Mental Health – Page 2 – SALLY♡THINGS

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.
The Good Doctor

You think you know everything until you become an adult and realize that you actually don’t know shit. You think things will be easy, but then you start to feel emotions that you’ve never felt before. Everything hits you harder and has a deeper meaning bringing up childhood traumas and resentful feelings that you never knew you had. The only way to overcome them is to truly forgive.

Forgiveness isn’t for the one you’re forgiving, it’s for you.
Forgiving means to be at peace with it, within yourself. You can forgive a person all you want, but if you’re not at peace with it does it really matter? Does that even count as forgiveness or is it just half ass? You can be at peace with someone and avoid them, but you can’t avoid yourself. We carry around our emotions everywhere whether we like it or not. Forgiving people is not just for the other person(s), but for yourself.

It will take time and effort to forgive and to feel at peace, but once you do it’ll be worth so much and more. You need to run through the emotions in order to get there. You need to let your ego, pride, and anger go to let it take you through. Seems crazy, but to forgive you actually have to open yourself up even more. Forgiving is so vulnerable.

I hope that everyone (including myself) can open up and forgive whomever or whatever. Not only will we forgive them, but also forgive ourselves in the process. We’re adults, it’s time to heal in the most healthy ways. ♡

I’m Just Trying to Get to You.

Lately I’ve been more to myself, not out as much, visiting home more often, not writing, just MIA. It’s not because I hate anyone or anything super crazy, but I haven’t felt too much like myself and it’s been feeling like I’ve been losing myself. I’ve been feeling stuck in a low place, but I still have to catch up and live my daily life. It’s stressful, it’s draining.

I can think back to the exact moment where I started to feel this way. I can pinpoint the exact reason, I can tell you exactly why. I can also tell you that it has made me a worse person, a bitter person, but also how it made me feel on top of the world but in the worst way. The saying “if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump off too,” well I didn’t even give my friends a chance to jump because I was the friend that did it first. The problem is I held on to it for too long. It was a temporary high, a temporary relief, it wasn’t meant to be kept. That’s a problem of mine, I hold on to whatever makes me feel good whether it’s long lasting or suppose to be temporary. Whatever makes or made me feel good. It has changed every aspect of my life and every aspect of myself. Me holding on allowed it to swallow me whole to where I don’t feel like or see myself anymore.

I need to unlearn everything. I need to break the negative patterns and behaviors that I’ve developed. I need to find myself again. It’s draining me out. What I thought was good for me was actually not and now I have to unlearn something that felt right. It feels so wrong.

Did I run away at times? Yes, I sure did.
How do you expect to start unlearning anything in the environment that you picked it up in? When it comes to something like this you need to get away to a place where you can give yourself a safe space far from the bad. Somewhere you can self reflect, somewhere you can ground yourself, somewhere that will remind you of the old you and where you wish to be. That’s what home is to me, so I’m willing to go back as many times as it takes to feel like myself again, to be better.

It’s always okay to slow down. It’s always okay to miss out. It’s always okay to unlearn unhealthy patterns and behaviors. It’s always okay to learn from your mistakes.

On bad days, it’s okay to rest. It’s a lot, it’s emotional, it’s draining. ST, You need to let go and unlearn what you’re use too. It serves no purpose to you. Deal with it head on ST, you know there’s no other way. ST, this isn’t you and you know that. We didn’t go through all of it for it to become this way. Be true to yourself in every way even if it hurts, it’s what you owe to yourself. Please listen to yourself and how you feel, don’t give up. Never give up, you can always be better. The way you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. Mental health days are fine, take more of them. Take advantage of the help that’s out there. Take more time for yourself. At least you’re working on yourself for yourself. Healing takes time.
– ST Reminders

“I wasn’t necessarily looking for happiness, just less pain.”

No matter what you do or try to be there will always be those dark moments in your life. We can’t avoid it and will fall into it from time to time. It sucks, but the truth is it’s just unavoidable. You either consume it or it consumes you, you either come out better or worse. There’s no way of telling until after.

I know I said I was going to post more often, but life got in the way. Both good and bad things. It’s been feeling like constant high and lows for me and I’ve been trying to raw dog my way through it. When I say that I mean by not running to alcohol whenever I feel sad. I would say I’m doing a decent job at that. Yes, I still drink on the weekends, but it’s more for fun and socially, not to fill a void. I haven’t been going to my therapy sessions either because there’s rules about keeping the same therapist when you move to different states, so at this point I pretty much have to find a new therapist. I liked my therapist I had in Michigan so much it feels like I won’t be able to find another like her. I’m trying to learn healthier ways to express my emotions and unlearn the negative patterns that I’ve been holding on to for forever. It’s hard as fuck. No one will ever tell you how it drains a lot of you because it feels like you are losing a part of yourself. You know, it’s something that you’ve known and was comfortable with for a while. Even if it’s bad, unhealthy or negative, it’s what you knew and what you adapted. What I will say though is to make sure you try to unlearn things for you and not for anyone else. If you aren’t doing it for yourself, then you will fall right back into it and you’re only going to disappoint yourself. Unless you’re actually willing to change, you’re not going to no matter how much you want it. That’s just how this shit works.

Exactly what am I looking for? “I wasn’t necessarily looking for happiness, just less pain.” Small baby steps, so just less pain right now, then after happiness and whatever comes next. Honestly if I can just feel content again, I’d be happy with that. I’m not looking for anything big right now, just to be okay again.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

You will get through it
Your best is enough
It is okay to rest
Your opinion matters

Your feelings are valid
Your opinion matters
Your goals are important
Your voice deserves to get heard

We’re all rooting for you.

Everything All at Once.

I’ve been feeling over whelmed the last few weeks and strongly this week. It feels like everything is coming at me all at once. I’ve started writing a blog every day this week to express how I’ve been feeling, but I haven’t been able to finish any of them because I also feel mentally exhausted. Then it’s 5 am and I need to sleep or I’ll be tired for work. Well hello 6 am, it’s me. I’m up even later than usual. I guess I just have to take the L for work.

It’s frustrating, I’m feeling frustrated at this point. It’s exhausting, I’ve been exhausted. It’s overwhelming, I’m overwhelmed with everything, I have been overwhelmed with everything for a long time now. It’s not with just what’s going on around me and within my personal life, but also with all the overthinking and trying to process situations and understanding and trying to figure out how I feel about things. Then I go to work and that takes up a lot of my time, so I don’t even have that much time out of my day to work everything out. I feel like I’m trying to catch up with myself from the times of 2 am – 6 am everyday. That’s all I get and it’s not enough. I think I’m starting to burn out. You don’t want to try to figure things out during those times especially when you’re alone anyways. It’s not something I can’t handle, but I’m starting to feel defeated. Which makes me feel sad and then it’s another thing for me to add on. Everything all at once.

Your mental health is important. You are important. It’s important and very needed to put yourself first. Allow yourself to unload your mind, give yourself the time and a safe space or environment. Really focus on helping yourself. You are the only you that you will ever have. Do whatever it takes to feel okay again and remember to do it in a positive way and not with something that will later negatively effect you. Build yourself up and then protect that.

Letter to myself:
You got this, Sally. You can pull through. Adjustments are coming, just hold on a little longer. Things are going to change and it will help with a lot of the things. Do what feels right even if it’s not what you want. Let go of things that you cannot control. Communicate what you can, baby steps. Don’t forget to celebrate the baby steps along the way. Give yourself some sort of break. Things feel hard, but you’ve, we, us, I have been making progress. You’re stronger than you know, but I still worry. Remember, everything at once will eventually become nothing at all. Truly, take care of yourself this time.

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Therapy.

There’s still this stigma around therapy and counseling, it has gotten a lot better recently, but it’s still very much there. The more we talk about mental health and getting help this stigma around it will only get better. I don’t have any mental health relating problems, but this year has really shown to me the full effect of traumas that I have experienced or dealt with. Hi, I’m Sally and my life is pretty crazy.

THERAPY.
2020 is the year where the unimaginable happened, others and myself were out of work, everything that was a public event was no longer being held or hosted, and places that were non-essential were being shutdown. At the beginning, we really only had time to sit around and focus on ourselves. Well, I realized then that I had a little too much that I had to focus on. Things that I never realized about myself was starting to come to light. I tried to push it away like most because my problems were never anything seriously bad. Well as things started to just sit there, I ignored it. The more I ignored it, it started to subconsciously make its way into my life and affected my dreams how I was feeling for days at a time. I felt lost and like I wasn’t doing enough. The same night that I looked for a therapist, I told my best friend “Everything in my life is going great, I have no complaints, but personally, myself do not feel great at all.” We drank and I had drunk a lot, at 4 AM I was emailing a couple of different therapist. Drunk Sally said, “bitch you need help, I am going to get you help.” I didn’t remember any of it until I got a phone call from one of the centers that I emailed the next day.

Sober me thought I was just being dramatic and couldn’t believe that I had gone as far as emailing. I thought that was just crazy of me to do. Me? I don’t need help, my problems aren’t even that important, but I spoke to my friends about it and they all congratulated me instead. It wasn’t the reaction that I expected at all, but it was their support that pushed me to take the steps to look further into the therapy. It took me about a month to finally set up my first session, but I did it.

You never know how much you actually deal with until you start talking in these sessions. Without getting into detail of my own life’s work, let’s just say what I thought was normal to me started to appear a little crazy and unbelievable when saying it all out loud to a stranger. Even if my traumas aren’t as intense as others, they were still my traumas and why should I think of them or myself as any less? I can say that me, personally, am caught up to everything else in my life or pretty close to it. I have learned a lot about myself through my sessions and I have accepted and forgave parts of myself that I didn’t know needed. I’m better at seeing things for what it really is and not how I want them to seem. It’s been eye opening and I’m not so stuck anymore.

If you have been thinking about therapy, I 100% support that decision. It has helped me so much already and I’ve only gone for 2 months. Makes those calls, write those emails, because you are just as important. No matter how small your problem or issue is, you are just as important. There is nothing bad about seeking help for yourself. Do it for yourself.

SALLY ♡ T

You Can’t Heal If You Keep Pretending You’re Not Hurt.

To anyone who needs to hear this, including myself: STOP PRETENDING AND JUST LET GO. Let whatever you are trying to suppress out and allow your mind to rest. You can’t just sweep things under the rug and then expect it to go away. It doesn’t. Believe me, I tried and thought it would and now I’m here a year later still hurting about the same things.

It’s okay to feel hurt. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s okay to feel hurt. It’s a human thing, it’s normal. Even though you didn’t ask for it, you can’t let it control you and you have to find a way to accept it. Acceptance can happen in hours, days, months, or even years, but you will get there one day. It doesn’t have to happen quick and most times it won’t, some things are just too big to snap back from. That’s normal. Please do not beat yourself up for not being over or healed from a situation. You’re going through something already, you don’t need to add more to it.

If you pretend that you’re not hurting, you can’t heal. The out of sight, out of mind might lighten the load, but it will come creeping back. The only way to heal is to go about it head on. That can mean talking with people, making amends, going to counseling, etc. There’s so many healthy and positive ways of healing. You never are alone and you don’t have to heal yourself with no help. I think that’s so important for people to hear because sometimes we feel like we’re alone or our problems are just baggage that no one else wants to hear. There’s always someone to talk to and listen, you never are alone and you don’t have to heal yourself without help.

Be kind to yourself and be kind to others. You might be hurting still, but hurting others can disrupt whatever healing process they have going on too. It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end, believe that. Plus, projecting your hurt on someone else makes no one happier in the end. It doesn’t help you and doesn’t help them.

I could probably go on about healing and I’m pretty sure this is my 3rd post about this topic, but this is where I have the most feeling. Just like many of others, I’m just trying to accept it, move on and be okay. Just like many others, I’m in the thick of it and still struggling to get to where I want to be and picture myself to be. I am just like many others and if I can help someone while I get through mine, just perfect. The first step towards healing is to not pretend you’re hurt, but to acknowledge it. It’s okay to feel hurt.

SALLY ♡ T

To Anybody Going Through It.

It can’t be just me right? I’ve been feeling down, sad, and overly emotional for the past week and a half. I don’t know why or what is making me feel this way and I can’t figure it out either, which makes it super frustrating. It kind of took over a little more of me than I wanted causing me to act upon those feelings in a negative way. I can’t even listen to music in my car without bursting into random tears. I feel like something is missing, but I can’t grasp what it is. I’m already a pretty emotional person, but now it’s just ten times worst.

You’re not alone though. We all are feeling some type of way and even though it may be different, we all can relate to one another. There’s a lot going on around the world currently and we are living through a pandemic that has changed the way we live and the weather is changing to cooler or colder temperatures as we speak. There’s not much we can do to control it, but we can choose how we will deal with it and how to get through these weird times.

Here’s some thing I’ve been doing to try to cope with the recent sadness:
○ Putting in the effort of getting ready for the day, like dressing up a little and putting makeup on
○ Surrounding myself with good company
○ Communicating about how I feel and getting validation that I’m not the only one feeling this way
○ Walking around market or stores with greenhouses. Plants do wonders to your mood and don’t forget that fresh air!
○ Hugs. Hug someone or a pet for a little longer than usual. Trust me, it will help. (Thanks Kona)
○ Choosing an affirmation for the day and say it out loud or think about it throughout the day
○ Vitamins. The weather is getting colder and darker, so let’s get on that Vitamin D to beat the seasonal depression
○ Choosing to go somewhere or doing something instead of laying in bed all day. A simple walk around the neighborhood will do the trick.
○ Out of town girls/friend trip. A little shopping and eating trip to a place you don’t visit often is always nice. A mini trip to refresh your mind with.

If you feel like you can’t talk to anyone or want to talk to a stranger about things, my email or social media messages are always open. You would also be doing me a favor. You can head to my contact page or find the links at the bottom of my blog page.
To anybody going through it, you aren’t alone and you don’t have to feel like you are.

SALLY ♡ T

Reach Out, You Can Do It.

You can do whatever you put your mind into, but you can also limit yourself the same way. Just always remember, it’s all you, it’s all up to you.
We all have our bad days or moments where it gets to the point of needing help and think it’s bad to reach out for that help. Let’s end that stigma. Let’s stop making ourselves and others feel weak for even thinking they need help. It’s a good thing to realize when you need help. Recognizing that and accepting is already a big step, but then you have the reaching out part. Where ever you are reaching out to could be a friend, a therapist or counselor, a help hotline, etc. IT’S OKAY! IT’S PERFECTLY FINE! YAS, GO YOU! DON’T STOP! It’s a very normal thing to do, we aren’t wired to do everything by ourselves. Get the help that you deserve. Just know you aren’t alone and you will have the support from others whenever it starts to feel scary.

I’ve thought about this for a long time, but I decided to tackle it by myself instead. Then I would reach out to my friends and kept it at that for so long after. They helped me get to where I am today. My love and support group made sure I knew seeking for extra help was normal and a really good step. They actually said they were proud of me and hearing that makes me so emotional, but in a good way. Especially, with how I’ve been feeling lately. So here I am, celebrating myself for taking the step. I am reaching out. I can do it and I know you can do it. Take care of yourself, you matter the most.

SALLY ♡ T

Triggers are a test.

I was going to go on this huge rant, but you know? Sometimes it’s not even worth it. Writing the headline “Triggers are a test.” was just enough for me to acknowledge that very thing. It’s a test from others to see how you react and a test for yourself to see how far along you are and on exactly what path you walk. There will be people who purposely try to trigger you, then there’s triggers that your own mind will create. Then the ones that just happen from seeing the tiniest little thing.

The only thing you can control is how you react to it and how you let it affect you mentally and physically. There’s that saying “No one will remember what triggered you, just how you reacted.” It’s sad, but it’s true. There’s only so much you can do physically and a good percent of the time, it will only give you temporary relief. Focus on the triggers and your reaction mentally. How does it make you feel? What do you want to do and will that benefit you in any way long term? No? Okay, so now how can you release that negative energy in a way that it will be beneficial? The sooner you can train your mind to thinking that way, the easier and faster it will be for you to feel at ease. You may also find a deeper understanding and possibly heal yourself or be one step closer to your peace.

There will always be people who want to see your reactions and how badly it bothers you and those who wish and hope for your healing and peace. Who would you rather cater to? A self reminder.

SALLY ♡ T

Drunk Thoughts: New Series.

So I’m going to do this series on my blog called ‘Drunk Thoughts’ every few months or whenever I feel like it. I’ll talk about whatever comes to mind, after drinking and probably listening to music while I type. Be prepared for spelling mistakes, non complete sentences, random shit, you know the deal. Welcome into my sad boi hour head and straight into my big ass, emotional cancer sign ass heart. ♡ I wanted to be real with ya’ll, so wtf not? AND it helps me direct my emotions somewhere, perfect. You can laugh at me, while I try to find peace within, everyone wins. This is how I am in real life anyways, I never was trying to make this blog something I wasn’t. I drink, this is me.

So I drank two mugs full of mimosas that were 80% champagne and played my spotify playlist, which just happens to be the Chilombo (Deluxe) album by my girl Jhene Aiko. Starting mid way at Born Tired, which is one of my favorite songs on the album. I just chugged the last half of my cup after the first intro paragraph. So here we go.
Currently, in my life I’m doing good. I’m relaxed, not stressed, enjoying less work. Earlier this year I was probably in the worst mental state that I have ever been, so for me to be where I’m at now, i’m really happy and proud. I can feel myself healing. I know it might sound weird, but I can feel everything just getting better. Things are starting to click like they were before. It’s not so much self love because that never left me, but being able to accept and forgive or at least acknowledge it and not letting it sadden me like before. “Even with void, I choose to fill it with joy” <- Jhene just sang that and i’m living for it. To more joy that’s to come.
Honestly, I’m scared how things will be once my job fully opens back up. I was working crazy hours being a manager and that fucked me up mentally along with what was happening in my personal life. I don’t want to go backwards from where i’m at now. So dreading how things will be is an understatement, but I am working on it and getting myself out of that. I just have to deal with it a little longer, but I’ll stand my ground more and do whats right for me.
I sacrificed myself and some parts of my life when accepting this manager position for a bigger picture. I said I’ll just work hard so I can get to point b quicker. I did what I had to do for this bigger picture, but I lost myself from it and allowed the consequences of it take over. Did I recover? Yes, but for myself still working on it. Would I do it again? No, fuck ass no. I love myself and will never want to be in that mental state ever again. I was actually abusing alcohol at the time and I really fell into a dark hole. Of course me being prideful, I didn’t want people to know I was actually screaming for help with every drink I drank. I pulled myself out of that and i’m no longer drinking to fill anything. I’m pretty fucking proud, but this is the only place you will hear about it, because i’m still too prideful to share, but I should acknowledge my strength. I did it. I don’t want sympathy, empathy or anyone to bring it up because it still reminds me of the pain, but just know i’m okay now. I’m doing fine, i’m happy and still working on myself.

“It ain’t perfect, but everything’s beautiful, beautiful now. Maybe I’m the miracle, waiting for the miracle.”
SALLY ♡ T