Tag: Sober

Slowing It Down, November.

Slow it down, November. Read it again, slow it down, November. I have been quiet and yet not quiet at all. It’s very confusing unless you are in my day to day life, but thats okay. I went crazy with going out in October, but this month, I really just want to be left with less sound and less company. I want to take more moments for myself and have quiet moments, so I can hear my own thoughts and moments – sober. Yes, sober.

It’s an easy habit for me to fall into drinking to mask feelings and I’ve been very open about this with myself in the past. The past few months, I was falling into that darker path, so November I wanted to slow down and sit with my feelings, thoughts, moods, etc. Slow it down. I’m not perfect, but I’m not going out 4X a week to a bar either. In November, I’ve gone out about four times vs. twelve times. I call that progress.

With November, my goal is to sit with myself (sober, of course) and feel my feelings, feel my hurt, feel my happiness, feel my thoughts and then give all of that a safe & thankful space to heal in. I hate that I’m in the same spot as previous years, I really do, but I’ve learned that I have a lot of love to give and a lot of love. I will always have love, thats who I am and who I will always be. I’m coming to terms with that. Slow it down.

I am trying to take a step back to not find myself, I know who I am, but to ground myself again. I can definitely say that I lost a piece of myself throughout the year. I know I fought with myself a lot this year to find a peace, when I was only stepping over my own boundaries. Slow it down and build yourself again. I’m choosing to do the work that I need to do, even if it feels the worse. Even if it feels the opposite. You just have to do it. Of course, I want to do all things with love, but I’m just learning that life really doesn’t work that way. Not everything can be done in love or with love. That’s a hard lesson to learn, but it doesn’t make you less of a loving person or that your love is or was any less. Slowing things down this month allows me to process what my mind knows, but what my heart still wants to deny. I can tell there will be more slow down months in the future. I have a lot of work for my heart to catch up with. I’m going to take my time to make sure I’m doing it right this time. Let me marinate in my feelings for a while, they need their time as well.

Drunk Thoughts: I’m Tired, Exhausted Really.

I’m tired. Tired of a lot of things. Tired of a lot. It gets pretty exhausting in this head of mine. To do this and then to do that, to make myself look put together when I feel like I’m not. I have to care for this, I have to look after that, I have to hide this, so I don’t step on that. It’s exhausting. It gets really tiring.

I feel like I take care of a lot and I do. I just wished I didn’t put myself in that position so often because when I need it, who’s going to take care of me? I’m too tired to take care of me sometimes. Who’s going to tell me that I’m going to be okay? I need someone too.

Who’s going to let me let it all out and just sit there to listen? I don’t need advice, I don’t need to be told anything, just someone who will just sit and listen without saying a word. It’s funny though, I have a lot of people that are willing to be this person for me, but I would never let them because I don’t want anyone or others to worry about me.

SOBER SALLY TIME
I actually wrote this back in August/September of 2020 and never posted it because there were so many other Drunk Thoughts post that I was writing at the time. As you can see I was not in the best headspace. Pandemic and my own life was really hitting me hard. I’ve been going back and forth with myself with my decision to post this or not because it’s such a personal and vulnerable feeling to me, BUT that’s what I created and intended this blog to be. A safe place that I created, where I can share that side or those thoughts. I can also share that I do not feel this as intense anymore, which makes it easier for me to share. I have been working on the healing that I’ve been needing, I’ve been working on positive healing and actually accepting and letting it in. I have made peace with things and is still working on looking for the peace in others.

I share this because I know there are others who feel this way and honestly sometimes I go back to feeling this way. It’s not something that you can beat and it goes away forever. You have to actually make your peace and teach your brain not to go there and that’s hard. YOU WILL HAVE BETTER DAYS. I promise you that you will. Find your footing first, then learn how to walk. Remember to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. There is no other you.

SALLY ♡ T