Category: Life

Biggest Challenges 2020: Drunk Version.

*** warning: Lots of profanity used, drunk sally is something else***

Yes, you read it right. Drunk version lol. Will I ever post this? idek. I would like to say though, fuck 2020. I thought this year would be better for me than 2019, boy was I wrong. I went through some shit this year. It’s December 2020. Shit should be figured out right? Well fuck that shit. I feel like nothing is figured out sometimes lol.

There’s literally so much I have to say, but it can’t be in just one blog. That’s how fucked up I try to make things better. Honestly, I’m still emotion about thongs in my life. It happens though, you just have to deal with it. You might think my life is perfect, but bitch it’s not, stop putting me on a fucking pedestal. I don’t want that.

Being okay by myself, the loss of my pup, the lost of relationships. it really finds a way to fuck you up. A pandemic on top of everything? Well fucckkk, I’m still trying to figure everything else out from the previous years. It has felt like a lot, but also clarity all at once and I don’t know who to react to that. Am I writing to my blog audience or am I writing to you or myself? Who am I trying to convince at this point? Why am I trying to convince anyone about anything? Am I trying to convince or do I know it? I just don’t know.

I really almost finished a full bottle on wine. I literally have a quarter of the entire bottle left. You know I’m proud of myself for that, but also not. That’s a lot to drink, but I also don’t care. Why should I care so much? It doesn’t help you in anyways at all too care so much. I sound bitter, but that’s cause I can be. I’m not that type of person anyways because I know it’s better to push on past it, but let me just take my moment for a bit. Let me just pause and breathe for a bit. Let a bitch breathe for once. Sometimes I think I push myself too hard, but I wouldn’t be where I’m at now because of it. I got myself out of a rough situation and i’m better coming out if it. Just when can I sit and enjoy that without having to deal with the next situation?

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Therapy.

There’s still this stigma around therapy and counseling, it has gotten a lot better recently, but it’s still very much there. The more we talk about mental health and getting help this stigma around it will only get better. I don’t have any mental health relating problems, but this year has really shown to me the full effect of traumas that I have experienced or dealt with. Hi, I’m Sally and my life is pretty crazy.

THERAPY.
2020 is the year where the unimaginable happened, others and myself were out of work, everything that was a public event was no longer being held or hosted, and places that were non-essential were being shutdown. At the beginning, we really only had time to sit around and focus on ourselves. Well, I realized then that I had a little too much that I had to focus on. Things that I never realized about myself was starting to come to light. I tried to push it away like most because my problems were never anything seriously bad. Well as things started to just sit there, I ignored it. The more I ignored it, it started to subconsciously make its way into my life and affected my dreams how I was feeling for days at a time. I felt lost and like I wasn’t doing enough. The same night that I looked for a therapist, I told my best friend “Everything in my life is going great, I have no complaints, but personally, myself do not feel great at all.” We drank and I had drunk a lot, at 4 AM I was emailing a couple of different therapist. Drunk Sally said, “bitch you need help, I am going to get you help.” I didn’t remember any of it until I got a phone call from one of the centers that I emailed the next day.

Sober me thought I was just being dramatic and couldn’t believe that I had gone as far as emailing. I thought that was just crazy of me to do. Me? I don’t need help, my problems aren’t even that important, but I spoke to my friends about it and they all congratulated me instead. It wasn’t the reaction that I expected at all, but it was their support that pushed me to take the steps to look further into the therapy. It took me about a month to finally set up my first session, but I did it.

You never know how much you actually deal with until you start talking in these sessions. Without getting into detail of my own life’s work, let’s just say what I thought was normal to me started to appear a little crazy and unbelievable when saying it all out loud to a stranger. Even if my traumas aren’t as intense as others, they were still my traumas and why should I think of them or myself as any less? I can say that me, personally, am caught up to everything else in my life or pretty close to it. I have learned a lot about myself through my sessions and I have accepted and forgave parts of myself that I didn’t know needed. I’m better at seeing things for what it really is and not how I want them to seem. It’s been eye opening and I’m not so stuck anymore.

If you have been thinking about therapy, I 100% support that decision. It has helped me so much already and I’ve only gone for 2 months. Makes those calls, write those emails, because you are just as important. No matter how small your problem or issue is, you are just as important. There is nothing bad about seeking help for yourself. Do it for yourself.

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges of 2020: By Myself.

It is now December, for me the month of reflection. I usually try to do monthly reflections so I can pin point an area that I still want to work on for the next month, but with this year all of that went to trash. It was all over the place and no month was ever the same. 2020 has opened myself up to my own self about things I’ve never paid attention about or thought was a problem. 2020 has challenged me in many different ways in every aspect of my life. Really, 2020 got me f u c k e d u p. Just kidding, 2020 has brought what I needed heal about myself in plain sight and it’s a lot more than you think. You guessed it, a new series. Welcome to Biggest Challenges of 2020.

BY MYSELF.
Surprise! I do terrible being by myself or alone. I actually don’t like too much me time or doing things by myself. It’s the weirdest thing because I do consider myself as a pretty independent person. I’ll do what I need to do by myself, but I would much rather have some sort of company with me. I’ve been trying so hard this year with getting more comfortable with being alone by myself and trying to learn how to enjoy my own company. I grew up with three siblings and basically all my nieces, so yeah there was never a time where I was truly by myself. Not until a few years ago, but around then I still had Koko with me.

Living in a pandemic, where you should stay home – yeah, not ideal for someone who feels the same as me. I still find myself adjusting to not having my little Koko around me and I lost her almost two years ago. She didn’t need me as much as I needed her. (another story, another time) I get too much into my head, so having others around even if it’s just my brother’s cat napping next to me. It gets me out of my head. It’s like I’m a codependent-independent person and those two people/personalities don’t mix very well. I would like to be able to go to places by myself without having to talk myself into going. Just decide where and when, get up, get ready, and go.

I’ve been challenging myself to stay home and kind of forcing myself to being alone for two weeks now, but you know, you have your good days and your bad ones. This is probably the one of the hardest things that I’ve tried to achieve yet. Thankfully I do have the support of loved ones, friends, and my therapist. Although any other advice on how to feel more comfortable with your own company is highly and hugely appreciated. ♡ I have a feeling that this one will be something that will be a little harder to overcome.

SALLY ♡ T

If You Release The Past.

“If you release the past, you’ll move ahead and bloom at last. The heart grows and it knows you can glow.”

Gobi, Over the Moon

Whatever it is that you’re holding onto, I hope you’re not letting it hold onto you. Read it again. Whatever it is that you’re holding onto, I hope you can live on without it. Believe that you can. Whatever you’re holding onto, I hope you can move on from it. Let it go, you can. The time will come and your shoulders will be a little less tense and the pressure of the weight will lift, until then just keep going. You’ve made it this far already, you can make it more.

Some things just never feel fair and I’ll never understand why certain things have to happen. Maybe that’s the problem for me, I keep trying to understand the why and not just letting it go. I can recognize and acknowledge it, but how do I actually apply it and live it? I feel myself thinking, wondering, writing this over and over again. I can see the future without it, I can remember the past of it, but I just don’t know what to do with the present of it.

I’ve been told that my post have been relatable and has actually helped or brought some clarity and I’m happy that it has for those people. That’s one of the reasons why I started this blog. I hope as it has for you, that maybe one day it will for me. It’s so strange, but comforting at the same time.

Remember every moment we have is a chance for something new. Not every moment is the same, so allow it to come to you.

SALLY ♡ T

“My needs are just as important. It’s okay to say no.”

-A Daily Self Reminder

So Much To Be Thankful For.

Even though this year has been so odd, strange and honestly maybe the worse year on the bigger level scale, there’s so much to still be thankful for. The month of November I feel always brings out what we’re thankful for not only on Thanksgiving, but for the entire month and rest of the year. Here are some things that I’m super thankful for.

» My Friendships. I really don’t know what or how I could have made it through this year without all my friends. From pre-pandemic to the present, they have been the best. I would say my friends are already pretty amazing, but wow they really went beyond that for not only me, but everyone else too. There’s more facetime calls, more groups chats, video chats, discord channels, more supporting each other’s art or new hobbies, just more presence in each other’s lives even if it is just a text or phone call. All of my friends have sent a random check in text to me and honestly that’s just all love.

» My Family. The health of my family is very important to me and I’m thankful for what this year has brought to us. If it means that I see them less this year, but everyone remains in good health, then so be it. I’ll take it. Just like my friends, there has been a bigger presence with my family too. It’s crazy how that is when we are literally being restricted. Also, my oldest niece has more technology use and I love getting random messages from her or video calls. The time taken away definitely makes you appreciate the smaller ways of communication that we all have just taken advantage of.

» My Boyfriend and His Family. The weekend before things started closing down and quarantine was official in March, I was suppose to go to Chicago for a Slander show. The show got canceled, but I still had the weekend off, so I decided that instead I would just go over to Wisconsin for the weekend. Well as the virus got bad and more rules and regulations were made, my weekend turned into a week into three months. I spent three whole months in Wisconsin with my boyfriend and his family and I couldn’t be more grateful for how welcoming they were and still are. I had some really warm hearted conversations at the dinner table and it really felt like my home away from home. If it wasn’t for the quarantine, I would have never been able to experience all of it. Plus, the bond with my little Mr. Sweetface grew to a different level and I’m oh-so-so-soo grateful for that, he’s literally my best friend when I’m over there now. It was a taste of my future and I can’t wait for it. They are my home away from home.

» Myself and My Journey. Yes, the time away from work was so needed for me. I had to find a way to rebalance myself and get myself together again. My life should not be revolved around my job. It was rough and I’m still trying to adjust now, but I’m more at ease and I’m happy with what I did with all that time. I’m thankful for my journey through all of this because I have learned and grown so much. I’m actually taking the time for me. I got the help that I needed desperately, but just couldn’t get around too. I was very much in my lows and in my highs, but I pulled myself out of it, I did that. It’s a very strange feeling to think about yourself and to care for yourself when all you want to do is do that for others. In all my relationships, the presence of one another has increased and that is no different for myself. I am finally here for me as well.

For others, covid has been a nuisance and a nightmare, but it’s been a blessing in disguise for me. For how weird that is to say. We all have something to be thankful for though, so let’s keep that energy going. Stay safe everyone!

SALLY ♡ T

It All Comes Rushing Back.

Although would like to say this was part of the Drunk Thoughts series, it’s not. I actually sobered up from my drinking and just typing my feelings out at 4 AM. Here we are again, the heavy feeling. It all comes rushing back.

Just when things seem so great, it all comes rushing back. You can’t do anything about it, but to deal with it. That part I’m not so great with. How do you know you’re making progress? How do you know you’re getting through it instead of pushing it aside? Am I really putting my needs first?

I don’t doubt or second guess my decisions, but I do doubt where I should be or think I shouldn’t let shit bother me like it does. Why do I still get these nasty little reminders and why do they still hurt me just as much? Sometimes I get so far, just for a reminder to remind me that I actually am not. I actually haven’t even gone anywhere, like I’m just stuck in the cycle.

I go on with my day with a little bit of a heavy heart sometimes and I just push through, but what if one day I don’t have the strength for it? What can I do then? The last thing I want to do is let it consume my emotions and dwell. I’ve done that so many times and had that time already. You know, people carry a lot on their shoulders, they carry a lot on their backs. Not everyone is as happy as they seem. I hope my peace finds me, I really hope soon.

Be kind to others, be respectful, or just leave them alone. Leave things be and let it happen.

“But now I know you can’t change the past, way too young to know the reason why and it all comes rushing back, rushing back.”

SALLY ♡ T

To My Mr. Sweetface,

The chances of you reading this is close to none or when I’m too old to remember about this blog, but to my little Mr. Sweetface ♡

To explain why you’re Mr. Sweetface, I thought it was such a cute nickname from one of my favorite shows, Jane the Virgin. In the show, she unexpectedly got pregnant and that’s what she called her son. With you, you came into my life unexpectedly, but in a good unexpected way. Actually the best unexpected way that could happen.

Today is your birthday (I posted this a day later) and I can’t be there to celebrate with you, but just know how much I’m celebrating you from afar! We’ve been in each others life for 2 years now and I can’t even explain how special you are to me. Our bond is very special and no one will take that away. You are my best friend when I come visit over there and I love how much you “bother” me. (I never see it that way, btw.) One of the sweetest kids in the WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM. That’s right, solar system! Even though I’m the adult, you have taught me so much more than what I taught you, to love someone as their own. I’m truly grateful for that and how open you’ve been to letting me in. There’s so much I wish I could tell you now, but as time passes and your big brain expands more you’ll understand it better. You are really one of the greatest blessings in my life.

I hope you’ll see that I’m not here to replace anyone or to take anyone away, but to make my own little space in your heart. I want to be there for you, for everything and to be able to share those moments with who you already share it with. Just know I am always here for you. Our hello’s, goodbye’s and I will miss you’s are still so special to me and warms my heart every time.

I can’t wait to hear all your fun facts and see all your new projects the next time I’m over. Miss you tons and hope you had the best birthday yet. You’re super loved and I hope you know that!

SALLY ♡ T

Food Alert: Madison, Wisconsin

Are you ready for more food and drink boomerangs? It’s probably my favorite thing to do haha. Today’s city is Madison, Wisconsin and you’ll notice that I’ll be writing a lot about here or already have, but the answer for that is because my boyfriend lives in Wisconsin. So I do spend a good amount of time here and you guys already know that we both like to eat. Let’s jump into the food though!

When I arrived into town, our first food stop was to the new asian market that just opened called Global Market and Hall. It is a market, but it also has a food court inside with many different stands to choose from. I can’t remember the name of the food stand that I ordered from (oops), but I got a bowl of Beef Brisket Pho and a side of Barbecue Pork Buns. The Pho broth wasn’t as flavorful like how Pho usually is, but the beef brisket was really good, tender and just melts in your mouth. I was pretty disappointed with how dry the pork buns were, but I’m the type of person to give places a second chance, so hopefully next time it will be better!

If you guys follow me on snapchat, then you know my new favorite thing to eat are seafood boils in a bag. I can eat these forever! I usually get full quick, but when it comes to these, I will sit there for hours eating everything like I have a bottomless stomach. This one is from Ragin Cajun Seafood. You always have to get the House Special flavor, which is all the flavors combined. They have a good variety of seafoods in their combos compared to other seafood boil places that I’ve been to as well. So far King Cajun Crawfish in Orlando is my #1, but Ragin Cajun Seafood is pretty good if you find yourself in Madison, Wisconsin!

You can’t enjoy all these yummy entrees and big meals without some desserts. Treat yourself and top it off with some sweets! The boyfriend has a bigger sweet tooth than I do, but it’s starting to rub off on me. I do have a soft spot for boba and pleasing pretty looking drinks. We had to go get some drinks and dessert from Le C’s Patisserie & Tea House! Ugh, I wish we had places this like in Grand Rapids. Pretty tea drinks are so pleasing. We got the Flamingo Boba and the Peach Green Tea with Rose Flower and Lemon. Both are very delicious!

The dessert that we picked to try was the Caramel Coconut Custard Cake. It tasted so much like Flan, but with a soft custard/pudding like texture. It was really good! I wanted to get about 5 more just to eat. The desserts come in such cute boxes, white all over and gold on the inside. Felt like I was about to eat a million dollar cake. Both yummy and satisfying!
If you guys were wondering, my favorite thing is to make my boyfriend make boomerangs with me and he probably gets so annoyed with it hahah.

There’s so many other locations to eat at and a couple more seafood boils to try over in Wisconsin, so I’m ready for all of that. Don’t worry, these Food Alert post won’t be going away anytime soon. I think these are my favorite to write about and share. Recommendation for other food places are always welcomed, you can post them in the comments below or on the contact page!

SALLY ♡ T

When Your Heart Feels Heavy.

When your heart feels heavy what do you do? When you start to feel it take over, why can’t we just snap out of it? I just continue to stand or sit there and I can’t move, I can’t think about anything else. My eyes become waterfalls. It’s not until then when I can try to make myself feel better. Where I can try to talk myself down and away from whatever dark place I went too. What can you do when your heart feels heavy?

It just happens sometimes. There’s no way around it. You just have to live with it. What a tragic feeling to feel honestly. A heavy heart, a heavy weight. A tragic feeling to feel when you least expect it. It creeps up on me all the time. I can be at my happiest or feel like i’m finally at peace with myself and then it comes. A constant reminder of things I don’t want to remember, of things I tried to block out, of things I tried to drink away. Why do I have to relive the sadness? I really don’t understand why I remember any of it. They say “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” but it pretty much kills me in the inside every time. So when your heart feels heavy, what do you do?

SALLY ♡ T