Tag: Memories

Dear March.

It was pretty until it wasn’t. It snows and then a false spring comes. It’s hard to tell what you’ll get within this month.
Just go for it. Just go. The way things were said was like it was coming straight out of a fairytale. The way I felt, the way the night went, it was a fairytale. I know now that it was coming from a problem or guilt, but also hope and the heart. It gave me hope. I gave me more than hope, blind hope, but it was so perfect. Do I want to ruin this memory or will I remember it as how I did before? Was it a cry of truth or was it innocently true? Sometimes it’s hard to see everything as how I saw them in the moment.
It was a start of something that needed to happen. The good and bad, everything needed to be said and out. I spoke as I was holding back every emotion known to man. I spoke. That’s such a huge thing for me. I cried tears and a lot of them. I remember waking up one morning and I didn’t have time to open my eyes yet and I cried. This was truly the start of everything. It hurt, I was hurt, but it was needed. It was part of what I needed. Healing is so messy. Healing hurts so much until it doesn’t anymore.
What a change. I can’t believe it myself looking back. The thing you said that night, yeah it happened. Was it a cry? I still don’t know, but I don’t think I want to know the truth. The progress of each brings me tears if I think about it. To go through such high highs and straight to the lowest lows, it made it.

Dear March, tell me that there’s light at the end of all this starless night.

SALLY ♡ T

Dear February.

February, you always find a way of repeating yourself for the past few years and honestly I’m over it. There’s very little good to remember, instead it’s a stretch of time and waiting. You try so hard for something so simple. I wouldn’t say rock bottom, but why does it feels like it’s always desperate climbing out of something? Why must you be so stubborn?
First was a start of something I would have never known. Something that I didn’t think was capable of happening. Something that I just didn’t know. Something that won’t ever leave me. Just a lot of missing and things unknown. A strange feeling, but I trusted something else because there was no way. It’s just not there, right? It’s happy still. It’s still just a day dream, still that fairytale, but you’re losing it right in front of you without even realizing it. It’s busy, one starts to feel lonely while the other is doing something with a bigger vision in mind. It’s not aligned.
Second, just more of the same thing except it’s known. Be aware of your surroundings. You’re more aware of the bottles than what going in your life. That warmth from last month got you through, so why not continue? It allows you to escape the old and the new, it allows you to escape the feeling of being a ticking time bomb. Any emotions released, good and bad, but you just don’t care because it’s the only time you can express anything. Otherwise, it’s too much to even think of any other time. Stand up for yourself and pour out whatever you feel. Pour out a cup, pour out two, pour out three at least. Shit, we’re already on five, make it six and we’re numb. Perfect. It’s the only thing you can make sense of, the only thing that feels real, the only thing that is staying consistent. The one thing reality is letting you take control of. Just keep busy.
“So I’ll take all of all of my wasted love and turn it into wine in my cup.”
Third, it’s not a full repeat, but there’s lingering. There’s still some of the same. There’s some of the same cups, but not out of control. We don’t drink until we’re numb anymore, but emotions still are there. It’s still there. Keep busy only a few left. There’s joy, but it can still feel lonely, but there’s joy. Things aren’t fueling anymore. There’s room to think with clarity and understanding. Understanding? Maybe that’s a reach. Your skin is tough, but things still sit under it. All you can do is sit and control yourself.

Dear February, save me. You’ve given me everything you gave me, but you’re scorned.

SALLY ♡ T

Dear January.

You are always so cold, but somehow always filled with warmth and love. The start of a new year and the celebration of making it through another. Everyone thinks you’re a new chapter, but really you’re just a continuation. People count on you to be the new chapter, but it really starts with them to write that.
Adventure comes to mind when I think of you. The first January was the first adventure. It was so perfect, not a thing could or can ruin all those moments. Pure joy and happiness, nothing was questionable. My favorite of them all, the one that only really exists in my head. The last of the daydream.
The second January was a slow warming, if that warming was of a lit match. Trying to put together what was broken and not understood. Figuring out exactly what you need to get through the day, but running to an escape instead. The bottles were warm though. The feeling you had missed and lost. It was temporary and numbing, but it made anything confusing go away. A quick break to breathe. You threw love everywhere, not sure if it even belongs there and then went to the bottles with the same energy.
The third January was full, a more at peace feeling. Seeing actual waves and not the ones that mentally take you in and drown you. In a beautiful place where you don’t need to wait for any unknowns because now you are the unknown. A real reality that you could actually grasp. The understanding isn’t fully there, but you have a better idea of it than before. Something you can let go of at times without a lingering. You keep more to yourself because it’s only right. Protecting yourself, but in a healthy way. Working on recovery on problems you all created.

Dear January, please don’t let me fall. Stay cold, but give us your warmth. Please continue to let the patience of love wait on my drunk heart.

SALLY ♡ T

The Happy of 2020: Part Two.

I’m not feeling too happy right now, so maybe this will help me. Let’s get on with it before the year ends. Part two, The Happy.

I went to Florida. I know it’s a pandemic and I also kind of hate myself for traveling too. Just know that I made sure that I did what I could to protect myself and others when I did leave and come back. I really didn’t have too much time to take for myself, nor could I take off until my job closed for a little, so I took full advantage of it. Was it the smartest? Probably not. Anyways that trip was a fun get away from life trip for me. It sparked something in me that felt like I was losing. You find a little bit of yourself everywhere you explore.

This specific Sunday. There was this one Sunday funday that my two friends and I had around the town and we did everything that we could do downtown. Even though we talked about how men are trash the whole day, I had so much fun with them. Knowing that I could be that person for them is everything. I value my friendships so much. It started off with a brunch, then to one of my favorite rooftop bars. A rooftop bar in October, where the weather was almost too perfect for that time of year. After the rooftop, we went to our local candle making shop and then going to get food again after. We went to the cutest spots. I have the cutest friends. I really love them and this year has taken away a lot of experiences that I would’ve had with them. (Sorry, suppose to be happy, lol.) I LOVE MY MOTHER FUCKING FRIENDS. PERIODT.

All I’m going to say about this next one is my Mr. Sweetface. He has been a huge happy part of my year.

All holiday celebrations. The holidays are a little hard for me and my situation, but even during a pandemic things worked out. I’m blessed to be surrounded by such loving people that know how to celebrate. I’m very blessed to be spending tonight with people that I know will be the closest to me for the rest of my life. Without these people I don’t know where I would be. I’m going to cry tonight, I know it. I can just feel it. About the good and bad, but I know they’ll make me forget about it all and help bring love and laughter into the New Year with me.

I know I was a little negative in this ones, but you get the point haha. There’s just some things you can’t do anything about, so you just have to accept it and try to just let it go. Just make sure to surround yourself with love and loved ones tonight, you at least deserve that. We’re going to all be okay. Happy New Years Eve and a Happy New Year!

SALLY ♡ T 

The Happy Of 2020: Part One.

I’ve been writing a lot about the bad of 2020, so I wanted to lighten up the mood with the good things that came my way this year. If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a sad girl and when I say that I mean it in the ‘sad boi club’ way. There’s just something about me that just is attracted to sadness I guess.

Let’s go start with the beginning of the year, pre-pandemic, with my job promotion. I got promoted to assistant manager at my workplace and this is the first job that I have ever gotten promoted at. I went from being a hostess to assistant manager and I think I’ve done the best that I could, given the circumstances of this year. The restaurant is still up and alive, so I couldn’t have been that awful. I really am proud of myself for the hard work that I’ve put in to have earned the promotion. I feel super honored that everyone believed that I could fill in the spot and most coworkers made me feel so welcomed and appreciated. I really hope I made a difference there.

Right at the beginning of our quarantine phase, I was suppose to attend a show in Chicago of my favorite artist. Unfortunately, that got cancelled due to everything shutting down, but I still kept the weekend off and spent it in Wisconsin with my boyfriend. Well that weekend, turned to a week, turned into three months. Yep, a three month stay with my boyfriend and his family. Being a long distance relationship, you don’t get to do one of those often. I wrote a little about it in a previous blog post, so I’ll spare the details here. Being long distance has it’s ups and downs, so being able to be together everyday like a regular couple was very needed.

A rest. Because of things shutting down, my job shut down for a couple of months and boy did I need that. My life was getting consumed by work and that was wearing and tearing me down. I got to find the balance between my mental health and everything else in my life. I had the time to put into myself. It was hard at first and I still struggle with it now, I feel more connected with myself and not like i’m just going through life like a robot. I now know how to set up boundaries between work, social and personal life. I am also caught up with all the sleep that I’ve ever missed.

I fucking did something that I never thought I would ever do, but glad that I did. I BARELY conquered, but conquered a 8 mile hike with a 14,278′ elevation, Grays Peak. For somewhere who is not an active person at all, I fucking did that shit. I’m so proud of myself, it was crazy. We went hiking within 12 hours of being in Colorado, my lungs were not having it. You can also read about all of that here! In the blog post, I said I wouldn’t do it again, but I’m over that and would love to go on another hike like that. It’s rewarding and beautiful.

I turned 25 this year. The day after I got back from Colorado and had a lovely charcuterie board birthday picnic with my friends. I am a quarter of a century now! This year I’ve learned that time really does go by fast and in a blink of an eye, you just grow up. I’m very blessed to have everything that I do and very blessed to have all these people around me that love the shit out of me. This year I’ve really seen who is there for me, through the good and the bad. I really love this life that I was given. I talk all this shit sometimes, but really I’m having a good time. People can sit there and say I’m not doing anything with my life and try to belittle me, but I know where I’m at and at least I’m doing everything that makes me happy.

As I started typing, just more and more good things starting coming up, so this will be broken up into parts. I’ll post the second part soon! Sometimes it is nice to type up positive stuff, maybe I’ll try to start to doing that more often, lol. I also have another giveaway soon as well, so keep an eye out for that blog post to come out and follow me on Instagram for the notifications!

SALLY ♡ T 

Travel Back to Twenty Twelve.

Where has the time gone? It feels like the year 2012 was another lifetime. A lot of the people that were super close to me, we either fell out or don’t even talk to each other anymore. A lot has changed since then, but then again a lot has stayed the same.
I was packing and a song that I use to listen to started playing. Instantly I felt super happy as if I was listening to it back then, just singing it on top of my lungs with the windows down driving to where ever we decided that day. My best friend and I had many adventures then and that’s when I met a lot of my current best friends for the first time. That summer changed my life in many different ways, all for the better, even if it took a while to see that. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life and a lot of things are suppose to stay as just memories. Thankfully, I have these memories and they actually still teach me a lesson to this day. “Whenever I think of us, I always see a smile. I was happy for a while.”
Facebook memories also threw in some pictures from that time period and it seemed all to coincidental, so here I am. 2012 baby Sally walked, so 2020 Sally could run. Oh, the things I wish I could tell my 2012 self, but I don’t think I would change a thing about the past. I needed to experience all of it to be who I am now, to know the things I know now, and being able to feel the way I do now.
I do miss the v-necks and picnic shorts though, haha. I do miss my best friend too. They always made sure I knew that they loved me for me and that everything I started to doubt about myself was just in my head. That will always stick with me. “So long, do you know you saved me?”

It’s nice to be reminded of things you forget. It always makes me appreciate what I have now more. “Maybe the past holds me up, but the present get me through.”

SALLY ♡ T