Inner Peace – SALLY♡THINGS

Then and Now.

I probably have typed about this in the few blogs I wrote before, but never finished. Fair warning, be prepared to read a little more of this in other blogs if they ever get posted. So far it’s the only thing that comes to my mind when I try to sit down to blog, so it’s something that needs to get out and hopefully after I can blog about other things. I feel like a broken record sometimes. I blog a lot about healing and my journey, it’s all I know right now. It is currently what’s going on in my life. Then and now. I wouldn’t quite call this a drunk thoughts blog, but I did have a good chug of some strawberry sake. Just a bit to loosen up and be not so in my head about sharing this. I actually find it hard to share this side of me because it feels super and very vulnerable of me. Maybe a part of me feels embarrassed, maybe because it still gets me in my feels or that I haven’t yet fully processed it. It’s hard for me to express because I simply do not know where I’m quite at with it all. Whatever it is, here I try to go.

These summer months, I have really compared my current self to my 2023 self. If I could describe myself this summer it would be: confident, strong, happy, healing, thriving, joyful, sober, living life to the fullest, a normal person. If I were to describe summer Sally 2023 it would be: sad, but grateful, stressed, alcohol driven, burnt out, lost, fun, goal driven, and hurt. What two very different and confusing versions of me.

A word that best described me then is lost. A word that best describes me now is healing, but of course I would not be who I am today if it wasn’t for that lost version of me. Looking back I’m actually very grateful for that part of my life (not the problems, but the lessons) and very proud of how I managed, even though I was very hurt. I sat with myself every day and I listened to my cries, I listened to my thoughts, I felt the hurt. I sat with every emotion and let them take their turn. I sat with all my doubts and gave them the time they needed. I sat there and cried out every tear in my body almost every night until there was nothing left. Some people might think it’s pretty pathetic, but it was what I needed to do for me. That was my way of trying to comfort myself. I gave myself that safe space. Now, I still have that safe space, but it’s more for the appreciation of my happiness, celebration of small steps on my healing and the new self love that I have for myself. I won’t say I’m completely on the other side, but it’s definitely a positive path.

I did something that I never thought or saw myself doing and that was to stop engaging and going silent. I let go of any hope and expectation, I let go completely. That’s such a hard thing to do. To let things go free and to let things come to or go from you. I ignored and pushed everything away as much as I could until I realized that it was something that was trying to come to me. I really crawled into my own little shell and if you weren’t someone I saw in my daily life, I unfortunately didn’t reach out to or interacted with for a bit. My social battery was fighting so hard, but my emotional side won. I’m a person who tries to act fine when I’m not, but in reality my emotions literally leak out of my pores and you can tell how I am through my body language and facial expressions. I pulled away for a bit so people didn’t have to see that side of me, ask me anything and I didn’t have to keep pretending. I’m sorry to my friends and family for that and I’m also very thankful that everyone understood that I needed some space. I put myself first and really focused on nothing, but myself and moving forward. One positive that did come out of it was my decision on schooling. Now, because of then, I still am continuing my education and I feel more comfortable with being truly vulnerable in front of others even if I feel stupid. It is not a burden. Now, I can thank the ‘then me’ and comfort any part of her that I still have left with the ‘now me’.

One thing that I learned from this and in my therapy sessions are to acknowledge all these different parts of me, listen to what they need to say, validate them and thank them. Practicing this has helped build a better relationship within myself with myself. Practicing this has allowed to me forgive myself, love all the different parts of myself, remember my worth, remember what I deserve, growth, healing, forgiving others and most importantly not to hurt others because of my own hurt. One day, I’ll be at the end with the rainbows and unicorns or in my case, a room filled with anything and everything Hello Kitty.

This was really building up in my head and I tried to avoid blogging more on it, but I guess I still have a lot to say. If you are still reading this, thank you. Sending lots of love out. Then and Now. ♡

2024: April to June Photo Dump

I become a better person when the weather starts to heat up. I don’t know what to say, I just LOVE the sun. As you may have read or heard, I switched jobs and positions which has allowed me to have more time to have a personal life and more time to focus on my health and make improvements to it. I promised myself that I would live more this year in experiences and not live at work like how I have in the past. April to June has been a blessing and I have done just that ♡ I’ve done so many things in these few months, so I’m excited to see how this will continue for the rest of summer and after. I’m happy that I can feel like a normal person and be more with the people I love. Living my best life ♡

April

May

June

July is m i n e.

Repeat after me, ‘July is mine.’ July is m i n e.
Yes, I believe in it whole heartedly because it’s my birthday month. Cancer season is here ♡ Every year I just feel so recharged when July comes around. I wanted to write out some affirmations and intentions that I would like for this July. I’m entering the last year of my 20’s next week, so I’ve been thinking a lot of where I would like to see myself, what I have already accomplished and the progress of what I’m working on.

July Intentions

Making mindful intentions for the month is a great start to bettering yourself and setting a foundation to creating self love and space for yourself. Setting intentions are like gentle goals for yourself. Which I am all here for! If this is new to you, here are mine. Always take what you need, my blog is just as much for you as it is for me ♡

✿ I accept myself as enough. I’ll admit that this is a hard thing to do for myself even if it might look different on the outside to others. I want to accept, fully accept, where I’m in my life especially with the pressures of society telling me where I should be at, at my age. I want to keep accepting that how I look is enough. I need to keep reminding myself to accept my worth and nothing left. I am enough.
✿ Everything I need is within me. I have the power and strength inside to control my own outcome. I am the one that decides my day and how it’ll turn out. I am the one who controls what bothers me or what stresses me or what I let happens. My outcome will be loving, peaceful, strong, and happy.
✿ I intend to love unconditionally. Love for myself and for others. To love myself unconditionally and other means to love without expecting a repayment or condition. I have enough love to pour and pour.
✿ Live with purpose. Live with meaning and be present in life. To be present in life and to enjoy the joyous moments will give a purpose. Then living with purpose will bring you more joy. Full circle. I intend to live my life and enjoy the journey as I go.

July Affirmations

Affirmations are things you can say daily to set your mood and start your day. It gets you in a more positive mindset and can be used as motivators for your intentions above. We speak affirmations out loud to put it into the world, so the world can give it back to us. Yes, speaking to yourself is okay! Here are mine for this month, again, take what you need and like ♡

✿ I stay open to feel calm and peace whenever I need.
✿ I attract positivity and happiness into my life.
✿ My potential is limitless and I choose to thrive, no matter what gets in my way or happens.
✿ My heart is open to giving and receiving love.
✿ I choose to focus on what I can control and I let go of what I cannot.
✿ I release stress and embrace peace, allowing my body to function optimally.
✿ I trust the journey of healing and transformation.
✿ I am deserving of love, happiness, and all good things life has to offer.
✿ I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth.

I hope July brings adventure, excitement, and happiness to everyone. We’re halfway through the year, so remember to pause and celebrate your progress and your achievements. Take some time to plan the 2nd half of your year. Only take the valuable lessons you learned from earlier this year and leave the rest behind. We don’t need to carry everything, all the time. Enjoy the long summer days and all that it has to offer. Prioritize yourself! ♡
Repeat after me, ‘July is m i n e.’

Protecting My Peace.

It’s something that has been talked about more and more each day, protecting your peace. So what does that actually mean? Basically protecting your space, your environment, not letting everyone take from you. You choose who gets your energy and those that don’t because they will drain you out. It doesn’t even have to be people, it can be actions or objects as well. Negative thoughts? Gone. Toxic family members? See you never. A gift that reminds you of a negative time in your life? Good bye.

I have a few stories of cutting certain friendships, relationships and connections that I really wanted to hold on to but no longer served, benefited or gave me joy. Now when I describe as ‘served me’ or ‘benefited’ I don’t mean it in a way that these were giving me something physical like money or material objects. I mean it in the way that they provided me with positive feelings, happiness, love, and support. Like they were there for me to lean on when needed without judgement or I didn’t feel like it was a competition of who does it better. People who are genuinely there for you, a two way relationship or connection.

Without getting into a lot of details because I still hope them the best, but I had to cut ties with a long term friendship, someone I knew the longest in my life. As we grew up, I think we grew apart and eventually that friendship started to drain me. I remained friends with this person for a long time after just hoping it would change cause I saw them as my #1 go to person. That friendship started to make me feel like we were competing with each other constantly. Eventually something happened, trust was broken and it was time to let go. As sad as it was to lose that friendship, I started feeling lighter, less drained. I no longer was in this negative mindset, it literally felt like I lost a storm cloud over my head. It’s just crazy how people can affect you negatively as much as they can positively.
Another way that I’m working on protecting my peace is being more private with my personal social medias. I had to learn that not everyone is rooting for you. They’re really rooting for your downfall and just waiting to kick you the moment you look like you’re starting to fall. With that even if I publicly outed them, it wouldn’t stop. I was actually fueling their fire, feeding into their ego and giving them the attention that they so badly seeked and needed without even knowing. So I went quiet, I went private. On personal pages of mine, you don’t get to see my life unless I allow you to. I show you what I want to be shown on the other pages that are a little less private. Did that make people mad? Yeah. Did it stop all the crazies though? About 85%, but I’ll take that over what it was before. Then it gave me the opportunity to create this blog to relate with so many out there. It gave me an opportunity to be able to make a safe creative space for myself. So remember, not everyone is there for you and not everyone is rooting for you. That’s fine though, just like how you don’t like certain people, certain people won’t like you. Not everyone is for you and you’re not for everyone. Protect your peace.

If you are feeling drained from certain connections or relationships, I hope you find your way too. I asked on my Instagram and facebook page how others protect their peace and here were some responses that I got back. Hopefully someone can find this useful. (Blocked out names out of respect!)

Learning how to not care so much about what others think or say
Having a self care routine and making time for yourself
Setting boundaries and having gratitude because everything happens for a reason
By staying home or limiting your time around certain people
When you start to overthink, repeat an affirmation over and over again

I appreciate those that share their thoughts on my Q&A’s and for all of you that read my blog post TONS ♡ I just want to connect with people even if it’s just on a social media level. If I can help, then why not you know? Always take what you need from the blog and leave what you don’t.
We’re out here to GROW, LOVE, and BE HAPPY.

To Childhood Sally.

Dear Childhood Sally (age 1-10),

Hello from 26 year old you from 2022. Oh god have I missed you! What it would be like to be as innocent and stress free again. You don’t even know it, but you have a whole entire life ahead of you that your tiny little child brain could never even imagine. What you dreamed for yourself at this age is not even close to who you become in your adult life. You dreamed of being a singer and dancer or a veterinarian. Sorry to break it to you, but you are none of those. Anyways, I’m here writing to you because I am currently trying to heal you, this inner child that I still carry around. This inner child that at this age went through multiple events that would change you and end up becoming your traumas.

Did you know that you grew up with some of the biggest technology advancements? You went from hit clips to burning cd’s, you were born right after web browsing became a thing, and the start of social media happened right before you hit middle school. You had that play outside and eat dirt childhood and you also adapted quite well with all the technology advancements happening. It’s so crazy to think about. Did you know you also went through your parent’s divorce? I won’t get into much detail, because we can keep that for ourselves, but you are a strong one. You struggled hard with that one and the struggle went on for years. That tiny child brain that couldn’t imagine her future was able to make her way through somehow.

You are so strong and I’m proud of you. I am working on healing your wounds that will eventually become present much later, but I am working on you. I want you to know that I see you and I hear you. I understand everything. I would love to go back in time and sit there to hug you at what you felt were your hardest moments. We are very much still alike still. We hide so much of our emotions because we don’t want other to see us that way. We still need that person to help with our bottled up emotions, but I’ll be that for you as much as I can. Thank you for giving me a great childhood regardless. By the way, we still love the color pink, we just went through a small phase ♡

Drunk Thoughts: If We Went Back To The Beginning.

If we went back to the beginning, who would we be? If we could go back to the beginning, who would we make ourselves be again? It’s been awhile, but I’m here. Drunk sally. Whoo. Who would you make yourself be? God I feel numb.

Numb in a good way. Numb as in it’s the best for me. Anyways, if you could go back to the beginning what would you do or tell yourself? Would you go through all the hell again and change it or would you do it differently? Who would you make yourself be? Where would things go? Would you change things?

I hurt, you hurt we all hurt. We go through hell. Would you change it? I would go back for sure and hope that I see things differently than I would have. See things as how they really were. I know it would have been heartbreaking, but better the truth than what as I saw it as with my rose colored glasses, I hate how much I try to romanticize life. Sometimes I hate how much I try to look for the good in things. Just see the bad and let it be how it really is. Stop trying to look at the good. See things as they really are. That’s life, face it. My faults are also my good traits. Why does life do that to us? Make the bad things also good, you know how confusing that shit is? How it fucks with your inner peace so much? If I could go back to the beginning what would I wish, how would things go, where would I be? I don’t actually know, I never got to think or put myself first to even think that way and maybe that’s my problem.

I try to be happy, but people don’t want me to be. Is it karma? Is it what I deserve or are people just fucking miserable with their own fucking lives? When I finally do right to myself because I owe myself that much. The saying “god gives his toughest battle to his strongest soldiers” I use to be so inspire by that shit back then, but now.. no not now, stop making me a solider, I’ve had enough for the time being. I’ve been thrown so many obstacles since a young age. Pick someone else I want a break. Just let me breathe. I want to go back to the beginning. drunk sally out.

2022.

It’s the new year, so what are my goals or new year resolutions? Well this year I’m not going to make any. Not that I don’t have any, but don’t you guys ever get stuck with a list that never gets finished or your goals change? In my 26 years of life, I know whatever list I make now will not be what I accomplish later. I’m more of a do as you go type of person. So here is all that I wish for me and for you. Take what you need and leave what you don’t.

I wish for your happiness and peace. I wish you heal the things that you do not speak or know. I wish for the growth and lessons that will push you to be a better person. I wish for the love that will forever stay with you. I wish you will take the bad days and remember that it’s just a bad day and that you don’t take all the good days for granted. I hope that you love yourself more and you do more for yourself. Whatever you’ve been trying to chase to fill that empty feeling, I hope you catch it and it lights a light in your soul that never goes out again. For all the tears that you cried in 2021, you don’t meet them again. I hope you remember to take more photos or videos. I wish for good health and wellness. That every person you come across is as genuine as you. You’ll get the break you need this year to sit down and absorb all that you have done and to relax. I wish you the best in your business plans because I know you’re capable and I know you have it in you. All your creative thoughts get brought to life this year. I hope you do take some things from last year and you keep working on them. Those are not achieved in just a year, it’s something you have to constantly work on for the rest of your life. That you do not forget who you are as a person. All the built up anger, I don’t want you to just let go of it and forgive, I want it to fuel the passion of making yourself better. Use it in a good way and not as a flamethrower and use it to burn others in words.
You know what? Settle in already, push your pride aside and accept what has been waiting for you. You could’ve had more good and balance if you were more open to accepting help. It’s okay to get help, you need other people, we all need people. I wish something clicks in you and you stop living on survival mode, you made it, you can rest. Let someone else take care of you for once. I wish you get the nurture you give to others and you accept it without feeling weak and if you end up feeling that way then you allow yourself to be okay with that. All the battles you have within are put to an end. I wish you live life for what it is and that you continue to do that. Love every little thing in the world more including yourself. ♡

Make your words matter this year.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.
The Good Doctor

You think you know everything until you become an adult and realize that you actually don’t know shit. You think things will be easy, but then you start to feel emotions that you’ve never felt before. Everything hits you harder and has a deeper meaning bringing up childhood traumas and resentful feelings that you never knew you had. The only way to overcome them is to truly forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.
Forgiving means to be at peace with it, within yourself. You can forgive a person all you want, but if you’re not at peace with it does it really matter? Does that even count as forgiveness or is it just half ass? You can be at peace with someone and avoid them, but you can’t avoid yourself. We carry around our emotions everywhere whether we like it or not. Forgiving people is not just for the other person(s), but for yourself.

It will take time and effort to forgive and to feel at peace, but once you do it’ll be worth so much and more. You need to run through the emotions in order to get there. You need to let your ego, pride, and anger go to let it take you through. Seems crazy, but to forgive you actually have to open yourself up even more. Forgiving is so vulnerable.

I hope that everyone (including myself) can open up and forgive whomever or whatever. Not only will we forgive them, but also forgive ourselves in the process. We’re adults, it’s time to heal in the most healthy ways. ♡

Dear January.

You are always so cold, but somehow always filled with warmth and love. The start of a new year and the celebration of making it through another. Everyone thinks you’re a new chapter, but really you’re just a continuation. People count on you to be the new chapter, but it really starts with them to write that.
Adventure comes to mind when I think of you. The first January was the first adventure. It was so perfect, not a thing could or can ruin all those moments. Pure joy and happiness, nothing was questionable. My favorite of them all, the one that only really exists in my head. The last of the daydream.
The second January was a slow warming, if that warming was of a lit match. Trying to put together what was broken and not understood. Figuring out exactly what you need to get through the day, but running to an escape instead. The bottles were warm though. The feeling you had missed and lost. It was temporary and numbing, but it made anything confusing go away. A quick break to breathe. You threw love everywhere, not sure if it even belongs there and then went to the bottles with the same energy.
The third January was full, a more at peace feeling. Seeing actual waves and not the ones that mentally take you in and drown you. In a beautiful place where you don’t need to wait for any unknowns because now you are the unknown. A real reality that you could actually grasp. The understanding isn’t fully there, but you have a better idea of it than before. Something you can let go of at times without a lingering. You keep more to yourself because it’s only right. Protecting yourself, but in a healthy way. Working on recovery on problems you all created.

Dear January, please don’t let me fall. Stay cold, but give us your warmth. Please continue to let the patience of love wait on my drunk heart.

SALLY ♡ T

What I Want From 2021.

I’m not going to sit up here and say “new year, new me” because honestly I like who I am and how I am, but there are a couple adjustments that I feel would be better for me. I already found myself a while ago, but it’s hard trying to be that same person without falling in or getting sucked back into old toxic ways. I can tell you that it’s been a real struggle for the past year and a half.

I can agree that I fell back into old ways. I’ve felt like I had to prove myself to others when I really didn’t have too. I felt like I had to save myself when my name was getting dragged in the dirt, when my intentions and actions were made out of love. I let that whole thing eat me alive and I really let it get to me.
I’m gonna talk my shit now, but I really let a person who couldn’t speak or message me without hiding behind multiple fake accounts have so much of my energy. How stupid was I to let that happen continuously? You want to know the worst part of it all? I felt sympathy for this person because I know it all came from hurt, but I was too hurt and mad myself to go about things another way and I got sucked right into the toxic part of it. Before anyone gets ideas and decides to anonymously message me saying that this person wasn’t the only one to create the problem, I know that. I’m not blaming just one side, I’ve been fully aware, this side just happened to be the one that became public. I can also admit and take full responsibility that I fueled a fire and kept it going. What I won’t say is sorry though, I defended my own ass in any way that it felt necessary because a lot of people let all that shit slide and did absolutely nothing, but watch. They wanted the show and we gave that to them.

Now what I want from 2021 is to heal and find my peace with everything I just mentioned and everything else surrounding it. I want to move on and fully forgive myself, my person and all the others. I don’t want to carry this hate and sadness around anymore, that’s just not who I am. What I want from this year is to be able to let go and move on. I don’t want to feel like I have to watch my own back 24/7 whenever I’m in public. I want to be able to meet new people without having to feel like I have to be cautious and question if their intentions are actually genuine or not. Everything that I can do and feel over here is what I want it to be like again there. If you are reading this with ill will, I’m okay with us being complete strangers to each other. I understand that not everyone is for each other and really that’s okay. We can make it mutually known and I won’t ever bother you. I’d rather have that than someone faking to like me because I’m dating this person or cause I hang out with these people. I am not defined by some other person. I can respect the honesty of it.

I know what I want and hope for will take some time and it might not even be this year, but any step closer is good enough for me.
Because I’m going to read this plenty of times through out the year, a reminder, YOU chose to pick love when it was the last thing you felt and YOU did nothing wrong by that. Vivi con amore.
I talked my shit and now I’m leaving it here.

SALLY ♡ T