I sit here and find myself in a familiar place. A place where it feels embarrassing to admit that I’m back at again. A place where I have been trying to deny that I’m back in. A place where it breaks you before it makes you. A familiar place, a pretty vulnerable place. Healing alone.
Healing alone is an awful feeling and one of the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It will force you to sit with your grief and to feel it. A place I’m a little too familiar with. Healing alone is healing without using other people or things to fill a void inside of yourself, going out every weekend, healing without using distractions and doing anything to prevent yourself to sit in your grief and think about it. It’s an awful feeling. A place I’m a little too familiar with.
While I spend my time in this familiar place, I’ll give myself the grace that I need. I’ll sit with the grief once again and I’ll still look for all the happiness and love that I gained before the last. I’ll sit here wishing that all my love given is still making someone feel loved. That the right people know that I will always see them as they are and for who they are. The love I gave is for them to keep and theirs, for me. Saying goodbye never gets any easier and finding yourself in this familiar place doesn’t get easier either. I guess I’m back at the first steps again.
For however long it takes for me here, I welcome anyone else that finds their way in this familiar place. I’ll sit here and heal alone – with you.
July and August flew by so fast. I will miss the summer months. Until next year my friend ♡ Not so many mini writings for these two months, but once that weather changes and winter blues hit you’ll start to see a lot more. Mini writings = mini readings.
July 9, 2024
Your life is a book. You have chapters and every chapter has a story. Like a book, you read each line and feel each word and that’s exactly what you should do with your life. Be in the moment with each line and live each word, good or bad. It’s part of your story, your chapter, your book.
– sally.things
Thursday, July 25, 2024
“You were wrong, but you were right to be wrong.”
– sally.things
Sunday, July 28, 2024
Sometimes you have to let yourself and body know that you appreciate all that’s it’s done and is doing for you.
You have to stop and thank your body and mind for all that it has been put through.
Nourish your self, mind and body.
– sally.things
Tuesday, August 6, 2024
The end is none of your business until it actually happens.
I probably have typed about this in the few blogs I wrote before, but never finished. Fair warning, be prepared to read a little more of this in other blogs if they ever get posted. So far it’s the only thing that comes to my mind when I try to sit down to blog, so it’s something that needs to get out and hopefully after I can blog about other things. I feel like a broken record sometimes. I blog a lot about healing and my journey, it’s all I know right now. It is currently what’s going on in my life. Then and now. I wouldn’t quite call this a drunk thoughts blog, but I did have a good chug of some strawberry sake. Just a bit to loosen up and be not so in my head about sharing this. I actually find it hard to share this side of me because it feels super and very vulnerable of me. Maybe a part of me feels embarrassed, maybe because it still gets me in my feels or that I haven’t yet fully processed it. It’s hard for me to express because I simply do not know where I’m quite at with it all. Whatever it is, here I try to go.
These summer months, I have really compared my current self to my 2023 self. If I could describe myself this summer it would be: confident, strong, happy, healing, thriving, joyful, sober, living life to the fullest, a normal person. If I were to describe summer Sally 2023 it would be: sad, but grateful, stressed, alcohol driven, burnt out, lost, fun, goal driven, and hurt. What two very different and confusing versions of me.
A word that best described me then is lost. A word that best describes me now is healing, but of course I would not be who I am today if it wasn’t for that lost version of me. Looking back I’m actually very grateful for that part of my life (not the problems, but the lessons) and very proud of how I managed, even though I was very hurt. I sat with myself every day and I listened to my cries, I listened to my thoughts, I felt the hurt. I sat with every emotion and let them take their turn. I sat with all my doubts and gave them the time they needed. I sat there and cried out every tear in my body almost every night until there was nothing left. Some people might think it’s pretty pathetic, but it was what I needed to do for me. That was my way of trying to comfort myself. I gave myself that safe space. Now, I still have that safe space, but it’s more for the appreciation of my happiness, celebration of small steps on my healing and the new self love that I have for myself. I won’t say I’m completely on the other side, but it’s definitely a positive path.
I did something that I never thought or saw myself doing and that was to stop engaging and going silent. I let go of any hope and expectation, I let go completely. That’s such a hard thing to do. To let things go free and to let things come to or go from you. I ignored and pushed everything away as much as I could until I realized that it was something that was trying to come to me. I really crawled into my own little shell and if you weren’t someone I saw in my daily life, I unfortunately didn’t reach out to or interacted with for a bit. My social battery was fighting so hard, but my emotional side won. I’m a person who tries to act fine when I’m not, but in reality my emotions literally leak out of my pores and you can tell how I am through my body language and facial expressions. I pulled away for a bit so people didn’t have to see that side of me, ask me anything and I didn’t have to keep pretending. I’m sorry to my friends and family for that and I’m also very thankful that everyone understood that I needed some space. I put myself first and really focused on nothing, but myself and moving forward. One positive that did come out of it was my decision on schooling. Now, because of then, I still am continuing my education and I feel more comfortable with being truly vulnerable in front of others even if I feel stupid. It is not a burden. Now, I can thank the ‘then me’ and comfort any part of her that I still have left with the ‘now me’.
One thing that I learned from this and in my therapy sessions are to acknowledge all these different parts of me, listen to what they need to say, validate them and thank them. Practicing this has helped build a better relationship within myself with myself. Practicing this has allowed to me forgive myself, love all the different parts of myself, remember my worth, remember what I deserve, growth, healing, forgiving others and most importantly not to hurt others because of my own hurt. One day, I’ll be at the end with the rainbows and unicorns or in my case, a room filled with anything and everything Hello Kitty.
This was really building up in my head and I tried to avoid blogging more on it, but I guess I still have a lot to say. If you are still reading this, thank you. Sending lots of love out.Then and Now. ♡
These two months have been eye openers. Maybe the warmer weather has changed my mental state or maybe good things really have been coming my way. I’ve been finding more of my motivation to be creative and that creative side is slowly coming alive again. I have so many ideas bouncing around that my mini writings are being pushed to the side a little. There’s just a few for the months of May and June.
Thursday, May 23, 2024
“But think of it, what if all you need in order to heal is just the realization that you’re a different person now than you were back then.”
– sally.things
Wednesday, May 29, 2024
“Absence demands to be felt.”
– sally.things
Sunday, June 9, 2024
Set boundaries and embrace ‘no’.
Every ‘yes’ to something is a ‘no’ to something else, often your own feelings and mental health.
“Hopin’ to keep the rest of my friends. Prayin’ the 20 somethings don’t kill me, kill me.” “Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love, only know fear. That’s me, Ms. 20 something.“
A year since I’ve posted a drunk thoughts post. Ya’ll see I don’t be getting drunk on my own as much anymore or at all actually. I don’t drink when I’m at my house or even by myself. That’s PROGRESS. A whole year of working on myself and still working on myself. What a fucking journey it’s been. It’s been wild. Let me tell you, WILD. So much to keep quiet on because I just want everything to be over. I’m drained. I’m tired, exhausted. I get pulled into toxic cycles over and over again. I’ve been getting myself stuck with people who have manipulative behaviors and in their cycles over and over. I’m literally praying my 20 something don’t kill me because I don’t know If i’m going to make it out alive anymore. It’s going to take me and eat me alive.
I’m trying to grow, heal and still love, but that gets taken, taken ,taken. I have a big heart and I love to love and I love to care and I am the type of person to just always have feelings, but clearly that’s being taken for granted and advantage of over and over and over again. What’s suppose to be one of the greatest quality a person can have is also the most taken advantage of. Why do people just take and take and take? I honestly wish I could be exactly like them and do the same. Let me take from you now. then throw you away until I need you next. ugh, disgusting. Personal problem? hell yeah. I’ve been keeping quiet for so long, but for what? To try to save someone’s else character because I loved them before? If I were to literally write a tell all book like celebrities, I feel like my shit would be more interesting that most of the others. The shit I have been put through has beeen WILD. I have stayed quiet to try to forget and move on, but then some shit happens and I notice I’m still taken advantage of because I’m not saying anything. I just want to love and keep loving and not become cold. I want to heal, I want to move on, I want to grow. I want to be left alone. This is the most vulnerable that I can be on here.
Everyone just leave me alone from my past. I loved someone who could not love me the right way and we left it. so, YOU, leave it too. Everyone leave it.
These two months were quite hard on me, but here I am. Still here, still standing, still living, still loving, still going. Physically exhausted, mentally stronger and overall more kind and gentle to myself. ♡
September 2, 2023
Let them.
Let them try to ruin you and your day.
You know you haven’t played in any fire lately.
They are doing it out of their own insecurities about you anyways.
– sally.things
September 10, 2023
“Listen before I go.”
– sally.things
September 16, 2023
Once you let go, you let go over and over and over again.
You let them go when you go to the grocery store and don’t buy their favorite snack. You let go of them when you eat at your guys’ favorite restaurant and decide to order something different. You let them go again when you do things out of your normal routine that involved them.
You’ll be letting them go in many different ways, in many different places and a million different times.
– sally.things
October 8, 2023
Keep on laughing, smiling and finding little joys in things.
The little things will eventually become big and you’ll forget about all the worries of the past.
Love life in the present.
– sally.things
October 12, 2023
I deserved a kinder goodbye. One that wasn’t ruined by deceit.
One that didn’t get competed against or used for someone else’s needs.
One that wasn’t used by another and rubbed in my face.
I deserved a goodbye that was only meant for you and me.
– sally.things
October 24, 2023
I’m dancing with all my emotions and giving each and every one of them their time to shine.
We’ll dance until we can’t dance anymore.
Love, sadness, grief, gratitude, heartache, happiness, and more.
Sometimes quick little mini writings come easier than writing a whole blog. Sometimes I don’t have the time to pull out my laptop and write what I’m feeling or if I don’t write it right away I’ll forget or second guess on sharing. Every mini writing expresses me and how I felt at that moment and the photos will have something significant to them. There’s a lot more meaning to me, but it might seem like nothing to others which is fine too. You can find these on my Instagram @Sally.Things stories/highlights. Now here’s what you might have missed ♡
July 17, 2023
I’m still human. I still have a lot of emotions.
I’m very much going through it. I mean it just really started.
May this photo remind me and help through the waves of sadness.
– sally.things
July 24, 2023
Even though it hurts, I’m still going to continue to sit here and choose myself.
Choose the love I deserve.
– sally.things
August 3, 2023
I try my best to move on and go about my day and life/future.
It gets hard on some days, but I know it won’t last forever
Keep going.
– sally.things
August 9, 2023
One of these days I’m going to heal through my words.
Until then, all I can do is write it all out in hopes that it’s helping someone else out instead.
I’m constantly reading, rereading and rereading.
– sally.things.
P.s. I’m going to choose to remember this as the last. It was beautiful.
August 13, 2023
Super excited that I’m actually able to continue with my life plans. It didn’t work out last year which was my original plan, but I guess things happen for a reason.
The future I was planning for will still happen and I’m still going to go that route, except it’s going to be just for me. The support and excitement will always be with me though.
– sally.things
August 22, 2023
“I wish that you could see how much you mean to other people in their lives like how you see how much people mean in yours.”
Somewhere along the way, I lost my sight of that. I wish that one day I can see that again too.
– sally.things
August 28, 2023
For every push, there’s been a bigger pull.
For every pull, there’s been very little pushing away.
Tell me what am I suppose to do?
– sally.things
Follow my Instagram for more or come and visit the end of October/beginning of November to see more ♡
Sometimes I don’t think what I write is “blog worthy” and I’ll post it to another social platform instead or I’ll get inspired with my writings on those different social platforms. Slowly, but surely I’m sharing things to all platforms. This one was originally posted on TikTok a few months ago. Feel free to check out and follow both my personal and blog accounts. Come feel the feels ♡
June 11, 2023
I still fall for your words, how weak of me.
Maybe it’s the way we started, all we had was our words. Long distance challenges you in every way, so you fall in love with what stays consistent. I will always have this soft, loving spot for you and you know that too.
How weak of me.
Even now I still find myself falling for your words and the way they make me feel. The way you still make me feel.
How weak of me.
I’ve been finding myself fighting what feels so loving, caring and kind. Do I let myself feel it sometimes? Yes.
How weak of me.
What you tell me, I don’t doubt your emotions behind it. I know that deep down you actually feel that way, but it breaks my heart.
How weak of me.
I’m holding myself up and I’m pushing myself to move forward. I’m picking up my own pieces and I’m trying so hard to stay soft and still true to myself. I am creating a safe and supportive space for my feelings and emotions. I stop my own tears when I need too. I am learning to let go of us without having any hateful feelings. I am slowly accepting that the love between us was real. You did love me, it just wasn’t enough for forever. I’m healing myself in ways that seem impossible and all I can think of is
I still fall for your words, how weak of me. Maybe it’s the way we started, all we had was our words. Long distance challenges you in every way, so you fall in love with what stays consistent. I will always have this soft, loving spot for you and you know that too. How weak of me. Even now I still find myself falling for your words and the way they make me feel. The way you still make me feel. How weak of me. I’ve been finding myself fighting what feels so loving, caring and kind. Do I let myself feel it sometimes? Yes. How weak of me. What you tell me, I don’t doubt your emotions behind it. I know that deep down you actually feel that way, but it breaks my heart. How weak of me. I’m holding myself up and I’m pushing myself to move forward. I’m picking up my own pieces and I’m trying so hard to stay soft and still true to myself. I am creating a safe and supportive space for my feelings and emotions. I stop my own tears when I need too. I am learning to let go of us without having any hateful feelings. I am slowly accepting that the love between us was real. You did love me, it just wasn’t enough for forever. I’m healing myself in ways that seem impossible and all I can think of is How weak of me. #sallythings @SALLY ♡ THINGS #healingprocess#healingjourney#ventingthoughts#tiktokblogs#readthecaption#movingforwardishard
Am I crazy? Slightly. Did you read that right? Yes. I decided to go back to college this semester at the age of 28. The last time I had classes was back in 2014/2015, so 8-9 years ago. Life got in the way and I really wasn’t ready back then. I’ve been wanting to go back, but timing wasn’t right or it didn’t feel right to me. How I feel about something is very important for me. This time around, things fell into place and I was able to sign up and get back into it. I’m happy that I’m back in school and excited to see what’s to come from it.
So what’s it like to be back? While it feels like I haven’t left and majority of things look the same, many things have actually changed. My professors from back then are still here, but they have aged. It’s weird cause I feel like I went time traveling to the future. The student IDs are different colors and now have more use for things, I got mine replaced to the new one and the person taking my picture said, “Wow, welcome back it must be a while for you. I haven’t seen the all blue IDs in a while.” How embarrassing that was LOL. The parking student rates have gone up and boy does that make me sad, but happy cause I’m only on campus 2 times a week. I also just feel sooo old in my classes. Majority of my peers are 18-20. I’ve interacted with some classmates in group projects and we’ll get to know each other with little questions and they all get so shocked when I tell them my age. It’s always the same reaction too, “No way! You look so good and young for 28!” Thank you for that compliment though, I’m starting to appreciate it more. ♡ I’m also meeting others who are older than me, that are coming back to school just like me. Having that in common has been very motivating for me and reminds me to not be too hard on myself for starting over again.
How are you feeling about it all? Well it’s been very emotional for me for sure. It’s been 3 weeks already and on the first day I was 15 mins late and I skipped one class lecture already. The enrollment period before was pretty stressful for me already. It’s been a while since I’ve been in school, so some of my credits that I earned when I first went no longer exists. I have to pretty much take some of same classes over again to get the credit again, which sucks. School was a hard topic for me to talk about before and even now at times because of how my first year went. It wasn’t ideal and I didn’t feel supported back then. Those feelings come through still from time to time and I can get very discouraged and less motivated. Have I already thought of dropping out? YES, plenty of times already. I did have someone who was my #1 supporter and they helped me talk about and through my worries about school, someone who was always there for me. I ended up starting this semester without them. It’s heartbreaking to lose someone who was so proud and believed in you and I’m still trying to adjust with that. Besides those feels, mainly I’ve been excited and motivated. I am proud of myself for taking this step again and trying again. I’m happy with my decision of going back and ready to see what’s to come with it. I’m happy that I get the opportunity to change up my daily routine and change my environment. It’s something that I needed to do for myself.
I’m here to let anyone else that’s looking to go back to school, whether you’re older, younger, haven’t gone yet, or dropped out that you can do it. You’re not alone and you definitely don’t have to think negative about yourself about it. Whatever your story was before, it’s not going to be your story this time around. Take your time, go your own pace, don’t listen to those who bash others. You have your own journey to go through. Most importantly YOU got this!
This won’t be the last blog about school and I’m hoping to be able to post about getting my degree when the time comes around. Whenever that will be. I’m in no rush right now and enjoying the ride. I’m happy for this new start and I’ll see everyone at the end. ♡
As I’m entering this phase of my life, I can’t help but to feel a little lost. Even though I’m back to the environment that I grew up in, I’m not the same person. I don’t have the same goals, I’m not looking to pick up where I left off or behind. I want to say everything is the same as how I left it, but it’s not. Things have changed. I some what feel like maybe I don’t belong here or fit in as well as I did. With all that going on, some things do feel the same, but I don’t feel the same way about it. How do you go from a place that you only ever knew, leave for a little over a year, then come back and it almost feels like a new place to you?
Identity crisis? Feeling like an outsider? Did I grow out from this place that fast? I want different things for myself and I came back to do that, but how really different are the things I want? Can I even get to those here? Where do I belong, where do I feel settled? A thought that comes across a lot lately is did I make the right move or did I just set myself back? I don’t know any of these answers and that’s something I have to try to be okay with. It all has me feeling lost. I thought I had it figured out and that what I saw was clear as day. The reality of it is that it’s not clear as day and it’s actually more confusing. I’m feeling lost.
I know it won’t be like this forever and I just have to let go of the control that I would like to have in my life and let things go and flow. I know things that are meant to be will find its way to me. I know. It’s just hard to keep that positive mindset all the time when I’m not feeling positive all the time. Things take time, but sometimes I feel like I don’t have patience to wait. Things will come when you stop looking for it, so I need to stop looking. I need to be okay with feeling lost for a bit.
SALLY♡THINGS 