Tag: Song Inspired

Then and Now.

I probably have typed about this in the few blogs I wrote before, but never finished. Fair warning, be prepared to read a little more of this in other blogs if they ever get posted. So far it’s the only thing that comes to my mind when I try to sit down to blog, so it’s something that needs to get out and hopefully after I can blog about other things. I feel like a broken record sometimes. I blog a lot about healing and my journey, it’s all I know right now. It is currently what’s going on in my life. Then and now. I wouldn’t quite call this a drunk thoughts blog, but I did have a good chug of some strawberry sake. Just a bit to loosen up and be not so in my head about sharing this. I actually find it hard to share this side of me because it feels super and very vulnerable of me. Maybe a part of me feels embarrassed, maybe because it still gets me in my feels or that I haven’t yet fully processed it. It’s hard for me to express because I simply do not know where I’m quite at with it all. Whatever it is, here I try to go.

These summer months, I have really compared my current self to my 2023 self. If I could describe myself this summer it would be: confident, strong, happy, healing, thriving, joyful, sober, living life to the fullest, a normal person. If I were to describe summer Sally 2023 it would be: sad, but grateful, stressed, alcohol driven, burnt out, lost, fun, goal driven, and hurt. What two very different and confusing versions of me.

A word that best described me then is lost. A word that best describes me now is healing, but of course I would not be who I am today if it wasn’t for that lost version of me. Looking back I’m actually very grateful for that part of my life (not the problems, but the lessons) and very proud of how I managed, even though I was very hurt. I sat with myself every day and I listened to my cries, I listened to my thoughts, I felt the hurt. I sat with every emotion and let them take their turn. I sat with all my doubts and gave them the time they needed. I sat there and cried out every tear in my body almost every night until there was nothing left. Some people might think it’s pretty pathetic, but it was what I needed to do for me. That was my way of trying to comfort myself. I gave myself that safe space. Now, I still have that safe space, but it’s more for the appreciation of my happiness, celebration of small steps on my healing and the new self love that I have for myself. I won’t say I’m completely on the other side, but it’s definitely a positive path.

I did something that I never thought or saw myself doing and that was to stop engaging and going silent. I let go of any hope and expectation, I let go completely. That’s such a hard thing to do. To let things go free and to let things come to or go from you. I ignored and pushed everything away as much as I could until I realized that it was something that was trying to come to me. I really crawled into my own little shell and if you weren’t someone I saw in my daily life, I unfortunately didn’t reach out to or interacted with for a bit. My social battery was fighting so hard, but my emotional side won. I’m a person who tries to act fine when I’m not, but in reality my emotions literally leak out of my pores and you can tell how I am through my body language and facial expressions. I pulled away for a bit so people didn’t have to see that side of me, ask me anything and I didn’t have to keep pretending. I’m sorry to my friends and family for that and I’m also very thankful that everyone understood that I needed some space. I put myself first and really focused on nothing, but myself and moving forward. One positive that did come out of it was my decision on schooling. Now, because of then, I still am continuing my education and I feel more comfortable with being truly vulnerable in front of others even if I feel stupid. It is not a burden. Now, I can thank the ‘then me’ and comfort any part of her that I still have left with the ‘now me’.

One thing that I learned from this and in my therapy sessions are to acknowledge all these different parts of me, listen to what they need to say, validate them and thank them. Practicing this has helped build a better relationship within myself with myself. Practicing this has allowed to me forgive myself, love all the different parts of myself, remember my worth, remember what I deserve, growth, healing, forgiving others and most importantly not to hurt others because of my own hurt. One day, I’ll be at the end with the rainbows and unicorns or in my case, a room filled with anything and everything Hello Kitty.

This was really building up in my head and I tried to avoid blogging more on it, but I guess I still have a lot to say. If you are still reading this, thank you. Sending lots of love out. Then and Now. ♡

Drunk Thoughts: Ms. 20 Something.


“Hopin’ to keep the rest of my friends. Prayin’ the 20 somethings don’t kill me, kill me.”
“Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love, only know fear. That’s me, Ms. 20 something.“

A year since I’ve posted a drunk thoughts post. Ya’ll see I don’t be getting drunk on my own as much anymore or at all actually. I don’t drink when I’m at my house or even by myself. That’s PROGRESS. A whole year of working on myself and still working on myself. What a fucking journey it’s been. It’s been wild. Let me tell you, WILD. So much to keep quiet on because I just want everything to be over. I’m drained. I’m tired, exhausted. I get pulled into toxic cycles over and over again. I’ve been getting myself stuck with people who have manipulative behaviors and in their cycles over and over. I’m literally praying my 20 something don’t kill me because I don’t know If i’m going to make it out alive anymore. It’s going to take me and eat me alive.

I’m trying to grow, heal and still love, but that gets taken, taken ,taken. I have a big heart and I love to love and I love to care and I am the type of person to just always have feelings, but clearly that’s being taken for granted and advantage of over and over and over again. What’s suppose to be one of the greatest quality a person can have is also the most taken advantage of. Why do people just take and take and take? I honestly wish I could be exactly like them and do the same. Let me take from you now. then throw you away until I need you next. ugh, disgusting. Personal problem? hell yeah. I’ve been keeping quiet for so long, but for what? To try to save someone’s else character because I loved them before? If I were to literally write a tell all book like celebrities, I feel like my shit would be more interesting that most of the others. The shit I have been put through has beeen WILD. I have stayed quiet to try to forget and move on, but then some shit happens and I notice I’m still taken advantage of because I’m not saying anything. I just want to love and keep loving and not become cold. I want to heal, I want to move on, I want to grow. I want to be left alone. This is the most vulnerable that I can be on here.

Everyone just leave me alone from my past. I loved someone who could not love me the right way and we left it. so, YOU, leave it too. Everyone leave it.

I Still Fall For Your Words, How Weak of Me.

Sometimes I don’t think what I write is “blog worthy” and I’ll post it to another social platform instead or I’ll get inspired with my writings on those different social platforms. Slowly, but surely I’m sharing things to all platforms. This one was originally posted on TikTok a few months ago. Feel free to check out and follow both my personal and blog accounts. Come feel the feels ♡

June 11, 2023

I still fall for your words, how weak of me.

Maybe it’s the way we started, all we had was our words. Long distance challenges you in every way, so you fall in love with what stays consistent. I will always have this soft, loving spot for you and you know that too.

How weak of me.

Even now I still find myself falling for your words and the way they make me feel. The way you still make me feel.

How weak of me.

I’ve been finding myself fighting what feels so loving, caring and kind. Do I let myself feel it sometimes? Yes.

How weak of me.

What you tell me, I don’t doubt your emotions behind it. I know that deep down you actually feel that way, but it breaks my heart.

How weak of me.

I’m holding myself up and I’m pushing myself to move forward. I’m picking up my own pieces and I’m trying so hard to stay soft and still true to myself. I am creating a safe and supportive space for my feelings and emotions. I stop my own tears when I need too. I am learning to let go of us without having any hateful feelings. I am slowly accepting that the love between us was real. You did love me, it just wasn’t enough for forever. I’m healing myself in ways that seem impossible and all I can think of is

How weak of me.

@sallynohands

I still fall for your words, how weak of me. Maybe it’s the way we started, all we had was our words. Long distance challenges you in every way, so you fall in love with what stays consistent. I will always have this soft, loving spot for you and you know that too. How weak of me. Even now I still find myself falling for your words and the way they make me feel. The way you still make me feel. How weak of me. I’ve been finding myself fighting what feels so loving, caring and kind. Do I let myself feel it sometimes? Yes. How weak of me. What you tell me, I don’t doubt your emotions behind it. I know that deep down you actually feel that way, but it breaks my heart. How weak of me. I’m holding myself up and I’m pushing myself to move forward. I’m picking up my own pieces and I’m trying so hard to stay soft and still true to myself. I am creating a safe and supportive space for my feelings and emotions. I stop my own tears when I need too. I am learning to let go of us without having any hateful feelings. I am slowly accepting that the love between us was real. You did love me, it just wasn’t enough for forever. I’m healing myself in ways that seem impossible and all I can think of is How weak of me. #sallythings @SALLY ♡ THINGS #healingprocess #healingjourney #ventingthoughts #tiktokblogs #readthecaption #movingforwardishard

♬ LOVE ME IN CHAPTERS BY CHRISSI – CHRISSI

The Moon Staying Up For The Sun.

The moon tries to stay up for the sun, but she never gets there. She never gets to see the sun.

I feel everything, I feel it all at one time.
My heart goes back and forth, up and down,
But I’m just stuck on the ground.
I don’t know what to do sometimes
I feel like the moon staying up for the sun.

I feel super close,
But also very far.
Is that where you always are?
Within reach where I will never be?

I’ll love you from afar,
While I feel all over the place.
Just remember to send some love within our space.
♡

I usually don’t post my made up poems, so please don’t make me cry and keep your thoughts to yourself, thank you! lmao. I love reading poetry and I’ll come up with some in the right setting. I’m just posting this cause I think it’s decent or good enough to be shown to the public and it’s also inspired by one of my favorite songs Two Places by Tori Kelly. Which I did write another blog post inspired by before (click here to read) but i’m just getting shy now and if I keep typing I’m going to change my mind on posting this, so byeeeeeeeeeeee.

POV.

The way we see ourself vs. the way others see us.
It’s sooo different, the different point of views. We are much harder on ourselves and see the smallest flaws that no one would ever see or care about it. We make it hard and complicated to self love. It’s time to unlearn those negatives and start seeing ourselves with the same loving, outside POV.

WHAT OTHERS SEE (Boyfriend’s POV)

I will start off and say that I actually do like this picture that my boyfriend took of me. Yes, it’s also the backside of me, so you can’t see any flaws (except my messy hair lol). I usually like the pictures that my boyfriend takes of me over the selfies I try to take. When he takes the photos I can’t see myself, so I’m not trying so hard to pose to look good. He’ll also take a lot of photos of me when I’m not paying attention, so everything just looks more genuine and in the moment like the one above. Maybe it’s just me and I’m a weirdo, but when I look at his photos I look so different to myself. Almost like “wow I really look like that?”, but in a good way. I see myself in the same way that he sees me. It’s a nice little break away from my own thoughts.

vs

HOW I SEE MYSELF (Self POV)

This picture was taken the same day just a couple hours later and from my POV. I don’t think this is a super bad picture of myself, but there’s flaws that I can see. I’m sure it’s more insecurities than body dysmorphia, but looking at the picture I can say that my upper arm is big and meaty, then I think I need to lose weight around the tummy area and do some squats. Which most people would say I’m insane to be thinking all of that because I’m small already, which I agree with somewhat. Yes, I’m small, but small in size not weight. I’m only 5 feet tall so to a lot of people I am small, but when it comes to weight it’s totally different. Seeing these two pictures, it’s hard to believe that they are both of me from the same day.

Learning to self love is tough because we see ourselves so differently day to day. It’s a daily battle, but find a way to love yourself even if it’s something so small. We see the smallest flaws and turn them into insecurities, so why can’t we try to love the small things instead? When things get tough, find a picture that someone else took of you and try to see yourself from their eyes and love something you haven’t seen before.
It’s time to be kinder to ourselves, to love ourselves the way we see originally see ourselves, the way we actually look. Be gentle to yourself and be gentle in your thoughts. Real self love. We owe that to ourselves, we deserve real self love.