Process – SALLY♡THINGS

Goodbye 2024, Hello 2025.

Yes, SALLY ♡ THINGS blog is still up and running for 2025! The end of the year and start of the new year blog is finally here. I told you that I was playing blog catch up. Since I’m a little behind, we get this cute 2-in-1 post ♡

Goodbye 2024.

In the beginning of 2024, I was parked on the top level of my college’s parking ramp just sitting in my car. Not having a good day at all. I was super emotional about a million different things, both positive and negative. I think I skipped my classes that day because I could not stop crying. I remember it was raining. That day I decided to try to calm my emotions down by journaling and instead of writing about my emotions, I tried to put my focus on what my goals and intentions were going to be for 2024. Writing about something that would bring more positivity forward was the mood that I wanted to try to set. That day I journaled two entries ‘2024 Goals and Intentions‘ and ‘2024 Blog Idea List‘. I think I ended up journaling in my car for three or four hours.

For 2024 Goals and Intentions, I wanted to come up with goals that were deeper than things like exercise more, get up early, drink more water, etc. I wanted the goals to be things that would help me become a better me and help with personal growth. Then when I came up with the goals, I wrote the intentions behind them or how I wanted to go about it. That way it wasn’t just a silly little self care goal, it now held a deeper meaning. I suggest everyone to do the same because it holds more value, is more meaningful and personable to yourself. It gives you a greater feeling when you complete it as well. Out of 16, I was able to cross off 10 goals that I completed in 2024. I call that a win and look, a win is a win!

A few completed goals with their intentions:

୨୧ Take more photos and videos. Print them out, save them, make montage videos, post them or whatever! I want to capture more memories and save/store them so they can be accessible in the future when I’m older.
୨୧ Live life/Be more present. Especially family, they are so important. Be more present in life. Live! Take in moments. Love life again. Don’t over work anymore and don’t over school. Live your best life Sally!
୨୧ Love and happiness ♡ I want to be more loving in everything and I want to remember 2024 as happy. The last few years have not been remembered quite well as happy, so this year will change. Let go of things that don’t belong and be okay with that.

For 2024 Blog Idea List, this was a list of topics that I wanted to blog about and write for the year. It was a list that I could come back to look at for ideas. I came up with 33 different topics and I wrote about 14 of those, but some topics have multiple blogs written about like travel blogs or food adventures. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my food and travel blogs, but some new content is on the way. A little less than half is not too bad, but it’s time to do better this year and I can’t wait to get back into blogging a little more often. I still have this blog “project” or series that I started last year, but I’m still working on writing it. It might not be finished this first half of the year, but my goal is to finish it this year or at least be able to post the first two parts.

Hello 2025.

Welcome 2025! My start of the new years was spent at The Armory with Kaskade and Sullivan King in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I spent my New Years in the most “Feral Festival Sally” way, so you can take that however you want, but I had a really good time. Maybe a little too much fun cause I woke up with gum in my hair the next morning. I have the funniest theory on how the gum got there too. Let’s just say this: I’m a headbanger girly with super long hair and there were a lot of gum chewers around. My hair is known to SNATCH PEOPLE! I also attempted to eat grapes for the New Years, but we did it sooo wrong. Yes, we were able to sneak in grapes at the venue somehow. I ended up being rave mom and passing them out to make sure my friends ate something during the rave. I think I ate 2-4 only, but this was all after the count down. So we all ate grapes to survive the rest of the night basically. It’s so funny to look back at the videos from that night. Thank you Minneapolis for a New Years that I’ll never forget!

For 2025, I want to do the same method with my goals and writing their intentions. I’m planning to repeat the same list and add new ones. I’m hoping to can accomplish more goals this year than I did in 2024. My vision for 2025 is to always live my best life, to be happy, love always and to be better. It’s another year to build the life that I want and deserve. I went in to 2025 as the same me, but a more experienced me. Still the same person, but I have something different about me. I’m still learning if it’s a good or bad thing or if it’s just a phase. This year I am digging deeper into myself and I’m protecting myself more than ever before. I’m also going into things with a different perspective. I posted this before and I’ll say it again here:

If you saw me, you absolutely did see me. If you heard me say something, I absolutely said it and said it with my chest. I’m done with playing the high road. We are not hiding in 2025. Respectfully ♡

I promise that I will be out here living my life for myself. Take it as my ‘villain era’, me setting up more boundaries, or me seeking my full potential, whatever. I said it here.

Here are a few goals and the intentions behind it, that I would like to see myself accomplish in 2025. It’s from both the 2024 and 2025 list.

୨୧ Healing. I want to heal all the parts of me that have been through the ringer over and over again. I want to heal the parts of me that easily get triggered. I accept that if the healing means I end up feeling hateful, then that’s how it ends up. I can’t end everything on love all the time, no matter how much I want that. Let it go and let things play out the way that it does. I was able to do it once, I know that I definitely can do it again. Be at peace and be comfortable and fine with that peace.
୨୧ More journaling and blogging. I know that journaling and blogging helps me with all my emotions, so why deprive that outlet from myself? I’m a person who feels a lot and holds all those feelings. Release it, stop holding on to them for so long. Let them go. I also love to journal and blog, it’s good for me. I have made connections with others through it. I’m no savior, but I’m a person and being a person speaks loud volumes.
୨୧ Love and happiness ♡ This is the 2025 revised version. I want to still be more loving in everything and I want to remember 2025 as happy. The love this year is more me orientated. I choose that love for me, I choose that happiness for my life, for my future. Whatever that looks like, but it’s self focused vs. what I did before. I worked on myself to reach an ‘us’, but this year I’m working on myself to reach a me. If an ‘us’ happens to appears this year, then that is something that fits around me and not the other way around. (No tea here, sorry. ‘Us’ is not a specific person, it’s general use.)

2024, you were wrong, but you were right to be wrong. Goodbye 2024.
2025, your new life is going to cost you your old one. What is meant for you, you simply cannot lose. Hello 2025.

What A Strange Feeling.

*Read if you can handle without judgement*

Before you go on to read this, I would like to warn that I will be talking about death and cancer. I know those can be hard topics for others to read. This post is for myself. It’s to help process through my grieving and to help recognize my own ways of coping and feelings. There might be some things that I say that seem harsh, but just remember that all of our experiences are different from each others. We can always learn new perspectives and be more open to different lifestyles. This is all raw emotions, read if you can handle without judgement.

October 8:
I’ve been feeling so stuck-like since I got the news back in September. My grandpa has cancer and he has months to live. Why do I feel stuck about this? Well I never had a positive relationship with him. Which makes it tricky because I do not know how I feel about how his life is coming to an end soon, but also I feel sad because no one should ever have to deal with cancer and know that they are slowly dying everyday from it.

Growing up I always was scared of my grandpa, he was an alcoholic and chain smoker. He looked mean or mad all the time, he had a tone of voice where it would scare me as if I was in trouble at all times. My grandparents ended up separating and I ended up hearing stories about how he abusive he was and even at a young age of 6 hearing this, I did not doubt it one bit. He had those qualities in him, I knew he had those qualities within him for as long as I can remember. He was and is no role model to me, but a figure that I know not to be. I vaguely remember, but I’m sure I remember visiting him in jail before and being there to pick him up when he got released. I was only in early elementary. I will be really honest and say I don’t have much feelings about hearing about his cancer and I can disassociate myself very well from him. He lived in the same house as me since I was in high school and we didn’t talk to each other at all unless it was absolutely necessary. I grew up around him, ignoring him, that was our relationship. I don’t think I grew up hating him or resenting him, I just grew up not caring. Sounds sad, but it is what is it.

November 23:
This is the second time where they said my grandpa doesn’t have much longer before he loses his battle to cancer. I can’t imagine how my mom is feeling and I feel even worse that I can’t be at home to help and to comfort her. It’s hard being away in another state when these things happen. I still feel very stuck. Whenever I think about it I want to cry, but I can never fully cry. I’m sad that his condition is getting worse, but also I don’t feel any personal feelings. For a person who feels a lot of emotions and have empath-like qualities, it’s very strange to feel so distant from this. This is a part of why I’ve been feeling not myself and lost lately. This is bringing out something strange that I’ve never felt before. It’s like I almost feel bad for myself for not feeling more for my grandpa. Is that selfish? Why am I even feeling for myself in the first place?

I have accepted that he’s going to pass, but hearing about how the cancer is taking over, I feel sorry for him. I’ll say it a million times, no one should ever have to experience cancer.

Life’s been hitting different lately.

November 28:
Celebrating Thanksgiving was a ride for me personally. It was mentally, physically and emotionally draining from being in my own head. I was so much in my head I started to think that I shouldn’t be allowed to be thankful because that would be selfish of me. Why should I celebrate when someone in my family is slowly passing away? It doesn’t feel right and especially since I can’t be on my mom’s side for it all. Thankfully I was able pulled myself out of that negative mindset and did the best I could. It did make me sad that I wasn’t around my family this year, but being around the families and friends here in Wisconsin helped a bit with that. I’ve taken into consideration that maybe with me being here and not home might be better for me mentally. I’m not dealing or seeing the cancer progress everyday, maybe this is better because I really wouldn’t know how I would be.
Even with this, where I don’t know my true feelings or how healthy I’m coping with it, I should never think that I can’t be thankful. Now is the time for me to be thankful for what hasn’t come yet and what is currently the situation. I need to see the positive side of this and not just the negative. I have so much to be thankful for and besides no news is good news at least. This holiday season is going to be a tough one.

December 2 (drunk Sally): I’m not okay. Maybe this is me realizing it, but I’m not doing okay with coping. Too many unresolved feelings that i have no idea to go about. I feel like I’m surrounded by death and I can’t do anything and it’s the truth. I can’t do anything about it and it makes me feel helpless and I want to go numb. Feeling numb to it will stop me from feeling whatever the hell I’m feeling. This is actually really hard on me and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been and still feel lost. No one sees it either, but also I know I’m doing good at making sure no one notices. I really don’t want to explain it to anyone, my confusion and my unknowing of all of this. I really just find a quick time to cry, then go about my day.

January 12: I don’t understand if I have hate for you or if I’ve grown to dislike you as a person or it’s none of that and I hate that this is happening to you. Do I feel bad for you or feel pity? I’m not sure. I don’t understand things still, but it’s not bringing me down as much. What I also don’t understand is how you caused pain, trauma, and hurt to those around you before and continue doing that with your selfish ways still. How can someone live with that? My inner child has hurt in her heart, I know that much. She’s never had the experience of a grandparents love from not only you, but from both grandparents and maybe I feel sad because I know I’ll never get that. I grew up hearing stories from my friends and classmates about how much they love their grandparents and watching movies of warm hugs and sloppy kisses, but me? No where close. I have one happy-like memory of my grandpa. I only remember it because I saw it from a photo or a home video, but I was very young. Maybe under the age of 4 and my grandpa is holding me, I’m sitting in his lap. It must have been my birthday or maybe someone else’s and he’s smiling and looks happy. It looks fine, but all I can see and feel is a scared little child. How did you manage to cause hurt and pain in me too? I want to heal this part of me, I want to save the little girl. What is it that I’m not remembering? I don’t want to live a life like yours. I don’t want to be you, I don’t want to cause hurt.

February 2: Regardless of how I feel, I hope you are at peace and I’m wishing that you find it during these days if you haven’t yet. I couldn’t look at you when I went home and that speaks a lot of volume to me. Whatever is happening during these days I hope it helps you transition to your final days. I hope it eases your pain. There’s no date, but another few weeks. This time, like the others, this is it. Something tells me it might actually be it. It’s hard to be told every few weeks that you only have a little bit of time left, it’s sad. To be told over and over, it’s heartbreaking actually. I’ve had a day today and no chance to express or let out my feelings. I had to continue with life cause it doesn’t stop for those who need it. I’m having a hard time unpacking my feelings now because I had to bottle it up all day today. It’s like it’s been sitting in there for too long and it’s jammed, can’t get the lid off.

March 3: It’s been a harder week than usual. I found out on my trip in Colorado that you only had 24-48 hours left. I had two more days of that trip with friends and I didn’t want bring everyone else down too. I’ll admit it, I cried. I cried because death is sad because I’m sure it wasn’t and hasn’t been easy for you. I got the news of the passing a few days later. I heard the sadness from my mom at 3 am and it broke my heart hearing her so sad. My feelings have been everywhere since. It’s a weird grieving process for me because I don’t think what I feel is the “right” way to feel, but I feel a sense of relief. You aren’t in any pain, you aren’t limited like how you were towards the end. You aren’t suffering anymore. I couldn’t go up to the casket today during the visitation, I’m not sure why and I’m okay with not knowing. Tomorrow is another day and I’ll try to figure out my feelings again.

March 8: It’s been a few days since all the funeral ceremonies. It’s been a ride. I cried yesterday to unpack all the feeling that has cone with the last 6 months. It was relieving to let it all out. The stress, the pain, the anger, the sadness, the relief, all of it. From what I’ve gotten from all of this is there were some unresolved feelings that I have and they will honestly stay unresolved and I have to be okay with that. If I can take what I watched, heard, and learned from you and apply or not apply it to the rest of my life then you played your part in my life. Sometimes we have to have good role models and bad role models, it is what it is.
One more uplifting thing that came from all of this is that I got to see and catch up with some of my younger cousins that I haven’t seen in over 13 years. Good things do come from bad things. What matters most is, you’re now at peace and we can all take this with us and move on.

I’ve watched cancer take away a very close family friend before, I’ve seen cancer at it’s worst and what it can do to a person mentally and physically. I’ve seen cancer play tricks, where the person will have one good week followed by the worst week. This is now a second person in my life to have passed from it and during the holidays.
Those that have lost someone from cancer, you are not alone. It’s okay to feel the way you do, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s also okay not to know how you feel. The only thing you can do is to take your memories and learn from them. Hold those around you close and let them know you love them. Life is short and we all just have to make the best of it. Hold the memories of those who passed close to you and pass those good memories on to others. Regardless of how my experience was compared to yours, my inbox is always open for those in need.

To The Little Girl.

To the little girl,

There’s so much that I could tell you, but where would I even begin? You’ve been through more than most and your experiences are a little more complicated. I’ll start with these few things and we’ll go as we uncover more inner child situations.

You’re confidence and genuine.

You probably think this is crazy coming from this age, but you were very confident in yourself. Probably more confident than you are now at the age of 26. You were never scared of going for what you want. Yes, shy, but you still went for whatever it was that you set your mind too. You are also very genuine and authentic to yourself even though you felt like you should change. People like who you are, the real you. It’s okay to stand out, it’s not a bad thing. I know being shy, but also always standing out was a conflicting inner mess. You naturally stood out no matter how hard you tried to fit in and be the same as everyone else. It just wasn’t you and you do learn how to embrace it later.

Everything thrown your way actually made you a better person.

Yep, that’s right. Everything that you went through no matter how hard it was, it changed you for the better. It gave you perspective and opened your mind. No matter how hurtful it was or how sad you felt, you managed to keep your heart open and full. I want to say thank you, thank you for being so strong and not giving up. I’ll say this over and over, but I’m so proud of you. I know you needed to hear those words more often.

I’m proud of you.

You cried many tears for many years wanting to hear those words. You felt like everyone was always wanting and expecting you to be exactly like older sissy. Nothing wrong with that because she’s super smart and has her life together, but it just isn’t the same fit for you. You think differently, you act differently, you view things differently. You both will have two very different lives that you’ll live and the best part of that is you’ll learn from each other. More than you would have if you were her exact copy, the copy everyone tried to hold you up to. You are your own person and having someone’s recognition of that would have saved you lots and lots of tears. You would have had that validation that you craved so badly. I’m sorry you still struggle with this, but it’s getting lighter and lighter.

I’m sorry that this is what sticks with you and is your biggest struggle. That it’s so hard for you to bring up or talk about without tearing up and shutting out. To the little girl, if I could go back in time I would go back to every time you cried over not feeling enough or recognized and give you the biggest hug. A hug that would heal the both of us cause well… it’s still something that comes up now from time to time. I’m proud of you though and I want you to know that others do feel the same way.

To the little girl,

I’m sorry you felt lack of affection and love. I’m sorry that it caused you to stay in relationships that weren’t the best for you because you didn’t know better. I’m sorry it caused you to hold on to something that wasn’t there or that you hoped it would show up later. There wasn’t anything that you could have done that would have changed it. There’s consequences to every decision made and it’s unavoidable. You made the best of what you could. The lack of affection and love is actually really common with first gen American born kids. It’s hard for not only you, but your parents too. They were adapting and learning a new way of life as well as having to raise kids and trying to heal from their own traumas.

I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for taking everything like a champ because without you, there would not be this current version of me. I could be coldhearted, shut everything and everyone out and hate the world around me, including everything in it. Instead, I care and love with all my heart and still have space to allow more things to care and love in. I know who I am, I know who we are. I will continue to live this way and I will continue to work on healing you.

To the little girl, without you there is no me.

What Fulfills You?

What fulfills you?
I think I’ve been avoiding this question for the past couple of years because I really don’t have a straight up answer or maybe I don’t really know what I want in life, maybe I wasn’t ready for the answer. I do admit, it’s hard to find the answer when you’re in your mid 20’s and you haven’t been able to fully experience life yet. So how can I come up with something? I’ve been kind of just floating through my life and having fun in whatever way I can. Maybe being that free is fulfilling to me, it works for me currently.

Like everyone else, I had to face some challenges and with the pandemic my daily lifestyle changed. We’ve all had to adjust in ways that completely flipped life as we know around. I was in a very unhappy and unsure spot in my life and I started to think more and more, what really fulfills me? What do I want out of life? What do I need for myself to feel like I’m living my best life? In the last couple of weeks, it’s all I can think about. I found myself stuck in yet another rut and as much as I want to blame it on the current moon cycle and astrology, it’s an all too familiar feeling. Let’s try connect the dots.

Sally, what fulfills you?

I’ve touched this topic a little bit within my therapy sessions, but there’s not enough time to get to an answer, so I did some searching on my own.
To have a fulfilling life is to be happy living in the present moment. To build a sense of fulfillment, you need to stop thinking about what “should be” and start being grateful for “what is.” It’s a process of failures and victories, not being focused on one specific moment. You can find your fulfillment in all aspect in life like self-improvement, meaningful relationships, health & wellness, and career development. The more you learn and grow within those aspects, the happier you’ll become and building those habits will lead you to joy.

So where do we even start? Where can we find our certain aspects and what do we prioritize to get there? I found a blog post written by Brent Gleeson that had a great list and I’ll put some of my favorites below:

Build relationships over possessions.
Take what you can from life, but always give back.
Be accountable for your words and actions.
Be disciplined in your personal and professional life.
Expunge hate from your heart.
Pursue passions bigger than yourself.
Don’t hold on too tight.
Strive to improve a little bit everyday.

Working on these everyday even if it is just a few every week, you’ll start to see and feel something good grow from you. It isn’t easy and there will be failure, but it’s all part of the process. Without the feeling of failure, we wouldn’t know how it feels to succeed.

I think my fulfillment is changing because I’m in a new environment and experiencing a new life experience, so it’s trying to adjust. I do have some idea of my own, but I’m still figuring out the rest. Who knows, maybe I’ll never really have my answer until I’m well into my 30’s. Maybe I’ll never really have an answer at all because it changes with you throughout your life. It doesn’t hurt to start thinking about it though.

So what fulfills you?

Two Places.

I’ve felt like I’ve been in “The in between” lately. I’m not really sure how to get out of it or if this is something I need. I can’t tell if it’s just emotions of my birthday coming up or if it’s really how I feel. Is it coming from our new reality that’s clashing with the lifestyle that I’ve always and only known before? Is it part of past history or is it the overcoming of it? Healing and life are messy.

Physically and mentally I am not aligned and I can admit that loudly. That does not scare me, but it is concerning and has been difficult to deal with. When I say I feel like I’m in two places at once, I don’t mean just between my heart and mind or physically and mentally, but within that one thing as well. My thoughts are in two places, how my heart feels like it’s in two places, my well being is in two places, and what you see the outside is in two places. Every aspect of my life is currently in two places then battling their adjacent/opposite, whatever it is. It’s been really difficult to know where is right because honestly they both feel right. One just takes more strength than the other.

Let people heal and leave them alone if you have no business in it. With everything going on in the world, I’ve seen too many times where people are just sticking their noses in where they don’t even have the right to say anything or trying to manipulate the situation into their own narrative. You can try to sympathize and be there for support, but unless it deals with you don’t try to insert yourself unless that person is willing to let you in. You are doing more harm and can really set them back no matter how far they’ve come. Let others heal on their own time. It’s okay to back off, sometimes people just need to find the strength to pick themselves back up. Don’t manipulate someone else’s process so you can feed off of it. It’s not suppose to be an ego boost. Let them keep their healing to themselves and search for your own.

SALLY ♡ T