Tag: Life Update

Things Will Get Better.

It seems like I’ve been telling myself that a lot more often. Things will get better. Little end of the year update, I’m not doing that great, but that’s okay because it’s not the end of the world for me. I’m just a little more emotional and sensitive, so it feels a lot worse then what it really is. I know I can get through, but damn it really do be like this. There’s not much that I want to vent out right now because that is just a post of it’s own. *ahem, ahem* you’ll see it later and it’ll explain about 80% of why I’ve been sooooo like this. I just have my own demons that I need to deal with. Holiday season without my family is getting to me too. I didn’t think it would so much, but I miss the shit out of them. Back in Michigan, I wasn’t home much or barely saw my family, but at least I saw them. I don’t even get that now because I’m in another state. That’s been hard. What’s even harder is not seeing my friends on a daily basis like I did before. Now they are my everything. I honestly saw them more than my family. That’s what makes me sad the most, my friends aren’t with me. I know we’re friends forever and we’ll always be together, but you guys are my mf heart. My life feel less fulfilled without spending that time with you guys :’)

I’ve been trying to figure out what’s got me down bad and why I’m feeling more and more less of who I am. I built my personality off my friends in a way, who am I without them LOL. Sounds bad, but it’s true. I know who I am without them, but I like the version of me with them. She’s happy. I just do better around people and being social. My friends are truly inspiring and probably one of my biggest supports. Haters will say “well that’s why you have your bf too” yes, I do and I’m so lucky that I do, but look… I got some issues… and I need multiple validations from more than just one person. I lack the support and needs growing up, but I won’t get into that. That’s gonna be saved for my therapist. All I know is when I visit home, I feel like I thrive, I feel like me. I am me. Grand Rapids got my mf heart. BUT YOU KNOW, I made this choice and things will get better.

Sally, things will get better.

“I wasn’t necessarily looking for happiness, just less pain.”

No matter what you do or try to be there will always be those dark moments in your life. We can’t avoid it and will fall into it from time to time. It sucks, but the truth is it’s just unavoidable. You either consume it or it consumes you, you either come out better or worse. There’s no way of telling until after.

I know I said I was going to post more often, but life got in the way. Both good and bad things. It’s been feeling like constant high and lows for me and I’ve been trying to raw dog my way through it. When I say that I mean by not running to alcohol whenever I feel sad. I would say I’m doing a decent job at that. Yes, I still drink on the weekends, but it’s more for fun and socially, not to fill a void. I haven’t been going to my therapy sessions either because there’s rules about keeping the same therapist when you move to different states, so at this point I pretty much have to find a new therapist. I liked my therapist I had in Michigan so much it feels like I won’t be able to find another like her. I’m trying to learn healthier ways to express my emotions and unlearn the negative patterns that I’ve been holding on to for forever. It’s hard as fuck. No one will ever tell you how it drains a lot of you because it feels like you are losing a part of yourself. You know, it’s something that you’ve known and was comfortable with for a while. Even if it’s bad, unhealthy or negative, it’s what you knew and what you adapted. What I will say though is to make sure you try to unlearn things for you and not for anyone else. If you aren’t doing it for yourself, then you will fall right back into it and you’re only going to disappoint yourself. Unless you’re actually willing to change, you’re not going to no matter how much you want it. That’s just how this shit works.

Exactly what am I looking for? “I wasn’t necessarily looking for happiness, just less pain.” Small baby steps, so just less pain right now, then after happiness and whatever comes next. Honestly if I can just feel content again, I’d be happy with that. I’m not looking for anything big right now, just to be okay again.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

  • You will get through it
  • Your best is enough
  • It is okay to rest
  • Your opinion matters
  • Your feelings are valid
  • Your opinion matters
  • Your goals are important
  • Your voice deserves to get heard

We’re all rooting for you.