Proud of Myself – SALLY♡THINGS

Goodbye 2024, Hello 2025.

Yes, SALLY ♡ THINGS blog is still up and running for 2025! The end of the year and start of the new year blog is finally here. I told you that I was playing blog catch up. Since I’m a little behind, we get this cute 2-in-1 post ♡

Goodbye 2024.

In the beginning of 2024, I was parked on the top level of my college’s parking ramp just sitting in my car. Not having a good day at all. I was super emotional about a million different things, both positive and negative. I think I skipped my classes that day because I could not stop crying. I remember it was raining. That day I decided to try to calm my emotions down by journaling and instead of writing about my emotions, I tried to put my focus on what my goals and intentions were going to be for 2024. Writing about something that would bring more positivity forward was the mood that I wanted to try to set. That day I journaled two entries ‘2024 Goals and Intentions‘ and ‘2024 Blog Idea List‘. I think I ended up journaling in my car for three or four hours.

For 2024 Goals and Intentions, I wanted to come up with goals that were deeper than things like exercise more, get up early, drink more water, etc. I wanted the goals to be things that would help me become a better me and help with personal growth. Then when I came up with the goals, I wrote the intentions behind them or how I wanted to go about it. That way it wasn’t just a silly little self care goal, it now held a deeper meaning. I suggest everyone to do the same because it holds more value, is more meaningful and personable to yourself. It gives you a greater feeling when you complete it as well. Out of 16, I was able to cross off 10 goals that I completed in 2024. I call that a win and look, a win is a win!

A few completed goals with their intentions:

୨୧ Take more photos and videos. Print them out, save them, make montage videos, post them or whatever! I want to capture more memories and save/store them so they can be accessible in the future when I’m older.
୨୧ Live life/Be more present. Especially family, they are so important. Be more present in life. Live! Take in moments. Love life again. Don’t over work anymore and don’t over school. Live your best life Sally!
୨୧ Love and happiness ♡ I want to be more loving in everything and I want to remember 2024 as happy. The last few years have not been remembered quite well as happy, so this year will change. Let go of things that don’t belong and be okay with that.

For 2024 Blog Idea List, this was a list of topics that I wanted to blog about and write for the year. It was a list that I could come back to look at for ideas. I came up with 33 different topics and I wrote about 14 of those, but some topics have multiple blogs written about like travel blogs or food adventures. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my food and travel blogs, but some new content is on the way. A little less than half is not too bad, but it’s time to do better this year and I can’t wait to get back into blogging a little more often. I still have this blog “project” or series that I started last year, but I’m still working on writing it. It might not be finished this first half of the year, but my goal is to finish it this year or at least be able to post the first two parts.

Hello 2025.

Welcome 2025! My start of the new years was spent at The Armory with Kaskade and Sullivan King in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I spent my New Years in the most “Feral Festival Sally” way, so you can take that however you want, but I had a really good time. Maybe a little too much fun cause I woke up with gum in my hair the next morning. I have the funniest theory on how the gum got there too. Let’s just say this: I’m a headbanger girly with super long hair and there were a lot of gum chewers around. My hair is known to SNATCH PEOPLE! I also attempted to eat grapes for the New Years, but we did it sooo wrong. Yes, we were able to sneak in grapes at the venue somehow. I ended up being rave mom and passing them out to make sure my friends ate something during the rave. I think I ate 2-4 only, but this was all after the count down. So we all ate grapes to survive the rest of the night basically. It’s so funny to look back at the videos from that night. Thank you Minneapolis for a New Years that I’ll never forget!

For 2025, I want to do the same method with my goals and writing their intentions. I’m planning to repeat the same list and add new ones. I’m hoping to can accomplish more goals this year than I did in 2024. My vision for 2025 is to always live my best life, to be happy, love always and to be better. It’s another year to build the life that I want and deserve. I went in to 2025 as the same me, but a more experienced me. Still the same person, but I have something different about me. I’m still learning if it’s a good or bad thing or if it’s just a phase. This year I am digging deeper into myself and I’m protecting myself more than ever before. I’m also going into things with a different perspective. I posted this before and I’ll say it again here:

If you saw me, you absolutely did see me. If you heard me say something, I absolutely said it and said it with my chest. I’m done with playing the high road. We are not hiding in 2025. Respectfully ♡

I promise that I will be out here living my life for myself. Take it as my ‘villain era’, me setting up more boundaries, or me seeking my full potential, whatever. I said it here.

Here are a few goals and the intentions behind it, that I would like to see myself accomplish in 2025. It’s from both the 2024 and 2025 list.

୨୧ Healing. I want to heal all the parts of me that have been through the ringer over and over again. I want to heal the parts of me that easily get triggered. I accept that if the healing means I end up feeling hateful, then that’s how it ends up. I can’t end everything on love all the time, no matter how much I want that. Let it go and let things play out the way that it does. I was able to do it once, I know that I definitely can do it again. Be at peace and be comfortable and fine with that peace.
୨୧ More journaling and blogging. I know that journaling and blogging helps me with all my emotions, so why deprive that outlet from myself? I’m a person who feels a lot and holds all those feelings. Release it, stop holding on to them for so long. Let them go. I also love to journal and blog, it’s good for me. I have made connections with others through it. I’m no savior, but I’m a person and being a person speaks loud volumes.
୨୧ Love and happiness ♡ This is the 2025 revised version. I want to still be more loving in everything and I want to remember 2025 as happy. The love this year is more me orientated. I choose that love for me, I choose that happiness for my life, for my future. Whatever that looks like, but it’s self focused vs. what I did before. I worked on myself to reach an ‘us’, but this year I’m working on myself to reach a me. If an ‘us’ happens to appears this year, then that is something that fits around me and not the other way around. (No tea here, sorry. ‘Us’ is not a specific person, it’s general use.)

2024, you were wrong, but you were right to be wrong. Goodbye 2024.
2025, your new life is going to cost you your old one. What is meant for you, you simply cannot lose. Hello 2025.

Food Alert: Royal Oak Taco Fest.

I decided to spend my July 4th over at Royal Oak Taco Fest! It was a very last minute decision, but in the end worth it. I’ve been saying that I wanted to challenge myself to go out and do things solo more, so I did just that! I’ve never been to any Taco Fest, so I wasn’t sure what it would be like, but it was well worth the drive and admission fee. Royal oak is about 2 hours to 2.5 hours away from me, so I made it a small foodie adventure. Admission tickets were $12 per person and when I got in, there were tons of food trucks, vendor booths and a huge kids area. There were all sorts of food beside tacos and plenty of drink booths, both non-alcoholic and alcoholic. Now, let’s eat!

It was pretty hot out, so a freshly squeezed lemonade was a must! There was an option to add alcohol to the lemonade, but I decided not too. I was not going to make the mistake of “eating” alcohol like I did with previous festivals that I wanted to blog about.
The first food truck was Eight Claw Crab Boil. I will say, I was hoping they had their seafood boil available, but sadly it wasn’t. Instead I ordered the Crab and Lobster Grilled Cheese. I’ve never had a grilled cheese that was this tasty. It was like heaven. I might have to hunt down Eight Claw Crab Boil pretty soon.

Next was Spicy Jerk Chicken and the famous BBQ Mac & Cheese from Chef Collier Willis of House of Barbecue. I was walking around and the smell of the ribs was so amazingly delicious that I stopped and grabbed food. The ribs were a big portion and I wanted to be able to try more foods, so I skipped on it. Don’t worry, I’m coming to find you too! The BBQ Mac & Cheese was nothing special, still good though, but the Spicy Jerk Chicken was SPICY. It had a great kick to it. I usually don’t like chicken that much because it usually is dry, but this was perfect and juicy. You got everything fresh and right off the smoker. House of Barbecue also got voted for ‘best entree’ out of everyone else!

I always try to go on these foodie adventures and get so full after the second food truck or booth. I opted in for some dessert just in case I was going to call it a day. I was so stuffed after eating this delicious strawberry and pineapple milk chocolate skewer topped with sprinkles, marshmellows and peanuts from Lekker Choco Treats. It was just what needed on a hot summers days. They have different fruit skewers to choose from, then you get to choose your chocolate and then your toppings. You can’t go wrong!

Who was I kidding? Who just quits after the third food truck when you go on a foodie adventure? Definitely not this girl. I was at the Taco Fest for hours, just trying to walk off the food I already ate to try more. I walked around for a good hour and even sat at one of the stages trying to stay awake and away from the food coma that was trying to get me LOL. Ya’ll I was struggling trying to not nap. I succeeded and decided to celebrate with some tacos! Finally the item that the festival was named after.

I know, I know. This might knock down my foodie credit with some of my readers, but I like flour tortillas over corn. Don’t hate me, okay!?! Please still support me ♡ I visited Galindo’s Authentic Mexican and ordered their red queso steak taco and just a regular steak taco. No, I didn’t eat them dry. I added both of their spicy roja salsa and verde salsa. They were good tacos, but nothing that made them stand out to be the ultimate best. Galindo’s got voted for most authentic taco at the festival!

Dessert time again! I’ve been really into sweets lately, which is very unlike me, but I’m not going to question it. It is what it is. There were some carnival like food booths and this one had deep fried candy bars. I’ve never heard of such thing or have seen one, so I had to give it a try. I ordered a deep fried snickers. I don’t know what I expected it to look like, but not a corndog like item with powdered sugar on top. Let me tell you though, if you haven’t had a deep fried snickers bar, you are missing out. I was impressed with this chocolate corndog delight. It may not look like it in the video though. I was passed full and starting to sweat being out in that heat.

I could no longer eat anymore, I was about to pop. It was time for me to leave, BUT before leaving I had to get one last drink. I tried the Watermelon Sugar topped with blue punch. It was a mix of the blue punch with raspberry tea and strawberry melon. It was very sweet, maybe a little too sweet for me. I think it would have been better without the added blue punch. It was pretty refreshing though, so I do recommend everyone to visit The Fern when you find yourself in Royal Oak!

I’m very happy that I did the solo trip to Royal Oak Taco Fest. Sometimes you just need to self indulge and take adventures. How would I rate Taco Fest? 8.5/10. It was a family friendly event with tons of craft tents and blowup obstacles for the kids, then tons of food options to choose from, plus multiple of the same food trucks, so lines were short. There were multiple vendors and chances to spin a wheel and win prizes from the merch ones. I will point out that if you are against cannabis, then this might not be the event for you. Most vendor booths were cannabis and THC products, so that’s all that I will point out. I’m not sure if this event is held in multiple cities, but you can always get a good idea of what vendors will be there based off of the sponsors! I’m not sure what the next foodie adventure will be and I won’t promise anymore about certain ones because I might end up “eating” alcohol again.. oopsies. ALWAYS remember though, we live to eat and not eat to live! ♡

July is m i n e.

Repeat after me, ‘July is mine.’ July is m i n e.
Yes, I believe in it whole heartedly because it’s my birthday month. Cancer season is here ♡ Every year I just feel so recharged when July comes around. I wanted to write out some affirmations and intentions that I would like for this July. I’m entering the last year of my 20’s next week, so I’ve been thinking a lot of where I would like to see myself, what I have already accomplished and the progress of what I’m working on.

July Intentions

Making mindful intentions for the month is a great start to bettering yourself and setting a foundation to creating self love and space for yourself. Setting intentions are like gentle goals for yourself. Which I am all here for! If this is new to you, here are mine. Always take what you need, my blog is just as much for you as it is for me ♡

✿ I accept myself as enough. I’ll admit that this is a hard thing to do for myself even if it might look different on the outside to others. I want to accept, fully accept, where I’m in my life especially with the pressures of society telling me where I should be at, at my age. I want to keep accepting that how I look is enough. I need to keep reminding myself to accept my worth and nothing left. I am enough.
✿ Everything I need is within me. I have the power and strength inside to control my own outcome. I am the one that decides my day and how it’ll turn out. I am the one who controls what bothers me or what stresses me or what I let happens. My outcome will be loving, peaceful, strong, and happy.
✿ I intend to love unconditionally. Love for myself and for others. To love myself unconditionally and other means to love without expecting a repayment or condition. I have enough love to pour and pour.
✿ Live with purpose. Live with meaning and be present in life. To be present in life and to enjoy the joyous moments will give a purpose. Then living with purpose will bring you more joy. Full circle. I intend to live my life and enjoy the journey as I go.

July Affirmations

Affirmations are things you can say daily to set your mood and start your day. It gets you in a more positive mindset and can be used as motivators for your intentions above. We speak affirmations out loud to put it into the world, so the world can give it back to us. Yes, speaking to yourself is okay! Here are mine for this month, again, take what you need and like ♡

✿ I stay open to feel calm and peace whenever I need.
✿ I attract positivity and happiness into my life.
✿ My potential is limitless and I choose to thrive, no matter what gets in my way or happens.
✿ My heart is open to giving and receiving love.
✿ I choose to focus on what I can control and I let go of what I cannot.
✿ I release stress and embrace peace, allowing my body to function optimally.
✿ I trust the journey of healing and transformation.
✿ I am deserving of love, happiness, and all good things life has to offer.
✿ I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth.

I hope July brings adventure, excitement, and happiness to everyone. We’re halfway through the year, so remember to pause and celebrate your progress and your achievements. Take some time to plan the 2nd half of your year. Only take the valuable lessons you learned from earlier this year and leave the rest behind. We don’t need to carry everything, all the time. Enjoy the long summer days and all that it has to offer. Prioritize yourself! ♡
Repeat after me, ‘July is m i n e.’

2023 Lessons Learned.

2023. What a year this was for me, it just kept going and never stopped. A rollercoaster of events. I like to always take some time to do a self reflection of the year. Think about the things that I’ve accomplished, think about things I still need to work or focus on, ways I could have been better and many other things. All I’ve been thinking of lately is what lessons did I actually learn this year. What did 2023 try to teach me?

Love.
Self love was a huge part this year. Learning to love myself in present day, present time. Could I love all the different parts of me? Could I love myself on good and bad days? Could I still love myself when I felt like I could not love at all? When I was at my worst could I show myself and give myself love? I also learned more of the meaning of love. The boundaries, the respect, the kindness, the caring, understanding and being patient. Everything that makes the meaning of love, but also what it stands for or the means to love someone or something. Love.

Balance.
I learned that I was lacking a lot in balancing the different parts of my life. School life, work life, relationships, personal life, etc. They were always dripping into each other and affecting one one. I had to try to balance everything or I would be in a huge mush pile of emotions. I had a time and place for certain things and I needed to know how balance those out. Something that I need to continue to work on going into 2024. Balance.

Rest.
I learned the hard way this year that I needed to rest. With how busy I got in the fall, I overworked myself. I would try to stay up late to get things done, but at a cost. Sleep was something I wanted, but had no time for. Even just laying down and doing nothing was something I had to get use to. I was so up, up, up, go, go, go all the time. I was doing too much. It’s absolutely okay to rest. Rest.

Boundaries.
This was a huge one. Boundaries were probably my biggest lesson this year and honestly will be worked on still in 2024. Saying no to things that I don’t want or need to deal with. Saying no to things and people that hurt me or not serve me. Making boundaries clear so I get respected in the way that I should. Being in a manager position at my work, where half the staff is in the same age group was a big one. Removing myself from situations that overstepped my boundaries. Even holding myself back from crossing other people’s boundaries. Learning to accept that my boundaries are different from others and if it’s judged then let them judge. Went through it all this year. Boundaries.

Change.
Any thing can happen and change at any time. Life happens fast. You lose people, you gain people. People get sick, people move, people switch up on you both good and bad. It’s not only about people either. My environment changed, my life path changed, my goals changed. Both good and bad change happened this year. You have to really roll with it and keep going, adapt. Change.

I will always find a way.
This will be the last one, even though there’s many more. I will always find a way through, I will always find my way. I’ve pulled myself out of a lot of dark days this year. Not many people or anyone really know much of this, but I did it. I’m still coming out of it, but very much on a brighter path. No matter what situation I was put through this year, I still found a way through. I took a quiet moment to remember all the things I had to deal with this year and wow, that shit was crazy. I’m glad I can leave all of that back and behind me. Don’t follow me please! I don’t need it, I’m begging. I’m proud of myself and where I’m at now. I will always find a way.

Some of my highlights of 2023:

ꕥ I started working with GR Model Management as an assistant. The opportunity really solidified what I wanted to do for my career path.
ꕥ I went back to school after a long 9 year break and completed my first semester. It felt good to be back!
ꕥ My nephew was diagnosed with leukemia this year, BUT his treatments have been going super well and he’s been looking and feeling better every day. The doctors gave us a date of when his last chemo therapy session will be in a few years, which is one of the best news! He’s been fighting it hard. #TeamMateo
ꕥ Lost Lands 2023 was on another level this year. So much love! TABS ♡
ꕥ I was lucky enough to be able to see my friends from Wisconsin and Minnesota multiple times this year! The love I have for them is so big. Distance does not matter.
ꕥ I found my creative side again this year. More blogs were written and mini notes. It’ll continue and there will be more content next year.
ꕥ I’m coming out of 2023 and into 2024 with love.

This year was not about big wins or big goals for me, it was about building my foundation with little things so I could start doing the bigger next year. Finding my way through and through. This year was about letting things come and go and flowing along with it instead of fighting every second. This year was about accepting everything, good and bad. Yes, 2023 felt crazy, but what my old manager use to say, “To survive this crazy life, you have to be a little crazy too.“

Happy New Years to all of SALLY♡THINGS readers. Be safe tonight and have a blessed 2024. ♡

With love ♡

September & October Mini Writings.

These two months were quite hard on me, but here I am. Still here, still standing, still living, still loving, still going. Physically exhausted, mentally stronger and overall more kind and gentle to myself. ♡

September 2, 2023

Let them.

Let them try to ruin you and your day.

You know you haven’t played in any fire lately.

They are doing it out of their own insecurities about you anyways.

– sally.things

September 10, 2023

“Listen before I go.”

– sally.things

September 16, 2023

Once you let go, you let go over and over and over again.

You let them go when you go to the grocery store and don’t buy their favorite snack. You let go of them when you eat at your guys’ favorite restaurant and decide to order something different. You let them go again when you do things out of your normal routine that involved them.

You’ll be letting them go in many different ways, in many different places and a million different times.

– sally.things

October 8, 2023

Keep on laughing, smiling and finding little joys in things.

The little things will eventually become big and you’ll forget about all the worries of the past.

Love life in the present.

– sally.things

October 12, 2023

I deserved a kinder goodbye. One that wasn’t ruined by deceit.

One that didn’t get competed against or used for someone else’s needs.

One that wasn’t used by another and rubbed in my face.

I deserved a goodbye that was only meant for you and me.

– sally.things

October 24, 2023

I’m dancing with all my emotions and giving each and every one of them their time to shine.

We’ll dance until we can’t dance anymore.

Love, sadness, grief, gratitude, heartache, happiness, and more.

What a lovely ball.

– sally.things

October 25, 2023

Read these words and think of me.

Remember all the love and think of me.

Now read these words: think of me for once.

– sally.things

What It’s Like Going Back to School at 28.

Am I crazy? Slightly. Did you read that right? Yes. I decided to go back to college this semester at the age of 28. The last time I had classes was back in 2014/2015, so 8-9 years ago. Life got in the way and I really wasn’t ready back then. I’ve been wanting to go back, but timing wasn’t right or it didn’t feel right to me. How I feel about something is very important for me. This time around, things fell into place and I was able to sign up and get back into it. I’m happy that I’m back in school and excited to see what’s to come from it.

So what’s it like to be back?
While it feels like I haven’t left and majority of things look the same, many things have actually changed. My professors from back then are still here, but they have aged. It’s weird cause I feel like I went time traveling to the future. The student IDs are different colors and now have more use for things, I got mine replaced to the new one and the person taking my picture said, “Wow, welcome back it must be a while for you. I haven’t seen the all blue IDs in a while.” How embarrassing that was LOL. The parking student rates have gone up and boy does that make me sad, but happy cause I’m only on campus 2 times a week. I also just feel sooo old in my classes. Majority of my peers are 18-20. I’ve interacted with some classmates in group projects and we’ll get to know each other with little questions and they all get so shocked when I tell them my age. It’s always the same reaction too, “No way! You look so good and young for 28!” Thank you for that compliment though, I’m starting to appreciate it more. ♡ I’m also meeting others who are older than me, that are coming back to school just like me. Having that in common has been very motivating for me and reminds me to not be too hard on myself for starting over again.

How are you feeling about it all?
Well it’s been very emotional for me for sure. It’s been 3 weeks already and on the first day I was 15 mins late and I skipped one class lecture already. The enrollment period before was pretty stressful for me already. It’s been a while since I’ve been in school, so some of my credits that I earned when I first went no longer exists. I have to pretty much take some of same classes over again to get the credit again, which sucks. School was a hard topic for me to talk about before and even now at times because of how my first year went. It wasn’t ideal and I didn’t feel supported back then. Those feelings come through still from time to time and I can get very discouraged and less motivated. Have I already thought of dropping out? YES, plenty of times already. I did have someone who was my #1 supporter and they helped me talk about and through my worries about school, someone who was always there for me. I ended up starting this semester without them. It’s heartbreaking to lose someone who was so proud and believed in you and I’m still trying to adjust with that. Besides those feels, mainly I’ve been excited and motivated. I am proud of myself for taking this step again and trying again. I’m happy with my decision of going back and ready to see what’s to come with it. I’m happy that I get the opportunity to change up my daily routine and change my environment. It’s something that I needed to do for myself.

I’m here to let anyone else that’s looking to go back to school, whether you’re older, younger, haven’t gone yet, or dropped out that you can do it. You’re not alone and you definitely don’t have to think negative about yourself about it. Whatever your story was before, it’s not going to be your story this time around. Take your time, go your own pace, don’t listen to those who bash others. You have your own journey to go through. Most importantly YOU got this!

This won’t be the last blog about school and I’m hoping to be able to post about getting my degree when the time comes around. Whenever that will be. I’m in no rush right now and enjoying the ride. I’m happy for this new start and I’ll see everyone at the end. ♡

They Say Don’t Let It Break Your Heart.

October 10, 2022 (Original blog post)

“Don’t let it break your heart.”
Yeah, easy to say, but it’s not happening to you. What you actually don’t know is that it’s breaking more than just my heart, it’s breaking me. It’s breaking everything of me. It goes so much deeper. It’s not just my heart.

I’ve been hearing everything in the book like ‘don’t let it make you cold’ or ‘don’t care so much about it’ or ‘you’ll be better within time’, but I would rather much hear things like ‘how are you doing or feeling?’ and just a shoulder to cry on in silence. I really don’t need encouraging words or hope for the future, I need words that help me with my current emotions. I think people tend to forget that you still need time to process your emotions and feelings before you can think about the journey ahead of you. So really this blog is remind everyone of that.

September 2, 2023 (New blog post)

“Don’t let it break your heart.“
They say don’t let it break your heart, but maybe that’s exactly what you need. It doesn’t sound like a good time and from experience I can tell you that it is not a good time. When you do allow yourself to break down and feel, there’s some sort of healing that happens. You have to allow it to happen first though.

I still agree with what I wrote back in October, even now when people say some of those phrases I’ll give them the crazy eye twitch stare. The difference now is that I am more accepting of this new reality. I let go of the reality and future I had dreamt at that time and started dreaming of a new one. It took me a long time to accept that things were no longer meant for me. Once I got to that point, I didn’t know what was meant for me anymore. How do you trust yourself and judgement again? The only advice I have for when you get there is to just take it slow and take things day by day. Eventually things will come to you.

The way you treat yourself will really determine if you’ll let the situation break you or make you. You can become hateful and vengeful or kind and filled with love. It’s up to you and to each their own. I still have a bit to work on and for who knows how long, but I hope I do come out just as loving towards myself and others.

Twenty-Eight, to a New Chapter.

TWENTY-EIGHT!?!? Yes, it’s true. I am officially 28, bring on the closer to 30 jokes. Even I can’t believe that I’m 28, I feel like I’m still this 20 year old trying to figure out life on my own. Maybe the figuring out life feeling never goes away.

Going into this 28th year, everything is different from what I pictured it would be. It’s really a new chapter of many unknowns. For my 28th year, I’m hoping to really put the focus on myself. I am going to be my number one priority. The healing, the growth, the self care, the self love, the schooling, the career, the future opportunities, all of it will be my focus and I am the priority and not anyone else.

There’s a lot of things in line for me already, but what I really hope to get from this upcoming year is to get back my full self. For the past few years, everyone has met the version of me who was pouring out too much in others leaving nothing behind for herself. I didn’t and couldn’t realize it myself. How does the one who pours out her love see the bad in that? I won’t completely change the way I’ve been cause some of those parts are still me. Don’t worry everyone, that version that you met isn’t too far from where I hope to be, I’ll just be better. I would love to be able to shake the idea of what I thought things would be and be able to take in and be happy about what I’m in presently. Live more in the present and not the past. Next year I would love to look back at this post, see how far I’ve come and be happy about the journey.

Before the day ends, I wanted to thank everyone who took a few minutes out of their day to tell me happy birthday. I appreciate it very, very much. Also to those who took me out today and for my friends that I will be seeing this weekend and later this month. Just because I’m 28 now, it doesn’t mean I’m too old to celebrate all month and yes I did say all month.
Here’s to a new chapter, here’s to 28!

A Life For Me.

Sometimes you dream about a life for yourself and it’s simply just a dream to you. It doesn’t feel achievable at all. That’s what I feel 100% about mine. My dreams seem unattainable at times because of the way that life has been dealt to me and honestly just how I am as a person. I am someone who will puts others before myself at anytime. I just can’t help it. It’s a great trait, but it has also caused me to stop living for myself. If you’re like that too, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to step back and start living for yourself. It’s the only way to get to your dreams. You are your own roadblock.

A long time ago, I attended college, but I pretty much dropped out before the end of the year. Long story short, I made myself available more to my family and put my own life path to the side. It stuck and continued on for years and school was not a thing that could happen for me. I tried many times to reenroll, but I felt like if I decided to not be as available, then I was being selfish and I couldn’t let my tiny little humans have that type of inconsistency in their life. I don’t think I would change it if I had the chance to go back, but I do wonder a lot where I would be if I had chosen myself first.

The good thing is once you find a better way to juggle life and a better way to express your boundaries, then you can start working at your dreams. It took me moving away to a different state to learn all that and being away for a bit to even have the space to think about myself. So once you find your way, it’ll get better. Don’t be afraid of what others will think or feel because those around you, that love you, will always support you. I’m moving forward in small steps and changes are slowly happening for me. My dreams are looking a little better and I think I can actually name specific goals for myself now. I know you can make it happen for yourself too! Start living your life for you ♡

To The Little Girl.

To the little girl,

There’s so much that I could tell you, but where would I even begin? You’ve been through more than most and your experiences are a little more complicated. I’ll start with these few things and we’ll go as we uncover more inner child situations.

You’re confidence and genuine.

You probably think this is crazy coming from this age, but you were very confident in yourself. Probably more confident than you are now at the age of 26. You were never scared of going for what you want. Yes, shy, but you still went for whatever it was that you set your mind too. You are also very genuine and authentic to yourself even though you felt like you should change. People like who you are, the real you. It’s okay to stand out, it’s not a bad thing. I know being shy, but also always standing out was a conflicting inner mess. You naturally stood out no matter how hard you tried to fit in and be the same as everyone else. It just wasn’t you and you do learn how to embrace it later.

Everything thrown your way actually made you a better person.

Yep, that’s right. Everything that you went through no matter how hard it was, it changed you for the better. It gave you perspective and opened your mind. No matter how hurtful it was or how sad you felt, you managed to keep your heart open and full. I want to say thank you, thank you for being so strong and not giving up. I’ll say this over and over, but I’m so proud of you. I know you needed to hear those words more often.

I’m proud of you.

You cried many tears for many years wanting to hear those words. You felt like everyone was always wanting and expecting you to be exactly like older sissy. Nothing wrong with that because she’s super smart and has her life together, but it just isn’t the same fit for you. You think differently, you act differently, you view things differently. You both will have two very different lives that you’ll live and the best part of that is you’ll learn from each other. More than you would have if you were her exact copy, the copy everyone tried to hold you up to. You are your own person and having someone’s recognition of that would have saved you lots and lots of tears. You would have had that validation that you craved so badly. I’m sorry you still struggle with this, but it’s getting lighter and lighter.

I’m sorry that this is what sticks with you and is your biggest struggle. That it’s so hard for you to bring up or talk about without tearing up and shutting out. To the little girl, if I could go back in time I would go back to every time you cried over not feeling enough or recognized and give you the biggest hug. A hug that would heal the both of us cause well… it’s still something that comes up now from time to time. I’m proud of you though and I want you to know that others do feel the same way.

To the little girl,

I’m sorry you felt lack of affection and love. I’m sorry that it caused you to stay in relationships that weren’t the best for you because you didn’t know better. I’m sorry it caused you to hold on to something that wasn’t there or that you hoped it would show up later. There wasn’t anything that you could have done that would have changed it. There’s consequences to every decision made and it’s unavoidable. You made the best of what you could. The lack of affection and love is actually really common with first gen American born kids. It’s hard for not only you, but your parents too. They were adapting and learning a new way of life as well as having to raise kids and trying to heal from their own traumas.

I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for taking everything like a champ because without you, there would not be this current version of me. I could be coldhearted, shut everything and everyone out and hate the world around me, including everything in it. Instead, I care and love with all my heart and still have space to allow more things to care and love in. I know who I am, I know who we are. I will continue to live this way and I will continue to work on healing you.