Tag: Younger Self

To Childhood Sally.

Dear Childhood Sally (age 1-10),

Hello from 26 year old you from 2022. Oh god have I missed you! What it would be like to be as innocent and stress free again. You don’t even know it, but you have a whole entire life ahead of you that your tiny little child brain could never even imagine. What you dreamed for yourself at this age is not even close to who you become in your adult life. You dreamed of being a singer and dancer or a veterinarian. Sorry to break it to you, but you are none of those. Anyways, I’m here writing to you because I am currently trying to heal you, this inner child that I still carry around. This inner child that at this age went through multiple events that would change you and end up becoming your traumas.

Did you know that you grew up with some of the biggest technology advancements? You went from hit clips to burning cd’s, you were born right after web browsing became a thing, and the start of social media happened right before you hit middle school. You had that play outside and eat dirt childhood and you also adapted quite well with all the technology advancements happening. It’s so crazy to think about. Did you know you also went through your parent’s divorce? I won’t get into much detail, because we can keep that for ourselves, but you are a strong one. You struggled hard with that one and the struggle went on for years. That tiny child brain that couldn’t imagine her future was able to make her way through somehow.

You are so strong and I’m proud of you. I am working on healing your wounds that will eventually become present much later, but I am working on you. I want you to know that I see you and I hear you. I understand everything. I would love to go back in time and sit there to hug you at what you felt were your hardest moments. We are very much still alike still. We hide so much of our emotions because we don’t want other to see us that way. We still need that person to help with our bottled up emotions, but I’ll be that for you as much as I can. Thank you for giving me a great childhood regardless. By the way, we still love the color pink, we just went through a small phase ♡ 

Confident and Comfortable: Eczema

If you didn’t go to school with me or know me before high school (2009), you probably wouldn’t even have guessed that I had and dealt with severe eczema. My skin is pretty clear now and I get a pimple or two once every few months, but it wasn’t like that before and the confidence that I have now would not exists without my eczema. I just wanted to say I am PROUD of my younger self and take a little time to appreciate this “horrendous” period of my life.

I actually first started noticing my eczema when I was in 3rd grade (2003) and it wasn’t a huge deal, but it just got worse and worse very quickly. To the point where the eczema would scab over and if I scratched myself or it got caught on my clothes, I would bleed. It spread over my entire body too, behind the knees, on my legs, my elbows, my stomach, including my face. My cheeks and nose especially. The button on my jeans would cause me to break out, so I would have to tape a piece of tissue or something to cover it. I brought extra shirts to change into at school because the eczema scabs would get caught on my shirt and bleed through. Then for my face, I had glasses that would rub on my nose and cheeks. Having a flat nose bridge and big cheeks did not me out at all. It seemed like nothing would help for the longest time.

I remember in elementary, we would go to the school pool as a class for swimming lessons and the eczema on my stomach was so bad that I had a coverup skirt and wore it the entire time. One time a classmate saw my stomach while I was putting the skirt on and she seemed disgusted. The swimming teacher tried convincing me that I didn’t need the cover up and when I took it off, she told me that I should just put it back on. My eczema would burn the first few seconds of getting into the chlorine pool water.

Through out middle school and some of high school, my cheeks and nose were red 24/7 even when the eczema rash itself was gone. The nickname I had was Rudolph the red nose reindeer and honestly I hated it, became very insecure and use to cry about it sometimes. I wanted to cover it up with makeup so bad, but I knew that it would irritate it even more. None of the steroid creams or medications that was prescribed helped enough to get rid of it. I was pretty much just stuck with it.

Younger self Sally was just as stubborn as I am now and I just pushed through the teasing and didn’t let it show (for the most part) that it bothered me. Along the way I started to accept my condition and started planting this little seed of confidence inside. I somehow found a way to love myself and the scabbed eczema skin. I actually started to forget about it and I don’t even remember when it went away or how, but it was sometime during sophomore or junior year. I was left with scars on my stomach (that faded away over the next 3 years) and my face is forever red, but I don’t look at myself any less. I just appreciate my strength at such a young age and how I dealt with it because of how emotional I am. I don’t think I could deal with it as strong now if it were to come back.

I still get eczema on my stomach or sides during super dry winters or if I wear certain metals for jewelry, belts or rave pieces. It actually has gotten worse now though, my eczema comes back and I get hives as well, but I do avoid those pieces at all cost. I can definitely say that without going through all of that, I would not be so confident and comfortable with how and who I am today. So thank you little Rudolph, you kicked ass ♡

SALLY ♡ T