Tag: Growing Up

Drunk Thoughts: More Like Just a Few Glasses of Wine.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog. Let me set everything now.

I don’t know if I would consider this as ‘drunks thoughts’ because honestly I’m not drunk. I don’t even feel tipsy, I have just had a few (four, yes four) glasses of wine. If you have seen me lately, you know it doesn’t have ton of affect on me anymore, BUT I am still under the influence. It can still count right? Anyways, let’s do a check in.

It’s been a while since I’ve written or posted a blog. September 8 to be exact and today is November 8, so 2 months exactly. Yes, I took some time to myself and I took time for me to figure out what my life is going to be like and then I went through some things and I needed to figure out where I was going to be. I’ve hid, I’ve disappeared, I’ve acted crazy, I’ve joked around, I went through these crazy ups and downs, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve loved while being broken, I’ve been dealing with this broken version of me. I’ve done everything during those two months to present time. I was someone who I did not want to be, I was someone who I wanted to be and I was someone who I didn’t think I would become. To this day I’m still going through the motions and trying to become someone who just understands that I did what I could. It just wasn’t it. That’s the hardest part of it all, I want to blame myself for everything when it has nothing to do with my actions.

I still have a long way to go with everything. I know it’s going to be journey of ups and down, but at the end I just need to focus on me and my wellbeing. I have to be selfish right now and that’s very new to me. I would also like to ask everyone if they can respect my boundaries. I don’t want to hear or know of anything. I think I’ve heard enough already and that was more than what I could handle… If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for myself, I’ll be more than willing to accept that instead. There’s still so much love coming and pouring out from me and that love will continue be there for a long time, just respect my boundaries.

I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve succumbed too. I’m not proud of the actions I’ve taken or some of the words I’ve said, but I do understand that I acted out because of how I felt emotionally and I would like to make a public apology. It ended up spilling out to more parties than just the one.
I’m sorry. I know that if I was on that receiving side, I would have been livid or annoyed even if it was “understandable”. I hold myself accountable, that is not the person I think that I am nor wish to be. I let the worst get to me and I let what I’ve been trying to heal break. I know I apologized before, but I hope this reaches to those who it effected.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog and this is what you get out of me. I’ll get what I deserve, they’ll get what they deserve and you’ll get what you deserve whether it’s good or bad. At this point please forget about me and leave all that negativity behind. I’m not fighting you or fighting for anyone or anything, but myself. I’ve removed myself a few months now, your problem is who you have been fighting with me for. Take it up with them, I wasn’t the one to begin with and definitely not the one now.
Maybe take it up with yourself and finally hold yourself accountable. Stop lying to yourself and find peace within you. Hurt people hurt other people and like you, I need to find my way through too.

This is my piece and I acknowledge it’ll get passed around. I get to be selfish now, so please pass it around whether it’s with pure intentions or ill intentions.

Here’s my truth.

Confident and Comfortable: Eczema

If you didn’t go to school with me or know me before high school (2009), you probably wouldn’t even have guessed that I had and dealt with severe eczema. My skin is pretty clear now and I get a pimple or two once every few months, but it wasn’t like that before and the confidence that I have now would not exists without my eczema. I just wanted to say I am PROUD of my younger self and take a little time to appreciate this “horrendous” period of my life.

I actually first started noticing my eczema when I was in 3rd grade (2003) and it wasn’t a huge deal, but it just got worse and worse very quickly. To the point where the eczema would scab over and if I scratched myself or it got caught on my clothes, I would bleed. It spread over my entire body too, behind the knees, on my legs, my elbows, my stomach, including my face. My cheeks and nose especially. The button on my jeans would cause me to break out, so I would have to tape a piece of tissue or something to cover it. I brought extra shirts to change into at school because the eczema scabs would get caught on my shirt and bleed through. Then for my face, I had glasses that would rub on my nose and cheeks. Having a flat nose bridge and big cheeks did not me out at all. It seemed like nothing would help for the longest time.

I remember in elementary, we would go to the school pool as a class for swimming lessons and the eczema on my stomach was so bad that I had a coverup skirt and wore it the entire time. One time a classmate saw my stomach while I was putting the skirt on and she seemed disgusted. The swimming teacher tried convincing me that I didn’t need the cover up and when I took it off, she told me that I should just put it back on. My eczema would burn the first few seconds of getting into the chlorine pool water.

Through out middle school and some of high school, my cheeks and nose were red 24/7 even when the eczema rash itself was gone. The nickname I had was Rudolph the red nose reindeer and honestly I hated it, became very insecure and use to cry about it sometimes. I wanted to cover it up with makeup so bad, but I knew that it would irritate it even more. None of the steroid creams or medications that was prescribed helped enough to get rid of it. I was pretty much just stuck with it.

Younger self Sally was just as stubborn as I am now and I just pushed through the teasing and didn’t let it show (for the most part) that it bothered me. Along the way I started to accept my condition and started planting this little seed of confidence inside. I somehow found a way to love myself and the scabbed eczema skin. I actually started to forget about it and I don’t even remember when it went away or how, but it was sometime during sophomore or junior year. I was left with scars on my stomach (that faded away over the next 3 years) and my face is forever red, but I don’t look at myself any less. I just appreciate my strength at such a young age and how I dealt with it because of how emotional I am. I don’t think I could deal with it as strong now if it were to come back.

I still get eczema on my stomach or sides during super dry winters or if I wear certain metals for jewelry, belts or rave pieces. It actually has gotten worse now though, my eczema comes back and I get hives as well, but I do avoid those pieces at all cost. I can definitely say that without going through all of that, I would not be so confident and comfortable with how and who I am today. So thank you little Rudolph, you kicked ass ♡

SALLY ♡ T