Tag: Healing Journey

Putting Yourself Back Together.

I wasn’t really sure if I was going to write any blogs that are about my current heartbreak/healing journey because I didn’t want it to consume more of my days than it already has. I’ve been trying to write about other things, but I’m stuck and nothing is coming to me naturally, but this. I don’t want my blog to be like all the others where they only write about trends, products, paid advertising, etc. I want it to be relatable, personal, raw and emotional. Almost like you’re talking to me in person when you’re reading each blog. So here I am, writing and hoping that maybe after this I don’t feel so stuck in this writer’s block.

Someone reminded me the purpose of my blog, which is to write and post about my own experiences and help other feel less alone in theirs. It’s for those who just feel. Thank you for that. Now read on and feel all the feels, I’m right there with you. ♡

If you’re in the spot where you have to put yourself together, but it feels impossible at times. I’m right there with you. Yep, healing a heart that you didn’t break, specifically your own heart. It’s hard, it’s sad, it’s draining. I know you’re tired, I know you’re hurting, I know you want to cry. The world seems like it’s running and running and you can’t keep up. I want you to know that it’s all okay to feel. I’m going through the very same feelings. It’s hard to continue living your life and trying to be happy all the time. I know how loving and happy memories pop up in your head, but it brings tears and sadness to your soul. Small things will trigger memories and sneak up on you when you’re finally having a better day and it changes you for the rest of the day. You’re tired from not being able to fall asleep cause your mind won’t stop running with thoughts or you wake up multiple times a night, every night, because you dream of your situation. I know, me too. I don’t have a cure to stop everything right away, but I know what will lessen these things over time is giving yourself space, a safe space, to feel all of it. Release the tears, cry your eyes out, feel sad, feel hurt, feel betrayed. Sit with your feelings, sit with yourself. While you sit with yourself, tell yourself it’s okay to feel this way and that you forgive yourself. Remind yourself that you are enough and that there was nothing else you could do to save anything. Remind yourself that you saved yourself instead. You had no other choice, but to choose yourself.

That’s how you’ll eventually put yourself back together. You have to feel all the feels and then tend to them. That’s the healing part, that is healing. Unfortunately, it’s not easy and it’s not happy. It’s a lot of grieving old versions of others and yourself. You aren’t alone and there are people out that that care for you. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget you are enough and in the end you’ll be even more. Date yourself, pour the love into yourself. Tend to your emotions and feelings, comfort yourself. I know you can do it. You, me, both, we can do it. ♡ We’re all in the thick of it.

Hi, I’m Sally and I’m not feeling my best. Mentally, I’m decent, but I could be better. I’m in a spot in my life where I’m just a little more vulnerable and emotional, a little heartbreak/self love and healing era. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m not where I could be, but I know I’ll get there eventually. It’s absolutely okay to not be okay. After all, we are all human. Love you more.

Twenty-Eight, to a New Chapter.

TWENTY-EIGHT!?!? Yes, it’s true. I am officially 28, bring on the closer to 30 jokes. Even I can’t believe that I’m 28, I feel like I’m still this 20 year old trying to figure out life on my own. Maybe the figuring out life feeling never goes away.

Going into this 28th year, everything is different from what I pictured it would be. It’s really a new chapter of many unknowns. For my 28th year, I’m hoping to really put the focus on myself. I am going to be my number one priority. The healing, the growth, the self care, the self love, the schooling, the career, the future opportunities, all of it will be my focus and I am the priority and not anyone else.

There’s a lot of things in line for me already, but what I really hope to get from this upcoming year is to get back my full self. For the past few years, everyone has met the version of me who was pouring out too much in others leaving nothing behind for herself. I didn’t and couldn’t realize it myself. How does the one who pours out her love see the bad in that? I won’t completely change the way I’ve been cause some of those parts are still me. Don’t worry everyone, that version that you met isn’t too far from where I hope to be, I’ll just be better. I would love to be able to shake the idea of what I thought things would be and be able to take in and be happy about what I’m in presently. Live more in the present and not the past. Next year I would love to look back at this post, see how far I’ve come and be happy about the journey.

Before the day ends, I wanted to thank everyone who took a few minutes out of their day to tell me happy birthday. I appreciate it very, very much. Also to those who took me out today and for my friends that I will be seeing this weekend and later this month. Just because I’m 28 now, it doesn’t mean I’m too old to celebrate all month and yes I did say all month.
Here’s to a new chapter, here’s to 28!

Gentle.

gen·tle
having or showing a mild, kind, or tender temperament or character.

Gentle. What a word I crave to have. A word I crave to feel. Gentle.
Gentle life, gentle love, gentle thoughts, gentle feelings and feeling gentle. What a thing to crave. I have been in something nothing close to gentle, it was everything opposite, all the while I was trying to be gentle.

Gentle love. Love is suppose to be gentle. Love should be gentle. Real love is gentle. You should be valued during your good and your bad moments. You should be respected in heated moments. Your boundaries should be respected. They should always consider you and your feelings in situations, they should consider your opinions and validate your feelings. You should be trusted with making your own decisions and that theirs isn’t always the right way. They shouldn’t assume that only they know better. You should never have to be gaslit or manipulated. A gentle love is where they are so thankful to have you in their life and they show you that in the most genuine way without any extra intentions behind it. In a gentle love, you are the priority. It’s just you. You shouldn’t have to question the little things or the way they act or their love for you. You should never be left wondering if they care about you. Love is suppose to be gentle and I crave exactly that.

Gentle thoughts and feelings. To have a gentle mind and heart again, I want that. To have a gentle mind that’s quiet with your thoughts or to have a gentle heart that won’t make you feel sad the moment you are no longer busy and can put your day away. They don’t necessarily have to be empty, but light and kind. Not filled with rage, sadness, doubt, etc. Something that is quieter than what it has been. Something more loving and not broken. I crave that.

I am tired and drained from everything not being gentle.

2023.

New year, new goals? Not really me this year. I want to continue to work on things from 2022 and finish them in 2023 if it’s possible. I want to pick up what I left behind and make them even better and make them for me and only me. New year, same thing, more healing and growth.

2023, I hope you are kinder than 2022. I hope you are filled with more love and laughs. Whether it’s intimate love or platonic love, just more of it please. More love for me. I hope the tears cried from last year watered something special and not just my pillows. If I absolutely have to cry this year, I hope it’s all tears of joy. I hope to grow more from last years things, situations, lessons and people. I want to grow. I hope to find my peace, the real peace. I hope to eventually be at peace. I hope you are filled with time that is just for me. I hope I get time for myself to enjoy and slow down my life. I hope you’re filled with more time in general. Time, I need time, I want time. Maybe if you could also be a little easier with me. I’ve gotten fragile. I would love if you could help me heal instead of showing me what I need to heal from, I think I pretty much got the point or the message. I hope you are filled with travels, with adventure and great captured memories. I hope all the bad days will help me shine just as bright as my good ones. I’ll do the work this year, I’ll do all of it.

We’re starting 2023 a little late over here at SALLY♡THINGS, but here’s an update. 2023, it’s already been a busy one with both good and bad. It’s has to start somewhere right? The new year started with love. Remember more love. With that love, it came with time and with the time it came with healing. I am starting out strong even though it doesn’t feel like it. I’m still here.
2023 is the year to focus more on myself and be selfish with it and to finally take advantage of that. I’ve accepted a second job that is different from what I’m use too, but something that will give me experience in something that I have been getting more and more passionate about. I am truly excited for that and what it’ll bring. I’ve come a long way and I’m willing to go much further.

I Just Want to Love You.

I can love your tears and the way you love too hard. I’ve learn to love the way you feel emotions and how deeply you hurt. I’m doing as much loving as I can while you go through what you are going through.

But sometimes, I just want to love your smiles and I just want to love your glow. I want to love your warmth, your laughs, your spark. I want to love the person you are when you feel the fullest. I want to love you the way you want to be loved, the way you deserve to be loved. Don’t worry, take your time, but you have to get there first.

I just want to love you. I just want to love me. I’m not done loving me yet.

Drunk Thoughts: More Like Just a Few Glasses of Wine.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog. Let me set everything now.

I don’t know if I would consider this as ‘drunks thoughts’ because honestly I’m not drunk. I don’t even feel tipsy, I have just had a few (four, yes four) glasses of wine. If you have seen me lately, you know it doesn’t have ton of affect on me anymore, BUT I am still under the influence. It can still count right? Anyways, let’s do a check in.

It’s been a while since I’ve written or posted a blog. September 8 to be exact and today is November 8, so 2 months exactly. Yes, I took some time to myself and I took time for me to figure out what my life is going to be like and then I went through some things and I needed to figure out where I was going to be. I’ve hid, I’ve disappeared, I’ve acted crazy, I’ve joked around, I went through these crazy ups and downs, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve loved while being broken, I’ve been dealing with this broken version of me. I’ve done everything during those two months to present time. I was someone who I did not want to be, I was someone who I wanted to be and I was someone who I didn’t think I would become. To this day I’m still going through the motions and trying to become someone who just understands that I did what I could. It just wasn’t it. That’s the hardest part of it all, I want to blame myself for everything when it has nothing to do with my actions.

I still have a long way to go with everything. I know it’s going to be journey of ups and down, but at the end I just need to focus on me and my wellbeing. I have to be selfish right now and that’s very new to me. I would also like to ask everyone if they can respect my boundaries. I don’t want to hear or know of anything. I think I’ve heard enough already and that was more than what I could handle… If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for myself, I’ll be more than willing to accept that instead. There’s still so much love coming and pouring out from me and that love will continue be there for a long time, just respect my boundaries.

I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve succumbed too. I’m not proud of the actions I’ve taken or some of the words I’ve said, but I do understand that I acted out because of how I felt emotionally and I would like to make a public apology. It ended up spilling out to more parties than just the one.
I’m sorry. I know that if I was on that receiving side, I would have been livid or annoyed even if it was “understandable”. I hold myself accountable, that is not the person I think that I am nor wish to be. I let the worst get to me and I let what I’ve been trying to heal break. I know I apologized before, but I hope this reaches to those who it effected.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog and this is what you get out of me. I’ll get what I deserve, they’ll get what they deserve and you’ll get what you deserve whether it’s good or bad. At this point please forget about me and leave all that negativity behind. I’m not fighting you or fighting for anyone or anything, but myself. I’ve removed myself a few months now, your problem is who you have been fighting with me for. Take it up with them, I wasn’t the one to begin with and definitely not the one now.
Maybe take it up with yourself and finally hold yourself accountable. Stop lying to yourself and find peace within you. Hurt people hurt other people and like you, I need to find my way through too.

This is my piece and I acknowledge it’ll get passed around. I get to be selfish now, so please pass it around whether it’s with pure intentions or ill intentions.

Here’s my truth.

Strangers.

Strangers. one word with a huge meaning.
one word that I hope will never be right.
Strangers. How can you become a stranger though?
Strangers are people who have no impact on your life.
You. You had a huge impact on my life. Nothing like a stranger would.
So does that really make you or us strangers, ever?
Unless one of us really forgets everything, we will never be strangers.
That was never the plan to become strangers.

– thoughts that are more often

August 24: Reminders

“Hi, Sally – you don’t ever have to apologize for doing what you feel is best for you.“
A friend told me this and it’s something I needed to hear. I couldn’t tell you how much harder I cried just reading that first line because she was right. Why am I saying sorry if it’s for me?

“No matter how hard today might be. No matter how hard tomorrow might be, at the end of it all, you’re going to come out on top. Don’t get yourself too down.“
I’ve been trying so hard to not show my real emotions through my face and body language when I’m around people. So for me to get this when I was driving home by myself and letting all my emotions pour out, tears. More tears, hard tears, hard crying. Even if I can’t see it yet, I’ll always come out on top. He’s right.

To my two friends, thank you so much. You absolutely have no idea how much my SOUL needed to hear these. These have really stuck with me. ♡

Whatever I choose is for me. Even if it doesn’t seem like it worked out, it was suppose to be a lesson. Even if it did work out for me, it’s still a lesson. Something from it can always be taken as a lesson and in the end it’ll make me a better person. Always room for growth, always a better person, always for me. Take your time with things, be by yourself. Sit in your feelings, be with your feeling because that’s being with yourself. You need that the most – to be with yourself. No need to focus on the future, be in the present because that’s who needs you right now. Future Sally will be better if you take care of yourself now. No one is responsible for that, but yourself. Whatever happens here on out, it was suppose to happen.

Be with yourself, be gentle, take care of yourself, find love in the broken parts of yourself. Don’t apologize, you’ll come out on top.

To Childhood Sally.

Dear Childhood Sally (age 1-10),

Hello from 26 year old you from 2022. Oh god have I missed you! What it would be like to be as innocent and stress free again. You don’t even know it, but you have a whole entire life ahead of you that your tiny little child brain could never even imagine. What you dreamed for yourself at this age is not even close to who you become in your adult life. You dreamed of being a singer and dancer or a veterinarian. Sorry to break it to you, but you are none of those. Anyways, I’m here writing to you because I am currently trying to heal you, this inner child that I still carry around. This inner child that at this age went through multiple events that would change you and end up becoming your traumas.

Did you know that you grew up with some of the biggest technology advancements? You went from hit clips to burning cd’s, you were born right after web browsing became a thing, and the start of social media happened right before you hit middle school. You had that play outside and eat dirt childhood and you also adapted quite well with all the technology advancements happening. It’s so crazy to think about. Did you know you also went through your parent’s divorce? I won’t get into much detail, because we can keep that for ourselves, but you are a strong one. You struggled hard with that one and the struggle went on for years. That tiny child brain that couldn’t imagine her future was able to make her way through somehow.

You are so strong and I’m proud of you. I am working on healing your wounds that will eventually become present much later, but I am working on you. I want you to know that I see you and I hear you. I understand everything. I would love to go back in time and sit there to hug you at what you felt were your hardest moments. We are very much still alike still. We hide so much of our emotions because we don’t want other to see us that way. We still need that person to help with our bottled up emotions, but I’ll be that for you as much as I can. Thank you for giving me a great childhood regardless. By the way, we still love the color pink, we just went through a small phase ♡ 

I’m Just Trying to Get to You.

Lately I’ve been more to myself, not out as much, visiting home more often, not writing, just MIA. It’s not because I hate anyone or anything super crazy, but I haven’t felt too much like myself and it’s been feeling like I’ve been losing myself. I’ve been feeling stuck in a low place, but I still have to catch up and live my daily life. It’s stressful, it’s draining.

I can think back to the exact moment where I started to feel this way. I can pinpoint the exact reason, I can tell you exactly why. I can also tell you that it has made me a worse person, a bitter person, but also how it made me feel on top of the world but in the worst way. The saying “if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump off too,” well I didn’t even give my friends a chance to jump because I was the friend that did it first. The problem is I held on to it for too long. It was a temporary high, a temporary relief, it wasn’t meant to be kept. That’s a problem of mine, I hold on to whatever makes me feel good whether it’s long lasting or suppose to be temporary. Whatever makes or made me feel good. It has changed every aspect of my life and every aspect of myself. Me holding on allowed it to swallow me whole to where I don’t feel like or see myself anymore.

I need to unlearn everything. I need to break the negative patterns and behaviors that I’ve developed. I need to find myself again. It’s draining me out. What I thought was good for me was actually not and now I have to unlearn something that felt right. It feels so wrong.

Did I run away at times? Yes, I sure did.
How do you expect to start unlearning anything in the environment that you picked it up in? When it comes to something like this you need to get away to a place where you can give yourself a safe space far from the bad. Somewhere you can self reflect, somewhere you can ground yourself, somewhere that will remind you of the old you and where you wish to be. That’s what home is to me, so I’m willing to go back as many times as it takes to feel like myself again, to be better.

It’s always okay to slow down. It’s always okay to miss out. It’s always okay to unlearn unhealthy patterns and behaviors. It’s always okay to learn from your mistakes.

On bad days, it’s okay to rest. It’s a lot, it’s emotional, it’s draining. ST, You need to let go and unlearn what you’re use too. It serves no purpose to you. Deal with it head on ST, you know there’s no other way. ST, this isn’t you and you know that. We didn’t go through all of it for it to become this way. Be true to yourself in every way even if it hurts, it’s what you owe to yourself. Please listen to yourself and how you feel, don’t give up. Never give up, you can always be better. The way you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. Mental health days are fine, take more of them. Take advantage of the help that’s out there. Take more time for yourself. At least you’re working on yourself for yourself. Healing takes time.
– ST Reminders