Tag: Smile Again

Drunk Thoughts: More Like Just a Few Glasses of Wine.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog. Let me set everything now.

I don’t know if I would consider this as ‘drunks thoughts’ because honestly I’m not drunk. I don’t even feel tipsy, I have just had a few (four, yes four) glasses of wine. If you have seen me lately, you know it doesn’t have ton of affect on me anymore, BUT I am still under the influence. It can still count right? Anyways, let’s do a check in.

It’s been a while since I’ve written or posted a blog. September 8 to be exact and today is November 8, so 2 months exactly. Yes, I took some time to myself and I took time for me to figure out what my life is going to be like and then I went through some things and I needed to figure out where I was going to be. I’ve hid, I’ve disappeared, I’ve acted crazy, I’ve joked around, I went through these crazy ups and downs, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve loved while being broken, I’ve been dealing with this broken version of me. I’ve done everything during those two months to present time. I was someone who I did not want to be, I was someone who I wanted to be and I was someone who I didn’t think I would become. To this day I’m still going through the motions and trying to become someone who just understands that I did what I could. It just wasn’t it. That’s the hardest part of it all, I want to blame myself for everything when it has nothing to do with my actions.

I still have a long way to go with everything. I know it’s going to be journey of ups and down, but at the end I just need to focus on me and my wellbeing. I have to be selfish right now and that’s very new to me. I would also like to ask everyone if they can respect my boundaries. I don’t want to hear or know of anything. I think I’ve heard enough already and that was more than what I could handle… If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for myself, I’ll be more than willing to accept that instead. There’s still so much love coming and pouring out from me and that love will continue be there for a long time, just respect my boundaries.

I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve succumbed too. I’m not proud of the actions I’ve taken or some of the words I’ve said, but I do understand that I acted out because of how I felt emotionally and I would like to make a public apology. It ended up spilling out to more parties than just the one.
I’m sorry. I know that if I was on that receiving side, I would have been livid or annoyed even if it was “understandable”. I hold myself accountable, that is not the person I think that I am nor wish to be. I let the worst get to me and I let what I’ve been trying to heal break. I know I apologized before, but I hope this reaches to those who it effected.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog and this is what you get out of me. I’ll get what I deserve, they’ll get what they deserve and you’ll get what you deserve whether it’s good or bad. At this point please forget about me and leave all that negativity behind. I’m not fighting you or fighting for anyone or anything, but myself. I’ve removed myself a few months now, your problem is who you have been fighting with me for. Take it up with them, I wasn’t the one to begin with and definitely not the one now.
Maybe take it up with yourself and finally hold yourself accountable. Stop lying to yourself and find peace within you. Hurt people hurt other people and like you, I need to find my way through too.

This is my piece and I acknowledge it’ll get passed around. I get to be selfish now, so please pass it around whether it’s with pure intentions or ill intentions.

Here’s my truth.

Travel Back to Twenty Twelve.

Where has the time gone? It feels like the year 2012 was another lifetime. A lot of the people that were super close to me, we either fell out or don’t even talk to each other anymore. A lot has changed since then, but then again a lot has stayed the same.
I was packing and a song that I use to listen to started playing. Instantly I felt super happy as if I was listening to it back then, just singing it on top of my lungs with the windows down driving to where ever we decided that day. My best friend and I had many adventures then and that’s when I met a lot of my current best friends for the first time. That summer changed my life in many different ways, all for the better, even if it took a while to see that. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life and a lot of things are suppose to stay as just memories. Thankfully, I have these memories and they actually still teach me a lesson to this day. “Whenever I think of us, I always see a smile. I was happy for a while.”
Facebook memories also threw in some pictures from that time period and it seemed all to coincidental, so here I am. 2012 baby Sally walked, so 2020 Sally could run. Oh, the things I wish I could tell my 2012 self, but I don’t think I would change a thing about the past. I needed to experience all of it to be who I am now, to know the things I know now, and being able to feel the way I do now.
I do miss the v-necks and picnic shorts though, haha. I do miss my best friend too. They always made sure I knew that they loved me for me and that everything I started to doubt about myself was just in my head. That will always stick with me. “So long, do you know you saved me?”

It’s nice to be reminded of things you forget. It always makes me appreciate what I have now more. “Maybe the past holds me up, but the present get me through.”

SALLY ♡ T