Category: Life

You Can’t Heal If You Keep Pretending You’re Not Hurt.

To anyone who needs to hear this, including myself: STOP PRETENDING AND JUST LET GO. Let whatever you are trying to suppress out and allow your mind to rest. You can’t just sweep things under the rug and then expect it to go away. It doesn’t. Believe me, I tried and thought it would and now I’m here a year later still hurting about the same things.

It’s okay to feel hurt. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s okay to feel hurt. It’s a human thing, it’s normal. Even though you didn’t ask for it, you can’t let it control you and you have to find a way to accept it. Acceptance can happen in hours, days, months, or even years, but you will get there one day. It doesn’t have to happen quick and most times it won’t, some things are just too big to snap back from. That’s normal. Please do not beat yourself up for not being over or healed from a situation. You’re going through something already, you don’t need to add more to it.

If you pretend that you’re not hurting, you can’t heal. The out of sight, out of mind might lighten the load, but it will come creeping back. The only way to heal is to go about it head on. That can mean talking with people, making amends, going to counseling, etc. There’s so many healthy and positive ways of healing. You never are alone and you don’t have to heal yourself with no help. I think that’s so important for people to hear because sometimes we feel like we’re alone or our problems are just baggage that no one else wants to hear. There’s always someone to talk to and listen, you never are alone and you don’t have to heal yourself without help.

Be kind to yourself and be kind to others. You might be hurting still, but hurting others can disrupt whatever healing process they have going on too. It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end, believe that. Plus, projecting your hurt on someone else makes no one happier in the end. It doesn’t help you and doesn’t help them.

I could probably go on about healing and I’m pretty sure this is my 3rd post about this topic, but this is where I have the most feeling. Just like many of others, I’m just trying to accept it, move on and be okay. Just like many others, I’m in the thick of it and still struggling to get to where I want to be and picture myself to be. I am just like many others and if I can help someone while I get through mine, just perfect. The first step towards healing is to not pretend you’re hurt, but to acknowledge it. It’s okay to feel hurt.

SALLY ♡ T

Confident and Comfortable: Eczema

If you didn’t go to school with me or know me before high school (2009), you probably wouldn’t even have guessed that I had and dealt with severe eczema. My skin is pretty clear now and I get a pimple or two once every few months, but it wasn’t like that before and the confidence that I have now would not exists without my eczema. I just wanted to say I am PROUD of my younger self and take a little time to appreciate this “horrendous” period of my life.

I actually first started noticing my eczema when I was in 3rd grade (2003) and it wasn’t a huge deal, but it just got worse and worse very quickly. To the point where the eczema would scab over and if I scratched myself or it got caught on my clothes, I would bleed. It spread over my entire body too, behind the knees, on my legs, my elbows, my stomach, including my face. My cheeks and nose especially. The button on my jeans would cause me to break out, so I would have to tape a piece of tissue or something to cover it. I brought extra shirts to change into at school because the eczema scabs would get caught on my shirt and bleed through. Then for my face, I had glasses that would rub on my nose and cheeks. Having a flat nose bridge and big cheeks did not me out at all. It seemed like nothing would help for the longest time.

I remember in elementary, we would go to the school pool as a class for swimming lessons and the eczema on my stomach was so bad that I had a coverup skirt and wore it the entire time. One time a classmate saw my stomach while I was putting the skirt on and she seemed disgusted. The swimming teacher tried convincing me that I didn’t need the cover up and when I took it off, she told me that I should just put it back on. My eczema would burn the first few seconds of getting into the chlorine pool water.

Through out middle school and some of high school, my cheeks and nose were red 24/7 even when the eczema rash itself was gone. The nickname I had was Rudolph the red nose reindeer and honestly I hated it, became very insecure and use to cry about it sometimes. I wanted to cover it up with makeup so bad, but I knew that it would irritate it even more. None of the steroid creams or medications that was prescribed helped enough to get rid of it. I was pretty much just stuck with it.

Younger self Sally was just as stubborn as I am now and I just pushed through the teasing and didn’t let it show (for the most part) that it bothered me. Along the way I started to accept my condition and started planting this little seed of confidence inside. I somehow found a way to love myself and the scabbed eczema skin. I actually started to forget about it and I don’t even remember when it went away or how, but it was sometime during sophomore or junior year. I was left with scars on my stomach (that faded away over the next 3 years) and my face is forever red, but I don’t look at myself any less. I just appreciate my strength at such a young age and how I dealt with it because of how emotional I am. I don’t think I could deal with it as strong now if it were to come back.

I still get eczema on my stomach or sides during super dry winters or if I wear certain metals for jewelry, belts or rave pieces. It actually has gotten worse now though, my eczema comes back and I get hives as well, but I do avoid those pieces at all cost. I can definitely say that without going through all of that, I would not be so confident and comfortable with how and who I am today. So thank you little Rudolph, you kicked ass ♡

SALLY ♡ T

Travel Back to Twenty Twelve.

Where has the time gone? It feels like the year 2012 was another lifetime. A lot of the people that were super close to me, we either fell out or don’t even talk to each other anymore. A lot has changed since then, but then again a lot has stayed the same.
I was packing and a song that I use to listen to started playing. Instantly I felt super happy as if I was listening to it back then, just singing it on top of my lungs with the windows down driving to where ever we decided that day. My best friend and I had many adventures then and that’s when I met a lot of my current best friends for the first time. That summer changed my life in many different ways, all for the better, even if it took a while to see that. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life and a lot of things are suppose to stay as just memories. Thankfully, I have these memories and they actually still teach me a lesson to this day. “Whenever I think of us, I always see a smile. I was happy for a while.”
Facebook memories also threw in some pictures from that time period and it seemed all to coincidental, so here I am. 2012 baby Sally walked, so 2020 Sally could run. Oh, the things I wish I could tell my 2012 self, but I don’t think I would change a thing about the past. I needed to experience all of it to be who I am now, to know the things I know now, and being able to feel the way I do now.
I do miss the v-necks and picnic shorts though, haha. I do miss my best friend too. They always made sure I knew that they loved me for me and that everything I started to doubt about myself was just in my head. That will always stick with me. “So long, do you know you saved me?”

It’s nice to be reminded of things you forget. It always makes me appreciate what I have now more. “Maybe the past holds me up, but the present get me through.”

SALLY ♡ T

To Anybody Going Through It.

It can’t be just me right? I’ve been feeling down, sad, and overly emotional for the past week and a half. I don’t know why or what is making me feel this way and I can’t figure it out either, which makes it super frustrating. It kind of took over a little more of me than I wanted causing me to act upon those feelings in a negative way. I can’t even listen to music in my car without bursting into random tears. I feel like something is missing, but I can’t grasp what it is. I’m already a pretty emotional person, but now it’s just ten times worst.

You’re not alone though. We all are feeling some type of way and even though it may be different, we all can relate to one another. There’s a lot going on around the world currently and we are living through a pandemic that has changed the way we live and the weather is changing to cooler or colder temperatures as we speak. There’s not much we can do to control it, but we can choose how we will deal with it and how to get through these weird times.

Here’s some thing I’ve been doing to try to cope with the recent sadness:
○ Putting in the effort of getting ready for the day, like dressing up a little and putting makeup on
○ Surrounding myself with good company
○ Communicating about how I feel and getting validation that I’m not the only one feeling this way
○ Walking around market or stores with greenhouses. Plants do wonders to your mood and don’t forget that fresh air!
○ Hugs. Hug someone or a pet for a little longer than usual. Trust me, it will help. (Thanks Kona)
○ Choosing an affirmation for the day and say it out loud or think about it throughout the day
○ Vitamins. The weather is getting colder and darker, so let’s get on that Vitamin D to beat the seasonal depression
○ Choosing to go somewhere or doing something instead of laying in bed all day. A simple walk around the neighborhood will do the trick.
○ Out of town girls/friend trip. A little shopping and eating trip to a place you don’t visit often is always nice. A mini trip to refresh your mind with.

If you feel like you can’t talk to anyone or want to talk to a stranger about things, my email or social media messages are always open. You would also be doing me a favor. You can head to my contact page or find the links at the bottom of my blog page.
To anybody going through it, you aren’t alone and you don’t have to feel like you are.

SALLY ♡ T

Reach Out, You Can Do It.

You can do whatever you put your mind into, but you can also limit yourself the same way. Just always remember, it’s all you, it’s all up to you.
We all have our bad days or moments where it gets to the point of needing help and think it’s bad to reach out for that help. Let’s end that stigma. Let’s stop making ourselves and others feel weak for even thinking they need help. It’s a good thing to realize when you need help. Recognizing that and accepting is already a big step, but then you have the reaching out part. Where ever you are reaching out to could be a friend, a therapist or counselor, a help hotline, etc. IT’S OKAY! IT’S PERFECTLY FINE! YAS, GO YOU! DON’T STOP! It’s a very normal thing to do, we aren’t wired to do everything by ourselves. Get the help that you deserve. Just know you aren’t alone and you will have the support from others whenever it starts to feel scary.

I’ve thought about this for a long time, but I decided to tackle it by myself instead. Then I would reach out to my friends and kept it at that for so long after. They helped me get to where I am today. My love and support group made sure I knew seeking for extra help was normal and a really good step. They actually said they were proud of me and hearing that makes me so emotional, but in a good way. Especially, with how I’ve been feeling lately. So here I am, celebrating myself for taking the step. I am reaching out. I can do it and I know you can do it. Take care of yourself, you matter the most.

SALLY ♡ T

Triggers are a test.

I was going to go on this huge rant, but you know? Sometimes it’s not even worth it. Writing the headline “Triggers are a test.” was just enough for me to acknowledge that very thing. It’s a test from others to see how you react and a test for yourself to see how far along you are and on exactly what path you walk. There will be people who purposely try to trigger you, then there’s triggers that your own mind will create. Then the ones that just happen from seeing the tiniest little thing.

The only thing you can control is how you react to it and how you let it affect you mentally and physically. There’s that saying “No one will remember what triggered you, just how you reacted.” It’s sad, but it’s true. There’s only so much you can do physically and a good percent of the time, it will only give you temporary relief. Focus on the triggers and your reaction mentally. How does it make you feel? What do you want to do and will that benefit you in any way long term? No? Okay, so now how can you release that negative energy in a way that it will be beneficial? The sooner you can train your mind to thinking that way, the easier and faster it will be for you to feel at ease. You may also find a deeper understanding and possibly heal yourself or be one step closer to your peace.

There will always be people who want to see your reactions and how badly it bothers you and those who wish and hope for your healing and peace. Who would you rather cater to? A self reminder.

SALLY ♡ T

Healing is not perfection.

"You can be healing and still: triggered, afraid, emotionally closed-off, unclear of which path to take next, or tender.
Healing is not perfection, it's small steps and progress towards becoming you again. Journey with grace through the process."
- L A L A H  D E L I A

Healing is not perfection. Get that through your head, understand it, and accept it. Healing is not perfection and it is so important to know that. You’ll feel happy one moment, but the next time you’re crying. Most days you forget all about it and some it’s all you can think about. The littlest things can trigger memories or recall old thoughts. It’s literally just as emotional as going through what you’re healing from, but without the trauma. Healing is about acknowledging that it happened, learning from what happened, accepting that it happened, and forgiving what happened. Expect many emotions and waves of emotions. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel clueless. It’s okay to feel lost. Just know those are temporary feelings and you’ll be okay in the end. You’re always going to be better in the end. Trust the process and take everything that you can from it.

I’m tired. Tired of how long it’s taking me. Tired of feeling like i’m stuck. Tired of feeling like people don’t think I’m not going and haven’t been going through it too. Like how does that even make sense to you?

SALLY ♡ T

Curiosity.

Curiosity.
Instead of avoiding or trying to talk myself out of negative or uncomfortable emotions, I decided to become curious about it. I’m curious why I’m thinking this way, or feeling this way. I’m curious how I got to this conclusion. I’m curious about the way discomfort makes me feel, see, hear and experience the world around me. This curiosity allows me to experience this part of my life. Being curious allows me to take responsibility for my emotions instead of feeling like a victim to my emotions.
I repeat this to myself and take action on it: I am capable of experiencing negative and positive emotions fully.
Getting curious helped me stop being afraid of my thoughts and learn how to create new ones!

Franceskax (Instagram)

MY THOUGHTS.

As I scrolled through my instagram newsfeeds, I came across this caption and it really captures how I’ve been feeling these past couple of weeks. This post made by Franceska Boerman really hit something inside of me and took my words and feelings out of me. Curiosity isn’t a bad nor a good thing. It’s purely just raw. Curiosity will always bring out raw emotions, good or bad.

In this case for me, I have yet to find out what it is and why. Why are these things uncomfortable to me? Why am I feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden? What is the cause of this discomfort and how can I deal with it directly? What is the mesaage that it’s trying to relay? Like Franceska, I have too tried to find the answers to those questions. Some being easier than the others.
My favorite sentence – “Being curious allows me to take responsibility for my emotions instead of feeling like a victim to my emotions.” Your emotions will get the best of you if you let it. I’m tired of it and tired of not knowing why or the reasoning behind. It’s time to face it.

Let yourself wander off into curiosity and handle the hidden truth.
(You can see the original post on instagram from Franceskax here.)

SALLY ♡ T

You are not weak for needing rest.

Let me repeat that again, you are not weak for needing rest.
Sometimes we overwork ourselves, sometimes life can become a handful, and sometimes we just get tired. We can only handle so much at a time, it’s called being human and it’s perfectly fine. Take some time for yourself and restore the energy that was lost.
This is something that I’ve been struggling to be okay with. I feel like there is never time to rest and if there is, I shouldn’t because it just means that I’m mentally weak. Like how can I not handle my own life? IT’S OKAY THOUGH, GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! YOU ARE S T I L L AND W I L L BE THE SUPERWOMAN OR MAN THAT YOU ARE. Nobody is perfect and really no one is holding you to that standard, but yourself.

» A few things that I’ve been doing more during this pandemic that has helped me rest and restore:
◦  Working on my blogs
◦ Picking up hobbies that grab your full attention
◦ Getting my cards read for clarity and guidance
◦ Personal journaling
◦ Cuddling up with some poetry books
◦ Bath bombs/bubble baths
◦ Spending time by myself
◦ Using the time I have off discovering new foods, art, event, etc.
Bonus: Going to see my boyfriend more often (long distance relationships are a thing in itself) and being able to see my friends. Surrounding myself around their energy is probably the #1 thing that helps, they just radiate so much love.

Keep up the good work, you’re doing great. I can feel things around me getting better, I can feel myself piecing back together. You are making progress. Keep looking into every little message and keep communicating your feelings and thoughts. There’s been some rough weeks, but it’s coming to an end. It won’t last forever. If you fall backwards, it’s okay. You can get through it. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone either.

SALLY ♡ T

First Time: Tubing.

Charcuterie board and tubing, that’s how we do it for birthdays.
There’s a place in Newaygo, Michigan where you can take your tubes or kayaks and just float along the Muskegon River. It’s about 4 fun hours in the sun if you just let yourself float naturally. I’ve actually never been tubing like that before and every time my friends go, I’m stuck working the whole day. I finally got the day off and let’s just say I took advantage of it haha. Let me tell you about my first tubing trip.

Hello, hi! I should start off with some facts about me, I don’t know how to swim, tread water, and struggle with floating, I am only 5 feet tall, and my skin sunburns very easily. This is Kona and I before we left to go tubing. (No dogs were harmed, Kona actually doggie smiled every time he got picked up) We’re alive, well, and sober. My friends also roasted the fuck out of me the rest of the day for dressing like a hooters girl LOL.

I would also like to add that my tube was very comfortable and I would recommend it to anyone who is trying to last minute find a tube. Where I live, river tubes are sold out everywhere and I was lucky to find this ducky tube on Amazon and have it shipped to me the day before the trip. Plus, who doesn’t like a big floating duck with sunglasses? Some cons of it being camo is that it gets hot in spots and the dragonflies on the river thought I was a tree so I was surrounded by them. I’m terrified of bugs, so trying not to abandon ship and drown was a challenge.

The river was a smooth ride besides some random big rocks and logs, but you could easily maneuver yourself around those. About half the time the water was shallow enough for you to get off your tube and swim or walk in the water. There was plenty of times that I could get off my tube.
My friends and I brought coolers just filled with food and drinks, we even packed a charcuterie board for the two birthdays that we were celebrating. Fanciest water food selection ever. It was just *chefs kiss*. Well I started to drink a little more than usual since the sun was beating down on me and guess where I decided to fall off my tube? Yep, a deeper part of the river. Only my luck LOL. I could touch the bottom, but the water was up to my neck and getting back on the tube was a struggle, if only it stopped there. Turns out I drank way too much and I ended up throwing up and falling asleep right after for the rest of the trip. I held on the my friends hand for the last 30 minutes as I was slowly waking up super drunk, but hungover. TYPICAL SALLY. Thankfully, my tube was big and I’m just small, so I was sleeping beauty on a river. I did get sunburn after just recovering from my Colorado one. I’m really surprised that I haven’t gotten sun sickness yet, these sunburns are pretty bad haha

When I was alive during the trip, I did get video footage and I’m working on making a video, another hobby that I’m trying out. At the end, I was able to gather myself up and pack the cars. We just all went back to my friend’s house and grilled up some hotdogs and hamburgers with asparagus, tried to sober up so I could be fine for work the next day. What a day it was. I absolutely love my friends and I would risk my life all over again to go with them ♡

Until the next adventure!
SALLY ♡ T