Tag: Hopeful

Twenty-Eight, to a New Chapter.

TWENTY-EIGHT!?!? Yes, it’s true. I am officially 28, bring on the closer to 30 jokes. Even I can’t believe that I’m 28, I feel like I’m still this 20 year old trying to figure out life on my own. Maybe the figuring out life feeling never goes away.

Going into this 28th year, everything is different from what I pictured it would be. It’s really a new chapter of many unknowns. For my 28th year, I’m hoping to really put the focus on myself. I am going to be my number one priority. The healing, the growth, the self care, the self love, the schooling, the career, the future opportunities, all of it will be my focus and I am the priority and not anyone else.

There’s a lot of things in line for me already, but what I really hope to get from this upcoming year is to get back my full self. For the past few years, everyone has met the version of me who was pouring out too much in others leaving nothing behind for herself. I didn’t and couldn’t realize it myself. How does the one who pours out her love see the bad in that? I won’t completely change the way I’ve been cause some of those parts are still me. Don’t worry everyone, that version that you met isn’t too far from where I hope to be, I’ll just be better. I would love to be able to shake the idea of what I thought things would be and be able to take in and be happy about what I’m in presently. Live more in the present and not the past. Next year I would love to look back at this post, see how far I’ve come and be happy about the journey.

Before the day ends, I wanted to thank everyone who took a few minutes out of their day to tell me happy birthday. I appreciate it very, very much. Also to those who took me out today and for my friends that I will be seeing this weekend and later this month. Just because I’m 28 now, it doesn’t mean I’m too old to celebrate all month and yes I did say all month.
Here’s to a new chapter, here’s to 28!

Dear March.

It was pretty until it wasn’t. It snows and then a false spring comes. It’s hard to tell what you’ll get within this month.
Just go for it. Just go. The way things were said was like it was coming straight out of a fairytale. The way I felt, the way the night went, it was a fairytale. I know now that it was coming from a problem or guilt, but also hope and the heart. It gave me hope. I gave me more than hope, blind hope, but it was so perfect. Do I want to ruin this memory or will I remember it as how I did before? Was it a cry of truth or was it innocently true? Sometimes it’s hard to see everything as how I saw them in the moment.
It was a start of something that needed to happen. The good and bad, everything needed to be said and out. I spoke as I was holding back every emotion known to man. I spoke. That’s such a huge thing for me. I cried tears and a lot of them. I remember waking up one morning and I didn’t have time to open my eyes yet and I cried. This was truly the start of everything. It hurt, I was hurt, but it was needed. It was part of what I needed. Healing is so messy. Healing hurts so much until it doesn’t anymore.
What a change. I can’t believe it myself looking back. The thing you said that night, yeah it happened. Was it a cry? I still don’t know, but I don’t think I want to know the truth. The progress of each brings me tears if I think about it. To go through such high highs and straight to the lowest lows, it made it.

Dear March, tell me that there’s light at the end of all this starless night.

SALLY ♡ T

What I Want From 2021.

I’m not going to sit up here and say “new year, new me” because honestly I like who I am and how I am, but there are a couple adjustments that I feel would be better for me. I already found myself a while ago, but it’s hard trying to be that same person without falling in or getting sucked back into old toxic ways. I can tell you that it’s been a real struggle for the past year and a half.

I can agree that I fell back into old ways. I’ve felt like I had to prove myself to others when I really didn’t have too. I felt like I had to save myself when my name was getting dragged in the dirt, when my intentions and actions were made out of love. I let that whole thing eat me alive and I really let it get to me.
I’m gonna talk my shit now, but I really let a person who couldn’t speak or message me without hiding behind multiple fake accounts have so much of my energy. How stupid was I to let that happen continuously? You want to know the worst part of it all? I felt sympathy for this person because I know it all came from hurt, but I was too hurt and mad myself to go about things another way and I got sucked right into the toxic part of it. Before anyone gets ideas and decides to anonymously message me saying that this person wasn’t the only one to create the problem, I know that. I’m not blaming just one side, I’ve been fully aware, this side just happened to be the one that became public. I can also admit and take full responsibility that I fueled a fire and kept it going. What I won’t say is sorry though, I defended my own ass in any way that it felt necessary because a lot of people let all that shit slide and did absolutely nothing, but watch. They wanted the show and we gave that to them.

Now what I want from 2021 is to heal and find my peace with everything I just mentioned and everything else surrounding it. I want to move on and fully forgive myself, my person and all the others. I don’t want to carry this hate and sadness around anymore, that’s just not who I am. What I want from this year is to be able to let go and move on. I don’t want to feel like I have to watch my own back 24/7 whenever I’m in public. I want to be able to meet new people without having to feel like I have to be cautious and question if their intentions are actually genuine or not. Everything that I can do and feel over here is what I want it to be like again there. If you are reading this with ill will, I’m okay with us being complete strangers to each other. I understand that not everyone is for each other and really that’s okay. We can make it mutually known and I won’t ever bother you. I’d rather have that than someone faking to like me because I’m dating this person or cause I hang out with these people. I am not defined by some other person. I can respect the honesty of it.

I know what I want and hope for will take some time and it might not even be this year, but any step closer is good enough for me.
Because I’m going to read this plenty of times through out the year, a reminder, YOU chose to pick love when it was the last thing you felt and YOU did nothing wrong by that. Vivi con amore.
I talked my shit and now I’m leaving it here.

SALLY ♡ T