Tag: Tipsy

Slowing It Down, November.

Slow it down, November. Read it again, slow it down, November. I have been quiet and yet not quiet at all. It’s very confusing unless you are in my day to day life, but thats okay. I went crazy with going out in October, but this month, I really just want to be left with less sound and less company. I want to take more moments for myself and have quiet moments, so I can hear my own thoughts and moments – sober. Yes, sober.

It’s an easy habit for me to fall into drinking to mask feelings and I’ve been very open about this with myself in the past. The past few months, I was falling into that darker path, so November I wanted to slow down and sit with my feelings, thoughts, moods, etc. Slow it down. I’m not perfect, but I’m not going out 4X a week to a bar either. In November, I’ve gone out about four times vs. twelve times. I call that progress.

With November, my goal is to sit with myself (sober, of course) and feel my feelings, feel my hurt, feel my happiness, feel my thoughts and then give all of that a safe & thankful space to heal in. I hate that I’m in the same spot as previous years, I really do, but I’ve learned that I have a lot of love to give and a lot of love. I will always have love, thats who I am and who I will always be. I’m coming to terms with that. Slow it down.

I am trying to take a step back to not find myself, I know who I am, but to ground myself again. I can definitely say that I lost a piece of myself throughout the year. I know I fought with myself a lot this year to find a peace, when I was only stepping over my own boundaries. Slow it down and build yourself again. I’m choosing to do the work that I need to do, even if it feels the worse. Even if it feels the opposite. You just have to do it. Of course, I want to do all things with love, but I’m just learning that life really doesn’t work that way. Not everything can be done in love or with love. That’s a hard lesson to learn, but it doesn’t make you less of a loving person or that your love is or was any less. Slowing things down this month allows me to process what my mind knows, but what my heart still wants to deny. I can tell there will be more slow down months in the future. I have a lot of work for my heart to catch up with. I’m going to take my time to make sure I’m doing it right this time. Let me marinate in my feelings for a while, they need their time as well.

Drunk Thoughts: More Like Just a Few Glasses of Wine.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog. Let me set everything now.

I don’t know if I would consider this as ‘drunks thoughts’ because honestly I’m not drunk. I don’t even feel tipsy, I have just had a few (four, yes four) glasses of wine. If you have seen me lately, you know it doesn’t have ton of affect on me anymore, BUT I am still under the influence. It can still count right? Anyways, let’s do a check in.

It’s been a while since I’ve written or posted a blog. September 8 to be exact and today is November 8, so 2 months exactly. Yes, I took some time to myself and I took time for me to figure out what my life is going to be like and then I went through some things and I needed to figure out where I was going to be. I’ve hid, I’ve disappeared, I’ve acted crazy, I’ve joked around, I went through these crazy ups and downs, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve loved while being broken, I’ve been dealing with this broken version of me. I’ve done everything during those two months to present time. I was someone who I did not want to be, I was someone who I wanted to be and I was someone who I didn’t think I would become. To this day I’m still going through the motions and trying to become someone who just understands that I did what I could. It just wasn’t it. That’s the hardest part of it all, I want to blame myself for everything when it has nothing to do with my actions.

I still have a long way to go with everything. I know it’s going to be journey of ups and down, but at the end I just need to focus on me and my wellbeing. I have to be selfish right now and that’s very new to me. I would also like to ask everyone if they can respect my boundaries. I don’t want to hear or know of anything. I think I’ve heard enough already and that was more than what I could handle… If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for myself, I’ll be more than willing to accept that instead. There’s still so much love coming and pouring out from me and that love will continue be there for a long time, just respect my boundaries.

I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve succumbed too. I’m not proud of the actions I’ve taken or some of the words I’ve said, but I do understand that I acted out because of how I felt emotionally and I would like to make a public apology. It ended up spilling out to more parties than just the one.
I’m sorry. I know that if I was on that receiving side, I would have been livid or annoyed even if it was “understandable”. I hold myself accountable, that is not the person I think that I am nor wish to be. I let the worst get to me and I let what I’ve been trying to heal break. I know I apologized before, but I hope this reaches to those who it effected.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog and this is what you get out of me. I’ll get what I deserve, they’ll get what they deserve and you’ll get what you deserve whether it’s good or bad. At this point please forget about me and leave all that negativity behind. I’m not fighting you or fighting for anyone or anything, but myself. I’ve removed myself a few months now, your problem is who you have been fighting with me for. Take it up with them, I wasn’t the one to begin with and definitely not the one now.
Maybe take it up with yourself and finally hold yourself accountable. Stop lying to yourself and find peace within you. Hurt people hurt other people and like you, I need to find my way through too.

This is my piece and I acknowledge it’ll get passed around. I get to be selfish now, so please pass it around whether it’s with pure intentions or ill intentions.

Here’s my truth.

Drunk Thoughts: Surrounded By Love.

I will admit that I am not drunk, but I am tipsy tonight. it still counts, I’m actually half a wine bottle down! I am blessed to be surrounded by love for my birthday today (or yesterday if we talkin technicalities) It just be hitting a little harder when you’re in a whole different state and been going through how I’ve been feeling moving. (Another blog, another time haha) I appreciate EVERYONE for the love and all the sweet personal messages I’ve been receiving. It does mean the world to me ♡
Public or privately, I don’t care. EVERYONE took their time out and I appreciate and love it so much! I’m so blessed to be surrounded by love like this. I really truly mean it. Even work showed me love and I’ve only been there for 1.5 weeks. As I get older and now that I’m out of Michigan, I really don’t care for material things. It’s the friendships and bonds that I make that matter the most to me. To keep those friendships alive or going, to still have those connections or making new ones. I just want to be a good person for myself and to others. What’s most important to me is quality time. We only have one life and I want it to be surrounded by people who truly care for me for me and not for anything else, like “Sally’s this persons friend, girlfriend, sister, aunt, etc.” Just there for me because I am my own person and I act upon my own. What you see is what you get. My astrology sign is a cancer, so I care deeply for those with good intents who care about me the same as well. Maybe i’m heading to the drunk zone, with this astrology talk LOL.
But for those who have asked and wondered. I’m doing good over here in Wisconsin. I had my struggles, but you know this bitch got herself and she holding it down and getting through whatever comes her way in anyway she can help herself. I have some really good friends over here too and I really want my close Michigan friends to meet my really close Wisconsin friends one day. Let me clear up the space and say this too, NO ONE IS GETTING REPLACED. Leave that petty shit at home, I got a lot of space to love. ♡

To my Michigan friends or even out of Wisconsin friends, please send me your address over social media because I do want to send you guys little things in the mail! I’ve been going old school pen pal type route with postcards and letters lately. I do send randomly too. Getting a personal piece of mail is something that you get excited about and love and I want to give that to you all! My nieces have LOVED it and I personally love sending it all out too!

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE. You’ll never know appreciative I am of it cause words just can’t explain. Love you all so so so much ♡