Tag: Live Your Life

Food & Place Alert: Florida – Tampa and Orlando.

I feel like I only ever food blog about two locations and Orlando is one of those places. You can read the other Orlando food blog here! This time we have both Tampa and Orlando. This won’t include all foods from our Epcot day, but you can read the Epcot foodie adventure here. Stay hungry! ♡

Tampa, Florida

So let’s start off with Tampa! Our first meal after arriving in Florida was in Orlando, but we drove to Tampa and got food to-go for a dinner and night in at our airbnb. We got pretty random foods from 3 different places, La Casa Della Pasta, KFC, and Taco Bell. We said we wanted to “eat light” before the wedding, so much for that LOL. Taco Bell is nothing special to write about, but we did try the Chizza from KFC. If you don’t know what the Chizza is, it’s just a fried chicken pizza. Literally a fried chicken topped with pizza sauce, cheese and pepperoni. If you like lunchables, then you’ll enjoy the Chizza. There’s definitely that nostalgic pizza sauce taste.

There’s no picture from La Casa Della Pasta, but what I can say is that they know what they are doing! I really wanted some pasta. (Pasta is my favorite type of food btw. It’s an easy way to my heart.) La Casa Della Pasta was the closest to our airbnb and that’s how we chose it. what we didn’t know was that according to Tampa Bay Times, they are the best Italian restaurant in Tampa Bay and have been four years in a row. It was everything and more! Next time in Tampa, I’ll have to come back and try more. I love a good pasta. I got the Pappardelle Al Ragu’ (Bolognese). It’s made with their homemade Pappardelle pasta, ground beef, tomato sauce, basil and garlic. Besides all the flavor, it was very fresh.

The morning of our friend’s wedding, we went to Banh Mi Factory. Banh Mì Factory is a cute spot to chill with friends or even go to study. Not only that, but they are so good. They have tons of different bánh mì options to choose from. I said before that I thought Lee’s Sandwiches in California was good, but this place is even better. You always have to try the classic Bánh Mì Đặc Biệt or the Special Combination, so we ordered that and the Bánh Mì Bò Nuớng or the Bulgolgi Beef. Both were super good. The way the bread soaked up the juice from the bulgogi beef and the crunch of the baguette was *chefs kiss*. I wasn’t going to start my day without any coffee either, so a Viet Coffee or Cafe Sua Da was a must. On their menu they call in their Vietnamese Phin-Drip and I got the Saigon Savory option. It was more like a ca phe trung with the cream on top which is a little different from just a regular coffee. It literally translates to coffee egg. The cream is a mix of egg yolk and condensed milk. It may sound a little weird, but it’s so good and elevates the drink!

The morning after the wedding, we chose to eat at Ha Long Bay – New Tampa location. After a day of open bar, this was needed. I can’t tell you enough how GOOD the Thai Tea was and how it brought me back to life! I would come back just for the Thai Tea. I almost ordered another one to go because it was so good.
Don’t worry I ate too. Noodles with broth is also another life saver after drinking.

We ordered Bún Bò Huế (Spicy Beef and Pork Noodles) and Bún Riêu (Crab Paste Noodles). For me the Bún Bò Huế was a little too sweet for my liking, but the Bún Riêu was the best that I have ever had at a restaurant. Nothing will ever beat my mom’s homemade bún riêu though.

Bún Bò Huế: Thick noodle, rich and spicy beef soup with tender beef slices, beef tendon, Vietnamese ham, and topped with mixed fresh herbs

Bún Riêu: Thin vermicelli, crab mixed seasoning, ground pork paste, Vietnamese ham, fried tofu, and tomatoes

Orlando, Florida

We landed in Orlando first, ate, drove to Tampa, stayed a couple days, then drove back to Orlando for the rest of our trip. In Orlando, we had a foodie adventure! So let’s get into it.

Our first stop was at Twenty Pho Hours. It’s a super cute 2d noodle bar. They are known for their 2d decor and their fast & casual dining service, which was great because we were both starving. They had these cute bear cups, so you know I had to get one! You can never go wrong with a taro bubble tea. We tried their Short Rib Pho and the “Black Ox” pho. For fast and casual dining, the meats were so tender and melt in your mouth. I was super impressed with the flavor of pho with how little time it came out.

Short Rib Pho: Rice noodles, onions, cilantro, scallions, bean sprouts, basil, jalapeños, lime, eye round steak, short rib and brisket

“Black Ox” Pho: Rice noodles, onions, cilantro, scallions, bean sprouts, basil, jalapeños, lime, eye round steak, brisket, and slow-roasted oxtail

Our next stop was Disney downtown or now it’s known as Disney Springs. I absolutely love Disney Springs and all the restaurants and shopping. It’s such a happy place to be at when you aren’t at Disney World! I am IN LOVE with Amorette’s Patisserie located in Disney Springs. Every time I visited they have new cakes and desserts to try out, plus boozy sweet drinks! We got the Amorette’s Rose dessert with a little milk carton on the side. It is a chocolate biscuit with dark chocolate mousse and raspberry sauce. This dessert is as decadent as they come. I’m not a huge raspberry fan, but the pairing of the raspberry sauce and dark chocolate mousse just paired so well together!

After Tampa, we drove back to Orlando and went to Icon Park. We’ve always driven passed the wheel, but this trip we had the time to visit it. Sadly, the iconic wheel was not being used, so we weren’t able to ride it. One of these days it’ll happen though! Icon Park was smaller than I imagined, but there’s still tons of things to do and see. I chose to do the Museum of Illusions. Maybe it’s the kid in me, but I love interactive museums like these. They are so much fun and the photos came out pretty cool. My part was the spinning tunnel where you try to walk straight on the path, but it gives you the illusion that your pretty much walking drunk. The only reason why that was my favorite part was because right when you get out of the tunnel, there’s these 3d holographic pictures framed on the wall and my boyfriend had a little jump scare from the Albert Einstein one. I still laugh about it today when I think reimagine it in my head.

After 4 long years, we made it back to King Cajun Crawfish. My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE seafood boil place. I dream of the seafood boil here all the time. I’m literally obsessed. I have not found a better seafood boil than King Cajun Crawfish and I know you guys have seen all the different seafood boil places that I have gone to on every trip. The absolute best, my mouth is watering as I type. I wish there was another location closer to me than in Florida. TAKE MY MONEY. This is a must go to if you love seafood boils!

We had to go with their Shabang sauce with the hot spice level. Their Shabang sauce is a mix of all their flavors which are: lemon pepper, rajun’ cajun, and garlic butter. The hot level spice was pretty hot, our noses was dripping and there were moments of sweat, but it made the flavor 100% better. I believe we ordered the Royal Feast and that includes 1 cluster snow crab, 1 cluster dungeness, 1 lb. crawfish, 1 lb. shrimp, 1 lb. clam, 1 lb. green mussel, 4 corns, 4 potatoes, and sausages. Seriously unbelievably amazing.

Sometimes I wonder, “how can we eat so much in one day?” The answer will be forever unknown. Maybe the foodie in us comes out on vacation.
We went to Universal CityWalk to try to walk off all the food, but instead found ourselves grabbing a drink and dessert at The Toothsome Chocolate Emporium & Savory Feast Kitchen. There we ordered the Chocolate Potted Cream, Chocolate Old Fashioned, and Vanilla Chocolate Cocktail. The drinks were good and strong, the pudding was amazing and perfect consistency, it was a chocolate heaven. After, I had the biggest food baby that I have ever had. I don’t remember when I had that much to eat and drink in one day. I was happy!

Chocolate Potted Cream: Creamy chocolate pudding served in a copper pan

Chocolate Old Fashioned: Bird Dog chocolate whiskey, cherry liqueur, sugar, chocolate and orange bitters

Vanilla Chocolate Cocktail: 360 Madagascar vanilla vodka, Trader Vick’s dark chocolate, Faretti chocolate, chocolate bitters

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We went to Epcot at Disney World and you can read all the food and drinks in that blog here. It’s a long one, but well worth the read if you plan on visiting Epcot! On our last day of the trip, we went to the Florida Mall and shopped until we ran into Gatcha. Gatcha is a clawcade. Yes, that’s right an arcade full of claw machine! I love claw machines, so I was having a blast. My secret talent is how good I am at claw machines. I don’t know when it started or how it happened, but 90% of my plushies in my room are won from a claw machine. I’ve never seen a clawcade in person before so this was really fun. Gatcha has two spots in the mall, one is filled with plushies and figurines and the other spot is filled with drinks and snacks. Plushies? I got you, we’re winning tons! Drinks and snacks? Sorry, but we might be out of luck there. Those are so hard to pick up and the items are heavy compared to the claw. Gatcha is opening new location around the US, so hopefully they’ll make their way to Michigan!

A little dessert never hurt anybody! I’ve been having a major sweet tooth lately and when I saw this cute dessert shop in the mall, you know I just had too! Lucciano’s is the ultimate gelato place and they had a cute table/photo op! We got the Mango Gelato Icepop.

Our last stop on our trip before flying out was to SnowBean. It’s a cute small cafe that’s located right next door to Izziban Sushi & BBQ, which we have eaten at a few times. We just never know that SnowBean had their own little Love Lock Bridge! (We did order a strawberry smoothie from there as well) My boyfriend and I put up our own lock on the bridge. This would be our second lock that we put up together, out first one is located in Houston, Texas on a love lock bridge there from our trip back in 2021. It may seem like a silly thing to do, but I honestly think it’s so cute to do and it’s fun to have that memory and souvenir to go back to on your next travel back!

Traveling and exploring makes my heart super happy. It’s one of the best things in life. If I could travel all the time, I would! Thank you Florida for being so wonderful again. The food will never not amaze me. I’ll definitely be back soon! Remember, we live to eat and not eat to live! Live your very best life ♡

✈ ✈ ✈ next trip/blog: EDC Las Vegas ✈ ✈ ✈

2024: January to March Photo Dump

A little late here, oopsie! Winter felt like it lasted forever and I’m so happy we started to finally get warmer weather even if it lasted for just a day. I’m not a cold weather person AT ALL. I question all the time why I live in the midwest, I’m not built for the cold. I started my second semester of college, so that school and social life balance has been a hard one. The beginning of 2024 has been an interesting one to say the least. I will say I am pushing myself to be a better version and opening up more. I want more out of life than what I have been comfortable with. Here’s to living more and loving life ♡

January

February

March

Let’s Check In.

⋆˚✿˖° SPRING IS COMING, Happy March! ⋆˚✿˖°
Let’s take a second and do a check in with ourselves. We’re three months into 2024 and time isn’t going to go by any slower. It’s not too late yet to chase what you dreamt this year will be for you. If you follow me on instagram you might have already seen and done this check in, if not then take some time to answer and reflect.

Let’s get into it:
♡ How are you feeling?
♡ How are mentally overall?
♡ Are you positively taking care of yourself?
♡ Have you come up with your yearly goals and intentions yet? If not, get started even if it’s just a weekly goal for now!
♡ Have you started on your goals and intentions yet? If so, how far along are you?
♡ What has made you happy so far? How can you do more of it?
♡ What has made you sad or mad so far? What can you do to make things better for yourself?
♡ Any new goals you can add?
♡ Reflect on your growth in the last two months and celebrate it.
♡ Reflect on your lack of growth and give yourself a safe space for grieving and acceptance. After, leave it behind and start over. It’s not too late!
♡ Do something you love.
♡ Soak in some sun when you can.
♡ Take a walk, even if it’s a little chilly. Find your green space, be outside for a little.

Remember it’s never a bad thing to do a little reset if needed. Let’s make the best of this year. Happy March, may it bring you lots of love and happiness ♡

MY UPDATE

I am currently sitting in an airport by a huge window and soaking in the sun rays. Even though I’ve been up and traveling since 3 AM, today life is good ♡ I also can’t wait to write a food blog after the trip! It’s been a while since I last wrote one, but I promise this one will be worth the wait. New foods to try for your next trip!

Some people will say I’ve gone quiet, but really I’ve just been very occupied with my life, wellbeing and focused on other goals/have other priorities. I’m at a good place now where I feel like I’m rested and decently caught up with life. I feel more like myself than I have in a while. I can feel SALLY THAT GIRL again. She’ll be in full effect by the end of this year. I calmed down my lifestyle to prioritize school and it’s really my main focus. That’s really the main reason why I disappeared. Michigan has this wonderful program where they’ll pay for your semesters as long as you keep up with their requirements and I’m NOT going to lose that. This is a great opportunity to take advantage of and I’m doing exactly that.

For those that haven’t really worked on your goals for the year, it’s fine cause I haven’t really either. I’ve touched the surface, but haven’t done enough yet to say there was any visible progress overall. Some I goals are in the works, some none at all. SO that’s why we can do this check in together, not feel bad and start working on them NOW! We’re human, life and other things get in the way, we don’t feel motivated, fighting the winter blues are hard, I GET IT. I’m there with you. Two weeks ago was when I finally found my motivation to really get up and be active and make sure I use my time to do things that I love and that help me. I just got out of my funk two weeks ago. I wasn’t even able to get out of it myself, my friends in Wisconsin were the ones who really got me over it and that’s okay. It’s absolutely fine to get help from those close to you that you love and trust. Sometimes what you need is love, attention and support. I will admit that I’m definitely one of those people. After all, we are just human.

I am going to go enjoy this love filled vacation now, (my friends are getting married this weekend!). Enjoy your day, your weekend, your week. And to remember to show up for yourself the best you can. ♡

January & February ’24 Mini Writings.

Not so many to start the year off with and that’s alright. I’ve actually been a little shy to write down my thought and share them lately. I know there’s no need to be shy, but there will more mini writings to come in the next few months. ♡

January 20, 2024

“Slow and steady wins the race” & will also show you truth.

– sally.things

January 25, 2024

Live your truth.

Dig deep down and decide who you are and live in your truth.

What things are you going to let define you?

What things will you let take space up in your mind?

What image are you going to hold up?

– sally.things

February 8, 2024

Breathe in and breathe out.

Breathe in and breathe out.

Soak everything in.

And just enjoy the moment.

– sally.things

February 18, 2024

You deserve healthy love from yourself too.

– sally.things

What It’s Like Going Back to School at 28.

Am I crazy? Slightly. Did you read that right? Yes. I decided to go back to college this semester at the age of 28. The last time I had classes was back in 2014/2015, so 8-9 years ago. Life got in the way and I really wasn’t ready back then. I’ve been wanting to go back, but timing wasn’t right or it didn’t feel right to me. How I feel about something is very important for me. This time around, things fell into place and I was able to sign up and get back into it. I’m happy that I’m back in school and excited to see what’s to come from it.

So what’s it like to be back?
While it feels like I haven’t left and majority of things look the same, many things have actually changed. My professors from back then are still here, but they have aged. It’s weird cause I feel like I went time traveling to the future. The student IDs are different colors and now have more use for things, I got mine replaced to the new one and the person taking my picture said, “Wow, welcome back it must be a while for you. I haven’t seen the all blue IDs in a while.” How embarrassing that was LOL. The parking student rates have gone up and boy does that make me sad, but happy cause I’m only on campus 2 times a week. I also just feel sooo old in my classes. Majority of my peers are 18-20. I’ve interacted with some classmates in group projects and we’ll get to know each other with little questions and they all get so shocked when I tell them my age. It’s always the same reaction too, “No way! You look so good and young for 28!” Thank you for that compliment though, I’m starting to appreciate it more. ♡ I’m also meeting others who are older than me, that are coming back to school just like me. Having that in common has been very motivating for me and reminds me to not be too hard on myself for starting over again.

How are you feeling about it all?
Well it’s been very emotional for me for sure. It’s been 3 weeks already and on the first day I was 15 mins late and I skipped one class lecture already. The enrollment period before was pretty stressful for me already. It’s been a while since I’ve been in school, so some of my credits that I earned when I first went no longer exists. I have to pretty much take some of same classes over again to get the credit again, which sucks. School was a hard topic for me to talk about before and even now at times because of how my first year went. It wasn’t ideal and I didn’t feel supported back then. Those feelings come through still from time to time and I can get very discouraged and less motivated. Have I already thought of dropping out? YES, plenty of times already. I did have someone who was my #1 supporter and they helped me talk about and through my worries about school, someone who was always there for me. I ended up starting this semester without them. It’s heartbreaking to lose someone who was so proud and believed in you and I’m still trying to adjust with that. Besides those feels, mainly I’ve been excited and motivated. I am proud of myself for taking this step again and trying again. I’m happy with my decision of going back and ready to see what’s to come with it. I’m happy that I get the opportunity to change up my daily routine and change my environment. It’s something that I needed to do for myself.

I’m here to let anyone else that’s looking to go back to school, whether you’re older, younger, haven’t gone yet, or dropped out that you can do it. You’re not alone and you definitely don’t have to think negative about yourself about it. Whatever your story was before, it’s not going to be your story this time around. Take your time, go your own pace, don’t listen to those who bash others. You have your own journey to go through. Most importantly YOU got this!

This won’t be the last blog about school and I’m hoping to be able to post about getting my degree when the time comes around. Whenever that will be. I’m in no rush right now and enjoying the ride. I’m happy for this new start and I’ll see everyone at the end. ♡

2023: April to June Photo Dump

Some of my favorite moments from April, May and June. This year is going by so quickly. We’re already have way through, insane. Slow down, so I can have more time this year please!

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

A Life For Me.

Sometimes you dream about a life for yourself and it’s simply just a dream to you. It doesn’t feel achievable at all. That’s what I feel 100% about mine. My dreams seem unattainable at times because of the way that life has been dealt to me and honestly just how I am as a person. I am someone who will puts others before myself at anytime. I just can’t help it. It’s a great trait, but it has also caused me to stop living for myself. If you’re like that too, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to step back and start living for yourself. It’s the only way to get to your dreams. You are your own roadblock.

A long time ago, I attended college, but I pretty much dropped out before the end of the year. Long story short, I made myself available more to my family and put my own life path to the side. It stuck and continued on for years and school was not a thing that could happen for me. I tried many times to reenroll, but I felt like if I decided to not be as available, then I was being selfish and I couldn’t let my tiny little humans have that type of inconsistency in their life. I don’t think I would change it if I had the chance to go back, but I do wonder a lot where I would be if I had chosen myself first.

The good thing is once you find a better way to juggle life and a better way to express your boundaries, then you can start working at your dreams. It took me moving away to a different state to learn all that and being away for a bit to even have the space to think about myself. So once you find your way, it’ll get better. Don’t be afraid of what others will think or feel because those around you, that love you, will always support you. I’m moving forward in small steps and changes are slowly happening for me. My dreams are looking a little better and I think I can actually name specific goals for myself now. I know you can make it happen for yourself too! Start living your life for you ♡

Just A Little Lost.

As I’m entering this phase of my life, I can’t help but to feel a little lost. Even though I’m back to the environment that I grew up in, I’m not the same person. I don’t have the same goals, I’m not looking to pick up where I left off or behind. I want to say everything is the same as how I left it, but it’s not. Things have changed. I some what feel like maybe I don’t belong here or fit in as well as I did. With all that going on, some things do feel the same, but I don’t feel the same way about it. How do you go from a place that you only ever knew, leave for a little over a year, then come back and it almost feels like a new place to you?

Identity crisis? Feeling like an outsider? Did I grow out from this place that fast?
I want different things for myself and I came back to do that, but how really different are the things I want? Can I even get to those here? Where do I belong, where do I feel settled? A thought that comes across a lot lately is did I make the right move or did I just set myself back? I don’t know any of these answers and that’s something I have to try to be okay with. It all has me feeling lost. I thought I had it figured out and that what I saw was clear as day. The reality of it is that it’s not clear as day and it’s actually more confusing. I’m feeling lost.

I know it won’t be like this forever and I just have to let go of the control that I would like to have in my life and let things go and flow. I know things that are meant to be will find its way to me. I know. It’s just hard to keep that positive mindset all the time when I’m not feeling positive all the time. Things take time, but sometimes I feel like I don’t have patience to wait. Things will come when you stop looking for it, so I need to stop looking. I need to be okay with feeling lost for a bit.

My First Year in Wisconsin.

You read that right. It’s officially been a year since I moved from Michigan to Wisconsin. Time here flew by really fast, maybe a little too quick if you ask me. This past year has taught me a lot about myself, starting over, friendships and so much more. Moving states and changing environments has been good to me, it has humbled me and it has also brought out the worst of me. For the first time in my life, I felt like an outsider and I would be lying if I said it doesn’t still kind of feel that way. Adjusting to a brand new environment was a lot harder for me than what you would expect. Having to let go and move pass a life that you’ve always known is a lot harder than it seems. I guess I’m one of those people who prefer to be where I feel comfortable in, but I’m making it work.

I promised to be honest on my blog, so let’s talk about some of the downsides that came with moving. To start off, I miss my family and my friends so much even to this day and forever will. I’m so big on connections and being away from everyone really hit me hard. I’m missing out on seeing my nieces and nephew grow up and that probably hurts the most. I was so present in their lives and I absolutely adore and love them like my own kids. Hell, I missed my nephew’s birth and I cried after the call in the middle of a house party because I knew I wouldn’t be as present in his life like I was with the other babies. I’m also missing out on all the quality time with my parents, sibling and friends. They play such big roles in who I am as a person. My friends are literally my family, we celebrate everything together from big to small. It’s the connection, it’s the love and support.

Second, I lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan which I would say is super diverse, my friend group is also diverse, even the school I went to was pretty diverse. So it’s all that I’ve ever been around. Once I moved to Wisconsin, it was like the opposite of culture shock for me. I was around a group that mainly consisted of one ethnicity with one or two people of different culture. Even then, those one or two people were very educated in the ethnicity group where they even knew some of the language, music, food etc. so I actually felt like an outsider. Never have I felt that way or experienced something like it.

Third, there’s that saying ‘you can’t heal in an environment that has hurt you’ and as much as I would like to say it’s not true, there is some truth to it. I willingly moved on my own knowing the problems that I would face, knowing that I would be on alert and always on my toes waiting for something to happen. I knew it would be kind of negative at first, which I will say definitely did not help me with adjusting. Sad, but it’s how it was. I saw the outcome of the move to worth more than the hurt and that I could get passed all of it eventually. There were tons of people who tried to get to know me, but really their intentions were to really get to know what had happened before and to instigate or start new problems. I had to and sometimes still have to pick those people out from who my real friends are. It also keeps me stuck in a place or brings me back to it that I’m trying so hard to move forward from. It was hard to make genuine friendships because for a while I couldn’t make out the differences. You wouldn’t believe how many times I was told that I was stupid to move here or all the new anonymous accounts that tried to make my time here hell. Maybe all that can be talked about in another blog LOL. But yes that did happen and yes it use to get to me and yes I use to cry about it.
Now I’m not an angel or perfect, sometimes it’ll come up in conversation and it’s me that’s bringing it up. I’ll 100% claim that. I’m not fully moved on and now I’m living so much closer to the environment where it happened and with people around that knew. I had to learn how to forgive everyone and how to accept things and see things from different perspectives. I’ll keep working on it because I owe that to myself. I’m much more than what people think and I came here for a reason and maybe for a little vengeance, juuuuust kiddinggggg on that last part. If it happens it happens, ya know?

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Now time for the good part. Moving out of my hometown gave me a new start and even though that was hard to accept, I made my way and now I can literally do anything. I just needed this jump start. So if you plan on moving, do it. Just go ahead and do it. Do things for yourself. It may take time, but you’ll settle in eventually. I can say I’m more comfortable and I’m building my life here. I’ve also been learning new things about myself that I never knew. With having this space of being on my own, away from my friends and family, it has opened my eyes about who I am, my potential and who I can become. It’s exactly what I needed.

I met a lot of new people and made a lot of new friends and I even have some very close friends that I very much appreciate and love. My first year in Wisconsin also consisted of a lot of time spent in Minnesota or in different cities like Milwaukee and Sheboygan and even hotel living. If you know, you know. Long story short right after I moved to Wisconsin, I spent about a total of 3-5 months maybe in a hotel due to house cleaning, but because of that I can recommend some pretty nice hotels and restaurants in the Madison area if anyone plans to visit.

Overall it’s been a really good first year. I can honestly say I’m excited to see how the next few years will be because ya girl isn’t planning on moving anywhere else. It’s a lot of work and cost to move to a new state and I don’t have that in me again just yet. I didn’t think I had a lot of stuff to move until I filled up two cars. Plus I have so much in front of me that I wouldn’t want to miss out on. To my first year in Wisconsin and to another year coming, to all the life lessons, adventures and opportunities, CHEERS!
Now enjoy my little 1 year recap video below! ♡

Stepping Into Unknown Territory — The Truth.

What a time to be me. In a positive way, what a time to be me. I get to step into this unknown territory, this unknown area, an unknown place with these unknown feelings. I get to choose, feel, think, and speak for myself and only myself. I get to choose for myself without having to worry about putting someone else’s responsibilities first. I can finally put myself first.

It’s very new to me. I can’t think of a time where I was able to put myself first — like ever. That’s crazy right? I’ve put others before me — what feels like my entire life. Not anymore. So how does that make me feel? Honestly, it doesn’t feel right, it feels very off. I feel very selfish and somewhat empty. I felt fulfilled by being needed by others even if it drained me or held me back from what I could actually achieve. But hey, at least they still needed me, I am that much. I’m learning to understand that I am much more than that, but I also can be that person for others still. I’m learning to understand that I can put myself first and still take care of others, I just had my priorities backwards. It’s whats making this such a new territory for me. I had it wrong all along and I’m okay with admitting to that.

Who was I to be working three jobs to support not only myself, but three other people who were very much capable of taking care of themselves? Who was I to feel like such a disappointment when I couldn’t help pay bills for someone that made more than me with their one job verses my three? Who was I to feel like a failure for dropping out of school because people were throwing their responsibilities on me and I had no choice, but to take it all on? I can’t help but to feel rage and anger because it felt like I had no other choice. I also don’t want to hold onto those feelings because it’s so heavy and it’s so tiring to hold that hurt in your heart. I want to forgive.

Truth be told, I can finally think of goals for myself and actually work towards them. Before, I would come up with a goal, but I would always fail because I wasn’t my own first priority. I constantly failed at things because I put others before me and I let that eat me up. Eat me up to a point where I gave up on dreams and goals and adjusted living my life around everyone else’s schedules. I’m not entirely mad about it because I learned the lessons that came with, but it makes me sad to look back on sometimes. I poured my heart out and into everyone around me and left nothing for myself. Truth be told, even though I’m happy that I get to move forward and it’s exciting to see myself take these little steps, I have no idea what I’m doing. When you are so focused on others around you, you forget about yourself. I always knew how I wanted to end up in life, but I was never able to think about the details of how I would get there. It was like okay I’m at point A, I need to get to point C, but never thought of point B.

I know I have a lot of work to put forward and to put in. I know before I can fully enjoy what’s ahead of me, I have to learn to let this all stay behind me. Even though I felt a sense of fulfillment before, I have to unlearn it and go through this confusing emptiness. I have to be very cautious in what I do until I actually know what to do. Last thing I want is seeing myself fall into old ways again. This is the truth, this is my truth, this is me.