Tag: Drunk Journaling

Drunk Thoughts: Ms. 20 Something.


“Hopin’ to keep the rest of my friends. Prayin’ the 20 somethings don’t kill me, kill me.”
“Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love, only know fear. That’s me, Ms. 20 something.“

A year since I’ve posted a drunk thoughts post. Ya’ll see I don’t be getting drunk on my own as much anymore or at all actually. I don’t drink when I’m at my house or even by myself. That’s PROGRESS. A whole year of working on myself and still working on myself. What a fucking journey it’s been. It’s been wild. Let me tell you, WILD. So much to keep quiet on because I just want everything to be over. I’m drained. I’m tired, exhausted. I get pulled into toxic cycles over and over again. I’ve been getting myself stuck with people who have manipulative behaviors and in their cycles over and over. I’m literally praying my 20 something don’t kill me because I don’t know If i’m going to make it out alive anymore. It’s going to take me and eat me alive.

I’m trying to grow, heal and still love, but that gets taken, taken ,taken. I have a big heart and I love to love and I love to care and I am the type of person to just always have feelings, but clearly that’s being taken for granted and advantage of over and over and over again. What’s suppose to be one of the greatest quality a person can have is also the most taken advantage of. Why do people just take and take and take? I honestly wish I could be exactly like them and do the same. Let me take from you now. then throw you away until I need you next. ugh, disgusting. Personal problem? hell yeah. I’ve been keeping quiet for so long, but for what? To try to save someone’s else character because I loved them before? If I were to literally write a tell all book like celebrities, I feel like my shit would be more interesting that most of the others. The shit I have been put through has beeen WILD. I have stayed quiet to try to forget and move on, but then some shit happens and I notice I’m still taken advantage of because I’m not saying anything. I just want to love and keep loving and not become cold. I want to heal, I want to move on, I want to grow. I want to be left alone. This is the most vulnerable that I can be on here.

Everyone just leave me alone from my past. I loved someone who could not love me the right way and we left it. so, YOU, leave it too. Everyone leave it.

Drunk Thoughts: More Like Just a Few Glasses of Wine.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog. Let me set everything now.

I don’t know if I would consider this as ‘drunks thoughts’ because honestly I’m not drunk. I don’t even feel tipsy, I have just had a few (four, yes four) glasses of wine. If you have seen me lately, you know it doesn’t have ton of affect on me anymore, BUT I am still under the influence. It can still count right? Anyways, let’s do a check in.

It’s been a while since I’ve written or posted a blog. September 8 to be exact and today is November 8, so 2 months exactly. Yes, I took some time to myself and I took time for me to figure out what my life is going to be like and then I went through some things and I needed to figure out where I was going to be. I’ve hid, I’ve disappeared, I’ve acted crazy, I’ve joked around, I went through these crazy ups and downs, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve loved while being broken, I’ve been dealing with this broken version of me. I’ve done everything during those two months to present time. I was someone who I did not want to be, I was someone who I wanted to be and I was someone who I didn’t think I would become. To this day I’m still going through the motions and trying to become someone who just understands that I did what I could. It just wasn’t it. That’s the hardest part of it all, I want to blame myself for everything when it has nothing to do with my actions.

I still have a long way to go with everything. I know it’s going to be journey of ups and down, but at the end I just need to focus on me and my wellbeing. I have to be selfish right now and that’s very new to me. I would also like to ask everyone if they can respect my boundaries. I don’t want to hear or know of anything. I think I’ve heard enough already and that was more than what I could handle… If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for myself, I’ll be more than willing to accept that instead. There’s still so much love coming and pouring out from me and that love will continue be there for a long time, just respect my boundaries.

I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve succumbed too. I’m not proud of the actions I’ve taken or some of the words I’ve said, but I do understand that I acted out because of how I felt emotionally and I would like to make a public apology. It ended up spilling out to more parties than just the one.
I’m sorry. I know that if I was on that receiving side, I would have been livid or annoyed even if it was “understandable”. I hold myself accountable, that is not the person I think that I am nor wish to be. I let the worst get to me and I let what I’ve been trying to heal break. I know I apologized before, but I hope this reaches to those who it effected.

For those who “want the tea”, this is MY blog and this is what you get out of me. I’ll get what I deserve, they’ll get what they deserve and you’ll get what you deserve whether it’s good or bad. At this point please forget about me and leave all that negativity behind. I’m not fighting you or fighting for anyone or anything, but myself. I’ve removed myself a few months now, your problem is who you have been fighting with me for. Take it up with them, I wasn’t the one to begin with and definitely not the one now.
Maybe take it up with yourself and finally hold yourself accountable. Stop lying to yourself and find peace within you. Hurt people hurt other people and like you, I need to find my way through too.

This is my piece and I acknowledge it’ll get passed around. I get to be selfish now, so please pass it around whether it’s with pure intentions or ill intentions.

Here’s my truth.

Drunk Thoughts: What’s Meant For You Will Find It’s Way To You.

Welcome to my drunk journaling series, it’s been a while. For the new readers, this is my ‘Drunk Thoughts’ blog post series where I drink and decide to write about whatever comes to mind. No topic is off limit. Yes, tons of grammar and spelling errors. I do not edit these blogs to be better,. I leave them as is. What I write is what stays and yes I do keep drinking as I type cause who doesn’t love a rambling drunk writer? I want to be as authentic to myself that I can be. I mean why have a blog if you are going to be fake? That’s never been me. I’ll always be me on all platforms. I ain’t a fake ass bitch, you get what you get with me. If you are new, welcome. Welcome to Drunk Sally ♡ hahah

What’s meant for you will find you, come to you and you won’t ever lose it. It’ll always be around and find it’s way back to you if it gets lost. If it’s meant for you it will make it’s way back. How romantic is that? Some things are just meant to be in your life. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m a huge believer in it. If it’s meant for you, it will find a way.

I don’t know how young I was when I first heard that phrases, but once I heard it I always romanticized about it. That whatever was meant to be will always find a way. Then with every movie I saw with that theme, I started to believe that the things that are always meant to be also happened in previous or future lives or in multiverses or whatever came before and after. It’ll always be there, no matter what. What a thing to dream about. Of course for me it was always love. I use to daydream about my future love, my “meant to be” and how it was in other lives. I use to make up a whole scenario in my head of how I would just know and how it would be like not knowing that kind of set me up for failure or in situations where I should have just let it go. I can’t tell you how hard I would hold on to things when it should have been gone. How can something like that set me up? Something that gave me warm loving feeling just thinking about could also lead me blind? But you live and learn and you just know.

I would be lying if I said that I still don’t believe in it. I would be lying if I said that I don’t believe in it. I would be lying if I said I don’t think about it still. There are things that I experienced and felt like, REALLY felt like it was already a comfortable feeling or like it felt very warm and familiar for me like it has happened once before. It’s so hard to explain, but a certain feeling is there or present. Certain things are meant to happen in your life and certain people are meant to be in your life. Whatever is meant for you will find its way. It will always find a way.

Thanks to Journey & Discovery Red Blend Wine from Portugal and season 6, episode 14 of This is Us you all got this drunk thoughts. But really thank you, especially’s Rebecca’s line in the episode. If you like heart warming and emotional shows that make you feel every emotion, please watch This is Us. Okay byeeeeeeee ♡

Drunk Thoughts: If We Went Back To The Beginning.

If we went back to the beginning, who would we be? If we could go back to the beginning, who would we make ourselves be again? It’s been awhile, but I’m here. Drunk sally. Whoo. Who would you make yourself be? God I feel numb.

Numb in a good way. Numb as in it’s the best for me. Anyways, if you could go back to the beginning what would you do or tell yourself? Would you go through all the hell again and change it or would you do it differently? Who would you make yourself be? Where would things go? Would you change things?

I hurt, you hurt we all hurt. We go through hell. Would you change it? I would go back for sure and hope that I see things differently than I would have. See things as how they really were. I know it would have been heartbreaking, but better the truth than what as I saw it as with my rose colored glasses, I hate how much I try to romanticize life. Sometimes I hate how much I try to look for the good in things. Just see the bad and let it be how it really is. Stop trying to look at the good. See things as they really are. That’s life, face it. My faults are also my good traits. Why does life do that to us? Make the bad things also good, you know how confusing that shit is? How it fucks with your inner peace so much? If I could go back to the beginning what would I wish, how would things go, where would I be? I don’t actually know, I never got to think or put myself first to even think that way and maybe that’s my problem.

I try to be happy, but people don’t want me to be. Is it karma? Is it what I deserve or are people just fucking miserable with their own fucking lives? When I finally do right to myself because I owe myself that much. The saying “god gives his toughest battle to his strongest soldiers” I use to be so inspire by that shit back then, but now.. no not now, stop making me a solider, I’ve had enough for the time being. I’ve been thrown so many obstacles since a young age. Pick someone else I want a break. Just let me breathe. I want to go back to the beginning. drunk sally out.

Drunk Thoughts: I’m Tired, Exhausted Really.

I’m tired. Tired of a lot of things. Tired of a lot. It gets pretty exhausting in this head of mine. To do this and then to do that, to make myself look put together when I feel like I’m not. I have to care for this, I have to look after that, I have to hide this, so I don’t step on that. It’s exhausting. It gets really tiring.

I feel like I take care of a lot and I do. I just wished I didn’t put myself in that position so often because when I need it, who’s going to take care of me? I’m too tired to take care of me sometimes. Who’s going to tell me that I’m going to be okay? I need someone too.

Who’s going to let me let it all out and just sit there to listen? I don’t need advice, I don’t need to be told anything, just someone who will just sit and listen without saying a word. It’s funny though, I have a lot of people that are willing to be this person for me, but I would never let them because I don’t want anyone or others to worry about me.

SOBER SALLY TIME
I actually wrote this back in August/September of 2020 and never posted it because there were so many other Drunk Thoughts post that I was writing at the time. As you can see I was not in the best headspace. Pandemic and my own life was really hitting me hard. I’ve been going back and forth with myself with my decision to post this or not because it’s such a personal and vulnerable feeling to me, BUT that’s what I created and intended this blog to be. A safe place that I created, where I can share that side or those thoughts. I can also share that I do not feel this as intense anymore, which makes it easier for me to share. I have been working on the healing that I’ve been needing, I’ve been working on positive healing and actually accepting and letting it in. I have made peace with things and is still working on looking for the peace in others.

I share this because I know there are others who feel this way and honestly sometimes I go back to feeling this way. It’s not something that you can beat and it goes away forever. You have to actually make your peace and teach your brain not to go there and that’s hard. YOU WILL HAVE BETTER DAYS. I promise you that you will. Find your footing first, then learn how to walk. Remember to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. There is no other you.

SALLY ♡ T

Drunk Thoughts: Hungover

I’m actually hungover as I post this, but when I was drunk last night I wrote this and honestly it’s one of my favorite things that I’ve written. Not because it’s cute, but because most of my drunk thoughts are never about me being happy. I’m sure you’ve read some of them, this is very different from all of those.

I’m in a very good place in my life and just figuring everything out slowly, but in a healthy way. I owe that to myself. For me it’s so easy to write about the sad stuff and stuff that will help me feel better, but so hard to write when I’m happy. Why is it like that? I don’t know, but it explains why I haven’t written anything recently. Things are good though, I can’t complain. I’ll write an update on what I’ve been up to when I’m not dying from being hungover lol

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges 2020: Drunk Version.

*** warning: Lots of profanity used, drunk sally is something else***

Yes, you read it right. Drunk version lol. Will I ever post this? idek. I would like to say though, fuck 2020. I thought this year would be better for me than 2019, boy was I wrong. I went through some shit this year. It’s December 2020. Shit should be figured out right? Well fuck that shit. I feel like nothing is figured out sometimes lol.

There’s literally so much I have to say, but it can’t be in just one blog. That’s how fucked up I try to make things better. Honestly, I’m still emotion about thongs in my life. It happens though, you just have to deal with it. You might think my life is perfect, but bitch it’s not, stop putting me on a fucking pedestal. I don’t want that.

Being okay by myself, the loss of my pup, the lost of relationships. it really finds a way to fuck you up. A pandemic on top of everything? Well fucckkk, I’m still trying to figure everything else out from the previous years. It has felt like a lot, but also clarity all at once and I don’t know who to react to that. Am I writing to my blog audience or am I writing to you or myself? Who am I trying to convince at this point? Why am I trying to convince anyone about anything? Am I trying to convince or do I know it? I just don’t know.

I really almost finished a full bottle on wine. I literally have a quarter of the entire bottle left. You know I’m proud of myself for that, but also not. That’s a lot to drink, but I also don’t care. Why should I care so much? It doesn’t help you in anyways at all too care so much. I sound bitter, but that’s cause I can be. I’m not that type of person anyways because I know it’s better to push on past it, but let me just take my moment for a bit. Let me just pause and breathe for a bit. Let a bitch breathe for once. Sometimes I think I push myself too hard, but I wouldn’t be where I’m at now because of it. I got myself out of a rough situation and i’m better coming out if it. Just when can I sit and enjoy that without having to deal with the next situation?

Dignity. (drunk thoughts)

I am the person to make sure they go down with dignity. I did stop feeling that strength after a while. Dignity or not, I will be for what I feel is right to me, no matter what. I have nothing to prove to anyone, but me. That is true dignity, even though others don’t see it that way, I will always believe in myself.

I won’t lie, I’ve been crushed multiple time where I didn’t feel that way. I lost my strength completely. Not know how it would end. A song someone sings for the dead. I have accept that as well believe it or not. You may call me dramatic, but honestly it is what it is, but I am way better now. Please don’t worry. Please just look after your friends. Life is too short sometimes.

Cherish every moment, every lesson, everything. Confusing to sad, to happy. Cherish it all.

I have no recollection of me writing this at all this night and that’s really crazy to me. I said what I said though. I’m really proud of myself and that’s all I can say. I also know that drunk Sally can be really dramatic, like those dramas where someone gets shoved and they take 5 mins acting out the falling. I do want everyone to know that I am doing just fine and there’s no need for concern, even though it sounds that way. I can just get very dramatic sometimes. ☺

Drunk Thoughts: What Would My Older Self Think Of My Younger Self?

Hi, hello. Yes, welcome to drunk thoughts number 2 post. This topic actually came from an Instagram question poll thing and my friend came up with this prompt. To let you know how drunk I am, I drank 4 shots and 2-3 glasses of wine before this and can’t sleep without getting the spins. So I’m going to write a blog to try to sober up enough to sleep LOL. So I’m pretty lit. If this blog post ends up half ass, I’m sorry, I’m drunk lol.

So this suggested topic stood out to me because everyone usually asks “what would you tell your younger self?”, while this was the opposite, “What would your older self tell you or think about you?” Honestly my older self will love all these memories that I’m making and will love her 20’s, good and bad moments. I will regret some things, but nothing I’ll beat myself over with. I think I’m doing what anybody in their 20’s should and that just to live and experience life in whatever way works for them. What I do now, will be told to my kids and grandkids and I wouldn’t be ashamed. If they can learn from my mistakes, LOVE IT. Just like this blog, if it helps you in anyway, perfect. I did my job. I made someone one step closer to who they are or helped them through something that they were struggling with. I’m such a helper and people person, I hate it sometimes LOL.

I think my older self would tell me to stop being so up right and find a job that better suits me. Manager restaurant life is not it, especially during this pandemic. I’m pretty tired, if I didn’t feel and see the spins when I closed my eyes, I would be sleeping by now. But boohoo. It’s fine, everything’s fine.

SALLY ♡ T

* I’ll write about this topic when I’m sober too lol

Drunk Thoughts: New Series.

So I’m going to do this series on my blog called ‘Drunk Thoughts’ every few months or whenever I feel like it. I’ll talk about whatever comes to mind, after drinking and probably listening to music while I type. Be prepared for spelling mistakes, non complete sentences, random shit, you know the deal. Welcome into my sad boi hour head and straight into my big ass, emotional cancer sign ass heart. ♡ I wanted to be real with ya’ll, so wtf not? AND it helps me direct my emotions somewhere, perfect. You can laugh at me, while I try to find peace within, everyone wins. This is how I am in real life anyways, I never was trying to make this blog something I wasn’t. I drink, this is me.

So I drank two mugs full of mimosas that were 80% champagne and played my spotify playlist, which just happens to be the Chilombo (Deluxe) album by my girl Jhene Aiko. Starting mid way at Born Tired, which is one of my favorite songs on the album. I just chugged the last half of my cup after the first intro paragraph. So here we go.
Currently, in my life I’m doing good. I’m relaxed, not stressed, enjoying less work. Earlier this year I was probably in the worst mental state that I have ever been, so for me to be where I’m at now, i’m really happy and proud. I can feel myself healing. I know it might sound weird, but I can feel everything just getting better. Things are starting to click like they were before. It’s not so much self love because that never left me, but being able to accept and forgive or at least acknowledge it and not letting it sadden me like before. “Even with void, I choose to fill it with joy” <- Jhene just sang that and i’m living for it. To more joy that’s to come.
Honestly, I’m scared how things will be once my job fully opens back up. I was working crazy hours being a manager and that fucked me up mentally along with what was happening in my personal life. I don’t want to go backwards from where i’m at now. So dreading how things will be is an understatement, but I am working on it and getting myself out of that. I just have to deal with it a little longer, but I’ll stand my ground more and do whats right for me.
I sacrificed myself and some parts of my life when accepting this manager position for a bigger picture. I said I’ll just work hard so I can get to point b quicker. I did what I had to do for this bigger picture, but I lost myself from it and allowed the consequences of it take over. Did I recover? Yes, but for myself still working on it. Would I do it again? No, fuck ass no. I love myself and will never want to be in that mental state ever again. I was actually abusing alcohol at the time and I really fell into a dark hole. Of course me being prideful, I didn’t want people to know I was actually screaming for help with every drink I drank. I pulled myself out of that and i’m no longer drinking to fill anything. I’m pretty fucking proud, but this is the only place you will hear about it, because i’m still too prideful to share, but I should acknowledge my strength. I did it. I don’t want sympathy, empathy or anyone to bring it up because it still reminds me of the pain, but just know i’m okay now. I’m doing fine, i’m happy and still working on myself.

“It ain’t perfect, but everything’s beautiful, beautiful now. Maybe I’m the miracle, waiting for the miracle.”
SALLY ♡ T