Thoughts – Page 2 – SALLY♡THINGS

To Teenage Sally.

Hello you! It’s older you, age 26 from 2022. I just want to start off by pointing out how much love you had and how much love you put out in the world. No one has a big heart like you or will understand it. You put others before yourself every time and because of that, you got hurt. Just know that hurt went away and we’re focusing on healing it everyday. You grew up really fast, maybe too fast. I know it felt impossible to avoid. I don’t even think it could have been avoided and because of it you decided to live your life and have as much fun as you could. Which resulted with bad school grades and rejection college letters, regretful decisions, relationships with the wrong people and even some abuse. Life experiences that you didn’t expect.

A lot of good also came from this time era too and we were able to take more from that and put it towards who we are today. The rejection letters gave you more freedom to choose your own life path and not the one you felt like you had to take. The regretful decisions lead you to better understanding and a better way of thinking through things before doing them. Relationships with wrong people taught you what kind of people you wanted to surround yourself with and the red flags to avoid. The abuse gave you strength and a voice that you are not scared of using, you protect people in similar situations and your beliefs are very strong. Everything showed you how life really is, the reality of things. You are a big foundation of your future.

I want you to know that things that you didn’t accomplish in this part of your life really doesn’t matter later. You make things work, you problem solve, you actually have a good head on your shoulders, even though you don’t think you do. You made real friendships, lifetime friendships. It’s actually a lot of our 10 years friendship anniversaries this year or the next. We’re still working on things we didn’t accomplish before, but it’s more along the lines of what we really want and not what was expected from us. The love you poured out is reciprocated back 10x from all the babies, you helped show all these little girls what it’s like to have a loving auntie. Showed them what unconditional love is, that’s so much more than what most would be able to achieve and you did it that young.

The most important thing that you did was rebel and did what you wanted to do instead of what was expected. As an adult now, I praise you for that. It was very hard and a lot of tears were cried, even some now, but we’re in a good place. We’re good now. I’m here to remind you that you are worth everything, you are not a disappointment, you are enough.

To Teenage Sally, you are everything to not only yourself, but also to others. ♡

2022.

It’s the new year, so what are my goals or new year resolutions? Well this year I’m not going to make any. Not that I don’t have any, but don’t you guys ever get stuck with a list that never gets finished or your goals change? In my 26 years of life, I know whatever list I make now will not be what I accomplish later. I’m more of a do as you go type of person. So here is all that I wish for me and for you. Take what you need and leave what you don’t.

I wish for your happiness and peace. I wish you heal the things that you do not speak or know. I wish for the growth and lessons that will push you to be a better person. I wish for the love that will forever stay with you. I wish you will take the bad days and remember that it’s just a bad day and that you don’t take all the good days for granted. I hope that you love yourself more and you do more for yourself. Whatever you’ve been trying to chase to fill that empty feeling, I hope you catch it and it lights a light in your soul that never goes out again. For all the tears that you cried in 2021, you don’t meet them again. I hope you remember to take more photos or videos. I wish for good health and wellness. That every person you come across is as genuine as you. You’ll get the break you need this year to sit down and absorb all that you have done and to relax. I wish you the best in your business plans because I know you’re capable and I know you have it in you. All your creative thoughts get brought to life this year. I hope you do take some things from last year and you keep working on them. Those are not achieved in just a year, it’s something you have to constantly work on for the rest of your life. That you do not forget who you are as a person. All the built up anger, I don’t want you to just let go of it and forgive, I want it to fuel the passion of making yourself better. Use it in a good way and not as a flamethrower and use it to burn others in words.
You know what? Settle in already, push your pride aside and accept what has been waiting for you. You could’ve had more good and balance if you were more open to accepting help. It’s okay to get help, you need other people, we all need people. I wish something clicks in you and you stop living on survival mode, you made it, you can rest. Let someone else take care of you for once. I wish you get the nurture you give to others and you accept it without feeling weak and if you end up feeling that way then you allow yourself to be okay with that. All the battles you have within are put to an end. I wish you live life for what it is and that you continue to do that. Love every little thing in the world more including yourself. ♡

Make your words matter this year.

What Was Once Before is Not Again.

What was once before is not again, it will never be again. It could be something that you’re okay with not having around or something that you’ll miss. As you get older, you get all these special memories that you get to hold close to you and some not so great ones that you’ll never forget and wish you could. What a special thing to have though.

Don’t you wish you could relive certain moments over and over again? How special is it to know that we only get to experience some things once? How sad is it that we can only experience things once? And THANK THE GODS that we only have to experience certain things once.

I don’t know if I’m just feeling sentimental or I’m starting my 2 am overthinking thoughts, but I think that I lived a pretty good life so far. I’m pretty happy about it. A little weird coming from me right? I’m always writing about something sad or trying to motivate myself to be less negative and to become better. I’m proud of where I am and who I am becoming. It may not seem like much, but I take pride in where I’ve gotten myself and I can’t wait to see where I’ll be later.

I started to think of some old memories and I started to realize a lot of those will never happen again and the time that I had with them back then was it. What was once before is not again. I’m feeling very nostalgic. Some friendships that I had during my high school years were probably one of the best friendships that I’ve ever had. They taught me a lot and formed my foundation. I’m lucky enough to still be friends and we still contact each other, but I do miss how super close we use to be. I keep these people very close to my heart always. I’m so lucky to have had such genuine friendships during the time where it means the most because that’s what stuck with me. I was able to have those connections, so now I can give those connections to others now. So thank you, I love you guys with all my heart.
Maybe I need to stop being sappy and go to sleep. Good night and good morning everyone. ♡

Everything All at Once.

I’ve been feeling over whelmed the last few weeks and strongly this week. It feels like everything is coming at me all at once. I’ve started writing a blog every day this week to express how I’ve been feeling, but I haven’t been able to finish any of them because I also feel mentally exhausted. Then it’s 5 am and I need to sleep or I’ll be tired for work. Well hello 6 am, it’s me. I’m up even later than usual. I guess I just have to take the L for work.

It’s frustrating, I’m feeling frustrated at this point. It’s exhausting, I’ve been exhausted. It’s overwhelming, I’m overwhelmed with everything, I have been overwhelmed with everything for a long time now. It’s not with just what’s going on around me and within my personal life, but also with all the overthinking and trying to process situations and understanding and trying to figure out how I feel about things. Then I go to work and that takes up a lot of my time, so I don’t even have that much time out of my day to work everything out. I feel like I’m trying to catch up with myself from the times of 2 am – 6 am everyday. That’s all I get and it’s not enough. I think I’m starting to burn out. You don’t want to try to figure things out during those times especially when you’re alone anyways. It’s not something I can’t handle, but I’m starting to feel defeated. Which makes me feel sad and then it’s another thing for me to add on. Everything all at once.

Your mental health is important. You are important. It’s important and very needed to put yourself first. Allow yourself to unload your mind, give yourself the time and a safe space or environment. Really focus on helping yourself. You are the only you that you will ever have. Do whatever it takes to feel okay again and remember to do it in a positive way and not with something that will later negatively effect you. Build yourself up and then protect that.

Letter to myself:
You got this, Sally. You can pull through. Adjustments are coming, just hold on a little longer. Things are going to change and it will help with a lot of the things. Do what feels right even if it’s not what you want. Let go of things that you cannot control. Communicate what you can, baby steps. Don’t forget to celebrate the baby steps along the way. Give yourself some sort of break. Things feel hard, but you’ve, we, us, I have been making progress. You’re stronger than you know, but I still worry. Remember, everything at once will eventually become nothing at all. Truly, take care of yourself this time.

POV.

The way we see ourself vs. the way others see us.
It’s sooo different, the different point of views. We are much harder on ourselves and see the smallest flaws that no one would ever see or care about it. We make it hard and complicated to self love. It’s time to unlearn those negatives and start seeing ourselves with the same loving, outside POV.

WHAT OTHERS SEE (Boyfriend’s POV)

I will start off and say that I actually do like this picture that my boyfriend took of me. Yes, it’s also the backside of me, so you can’t see any flaws (except my messy hair lol). I usually like the pictures that my boyfriend takes of me over the selfies I try to take. When he takes the photos I can’t see myself, so I’m not trying so hard to pose to look good. He’ll also take a lot of photos of me when I’m not paying attention, so everything just looks more genuine and in the moment like the one above. Maybe it’s just me and I’m a weirdo, but when I look at his photos I look so different to myself. Almost like “wow I really look like that?”, but in a good way. I see myself in the same way that he sees me. It’s a nice little break away from my own thoughts.

HOW I SEE MYSELF (Self POV)

This picture was taken the same day just a couple hours later and from my POV. I don’t think this is a super bad picture of myself, but there’s flaws that I can see. I’m sure it’s more insecurities than body dysmorphia, but looking at the picture I can say that my upper arm is big and meaty, then I think I need to lose weight around the tummy area and do some squats. Which most people would say I’m insane to be thinking all of that because I’m small already, which I agree with somewhat. Yes, I’m small, but small in size not weight. I’m only 5 feet tall so to a lot of people I am small, but when it comes to weight it’s totally different. Seeing these two pictures, it’s hard to believe that they are both of me from the same day.

Learning to self love is tough because we see ourselves so differently day to day. It’s a daily battle, but find a way to love yourself even if it’s something so small. We see the smallest flaws and turn them into insecurities, so why can’t we try to love the small things instead? When things get tough, find a picture that someone else took of you and try to see yourself from their eyes and love something you haven’t seen before.
It’s time to be kinder to ourselves, to love ourselves the way we see originally see ourselves, the way we actually look. Be gentle to yourself and be gentle in your thoughts. Real self love. We owe that to ourselves, we deserve real self love.

What Fulfills You?

What fulfills you?
I think I’ve been avoiding this question for the past couple of years because I really don’t have a straight up answer or maybe I don’t really know what I want in life, maybe I wasn’t ready for the answer. I do admit, it’s hard to find the answer when you’re in your mid 20’s and you haven’t been able to fully experience life yet. So how can I come up with something? I’ve been kind of just floating through my life and having fun in whatever way I can. Maybe being that free is fulfilling to me, it works for me currently.

Like everyone else, I had to face some challenges and with the pandemic my daily lifestyle changed. We’ve all had to adjust in ways that completely flipped life as we know around. I was in a very unhappy and unsure spot in my life and I started to think more and more, what really fulfills me? What do I want out of life? What do I need for myself to feel like I’m living my best life? In the last couple of weeks, it’s all I can think about. I found myself stuck in yet another rut and as much as I want to blame it on the current moon cycle and astrology, it’s an all too familiar feeling. Let’s try connect the dots.

Sally, what fulfills you?

I’ve touched this topic a little bit within my therapy sessions, but there’s not enough time to get to an answer, so I did some searching on my own.
To have a fulfilling life is to be happy living in the present moment. To build a sense of fulfillment, you need to stop thinking about what “should be” and start being grateful for “what is.” It’s a process of failures and victories, not being focused on one specific moment. You can find your fulfillment in all aspect in life like self-improvement, meaningful relationships, health & wellness, and career development. The more you learn and grow within those aspects, the happier you’ll become and building those habits will lead you to joy.

So where do we even start? Where can we find our certain aspects and what do we prioritize to get there? I found a blog post written by Brent Gleeson that had a great list and I’ll put some of my favorites below:

Build relationships over possessions.
Take what you can from life, but always give back.
Be accountable for your words and actions.
Be disciplined in your personal and professional life.
Expunge hate from your heart.
Pursue passions bigger than yourself.
Don’t hold on too tight.
Strive to improve a little bit everyday.

Working on these everyday even if it is just a few every week, you’ll start to see and feel something good grow from you. It isn’t easy and there will be failure, but it’s all part of the process. Without the feeling of failure, we wouldn’t know how it feels to succeed.

I think my fulfillment is changing because I’m in a new environment and experiencing a new life experience, so it’s trying to adjust. I do have some idea of my own, but I’m still figuring out the rest. Who knows, maybe I’ll never really have my answer until I’m well into my 30’s. Maybe I’ll never really have an answer at all because it changes with you throughout your life. It doesn’t hurt to start thinking about it though.

So what fulfills you?

To Let It Go.

It isn’t one of those good days, I want to curl up in a ball and lay in bed all day. My brain really said “Hey Sally, fuck you. You’re not shit today <3”
Everything you’ve been working on disappears as if that work never happened. It doesn’t exist. It’s hard to feel that when you thought you’ve moved way past it. The doubt of what you thought you achieved just sits there and eats you away making it hard to see the growth.

Conversation between my brain and I through text. My brain today told me to be insecure and sad today like it's an okay thing. I'm not happy about it obviously, but I can't help it. Your brain and thoughts can destroy you.

This may be a raw one. I’ve tried to protect it from coming out so much that today I just can’t do it anymore. Something that I wanted to keep private for me to process ended up coming out in a fire anyways and I’ve been fighting to put it out this whole time. I’m tired of fighting for myself.

To let it go. It’s been such a challenge and something I still haven’t figured out yet. Sometimes when something so heartbreaking or traumatic happens to you, you start to believe that maybe you did deserve it. For whatever reason why I may think it, I know at the same time that I didn’t deserve it, but it’s easier to believe I did. It’s the “easier” option for me to understand what or why it happened even if it hurts. Someone who loves you, but hurts you in ways they or you would never imagine, try to make that make sense. It’s heartbreaking. Now put where I’m at now into that and then try to make sense of that. Sometimes if feels like I’m fighting demons out here and the demon is myself, actually my own thoughts vs how I feel. The two peacefully agree most time, but then you have days like this where they switch up and play both sides. It’s this, but that, it’s that, but this. Tugging me back and forth and back and forth. I just want to lay down and rest or drink. A drink would be nice. To let it all go would be nice.

Self defense mechanisms, thank you, but also you are my worst enemy. Thank you for trying to soften the next unknown, but it’s not helping me personally with healing. I can’t keep holding on to this thing, I don’t want too. I want to make my peace and I want to move on. Let me do that, let me let it go.

Conversations: Asian Americans.

I came across this channel on Youtube called Jubilee and watched quite a few of their videos and it really got me thinking about my answers and opinions as well. There’s different episodes, but in each they bring in a group of people of the same or different race or people who believe in this or that and ask them questions. The group of people then stand on a scale of strongly disagree to strongly agree or sit down if they agree with said statement and just talk it out with one another. It’s such a nice safe space for these people to get their opinions or experiences out there about general topics or about those hard topics that most will stay quiet about. Maybe this will become a new blog series that I’ll continue to write about or not, but I just wanted to share where I am with this video called “Do All Asian Americans Think the Same?” | Spectrum (the video is at the bottom of the blog)

I think it’s great to watch videos like these especially with how society has been. A lot has happened within the last few decades, let alone the last 4 years. It’s time to start having these deeper conversations or just more conversations in general. I’m starting off with this video because I do identify with Asian American, I’m Vietnamese and American born. For me, it’s not like I have forgotten my cultural traditions or values, but I don’t really discuss them enough. So I’ll take some questions or statements from the video and discuss it. Just want to remind everyone that I am not the spokesperson for the whole community or race or the people that I hang out with! This is just me.

I have felt pressure to date within my own race.
Luckily, my parents have never put that idea onto me. They have mentioned it a couple of times, but they always made it known that it’s okay if I don’t. They don’t have a preference on another race either, so I was allowed to date whoever. Now when it comes to outside my family, like within the Vietnamese community here, I do feel the pressure. Weird right? Well I’ve gone to the Viet supermarkets, stores, hair salons, or nail salons and they’ll always ask me who I’m dating and what race they are, then make some comments like “oh, he’s not Vietnamese, why not? You need to find a Viet guy and keep the culture alive.” I disagree with that so much. I can still keep my culture alive still with whoever I’m with, it’s not passed down through blood, but through teachings.
Asian stereotypes are funny.
I think this is kind of a broad statement and you’ll see why, but my answer is yes and no. I have a lot to say about this. So asian stereotypes put on the asian group by non-asian are not funny at all. The typical asians are good at math, asians are bad drivers, asians have chinky eyes, asians eat dogs/cats etc. are just so outplayed, it’s not true for everyone. Stereotypes have a big influence in judging certain groups of people and most times they are negative. I think when I wasn’t up to par with some of those stereotypes, people I went to school with who were non-asians wouldn’t judge me differently, but they wouldn’t identify me as asian or downplay that I was asian. I heard a lot of “oh Sally, you’re not THAT asian” or “omg, you don’t like to watch anime or make boba? I’m more asian than you.” Which actually did hurt my feelings and made me feel a type of way, but I didn’t know how to correctly speak about it back in high school, so I would just agree with them. Now if it’s my asian friends and I talking about stereotypes within our different asian races, then they can be funny, but that’s because they aren’t so negative or downplaying their identities. Big emphasis on CAN BE FUNNY though.
I do want to point out that a lot of asian stereotypes are positive compared to other races and the stereotypes that are put on them.
Asian people have it easier than other minorities.
I would have to agree with that statement. I do think that asian people have it easier than other minorities even within the last few years and with covid happening. Yes, it’s very unfortunate and sad that covid has brought out more racism towards asians and it breaks my heart to see. Yes, we asians still have it harder than some minorities, but bigger picture we do have it easier. What asians are experiencing with covid, others have been experiencing for decades and on a more worst scale. Stereotypes on asians are also easier on asians, the “popular” stereotypes are majority positive. The reality of it is, asian minorities are more accepted in the United States with white people and I think it’s because of the history between the two and that asians have conformed with the American way. I don’t know how to really explain it, but I can see it or have experienced it personally. I do think Americans use Asians to their advantage sometimes to compare to other minorities or for other uses, when it’s good for them if that makes any sense.

Like I said earlier I do not represent a whole community or other people, but myself. I am up to having more in depth conversations and hearing other opinions, so feel free to comment or contact me. I want this to be a safe space of free discussion. I do not tolerate hate or racism though, so please don’t come around with that. Give me feedback on if I should do more post like this. Watch the video below and the others on their channel! Keep conversations going with the people around you.

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Free Time.

Most blogs show you the flawless side of that person’s life, the highest highs, the happiest happy. Well as you have probably read, not mine, but that’s what I like so much about having a blog without a centralized theme. I get to have the freedom of being able to post whatever I want, whenever I want.

FREE TIME.

There was so much free time for me this year and I had no idea what to do with myself. That was the hardest because then I realize without working Sally and this busy lifestyle that I have, who really am I? Without the fancy music festivals and without being around my friends, who am I? Who is the basic, stripped down version of me? I really thought I knew already, but I really didn’t know. Some time along the way, I lost sense of who I was and with this pandemic all I had was this free time to sit in it.

When was the last time I had three months of absolutely nothing to do? Most likely, never. I’ve been working since my freshman year in high school. So to me without work was such a big change in my life. It’s good to be recognized as a hard worker, but there’s so much more that I would rather be known for. Work is not my life. With all that time I just thought about: What were my hobbies? What would I do with my 24 hour days? I tried out a lot of different things to try to figure it out. I didn’t realize that I had gotten so caught up in the work and party life that when work and bar/club/party life was shut down, I felt like I was left with nothing. I tried keeping up with artist virtual streams and perler making as a crafting hobby. I tried beading/making cool rave candies and watching different genres of movies and shows to see if there was something I’ve missed. I’ve tried being more active and taking daily walks, I even went hiking and I don’t ever hike. I even started this blog as a hobby. I’ve tried so many different things this year to try to find what I like or what will potentially stick with me and what one brings out the best of me. Many things came and go and a few stayed, but sometimes I feel like I’m still looking.

With free time, you have to keep yourself busy or you just kind of sit there in your head with your thoughts and mine are not all that pretty. Another problem that I’ve faced with having all this free time. Instead of thoughts getting swept under the rug, they are all just there and pretty loud. I had to actually face them and find a way to correctly heal those thoughts. Strange how it all is.

Anyways, I think this might be something that I’ll still have to adjust to still going into 2021. It’s a slow progress, but I’m getting the hang of it. I’m learning a lot about who I am and who I want to be.
F r e e T i m e .

SALLY ♡ T

When Your Heart Feels Heavy.

When your heart feels heavy what do you do? When you start to feel it take over, why can’t we just snap out of it? I just continue to stand or sit there and I can’t move, I can’t think about anything else. My eyes become waterfalls. It’s not until then when I can try to make myself feel better. Where I can try to talk myself down and away from whatever dark place I went too. What can you do when your heart feels heavy?

It just happens sometimes. There’s no way around it. You just have to live with it. What a tragic feeling to feel honestly. A heavy heart, a heavy weight. A tragic feeling to feel when you least expect it. It creeps up on me all the time. I can be at my happiest or feel like i’m finally at peace with myself and then it comes. A constant reminder of things I don’t want to remember, of things I tried to block out, of things I tried to drink away. Why do I have to relive the sadness? I really don’t understand why I remember any of it. They say “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” but it pretty much kills me in the inside every time. So when your heart feels heavy, what do you do?

SALLY ♡ T