Tag: Life

On My Own Time.

For the past few months, I’ve been able to kind of reset, start over and change how I’ve lived my life. Something I didn’t think was possible because I felt so stuck in a routine that didn’t allow me to have any time for myself. I quit my jobs and moved which allowed and forced me to find out what I would like for myself and what I don’t want to fall back into. It is 3 AM and I’m sitting at a breakfast bar inside my room eating a cheese, meat and carrot box, drinking kombucha and feeling pretty happy and content with life.

One thing I’ve learned and trying to incorporate more is doing things on my own time. Waiting until it feels right for me and not rushing into things. I’m not talking about chores, but life decisions. It may be a great opportunity, but if it feels too rushed then it’s okay to say no. When the time is right for you, then go ahead and revisit it. If it’s not available then it wasn’t meant to be. Finding your own timing with things can be a little difficult, but when it’s time you’ll know.

Don’t let anyone tear you down for not doing something right away because it’s what they want for you or because it’s what they expect from you. Some people will even try to use your own timing to make you look bad and make themselves better because you seem happier than them. They just want what you have, pure jealousy. Choose schooling when you feel ready and motivated, choose that job that you’re happy to work at instead of the one where you make tons of money, but you’re completely miserable. You know what’s right for you and only you can live for yourself.

I’m taking this time to not only enjoy my freedom and getting to know my new area, but to make sure I’m choosing me correctly. Making sure I have time to actually make the right decisions. From school, work, and my life outside from those I don’t want anything less than happy. I’ve been doing things on my own time and I couldn’t be happier about it.

SALLY ♡ T

Imagine.

Imagine waking up happy the moment you open your eyes all the way until you fall asleep. Imagine less roads traveled and more of that time spent surrounded by love and laughter instead of your radio and your solo concerts. Imagine less conversations through the phone and more in person. Imagine lonely days being less lonely, each day filled with loving stares, more hugs and more kisses. Imagine a world like that.

Big news though, I don’t have to imagine it anymore because I finally get to live like that. I moved to Wisconsin.
You read that right, I moved to Wisconsin.


All I have to say about it is: it feels right.

SALLY ♡ T

Drunk Thoughts: I’m Tired, Exhausted Really.

I’m tired. Tired of a lot of things. Tired of a lot. It gets pretty exhausting in this head of mine. To do this and then to do that, to make myself look put together when I feel like I’m not. I have to care for this, I have to look after that, I have to hide this, so I don’t step on that. It’s exhausting. It gets really tiring.

I feel like I take care of a lot and I do. I just wished I didn’t put myself in that position so often because when I need it, who’s going to take care of me? I’m too tired to take care of me sometimes. Who’s going to tell me that I’m going to be okay? I need someone too.

Who’s going to let me let it all out and just sit there to listen? I don’t need advice, I don’t need to be told anything, just someone who will just sit and listen without saying a word. It’s funny though, I have a lot of people that are willing to be this person for me, but I would never let them because I don’t want anyone or others to worry about me.

SOBER SALLY TIME
I actually wrote this back in August/September of 2020 and never posted it because there were so many other Drunk Thoughts post that I was writing at the time. As you can see I was not in the best headspace. Pandemic and my own life was really hitting me hard. I’ve been going back and forth with myself with my decision to post this or not because it’s such a personal and vulnerable feeling to me, BUT that’s what I created and intended this blog to be. A safe place that I created, where I can share that side or those thoughts. I can also share that I do not feel this as intense anymore, which makes it easier for me to share. I have been working on the healing that I’ve been needing, I’ve been working on positive healing and actually accepting and letting it in. I have made peace with things and is still working on looking for the peace in others.

I share this because I know there are others who feel this way and honestly sometimes I go back to feeling this way. It’s not something that you can beat and it goes away forever. You have to actually make your peace and teach your brain not to go there and that’s hard. YOU WILL HAVE BETTER DAYS. I promise you that you will. Find your footing first, then learn how to walk. Remember to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. There is no other you.

SALLY ♡ T

Drunk Thoughts: Hungover

I’m actually hungover as I post this, but when I was drunk last night I wrote this and honestly it’s one of my favorite things that I’ve written. Not because it’s cute, but because most of my drunk thoughts are never about me being happy. I’m sure you’ve read some of them, this is very different from all of those.

I’m in a very good place in my life and just figuring everything out slowly, but in a healthy way. I owe that to myself. For me it’s so easy to write about the sad stuff and stuff that will help me feel better, but so hard to write when I’m happy. Why is it like that? I don’t know, but it explains why I haven’t written anything recently. Things are good though, I can’t complain. I’ll write an update on what I’ve been up to when I’m not dying from being hungover lol

SALLY ♡ T

Things That Just Come Into Your Life.

Things will come into your life when you least expect it or when you are ready even when you don’t feel like you are. I don’t know why or how, it just does. They all have some sort of place or lesson for you. There’s always a reason and it will stay present in your everyday life, in every way possible until you decide to accept it.

I am allowing myself to accept things. I am allowing myself to accept everything, I am not running, I choose to heal, I choose to improve myself. It’s hard to always allow yourself to be that open especially when it comes with a whole range of emotions. It’s not always pretty, but I’ve been starting to see different things or signs that I’ve never noticed before and it’ll fit so well with what I am struggling with. It’s crazy to think about how the placement of certain situations and actions in your life.

SAL.LY ♡ T

What I Want From 2021.

I’m not going to sit up here and say “new year, new me” because honestly I like who I am and how I am, but there are a couple adjustments that I feel would be better for me. I already found myself a while ago, but it’s hard trying to be that same person without falling in or getting sucked back into old toxic ways. I can tell you that it’s been a real struggle for the past year and a half.

I can agree that I fell back into old ways. I’ve felt like I had to prove myself to others when I really didn’t have too. I felt like I had to save myself when my name was getting dragged in the dirt, when my intentions and actions were made out of love. I let that whole thing eat me alive and I really let it get to me.
I’m gonna talk my shit now, but I really let a person who couldn’t speak or message me without hiding behind multiple fake accounts have so much of my energy. How stupid was I to let that happen continuously? You want to know the worst part of it all? I felt sympathy for this person because I know it all came from hurt, but I was too hurt and mad myself to go about things another way and I got sucked right into the toxic part of it. Before anyone gets ideas and decides to anonymously message me saying that this person wasn’t the only one to create the problem, I know that. I’m not blaming just one side, I’ve been fully aware, this side just happened to be the one that became public. I can also admit and take full responsibility that I fueled a fire and kept it going. What I won’t say is sorry though, I defended my own ass in any way that it felt necessary because a lot of people let all that shit slide and did absolutely nothing, but watch. They wanted the show and we gave that to them.

Now what I want from 2021 is to heal and find my peace with everything I just mentioned and everything else surrounding it. I want to move on and fully forgive myself, my person and all the others. I don’t want to carry this hate and sadness around anymore, that’s just not who I am. What I want from this year is to be able to let go and move on. I don’t want to feel like I have to watch my own back 24/7 whenever I’m in public. I want to be able to meet new people without having to feel like I have to be cautious and question if their intentions are actually genuine or not. Everything that I can do and feel over here is what I want it to be like again there. If you are reading this with ill will, I’m okay with us being complete strangers to each other. I understand that not everyone is for each other and really that’s okay. We can make it mutually known and I won’t ever bother you. I’d rather have that than someone faking to like me because I’m dating this person or cause I hang out with these people. I am not defined by some other person. I can respect the honesty of it.

I know what I want and hope for will take some time and it might not even be this year, but any step closer is good enough for me.
Because I’m going to read this plenty of times through out the year, a reminder, YOU chose to pick love when it was the last thing you felt and YOU did nothing wrong by that. Vivi con amore.
I talked my shit and now I’m leaving it here.

SALLY ♡ T

I Had To Grow Up Early.

I had to grow up at an early age and most people don’t really know that about me or know exactly what that means. At that time I didn’t know what that would mean either. I had to grow up to help raise my first niece, but before you think I’m complaining about it, I’m not. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade that part of me for anything else in the world.

12 years ago today in 2009, my first niece was born and I was only 12 in 8th grade. My sister was only in 10th grade and her baby daddy? All I’m going to say is I’d punched him again LOL. Anyways, when they say it takes a village to raise a child, they are not lying at all. My sister was super-mom, my mom was grandma-mom and I was auntie-mom. The 3 of us (with the help of others) gave it our all for this precious little baby. She really became my everything. I always liked kids before her, but when I held her for the first time I just fell in love. You can thank Anastasia for my maternal instincts and my crazy baby fever. I wasn’t her mom, but I filled in that position when my sister was at work or at school. Guys, when I say she was a super mom, she IS a super mom.

My favorite story is that I actually came up with her name because she almost was named some Japanese word or Serenity. If you’re wondering if I got her name from the movie, then you are 100% correct. I love the movie Anastasia and I really think the name is beautiful. I take full credit for her name and I also take the #1 auntie award. There’s no doubt that I’m the favorite auntie.

I put her in front of everything. I even pushed some of my education to the side so my sister could get her work done and have somewhat of her remaining teenage life by watching the baby. I don’t regret any of it. Like I said, I wouldn’t trade this part of me for the world because if it was for this little girl I wouldn’t be as loving, patient, and selfless. If I’m being really honest, she’s a big part of how I’m able to welcome a special little guy into my life. Having to help raise her and how she was like my own really opened that part of me.

Anastasia is now a preteen that is just doing it all and I couldn’t be any happier. She makes me so proud. Time really goes by so fast, if she could be small again like in these photos, I would just hold her in my arms forever and never let go. She’ll always be my little Anachacha.

Anastasia, one day you’ll see all my post about you and you’ll see all the pictures and I just want you to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I will always be there for you. I can’t wait to see you (but yes I can very much wait) become this amazing young woman, knowing that I had a part of it. You are so loved and I hope you feel that all the time. Happy birthday Anastasia! ♡

SALLY ♡ T

Another One Of Those Cheesy New Years Post.

H A P P Y N E W Y E A R S !!! We barely made it to 2021, but we did it, it’s here. I don’t have much expectations going into it because I did that with 2020 and HAHAHA. Sorry for the honesty or to rain on your parade, but all your problems carry over into the new year. HAHAHA, LETS GOOOOO.

I did want to come here to remind you to not expect too much and things aren’t going to change overnight, but you do have the power to change things. You just have to really want it and you have to allow it to come. You have to actually accept it deep down. Allow yourself to forgive what needs to be forgiven whether it’s with someone else or within yourself. Allow yourself to let go of things that aren’t for you. It’s okay to not understand certain things, just accept that.

It’s nice to come up with some new year resolutions, I think it’s a nice way to re-guide yourself and give some sort of rebalance to your life whether you end up sticking with it or not. Here are a couple that I’ve had in the past:

◗ Don’t get so caught up with work
◗ Take more time for myself
◗ Take more pictures
◗ Choose whatever I feel is best for me
◗ Trust your feelings
◗ Do whatever makes me happy

Obviously, those are super basic things, but I still find myself pushing them to the side. Things that I still struggle to find the balance of. I wrote those back in 2018 and here they are still on my list for 2021. Don’t only work on your top layers, but work on your base, your foundation. It’ll only make you a better person in the end. Remember to make sure that you are doing it for yourself and not for someone else, it’s more rewarding to do things for yourself. 2021 is about YOU. I hope this year can bring the understanding, the forgiving, and the peace that we all need. I genuinely hope 2021 brings you and I whatever our souls need. I hope 2021 can heal.

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Free Time.

Most blogs show you the flawless side of that person’s life, the highest highs, the happiest happy. Well as you have probably read, not mine, but that’s what I like so much about having a blog without a centralized theme. I get to have the freedom of being able to post whatever I want, whenever I want.

FREE TIME.

There was so much free time for me this year and I had no idea what to do with myself. That was the hardest because then I realize without working Sally and this busy lifestyle that I have, who really am I? Without the fancy music festivals and without being around my friends, who am I? Who is the basic, stripped down version of me? I really thought I knew already, but I really didn’t know. Some time along the way, I lost sense of who I was and with this pandemic all I had was this free time to sit in it.

When was the last time I had three months of absolutely nothing to do? Most likely, never. I’ve been working since my freshman year in high school. So to me without work was such a big change in my life. It’s good to be recognized as a hard worker, but there’s so much more that I would rather be known for. Work is not my life. With all that time I just thought about: What were my hobbies? What would I do with my 24 hour days? I tried out a lot of different things to try to figure it out. I didn’t realize that I had gotten so caught up in the work and party life that when work and bar/club/party life was shut down, I felt like I was left with nothing. I tried keeping up with artist virtual streams and perler making as a crafting hobby. I tried beading/making cool rave candies and watching different genres of movies and shows to see if there was something I’ve missed. I’ve tried being more active and taking daily walks, I even went hiking and I don’t ever hike. I even started this blog as a hobby. I’ve tried so many different things this year to try to find what I like or what will potentially stick with me and what one brings out the best of me. Many things came and go and a few stayed, but sometimes I feel like I’m still looking.

With free time, you have to keep yourself busy or you just kind of sit there in your head with your thoughts and mine are not all that pretty. Another problem that I’ve faced with having all this free time. Instead of thoughts getting swept under the rug, they are all just there and pretty loud. I had to actually face them and find a way to correctly heal those thoughts. Strange how it all is.

Anyways, I think this might be something that I’ll still have to adjust to still going into 2021. It’s a slow progress, but I’m getting the hang of it. I’m learning a lot about who I am and who I want to be.
F r e e T i m e .

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Therapy.

There’s still this stigma around therapy and counseling, it has gotten a lot better recently, but it’s still very much there. The more we talk about mental health and getting help this stigma around it will only get better. I don’t have any mental health relating problems, but this year has really shown to me the full effect of traumas that I have experienced or dealt with. Hi, I’m Sally and my life is pretty crazy.

THERAPY.
2020 is the year where the unimaginable happened, others and myself were out of work, everything that was a public event was no longer being held or hosted, and places that were non-essential were being shutdown. At the beginning, we really only had time to sit around and focus on ourselves. Well, I realized then that I had a little too much that I had to focus on. Things that I never realized about myself was starting to come to light. I tried to push it away like most because my problems were never anything seriously bad. Well as things started to just sit there, I ignored it. The more I ignored it, it started to subconsciously make its way into my life and affected my dreams how I was feeling for days at a time. I felt lost and like I wasn’t doing enough. The same night that I looked for a therapist, I told my best friend “Everything in my life is going great, I have no complaints, but personally, myself do not feel great at all.” We drank and I had drunk a lot, at 4 AM I was emailing a couple of different therapist. Drunk Sally said, “bitch you need help, I am going to get you help.” I didn’t remember any of it until I got a phone call from one of the centers that I emailed the next day.

Sober me thought I was just being dramatic and couldn’t believe that I had gone as far as emailing. I thought that was just crazy of me to do. Me? I don’t need help, my problems aren’t even that important, but I spoke to my friends about it and they all congratulated me instead. It wasn’t the reaction that I expected at all, but it was their support that pushed me to take the steps to look further into the therapy. It took me about a month to finally set up my first session, but I did it.

You never know how much you actually deal with until you start talking in these sessions. Without getting into detail of my own life’s work, let’s just say what I thought was normal to me started to appear a little crazy and unbelievable when saying it all out loud to a stranger. Even if my traumas aren’t as intense as others, they were still my traumas and why should I think of them or myself as any less? I can say that me, personally, am caught up to everything else in my life or pretty close to it. I have learned a lot about myself through my sessions and I have accepted and forgave parts of myself that I didn’t know needed. I’m better at seeing things for what it really is and not how I want them to seem. It’s been eye opening and I’m not so stuck anymore.

If you have been thinking about therapy, I 100% support that decision. It has helped me so much already and I’ve only gone for 2 months. Makes those calls, write those emails, because you are just as important. No matter how small your problem or issue is, you are just as important. There is nothing bad about seeking help for yourself. Do it for yourself.

SALLY ♡ T