, but it made anything confusing go away. A quick break to breathe. You threw love everywhere, not sure if it even belongs there and then went to the bottles with the same energy.
The third January was full, a more at peace feeling. Seeing actual waves and not the ones that mentally take you in and drown you. In a beautiful place where you don’t need to wait for any unknowns because now you are the unknown. A real reality that you could actually grasp. The understanding isn’t fully there, but you have a better idea of it than before. Something you can let go of at times without a lingering. You keep more to yourself because it’s only right. Protecting yourself, but in a healthy way. Working on recovery on problems you all created.

Dear January, please don’t let me fall. Stay cold, but give us your warmth. Please continue to let the patience of love wait on my drunk heart.

SALLY ♡ T

If You Are Looking For…

this is for you.

What you’re looking for is pure. What you want is gentle and soft even when everything becomes fragile and hard. Someone who will love the moonlight that makes you, more than your sunlight that makes others. Someone who will love your messy days and will love you more after. Someone who knows your flaws as well as they know your perfections. Someone that will take on some of your frustrations and stress with you because they can see it’s taking something away from you. Someone who wants to lessen the weight on your soul. They’ll know how to love you in all the ways you didn’t. They’ll love you in every way that you hoped. Someone who will choose you on bad days just as much as on good days. Everything you feel is your imperfections will be everything they view as your perfections. Being around them will just make you feel in balance.

You deserve it, you do.

SALLY ♡ T

What I Want From 2021.

I’m not going to sit up here and say “new year, new me” because honestly I like who I am and how I am, but there are a couple adjustments that I feel would be better for me. I already found myself a while ago, but it’s hard trying to be that same person without falling in or getting sucked back into old toxic ways. I can tell you that it’s been a real struggle for the past year and a half.

I can agree that I fell back into old ways. I’ve felt like I had to prove myself to others when I really didn’t have too. I felt like I had to save myself when my name was getting dragged in the dirt, when my intentions and actions were made out of love. I let that whole thing eat me alive and I really let it get to me.
I’m gonna talk my shit now, but I really let a person who couldn’t speak or message me without hiding behind multiple fake accounts have so much of my energy. How stupid was I to let that happen continuously? You want to know the worst part of it all? I felt sympathy for this person because I know it all came from hurt, but I was too hurt and mad myself to go about things another way and I got sucked right into the toxic part of it. Before anyone gets ideas and decides to anonymously message me saying that this person wasn’t the only one to create the problem, I know that. I’m not blaming just one side, I’ve been fully aware, this side just happened to be the one that became public. I can also admit and take full responsibility that I fueled a fire and kept it going. What I won’t say is sorry though, I defended my own ass in any way that it felt necessary because a lot of people let all that shit slide and did absolutely nothing, but watch. They wanted the show and we gave that to them.

Now what I want from 2021 is to heal and find my peace with everything I just mentioned and everything else surrounding it. I want to move on and fully forgive myself, my person and all the others. I don’t want to carry this hate and sadness around anymore, that’s just not who I am. What I want from this year is to be able to let go and move on. I don’t want to feel like I have to watch my own back 24/7 whenever I’m in public. I want to be able to meet new people without having to feel like I have to be cautious and question if their intentions are actually genuine or not. Everything that I can do and feel over here is what I want it to be like again there. If you are reading this with ill will, I’m okay with us being complete strangers to each other. I understand that not everyone is for each other and really that’s okay. We can make it mutually known and I won’t ever bother you. I’d rather have that than someone faking to like me because I’m dating this person or cause I hang out with these people. I am not defined by some other person. I can respect the honesty of it.

I know what I want and hope for will take some time and it might not even be this year, but any step closer is good enough for me.
Because I’m going to read this plenty of times through out the year, a reminder, YOU chose to pick love when it was the last thing you felt and YOU did nothing wrong by that. Vivi con amore.
I talked my shit and now I’m leaving it here.

SALLY ♡ T

I Had To Grow Up Early.

I had to grow up at an early age and most people don’t really know that about me or know exactly what that means. At that time I didn’t know what that would mean either. I had to grow up to help raise my first niece, but before you think I’m complaining about it, I’m not. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade that part of me for anything else in the world.

12 years ago today in 2009, my first niece was born and I was only 12 in 8th grade. My sister was only in 10th grade and her baby daddy? All I’m going to say is I’d punched him again LOL. Anyways, when they say it takes a village to raise a child, they are not lying at all. My sister was super-mom, my mom was grandma-mom and I was auntie-mom. The 3 of us (with the help of others) gave it our all for this precious little baby. She really became my everything. I always liked kids before her, but when I held her for the first time I just fell in love. You can thank Anastasia for my maternal instincts and my crazy baby fever. I wasn’t her mom, but I filled in that position when my sister was at work or at school. Guys, when I say she was a super mom, she IS a super mom.

My favorite story is that I actually came up with her name because she almost was named some Japanese word or Serenity. If you’re wondering if I got her name from the movie, then you are 100% correct. I love the movie Anastasia and I really think the name is beautiful. I take full credit for her name and I also take the #1 auntie award. There’s no doubt that I’m the favorite auntie.

I put her in front of everything. I even pushed some of my education to the side so my sister could get her work done and have somewhat of her remaining teenage life by watching the baby. I don’t regret any of it. Like I said, I wouldn’t trade this part of me for the world because if it was for this little girl I wouldn’t be as loving, patient, and selfless. If I’m being really honest, she’s a big part of how I’m able to welcome a special little guy into my life. Having to help raise her and how she was like my own really opened that part of me.

Anastasia is now a preteen that is just doing it all and I couldn’t be any happier. She makes me so proud. Time really goes by so fast, if she could be small again like in these photos, I would just hold her in my arms forever and never let go. She’ll always be my little Anachacha.

Anastasia, one day you’ll see all my post about you and you’ll see all the pictures and I just want you to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I will always be there for you. I can’t wait to see you (but yes I can very much wait) become this amazing young woman, knowing that I had a part of it. You are so loved and I hope you feel that all the time. Happy birthday Anastasia! ♡

SALLY ♡ T

So Much To Be Thankful For.

Even though this year has been so odd, strange and honestly maybe the worse year on the bigger level scale, there’s so much to still be thankful for. The month of November I feel always brings out what we’re thankful for not only on Thanksgiving, but for the entire month and rest of the year. Here are some things that I’m super thankful for.

» My Friendships. I really don’t know what or how I could have made it through this year without all my friends. From pre-pandemic to the present, they have been the best. I would say my friends are already pretty amazing, but wow they really went beyond that for not only me, but everyone else too. There’s more facetime calls, more groups chats, video chats, discord channels, more supporting each other’s art or new hobbies, just more presence in each other’s lives even if it is just a text or phone call. All of my friends have sent a random check in text to me and honestly that’s just all love.

» My Family. The health of my family is very important to me and I’m thankful for what this year has brought to us. If it means that I see them less this year, but everyone remains in good health, then so be it. I’ll take it. Just like my friends, there has been a bigger presence with my family too. It’s crazy how that is when we are literally being restricted. Also, my oldest niece has more technology use and I love getting random messages from her or video calls. The time taken away definitely makes you appreciate the smaller ways of communication that we all have just taken advantage of.

» My Boyfriend and His Family. The weekend before things started closing down and quarantine was official in March, I was suppose to go to Chicago for a Slander show. The show got canceled, but I still had the weekend off, so I decided that instead I would just go over to Wisconsin for the weekend. Well as the virus got bad and more rules and regulations were made, my weekend turned into a week into three months. I spent three whole months in Wisconsin with my boyfriend and his family and I couldn’t be more grateful for how welcoming they were and still are. I had some really warm hearted conversations at the dinner table and it really felt like my home away from home. If it wasn’t for the quarantine, I would have never been able to experience all of it. Plus, the bond with my little Mr. Sweetface grew to a different level and I’m oh-so-so-soo grateful for that, he’s literally my best friend when I’m over there now. It was a taste of my future and I can’t wait for it. They are my home away from home.

» Myself and My Journey. Yes, the time away from work was so needed for me. I had to find a way to rebalance myself and get myself together again. My life should not be revolved around my job. It was rough and I’m still trying to adjust now, but I’m more at ease and I’m happy with what I did with all that time. I’m thankful for my journey through all of this because I have learned and grown so much. I’m actually taking the time for me. I got the help that I needed desperately, but just couldn’t get around too. I was very much in my lows and in my highs, but I pulled myself out of it, I did that. It’s a very strange feeling to think about yourself and to care for yourself when all you want to do is do that for others. In all my relationships, the presence of one another has increased and that is no different for myself. I am finally here for me as well.

For others, covid has been a nuisance and a nightmare, but it’s been a blessing in disguise for me. For how weird that is to say. We all have something to be thankful for though, so let’s keep that energy going. Stay safe everyone!

SALLY ♡ T

Dear Us,

Relationships are tricky themselves and then you add on the long distance for us. It seems 1000x harder when we start to go through the downs of every relationship because we simply can’t be there physically for each other, but somehow we’ve found a way to make it work. Somehow we’ve found a way to get through the toughest problems. I’m so grateful for that and blessed to be where we are at currently. Things are falling in place and I’m very happy to say it’s because we haven’t given up on working together and not just individually. Was it a blessing in disguise? I can’t answer that myself, nor would like to dwell on figuring it out. We don’t need to anyways, there’s still a lot to continue working on together. I hope this energy is here to stay for the rest of our days.

Thank you for the healthy communication, thank you for the conversations, thank you for the emotional and physical support, for the extra time spent on us, and most importantly thank you for your never ending love for me. You or some might think it’s weird that I’m thanking for what seems like the basics of a relationship, but sometimes a lot of those qualities are missing. Plus it isn’t easy all the time or comes naturally with certain situations, so that extra step from ourselves has to be made. Can you feel it too? Less of the ‘I don’t knows’ and ‘what do we dos’ being replaced? Less holding back thoughts and sitting in silence? We can have those hard conversations without exploding or feeling lost in what to do or say next. I love that we are growing together as a couple and seeing it also helping with our own self growth. They say the first year is the hardest and we’re no strangers to that, but baby we’re almost there.

I love you with everything,
SALLY ♡ T

Time to be super sappy and loving now! Our pictures and your graduation ones turned out so nice, I’m obsessed with how cute you are. Even though the reasoning is a pandemic, I’ve felt nothing but super lucky to spend all this time with you. I’m lucky to spend this lifetime with you too. The love that I have for you goes beyond what anyone could ever imagine. Cheers to every big and small accomplishment that we’ve worked for this year and especially to the last few weeks/months. I love you so much and I’ll see you soon. ♡