Tag: Release The Past

Then and Now.

I probably have typed about this in the few blogs I wrote before, but never finished. Fair warning, be prepared to read a little more of this in other blogs if they ever get posted. So far it’s the only thing that comes to my mind when I try to sit down to blog, so it’s something that needs to get out and hopefully after I can blog about other things. I feel like a broken record sometimes. I blog a lot about healing and my journey, it’s all I know right now. It is currently what’s going on in my life. Then and now. I wouldn’t quite call this a drunk thoughts blog, but I did have a good chug of some strawberry sake. Just a bit to loosen up and be not so in my head about sharing this. I actually find it hard to share this side of me because it feels super and very vulnerable of me. Maybe a part of me feels embarrassed, maybe because it still gets me in my feels or that I haven’t yet fully processed it. It’s hard for me to express because I simply do not know where I’m quite at with it all. Whatever it is, here I try to go.

These summer months, I have really compared my current self to my 2023 self. If I could describe myself this summer it would be: confident, strong, happy, healing, thriving, joyful, sober, living life to the fullest, a normal person. If I were to describe summer Sally 2023 it would be: sad, but grateful, stressed, alcohol driven, burnt out, lost, fun, goal driven, and hurt. What two very different and confusing versions of me.

A word that best described me then is lost. A word that best describes me now is healing, but of course I would not be who I am today if it wasn’t for that lost version of me. Looking back I’m actually very grateful for that part of my life (not the problems, but the lessons) and very proud of how I managed, even though I was very hurt. I sat with myself every day and I listened to my cries, I listened to my thoughts, I felt the hurt. I sat with every emotion and let them take their turn. I sat with all my doubts and gave them the time they needed. I sat there and cried out every tear in my body almost every night until there was nothing left. Some people might think it’s pretty pathetic, but it was what I needed to do for me. That was my way of trying to comfort myself. I gave myself that safe space. Now, I still have that safe space, but it’s more for the appreciation of my happiness, celebration of small steps on my healing and the new self love that I have for myself. I won’t say I’m completely on the other side, but it’s definitely a positive path.

I did something that I never thought or saw myself doing and that was to stop engaging and going silent. I let go of any hope and expectation, I let go completely. That’s such a hard thing to do. To let things go free and to let things come to or go from you. I ignored and pushed everything away as much as I could until I realized that it was something that was trying to come to me. I really crawled into my own little shell and if you weren’t someone I saw in my daily life, I unfortunately didn’t reach out to or interacted with for a bit. My social battery was fighting so hard, but my emotional side won. I’m a person who tries to act fine when I’m not, but in reality my emotions literally leak out of my pores and you can tell how I am through my body language and facial expressions. I pulled away for a bit so people didn’t have to see that side of me, ask me anything and I didn’t have to keep pretending. I’m sorry to my friends and family for that and I’m also very thankful that everyone understood that I needed some space. I put myself first and really focused on nothing, but myself and moving forward. One positive that did come out of it was my decision on schooling. Now, because of then, I still am continuing my education and I feel more comfortable with being truly vulnerable in front of others even if I feel stupid. It is not a burden. Now, I can thank the ‘then me’ and comfort any part of her that I still have left with the ‘now me’.

One thing that I learned from this and in my therapy sessions are to acknowledge all these different parts of me, listen to what they need to say, validate them and thank them. Practicing this has helped build a better relationship within myself with myself. Practicing this has allowed to me forgive myself, love all the different parts of myself, remember my worth, remember what I deserve, growth, healing, forgiving others and most importantly not to hurt others because of my own hurt. One day, I’ll be at the end with the rainbows and unicorns or in my case, a room filled with anything and everything Hello Kitty.

This was really building up in my head and I tried to avoid blogging more on it, but I guess I still have a lot to say. If you are still reading this, thank you. Sending lots of love out. Then and Now. ♡

May & June ’24 Mini Writings.

These two months have been eye openers. Maybe the warmer weather has changed my mental state or maybe good things really have been coming my way. I’ve been finding more of my motivation to be creative and that creative side is slowly coming alive again. I have so many ideas bouncing around that my mini writings are being pushed to the side a little. There’s just a few for the months of May and June.

Thursday, May 23, 2024

“But think of it, what if all you need in order to heal is just the realization that you’re a different person now than you were back then.”

– sally.things

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

“Absence demands to be felt.”

– sally.things

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Set boundaries and embrace ‘no’.

Every ‘yes’ to something is a ‘no’ to something else, often your own feelings and mental health.

– sally.things

Putting Yourself Back Together.

I wasn’t really sure if I was going to write any blogs that are about my current heartbreak/healing journey because I didn’t want it to consume more of my days than it already has. I’ve been trying to write about other things, but I’m stuck and nothing is coming to me naturally, but this. I don’t want my blog to be like all the others where they only write about trends, products, paid advertising, etc. I want it to be relatable, personal, raw and emotional. Almost like you’re talking to me in person when you’re reading each blog. So here I am, writing and hoping that maybe after this I don’t feel so stuck in this writer’s block.

Someone reminded me the purpose of my blog, which is to write and post about my own experiences and help other feel less alone in theirs. It’s for those who just feel. Thank you for that. Now read on and feel all the feels, I’m right there with you. ♡

If you’re in the spot where you have to put yourself together, but it feels impossible at times. I’m right there with you. Yep, healing a heart that you didn’t break, specifically your own heart. It’s hard, it’s sad, it’s draining. I know you’re tired, I know you’re hurting, I know you want to cry. The world seems like it’s running and running and you can’t keep up. I want you to know that it’s all okay to feel. I’m going through the very same feelings. It’s hard to continue living your life and trying to be happy all the time. I know how loving and happy memories pop up in your head, but it brings tears and sadness to your soul. Small things will trigger memories and sneak up on you when you’re finally having a better day and it changes you for the rest of the day. You’re tired from not being able to fall asleep cause your mind won’t stop running with thoughts or you wake up multiple times a night, every night, because you dream of your situation. I know, me too. I don’t have a cure to stop everything right away, but I know what will lessen these things over time is giving yourself space, a safe space, to feel all of it. Release the tears, cry your eyes out, feel sad, feel hurt, feel betrayed. Sit with your feelings, sit with yourself. While you sit with yourself, tell yourself it’s okay to feel this way and that you forgive yourself. Remind yourself that you are enough and that there was nothing else you could do to save anything. Remind yourself that you saved yourself instead. You had no other choice, but to choose yourself.

That’s how you’ll eventually put yourself back together. You have to feel all the feels and then tend to them. That’s the healing part, that is healing. Unfortunately, it’s not easy and it’s not happy. It’s a lot of grieving old versions of others and yourself. You aren’t alone and there are people out that that care for you. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget you are enough and in the end you’ll be even more. Date yourself, pour the love into yourself. Tend to your emotions and feelings, comfort yourself. I know you can do it. You, me, both, we can do it. ♡ We’re all in the thick of it.

Hi, I’m Sally and I’m not feeling my best. Mentally, I’m decent, but I could be better. I’m in a spot in my life where I’m just a little more vulnerable and emotional, a little heartbreak/self love and healing era. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m not where I could be, but I know I’ll get there eventually. It’s absolutely okay to not be okay. After all, we are all human. Love you more.

Gentle.

gen·tle
having or showing a mild, kind, or tender temperament or character.

Gentle. What a word I crave to have. A word I crave to feel. Gentle.
Gentle life, gentle love, gentle thoughts, gentle feelings and feeling gentle. What a thing to crave. I have been in something nothing close to gentle, it was everything opposite, all the while I was trying to be gentle.

Gentle love. Love is suppose to be gentle. Love should be gentle. Real love is gentle. You should be valued during your good and your bad moments. You should be respected in heated moments. Your boundaries should be respected. They should always consider you and your feelings in situations, they should consider your opinions and validate your feelings. You should be trusted with making your own decisions and that theirs isn’t always the right way. They shouldn’t assume that only they know better. You should never have to be gaslit or manipulated. A gentle love is where they are so thankful to have you in their life and they show you that in the most genuine way without any extra intentions behind it. In a gentle love, you are the priority. It’s just you. You shouldn’t have to question the little things or the way they act or their love for you. You should never be left wondering if they care about you. Love is suppose to be gentle and I crave exactly that.

Gentle thoughts and feelings. To have a gentle mind and heart again, I want that. To have a gentle mind that’s quiet with your thoughts or to have a gentle heart that won’t make you feel sad the moment you are no longer busy and can put your day away. They don’t necessarily have to be empty, but light and kind. Not filled with rage, sadness, doubt, etc. Something that is quieter than what it has been. Something more loving and not broken. I crave that.

I am tired and drained from everything not being gentle.

Not For Them.

Do it for you, not for them.
Sounds pretty self explanatory if you ask me, but why is it so hard to do? Why do we sometimes fall into situations where we allow people to indirectly control our lives? It’s time for us to stop it.

Do it for you, not for them.
It’s easy to confuse the two. You might think that you are doing whatever it is for you, but it’s actually influenced by others opinions or actions. If your decisions or actions are being played down because of so people, are you really saving yourself or are you allowing that to control you? Yes, it might seem like going about things a certain way can make it better, but guess what? You are allowing so people to control and gaslight you. I said what I said.

Do it for you, not for them.
Don’t let the actions of others start to define you. It’s a new year and it’s time to let things go. You’ve been holding in too much. Release it, let it go. The least you can do for yourself is celebrate what makes you happy. You’re here to live for you. It’s okay to become a more private person, but don’t let the boundaries of that get blurred. Not everyone on earth is here to celebrate you or to celebrate with you. Not everyone will be genuinely happy for you and that’s okay. Do it for you, not for them.

SALLY ♡ T