Tag: My Life

Things That Just Come Into Your Life.

Things will come into your life when you least expect it or when you are ready even when you don’t feel like you are. I don’t know why or how, it just does. They all have some sort of place or lesson for you. There’s always a reason and it will stay present in your everyday life, in every way possible until you decide to accept it.

I am allowing myself to accept things. I am allowing myself to accept everything, I am not running, I choose to heal, I choose to improve myself. It’s hard to always allow yourself to be that open especially when it comes with a whole range of emotions. It’s not always pretty, but I’ve been starting to see different things or signs that I’ve never noticed before and it’ll fit so well with what I am struggling with. It’s crazy to think about how the placement of certain situations and actions in your life.

SAL.LY ♡ T

What I Want From 2021.

I’m not going to sit up here and say “new year, new me” because honestly I like who I am and how I am, but there are a couple adjustments that I feel would be better for me. I already found myself a while ago, but it’s hard trying to be that same person without falling in or getting sucked back into old toxic ways. I can tell you that it’s been a real struggle for the past year and a half.

I can agree that I fell back into old ways. I’ve felt like I had to prove myself to others when I really didn’t have too. I felt like I had to save myself when my name was getting dragged in the dirt, when my intentions and actions were made out of love. I let that whole thing eat me alive and I really let it get to me.
I’m gonna talk my shit now, but I really let a person who couldn’t speak or message me without hiding behind multiple fake accounts have so much of my energy. How stupid was I to let that happen continuously? You want to know the worst part of it all? I felt sympathy for this person because I know it all came from hurt, but I was too hurt and mad myself to go about things another way and I got sucked right into the toxic part of it. Before anyone gets ideas and decides to anonymously message me saying that this person wasn’t the only one to create the problem, I know that. I’m not blaming just one side, I’ve been fully aware, this side just happened to be the one that became public. I can also admit and take full responsibility that I fueled a fire and kept it going. What I won’t say is sorry though, I defended my own ass in any way that it felt necessary because a lot of people let all that shit slide and did absolutely nothing, but watch. They wanted the show and we gave that to them.

Now what I want from 2021 is to heal and find my peace with everything I just mentioned and everything else surrounding it. I want to move on and fully forgive myself, my person and all the others. I don’t want to carry this hate and sadness around anymore, that’s just not who I am. What I want from this year is to be able to let go and move on. I don’t want to feel like I have to watch my own back 24/7 whenever I’m in public. I want to be able to meet new people without having to feel like I have to be cautious and question if their intentions are actually genuine or not. Everything that I can do and feel over here is what I want it to be like again there. If you are reading this with ill will, I’m okay with us being complete strangers to each other. I understand that not everyone is for each other and really that’s okay. We can make it mutually known and I won’t ever bother you. I’d rather have that than someone faking to like me because I’m dating this person or cause I hang out with these people. I am not defined by some other person. I can respect the honesty of it.

I know what I want and hope for will take some time and it might not even be this year, but any step closer is good enough for me.
Because I’m going to read this plenty of times through out the year, a reminder, YOU chose to pick love when it was the last thing you felt and YOU did nothing wrong by that. Vivi con amore.
I talked my shit and now I’m leaving it here.

SALLY ♡ T

I Had To Grow Up Early.

I had to grow up at an early age and most people don’t really know that about me or know exactly what that means. At that time I didn’t know what that would mean either. I had to grow up to help raise my first niece, but before you think I’m complaining about it, I’m not. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade that part of me for anything else in the world.

12 years ago today in 2009, my first niece was born and I was only 12 in 8th grade. My sister was only in 10th grade and her baby daddy? All I’m going to say is I’d punched him again LOL. Anyways, when they say it takes a village to raise a child, they are not lying at all. My sister was super-mom, my mom was grandma-mom and I was auntie-mom. The 3 of us (with the help of others) gave it our all for this precious little baby. She really became my everything. I always liked kids before her, but when I held her for the first time I just fell in love. You can thank Anastasia for my maternal instincts and my crazy baby fever. I wasn’t her mom, but I filled in that position when my sister was at work or at school. Guys, when I say she was a super mom, she IS a super mom.

My favorite story is that I actually came up with her name because she almost was named some Japanese word or Serenity. If you’re wondering if I got her name from the movie, then you are 100% correct. I love the movie Anastasia and I really think the name is beautiful. I take full credit for her name and I also take the #1 auntie award. There’s no doubt that I’m the favorite auntie.

I put her in front of everything. I even pushed some of my education to the side so my sister could get her work done and have somewhat of her remaining teenage life by watching the baby. I don’t regret any of it. Like I said, I wouldn’t trade this part of me for the world because if it was for this little girl I wouldn’t be as loving, patient, and selfless. If I’m being really honest, she’s a big part of how I’m able to welcome a special little guy into my life. Having to help raise her and how she was like my own really opened that part of me.

Anastasia is now a preteen that is just doing it all and I couldn’t be any happier. She makes me so proud. Time really goes by so fast, if she could be small again like in these photos, I would just hold her in my arms forever and never let go. She’ll always be my little Anachacha.

Anastasia, one day you’ll see all my post about you and you’ll see all the pictures and I just want you to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I will always be there for you. I can’t wait to see you (but yes I can very much wait) become this amazing young woman, knowing that I had a part of it. You are so loved and I hope you feel that all the time. Happy birthday Anastasia! ♡

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Free Time.

Most blogs show you the flawless side of that person’s life, the highest highs, the happiest happy. Well as you have probably read, not mine, but that’s what I like so much about having a blog without a centralized theme. I get to have the freedom of being able to post whatever I want, whenever I want.

FREE TIME.

There was so much free time for me this year and I had no idea what to do with myself. That was the hardest because then I realize without working Sally and this busy lifestyle that I have, who really am I? Without the fancy music festivals and without being around my friends, who am I? Who is the basic, stripped down version of me? I really thought I knew already, but I really didn’t know. Some time along the way, I lost sense of who I was and with this pandemic all I had was this free time to sit in it.

When was the last time I had three months of absolutely nothing to do? Most likely, never. I’ve been working since my freshman year in high school. So to me without work was such a big change in my life. It’s good to be recognized as a hard worker, but there’s so much more that I would rather be known for. Work is not my life. With all that time I just thought about: What were my hobbies? What would I do with my 24 hour days? I tried out a lot of different things to try to figure it out. I didn’t realize that I had gotten so caught up in the work and party life that when work and bar/club/party life was shut down, I felt like I was left with nothing. I tried keeping up with artist virtual streams and perler making as a crafting hobby. I tried beading/making cool rave candies and watching different genres of movies and shows to see if there was something I’ve missed. I’ve tried being more active and taking daily walks, I even went hiking and I don’t ever hike. I even started this blog as a hobby. I’ve tried so many different things this year to try to find what I like or what will potentially stick with me and what one brings out the best of me. Many things came and go and a few stayed, but sometimes I feel like I’m still looking.

With free time, you have to keep yourself busy or you just kind of sit there in your head with your thoughts and mine are not all that pretty. Another problem that I’ve faced with having all this free time. Instead of thoughts getting swept under the rug, they are all just there and pretty loud. I had to actually face them and find a way to correctly heal those thoughts. Strange how it all is.

Anyways, I think this might be something that I’ll still have to adjust to still going into 2021. It’s a slow progress, but I’m getting the hang of it. I’m learning a lot about who I am and who I want to be.
F r e e T i m e .

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Therapy.

There’s still this stigma around therapy and counseling, it has gotten a lot better recently, but it’s still very much there. The more we talk about mental health and getting help this stigma around it will only get better. I don’t have any mental health relating problems, but this year has really shown to me the full effect of traumas that I have experienced or dealt with. Hi, I’m Sally and my life is pretty crazy.

THERAPY.
2020 is the year where the unimaginable happened, others and myself were out of work, everything that was a public event was no longer being held or hosted, and places that were non-essential were being shutdown. At the beginning, we really only had time to sit around and focus on ourselves. Well, I realized then that I had a little too much that I had to focus on. Things that I never realized about myself was starting to come to light. I tried to push it away like most because my problems were never anything seriously bad. Well as things started to just sit there, I ignored it. The more I ignored it, it started to subconsciously make its way into my life and affected my dreams how I was feeling for days at a time. I felt lost and like I wasn’t doing enough. The same night that I looked for a therapist, I told my best friend “Everything in my life is going great, I have no complaints, but personally, myself do not feel great at all.” We drank and I had drunk a lot, at 4 AM I was emailing a couple of different therapist. Drunk Sally said, “bitch you need help, I am going to get you help.” I didn’t remember any of it until I got a phone call from one of the centers that I emailed the next day.

Sober me thought I was just being dramatic and couldn’t believe that I had gone as far as emailing. I thought that was just crazy of me to do. Me? I don’t need help, my problems aren’t even that important, but I spoke to my friends about it and they all congratulated me instead. It wasn’t the reaction that I expected at all, but it was their support that pushed me to take the steps to look further into the therapy. It took me about a month to finally set up my first session, but I did it.

You never know how much you actually deal with until you start talking in these sessions. Without getting into detail of my own life’s work, let’s just say what I thought was normal to me started to appear a little crazy and unbelievable when saying it all out loud to a stranger. Even if my traumas aren’t as intense as others, they were still my traumas and why should I think of them or myself as any less? I can say that me, personally, am caught up to everything else in my life or pretty close to it. I have learned a lot about myself through my sessions and I have accepted and forgave parts of myself that I didn’t know needed. I’m better at seeing things for what it really is and not how I want them to seem. It’s been eye opening and I’m not so stuck anymore.

If you have been thinking about therapy, I 100% support that decision. It has helped me so much already and I’ve only gone for 2 months. Makes those calls, write those emails, because you are just as important. No matter how small your problem or issue is, you are just as important. There is nothing bad about seeking help for yourself. Do it for yourself.

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges of 2020: By Myself.

It is now December, for me the month of reflection. I usually try to do monthly reflections so I can pin point an area that I still want to work on for the next month, but with this year all of that went to trash. It was all over the place and no month was ever the same. 2020 has opened myself up to my own self about things I’ve never paid attention about or thought was a problem. 2020 has challenged me in many different ways in every aspect of my life. Really, 2020 got me f u c k e d u p. Just kidding, 2020 has brought what I needed heal about myself in plain sight and it’s a lot more than you think. You guessed it, a new series. Welcome to Biggest Challenges of 2020.

BY MYSELF.
Surprise! I do terrible being by myself or alone. I actually don’t like too much me time or doing things by myself. It’s the weirdest thing because I do consider myself as a pretty independent person. I’ll do what I need to do by myself, but I would much rather have some sort of company with me. I’ve been trying so hard this year with getting more comfortable with being alone by myself and trying to learn how to enjoy my own company. I grew up with three siblings and basically all my nieces, so yeah there was never a time where I was truly by myself. Not until a few years ago, but around then I still had Koko with me.

Living in a pandemic, where you should stay home – yeah, not ideal for someone who feels the same as me. I still find myself adjusting to not having my little Koko around me and I lost her almost two years ago. She didn’t need me as much as I needed her. (another story, another time) I get too much into my head, so having others around even if it’s just my brother’s cat napping next to me. It gets me out of my head. It’s like I’m a codependent-independent person and those two people/personalities don’t mix very well. I would like to be able to go to places by myself without having to talk myself into going. Just decide where and when, get up, get ready, and go.

I’ve been challenging myself to stay home and kind of forcing myself to being alone for two weeks now, but you know, you have your good days and your bad ones. This is probably the one of the hardest things that I’ve tried to achieve yet. Thankfully I do have the support of loved ones, friends, and my therapist. Although any other advice on how to feel more comfortable with your own company is highly and hugely appreciated. ♡ I have a feeling that this one will be something that will be a little harder to overcome.

SALLY ♡ T

Dignity. (drunk thoughts)

I am the person to make sure they go down with dignity. I did stop feeling that strength after a while. Dignity or not, I will be for what I feel is right to me, no matter what. I have nothing to prove to anyone, but me. That is true dignity, even though others don’t see it that way, I will always believe in myself.

I won’t lie, I’ve been crushed multiple time where I didn’t feel that way. I lost my strength completely. Not know how it would end. A song someone sings for the dead. I have accept that as well believe it or not. You may call me dramatic, but honestly it is what it is, but I am way better now. Please don’t worry. Please just look after your friends. Life is too short sometimes.

Cherish every moment, every lesson, everything. Confusing to sad, to happy. Cherish it all.

I have no recollection of me writing this at all this night and that’s really crazy to me. I said what I said though. I’m really proud of myself and that’s all I can say. I also know that drunk Sally can be really dramatic, like those dramas where someone gets shoved and they take 5 mins acting out the falling. I do want everyone to know that I am doing just fine and there’s no need for concern, even though it sounds that way. I can just get very dramatic sometimes. ☺

If You Release The Past.

“If you release the past, you’ll move ahead and bloom at last. The heart grows and it knows you can glow.”

Gobi, Over the Moon

Whatever it is that you’re holding onto, I hope you’re not letting it hold onto you. Read it again. Whatever it is that you’re holding onto, I hope you can live on without it. Believe that you can. Whatever you’re holding onto, I hope you can move on from it. Let it go, you can. The time will come and your shoulders will be a little less tense and the pressure of the weight will lift, until then just keep going. You’ve made it this far already, you can make it more.

Some things just never feel fair and I’ll never understand why certain things have to happen. Maybe that’s the problem for me, I keep trying to understand the why and not just letting it go. I can recognize and acknowledge it, but how do I actually apply it and live it? I feel myself thinking, wondering, writing this over and over again. I can see the future without it, I can remember the past of it, but I just don’t know what to do with the present of it.

I’ve been told that my post have been relatable and has actually helped or brought some clarity and I’m happy that it has for those people. That’s one of the reasons why I started this blog. I hope as it has for you, that maybe one day it will for me. It’s so strange, but comforting at the same time.

Remember every moment we have is a chance for something new. Not every moment is the same, so allow it to come to you.

SALLY ♡ T

“My needs are just as important. It’s okay to say no.”

-A Daily Self Reminder

Food Alert: A Weekend in Grand Rapids.

Yes, you read that right, it’s our time to shine! Grand Rapids has a lot different options when it comes to food and drinks and there’s always something new coming. Even though I’ve lived here my whole life, I’m not even close to trying everything, but it’s one place at a time. Follow me into a two day foodie/drink weekend! #GREats

On Saturday, I met up with my friends at Butcher’s Union for some food and drinks before work. Butcher’s Union is one of my favorite places to go, it’s so cute in there and the servers are always friendly. We enjoyed some Brussel Sprouts for our appetizers, which is my favorite appetizer there. Then I got the White Chicken Chili. (Yes, I only got soup to eat. If you don’t remember in the last post, I really don’t have much stomach room haha) I did wash it down the a nice Watermelon Mojito. It was the perfect drink to end the summer weather and season with.

On Sunday, I went on a food and drink adventure. Every place was so good and I had very good company! 😉
It started at Royals, this cute little brunch diner. It was a recommended by another one of my friends and he was not wrong at all. The food there was very good and the drinks sounded delicious! I unfortunately went out to brunch hungover, so I wasn’t ready to start off with some drinks at our first stop.

Our seconds stop was to one of my favorite rooftop bars here in Grand Rapids, Haute at New Mertens Hotel Rooftop Bar. It’s has the perfect view 360 view of our downtown and the drinks are always good. The menu changes through out the year, so it’s never the same drinks, which makes it so fun to come back. They are open besides during winter, but a cold fall night? No problem, they have space heaters, fires and before the pandemic, blankets. There’s just something about having drinks while the sunsets in downtown.
This visit, the drinks are customizable spritzers. You choose your base, then they add champagne and fizzy water and there! Your drink is born! We got the Lillet Blanc.

We went to a candle making bar after the Haute, then decided to check out this new restaurant for dinner that opened called Tupelo Honey. It is so cute inside and out and the drinks and food are just as pleasing! We couldn’t have a Sunday funday without a mimosa, so we each got the Sweet and Tart mimosa size mega of course! A grapefruit with blueberry puree mimosa. It’s exactly like the name, very sweet and tart. They also use paper straws here and WE LOVE THAT. I really wish I wasn’t so hurt cause I definitely would have ordered another drink to try. This won’t be my last time here though, but let’s get to the food!

So everything sounded so delicious, we went in on Tupelo Honey. In the video, are only the appetizers that we ordered. We got the Fried Okras, Crispy Brussels, and the Mac & Cheese Bites. They were all so good and mouth watering. I’ve just discovered Okras this year, so I had to those, but the Mac & Cheese Bites were my favorite. Who just doesn’t like mac & cheese??
Everyone that has gone here recommends their fried chicken, so for the main entree I ordered their Fried Sweet and Spicy Chicken sandwich. It comes with a potato bun and have NEVER tasted any buns like it. Please use potato buns for every sandwich and burger now! These buns will change your life. Anyways, the honey sriracha on the sandwich was really good. It lives up to the hype!

I was so full this day, when I got home at 6 pm, I took a big food coma nap. I’m pretty sure the nap lasted 4 hours. I had a lot of fun though and it was such a fun adventurous day with my friends. Three things that I love, my friends, food, and drinks. It’s all just L O V E. Like I mentioned before, there’s so much more for me to try here in Grand Rapids, so expect more of these! There’s so many places already and there’s still more coming in and I think it’s so awesome. Very lucky to be in a growing city! I love Grand Rapids, I really do. Until next time though!

FUN FACT: Grand Rapids is also know as Beer City in the United States! We have tons of breweries here, so I’ll introduce some of my favorite places to you guys soon!

SALLY ♡ T