Tag: Emotions

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.

The Good Doctor

You think you know everything until you become an adult and realize that you actually don’t know shit. You think things will be easy, but then you start to feel emotions that you’ve never felt before. Everything hits you harder and has a deeper meaning bringing up childhood traumas and resentful feelings that you never knew you had. The only way to overcome them is to truly forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.
Forgiving means to be at peace with it, within yourself. You can forgive a person all you want, but if you’re not at peace with it does it really matter? Does that even count as forgiveness or is it just half ass? You can be at peace with someone and avoid them, but you can’t avoid yourself. We carry around our emotions everywhere whether we like it or not. Forgiving people is not just for the other person(s), but for yourself.

It will take time and effort to forgive and to feel at peace, but once you do it’ll be worth so much and more. You need to run through the emotions in order to get there. You need to let your ego, pride, and anger go to let it take you through. Seems crazy, but to forgive you actually have to open yourself up even more. Forgiving is so vulnerable.

I hope that everyone (including myself) can open up and forgive whomever or whatever. Not only will we forgive them, but also forgive ourselves in the process. We’re adults, it’s time to heal in the most healthy ways. ♡

To Let It Go.

It isn’t one of those good days, I want to curl up in a ball and lay in bed all day. My brain really said “Hey Sally, fuck you. You’re not shit today <3”
Everything you’ve been working on disappears as if that work never happened. It doesn’t exist. It’s hard to feel that when you thought you’ve moved way past it. The doubt of what you thought you achieved just sits there and eats you away making it hard to see the growth.

Conversation between my brain and I through text. My brain today told me to be insecure and sad today like it's an okay thing. I'm not happy about it obviously, but I can't help it. Your brain and thoughts can destroy you.

This may be a raw one. I’ve tried to protect it from coming out so much that today I just can’t do it anymore. Something that I wanted to keep private for me to process ended up coming out in a fire anyways and I’ve been fighting to put it out this whole time. I’m tired of fighting for myself.

To let it go. It’s been such a challenge and something I still haven’t figured out yet. Sometimes when something so heartbreaking or traumatic happens to you, you start to believe that maybe you did deserve it. For whatever reason why I may think it, I know at the same time that I didn’t deserve it, but it’s easier to believe I did. It’s the “easier” option for me to understand what or why it happened even if it hurts. Someone who loves you, but hurts you in ways they or you would never imagine, try to make that make sense. It’s heartbreaking. Now put where I’m at now into that and then try to make sense of that. Sometimes if feels like I’m fighting demons out here and the demon is myself, actually my own thoughts vs how I feel. The two peacefully agree most time, but then you have days like this where they switch up and play both sides. It’s this, but that, it’s that, but this. Tugging me back and forth and back and forth. I just want to lay down and rest or drink. A drink would be nice. To let it all go would be nice.

Self defense mechanisms, thank you, but also you are my worst enemy. Thank you for trying to soften the next unknown, but it’s not helping me personally with healing. I can’t keep holding on to this thing, I don’t want too. I want to make my peace and I want to move on. Let me do that, let me let it go.

Dear March.

It was pretty until it wasn’t. It snows and then a false spring comes. It’s hard to tell what you’ll get within this month.
Just go for it. Just go. The way things were said was like it was coming straight out of a fairytale. The way I felt, the way the night went, it was a fairytale. I know now that it was coming from a problem or guilt, but also hope and the heart. It gave me hope. I gave me more than hope, blind hope, but it was so perfect. Do I want to ruin this memory or will I remember it as how I did before? Was it a cry of truth or was it innocently true? Sometimes it’s hard to see everything as how I saw them in the moment.
It was a start of something that needed to happen. The good and bad, everything needed to be said and out. I spoke as I was holding back every emotion known to man. I spoke. That’s such a huge thing for me. I cried tears and a lot of them. I remember waking up one morning and I didn’t have time to open my eyes yet and I cried. This was truly the start of everything. It hurt, I was hurt, but it was needed. It was part of what I needed. Healing is so messy. Healing hurts so much until it doesn’t anymore.
What a change. I can’t believe it myself looking back. The thing you said that night, yeah it happened. Was it a cry? I still don’t know, but I don’t think I want to know the truth. The progress of each brings me tears if I think about it. To go through such high highs and straight to the lowest lows, it made it.

Dear March, tell me that there’s light at the end of all this starless night.

SALLY ♡ T

Dear February.

February, you always find a way of repeating yourself for the past few years and honestly I’m over it. There’s very little good to remember, instead it’s a stretch of time and waiting. You try so hard for something so simple. I wouldn’t say rock bottom, but why does it feels like it’s always desperate climbing out of something? Why must you be so stubborn?
First was a start of something I would have never known. Something that I didn’t think was capable of happening. Something that I just didn’t know. Something that won’t ever leave me. Just a lot of missing and things unknown. A strange feeling, but I trusted something else because there was no way. It’s just not there, right? It’s happy still. It’s still just a day dream, still that fairytale, but you’re losing it right in front of you without even realizing it. It’s busy, one starts to feel lonely while the other is doing something with a bigger vision in mind. It’s not aligned.
Second, just more of the same thing except it’s known. Be aware of your surroundings. You’re more aware of the bottles than what going in your life. That warmth from last month got you through, so why not continue? It allows you to escape the old and the new, it allows you to escape the feeling of being a ticking time bomb. Any emotions released, good and bad, but you just don’t care because it’s the only time you can express anything. Otherwise, it’s too much to even think of any other time. Stand up for yourself and pour out whatever you feel. Pour out a cup, pour out two, pour out three at least. Shit, we’re already on five, make it six and we’re numb. Perfect. It’s the only thing you can make sense of, the only thing that feels real, the only thing that is staying consistent. The one thing reality is letting you take control of. Just keep busy.
“So I’ll take all of all of my wasted love and turn it into wine in my cup.”
Third, it’s not a full repeat, but there’s lingering. There’s still some of the same. There’s some of the same cups, but not out of control. We don’t drink until we’re numb anymore, but emotions still are there. It’s still there. Keep busy only a few left. There’s joy, but it can still feel lonely, but there’s joy. Things aren’t fueling anymore. There’s room to think with clarity and understanding. Understanding? Maybe that’s a reach. Your skin is tough, but things still sit under it. All you can do is sit and control yourself.

Dear February, save me. You’ve given me everything you gave me, but you’re scorned.

SALLY ♡ T

Drunk Thoughts: Hungover

I’m actually hungover as I post this, but when I was drunk last night I wrote this and honestly it’s one of my favorite things that I’ve written. Not because it’s cute, but because most of my drunk thoughts are never about me being happy. I’m sure you’ve read some of them, this is very different from all of those.

I’m in a very good place in my life and just figuring everything out slowly, but in a healthy way. I owe that to myself. For me it’s so easy to write about the sad stuff and stuff that will help me feel better, but so hard to write when I’m happy. Why is it like that? I don’t know, but it explains why I haven’t written anything recently. Things are good though, I can’t complain. I’ll write an update on what I’ve been up to when I’m not dying from being hungover lol

SALLY ♡ T

It All Comes Rushing Back.

Although would like to say this was part of the Drunk Thoughts series, it’s not. I actually sobered up from my drinking and just typing my feelings out at 4 AM. Here we are again, the heavy feeling. It all comes rushing back.

Just when things seem so great, it all comes rushing back. You can’t do anything about it, but to deal with it. That part I’m not so great with. How do you know you’re making progress? How do you know you’re getting through it instead of pushing it aside? Am I really putting my needs first?

I don’t doubt or second guess my decisions, but I do doubt where I should be or think I shouldn’t let shit bother me like it does. Why do I still get these nasty little reminders and why do they still hurt me just as much? Sometimes I get so far, just for a reminder to remind me that I actually am not. I actually haven’t even gone anywhere, like I’m just stuck in the cycle.

I go on with my day with a little bit of a heavy heart sometimes and I just push through, but what if one day I don’t have the strength for it? What can I do then? The last thing I want to do is let it consume my emotions and dwell. I’ve done that so many times and had that time already. You know, people carry a lot on their shoulders, they carry a lot on their backs. Not everyone is as happy as they seem. I hope my peace finds me, I really hope soon.

Be kind to others, be respectful, or just leave them alone. Leave things be and let it happen.

“But now I know you can’t change the past, way too young to know the reason why and it all comes rushing back, rushing back.”

SALLY ♡ T

To Anybody Going Through It.

It can’t be just me right? I’ve been feeling down, sad, and overly emotional for the past week and a half. I don’t know why or what is making me feel this way and I can’t figure it out either, which makes it super frustrating. It kind of took over a little more of me than I wanted causing me to act upon those feelings in a negative way. I can’t even listen to music in my car without bursting into random tears. I feel like something is missing, but I can’t grasp what it is. I’m already a pretty emotional person, but now it’s just ten times worst.

You’re not alone though. We all are feeling some type of way and even though it may be different, we all can relate to one another. There’s a lot going on around the world currently and we are living through a pandemic that has changed the way we live and the weather is changing to cooler or colder temperatures as we speak. There’s not much we can do to control it, but we can choose how we will deal with it and how to get through these weird times.

Here’s some thing I’ve been doing to try to cope with the recent sadness:
○ Putting in the effort of getting ready for the day, like dressing up a little and putting makeup on
○ Surrounding myself with good company
○ Communicating about how I feel and getting validation that I’m not the only one feeling this way
○ Walking around market or stores with greenhouses. Plants do wonders to your mood and don’t forget that fresh air!
○ Hugs. Hug someone or a pet for a little longer than usual. Trust me, it will help. (Thanks Kona)
○ Choosing an affirmation for the day and say it out loud or think about it throughout the day
○ Vitamins. The weather is getting colder and darker, so let’s get on that Vitamin D to beat the seasonal depression
○ Choosing to go somewhere or doing something instead of laying in bed all day. A simple walk around the neighborhood will do the trick.
○ Out of town girls/friend trip. A little shopping and eating trip to a place you don’t visit often is always nice. A mini trip to refresh your mind with.

If you feel like you can’t talk to anyone or want to talk to a stranger about things, my email or social media messages are always open. You would also be doing me a favor. You can head to my contact page or find the links at the bottom of my blog page.
To anybody going through it, you aren’t alone and you don’t have to feel like you are.

SALLY ♡ T

Curiosity.

Curiosity.
Instead of avoiding or trying to talk myself out of negative or uncomfortable emotions, I decided to become curious about it. I’m curious why I’m thinking this way, or feeling this way. I’m curious how I got to this conclusion. I’m curious about the way discomfort makes me feel, see, hear and experience the world around me. This curiosity allows me to experience this part of my life. Being curious allows me to take responsibility for my emotions instead of feeling like a victim to my emotions.
I repeat this to myself and take action on it: I am capable of experiencing negative and positive emotions fully.
Getting curious helped me stop being afraid of my thoughts and learn how to create new ones!

Franceskax (Instagram)

MY THOUGHTS.

As I scrolled through my instagram newsfeeds, I came across this caption and it really captures how I’ve been feeling these past couple of weeks. This post made by Franceska Boerman really hit something inside of me and took my words and feelings out of me. Curiosity isn’t a bad nor a good thing. It’s purely just raw. Curiosity will always bring out raw emotions, good or bad.

In this case for me, I have yet to find out what it is and why. Why are these things uncomfortable to me? Why am I feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden? What is the cause of this discomfort and how can I deal with it directly? What is the mesaage that it’s trying to relay? Like Franceska, I have too tried to find the answers to those questions. Some being easier than the others.
My favorite sentence – “Being curious allows me to take responsibility for my emotions instead of feeling like a victim to my emotions.” Your emotions will get the best of you if you let it. I’m tired of it and tired of not knowing why or the reasoning behind. It’s time to face it.

Let yourself wander off into curiosity and handle the hidden truth.
(You can see the original post on instagram from Franceskax here.)

SALLY ♡ T