Tag: Older Self

What I Want From 2021.

I’m not going to sit up here and say “new year, new me” because honestly I like who I am and how I am, but there are a couple adjustments that I feel would be better for me. I already found myself a while ago, but it’s hard trying to be that same person without falling in or getting sucked back into old toxic ways. I can tell you that it’s been a real struggle for the past year and a half.

I can agree that I fell back into old ways. I’ve felt like I had to prove myself to others when I really didn’t have too. I felt like I had to save myself when my name was getting dragged in the dirt, when my intentions and actions were made out of love. I let that whole thing eat me alive and I really let it get to me.
I’m gonna talk my shit now, but I really let a person who couldn’t speak or message me without hiding behind multiple fake accounts have so much of my energy. How stupid was I to let that happen continuously? You want to know the worst part of it all? I felt sympathy for this person because I know it all came from hurt, but I was too hurt and mad myself to go about things another way and I got sucked right into the toxic part of it. Before anyone gets ideas and decides to anonymously message me saying that this person wasn’t the only one to create the problem, I know that. I’m not blaming just one side, I’ve been fully aware, this side just happened to be the one that became public. I can also admit and take full responsibility that I fueled a fire and kept it going. What I won’t say is sorry though, I defended my own ass in any way that it felt necessary because a lot of people let all that shit slide and did absolutely nothing, but watch. They wanted the show and we gave that to them.

Now what I want from 2021 is to heal and find my peace with everything I just mentioned and everything else surrounding it. I want to move on and fully forgive myself, my person and all the others. I don’t want to carry this hate and sadness around anymore, that’s just not who I am. What I want from this year is to be able to let go and move on. I don’t want to feel like I have to watch my own back 24/7 whenever I’m in public. I want to be able to meet new people without having to feel like I have to be cautious and question if their intentions are actually genuine or not. Everything that I can do and feel over here is what I want it to be like again there. If you are reading this with ill will, I’m okay with us being complete strangers to each other. I understand that not everyone is for each other and really that’s okay. We can make it mutually known and I won’t ever bother you. I’d rather have that than someone faking to like me because I’m dating this person or cause I hang out with these people. I am not defined by some other person. I can respect the honesty of it.

I know what I want and hope for will take some time and it might not even be this year, but any step closer is good enough for me.
Because I’m going to read this plenty of times through out the year, a reminder, YOU chose to pick love when it was the last thing you felt and YOU did nothing wrong by that. Vivi con amore.
I talked my shit and now I’m leaving it here.

SALLY ♡ T

Drunk Thoughts: What Would My Older Self Think Of My Younger Self?

Hi, hello. Yes, welcome to drunk thoughts number 2 post. This topic actually came from an Instagram question poll thing and my friend came up with this prompt. To let you know how drunk I am, I drank 4 shots and 2-3 glasses of wine before this and can’t sleep without getting the spins. So I’m going to write a blog to try to sober up enough to sleep LOL. So I’m pretty lit. If this blog post ends up half ass, I’m sorry, I’m drunk lol.

So this suggested topic stood out to me because everyone usually asks “what would you tell your younger self?”, while this was the opposite, “What would your older self tell you or think about you?” Honestly my older self will love all these memories that I’m making and will love her 20’s, good and bad moments. I will regret some things, but nothing I’ll beat myself over with. I think I’m doing what anybody in their 20’s should and that just to live and experience life in whatever way works for them. What I do now, will be told to my kids and grandkids and I wouldn’t be ashamed. If they can learn from my mistakes, LOVE IT. Just like this blog, if it helps you in anyway, perfect. I did my job. I made someone one step closer to who they are or helped them through something that they were struggling with. I’m such a helper and people person, I hate it sometimes LOL.

I think my older self would tell me to stop being so up right and find a job that better suits me. Manager restaurant life is not it, especially during this pandemic. I’m pretty tired, if I didn’t feel and see the spins when I closed my eyes, I would be sleeping by now. But boohoo. It’s fine, everything’s fine.

SALLY ♡ T

* I’ll write about this topic when I’m sober too lol