Tag: Heavy Heart

September & October ’24 Mini Writings.

Only two little writings for the months September and October. Very little posted, very little was said or needed to be said.

Thursday, September 19, 2024

“What you feel is what you attract. So if you assume or consume the idea that you’re lacking, that’s exactly what you’ll be waking up and having – absence for breakfast.”

– sally.things

Friday, October 18, 2024

Sometimes everything sucks and honestly that’s okay, you’ll get through it eventually.

Everything sucks for me right now, but I’ll get through it eventually.

– sally.things

September & October Mini Writings.

These two months were quite hard on me, but here I am. Still here, still standing, still living, still loving, still going. Physically exhausted, mentally stronger and overall more kind and gentle to myself. ♡

September 2, 2023

Let them.

Let them try to ruin you and your day.

You know you haven’t played in any fire lately.

They are doing it out of their own insecurities about you anyways.

– sally.things

September 10, 2023

“Listen before I go.”

– sally.things

September 16, 2023

Once you let go, you let go over and over and over again.

You let them go when you go to the grocery store and don’t buy their favorite snack. You let go of them when you eat at your guys’ favorite restaurant and decide to order something different. You let them go again when you do things out of your normal routine that involved them.

You’ll be letting them go in many different ways, in many different places and a million different times.

– sally.things

October 8, 2023

Keep on laughing, smiling and finding little joys in things.

The little things will eventually become big and you’ll forget about all the worries of the past.

Love life in the present.

– sally.things

October 12, 2023

I deserved a kinder goodbye. One that wasn’t ruined by deceit.

One that didn’t get competed against or used for someone else’s needs.

One that wasn’t used by another and rubbed in my face.

I deserved a goodbye that was only meant for you and me.

– sally.things

October 24, 2023

I’m dancing with all my emotions and giving each and every one of them their time to shine.

We’ll dance until we can’t dance anymore.

Love, sadness, grief, gratitude, heartache, happiness, and more.

What a lovely ball.

– sally.things

October 25, 2023

Read these words and think of me.

Remember all the love and think of me.

Now read these words: think of me for once.

– sally.things

Angel Energy.

Angel energy.
When that phrase became popular, immediately it sat and stuck with me. Angel energy is calming, healing, peaceful, and unconditional loving. Everything that I wish to be or wish to have. It’s what I wish I had more than enough of for myself and then some to pass on to others. A higher frequency or vibe that others can feel when they meet me. I want that. I want the peace. I want healing. I want calm. I want to unconditionally love so much that it radiates.

A permanent reminder of my lessons. A constant reminder of who and how I want to be. A check-in reminder of where I am and where I need to go. A reminder of who I use to be. Angel energy, I believe I was once almost there before. I’ll be there again, but better.

Calm. Peaceful. Healed. Unconditionally loving.

˚₊‧꒰ა ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

I Just Want to Love You.

I can love your tears and the way you love too hard. I’ve learn to love the way you feel emotions and how deeply you hurt. I’m doing as much loving as I can while you go through what you are going through.

But sometimes, I just want to love your smiles and I just want to love your glow. I want to love your warmth, your laughs, your spark. I want to love the person you are when you feel the fullest. I want to love you the way you want to be loved, the way you deserve to be loved. Don’t worry, take your time, but you have to get there first.

I just want to love you. I just want to love me. I’m not done loving me yet.

Drunk Thoughts: More Like Just a Few Glasses of Wine.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog. Let me set everything now.

I don’t know if I would consider this as ‘drunks thoughts’ because honestly I’m not drunk. I don’t even feel tipsy, I have just had a few (four, yes four) glasses of wine. If you have seen me lately, you know it doesn’t have ton of affect on me anymore, BUT I am still under the influence. It can still count right? Anyways, let’s do a check in.

It’s been a while since I’ve written or posted a blog. September 8 to be exact and today is November 8, so 2 months exactly. Yes, I took some time to myself and I took time for me to figure out what my life is going to be like and then I went through some things and I needed to figure out where I was going to be. I’ve hid, I’ve disappeared, I’ve acted crazy, I’ve joked around, I went through these crazy ups and downs, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve loved while being broken, I’ve been dealing with this broken version of me. I’ve done everything during those two months to present time. I was someone who I did not want to be, I was someone who I wanted to be and I was someone who I didn’t think I would become. To this day I’m still going through the motions and trying to become someone who just understands that I did what I could. It just wasn’t it. That’s the hardest part of it all, I want to blame myself for everything when it has nothing to do with my actions.

I still have a long way to go with everything. I know it’s going to be journey of ups and down, but at the end I just need to focus on me and my wellbeing. I have to be selfish right now and that’s very new to me. I would also like to ask everyone if they can respect my boundaries. I don’t want to hear or know of anything. I think I’ve heard enough already and that was more than what I could handle… If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for myself, I’ll be more than willing to accept that instead. There’s still so much love coming and pouring out from me and that love will continue be there for a long time, just respect my boundaries.

I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve succumbed too. I’m not proud of the actions I’ve taken or some of the words I’ve said, but I do understand that I acted out because of how I felt emotionally and I would like to make a public apology. It ended up spilling out to more parties than just the one.
I’m sorry. I know that if I was on that receiving side, I would have been livid or annoyed even if it was “understandable”. I hold myself accountable, that is not the person I think that I am nor wish to be. I let the worst get to me and I let what I’ve been trying to heal break. I know I apologized before, but I hope this reaches to those who it effected.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog and this is what you get out of me. I’ll get what I deserve, they’ll get what they deserve and you’ll get what you deserve whether it’s good or bad. At this point please forget about me and leave all that negativity behind. I’m not fighting you or fighting for anyone or anything, but myself. I’ve removed myself a few months now, your problem is who you have been fighting with me for. Take it up with them, I wasn’t the one to begin with and definitely not the one now.
Maybe take it up with yourself and finally hold yourself accountable. Stop lying to yourself and find peace within you. Hurt people hurt other people and like you, I need to find my way through too.

This is my piece and I acknowledge it’ll get passed around. I get to be selfish now, so please pass it around whether it’s with pure intentions or ill intentions.

Here’s my truth.

Strangers.

Strangers. one word with a huge meaning.
one word that I hope will never be right.
Strangers. How can you become a stranger though?
Strangers are people who have no impact on your life.
You. You had a huge impact on my life. Nothing like a stranger would.
So does that really make you or us strangers, ever?
Unless one of us really forgets everything, we will never be strangers.
That was never the plan to become strangers.

– thoughts that are more often

Dear March.

It was pretty until it wasn’t. It snows and then a false spring comes. It’s hard to tell what you’ll get within this month.
Just go for it. Just go. The way things were said was like it was coming straight out of a fairytale. The way I felt, the way the night went, it was a fairytale. I know now that it was coming from a problem or guilt, but also hope and the heart. It gave me hope. I gave me more than hope, blind hope, but it was so perfect. Do I want to ruin this memory or will I remember it as how I did before? Was it a cry of truth or was it innocently true? Sometimes it’s hard to see everything as how I saw them in the moment.
It was a start of something that needed to happen. The good and bad, everything needed to be said and out. I spoke as I was holding back every emotion known to man. I spoke. That’s such a huge thing for me. I cried tears and a lot of them. I remember waking up one morning and I didn’t have time to open my eyes yet and I cried. This was truly the start of everything. It hurt, I was hurt, but it was needed. It was part of what I needed. Healing is so messy. Healing hurts so much until it doesn’t anymore.
What a change. I can’t believe it myself looking back. The thing you said that night, yeah it happened. Was it a cry? I still don’t know, but I don’t think I want to know the truth. The progress of each brings me tears if I think about it. To go through such high highs and straight to the lowest lows, it made it.

Dear March, tell me that there’s light at the end of all this starless night.

SALLY ♡ T

It All Comes Rushing Back.

Although would like to say this was part of the Drunk Thoughts series, it’s not. I actually sobered up from my drinking and just typing my feelings out at 4 AM. Here we are again, the heavy feeling. It all comes rushing back.

Just when things seem so great, it all comes rushing back. You can’t do anything about it, but to deal with it. That part I’m not so great with. How do you know you’re making progress? How do you know you’re getting through it instead of pushing it aside? Am I really putting my needs first?

I don’t doubt or second guess my decisions, but I do doubt where I should be or think I shouldn’t let shit bother me like it does. Why do I still get these nasty little reminders and why do they still hurt me just as much? Sometimes I get so far, just for a reminder to remind me that I actually am not. I actually haven’t even gone anywhere, like I’m just stuck in the cycle.

I go on with my day with a little bit of a heavy heart sometimes and I just push through, but what if one day I don’t have the strength for it? What can I do then? The last thing I want to do is let it consume my emotions and dwell. I’ve done that so many times and had that time already. You know, people carry a lot on their shoulders, they carry a lot on their backs. Not everyone is as happy as they seem. I hope my peace finds me, I really hope soon.

Be kind to others, be respectful, or just leave them alone. Leave things be and let it happen.

“But now I know you can’t change the past, way too young to know the reason why and it all comes rushing back, rushing back.”

SALLY ♡ T

When Your Heart Feels Heavy.

When your heart feels heavy what do you do? When you start to feel it take over, why can’t we just snap out of it? I just continue to stand or sit there and I can’t move, I can’t think about anything else. My eyes become waterfalls. It’s not until then when I can try to make myself feel better. Where I can try to talk myself down and away from whatever dark place I went too. What can you do when your heart feels heavy?

It just happens sometimes. There’s no way around it. You just have to live with it. What a tragic feeling to feel honestly. A heavy heart, a heavy weight. A tragic feeling to feel when you least expect it. It creeps up on me all the time. I can be at my happiest or feel like i’m finally at peace with myself and then it comes. A constant reminder of things I don’t want to remember, of things I tried to block out, of things I tried to drink away. Why do I have to relive the sadness? I really don’t understand why I remember any of it. They say “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” but it pretty much kills me in the inside every time. So when your heart feels heavy, what do you do?

SALLY ♡ T