Tag: Pandemic Problems

I Don’t Want To Let You Down, But I Got To Let You Know.

I don’t want to let you down, but I got to let you know that I’m trying my best even if it seems differently. I won’t be at the bestest best, but a very low best and that’s the best I can do right now. Things feel heavy and sometimes they get heavier. I’m currently at my lowest best. I know time has been going by and it seems like things haven’t changed or maybe it’s gotten a little worst, but know that at the end of the day I’ll still be okay. Even if it seems like all I ever feel is sad, stressed or want to cry, I’ll eventually be okay. Nobody wants to see the truth, but the truth is it’s not all rainbows and butterflies over here and it seems like it won’t be for a little while longer. Don’t feel like you can change things, it just has to run its course.

So with that being said, thank you. Thank you for the kind words and messages that I’ve received these past few months. I tried so hard to hide my struggles and sadness, but it made me feel even worse and tired. It’s okay to feel those feeling in front of others, there’s no shame. Everyone feels them. In a weird way, knowing that others can see the changes has help me accept what I’m going through and has helped validate my feelings. It makes me feel more like a person, a real person, a real person who is living a real life. Maybe somewhere along the way I’ve lost a sense of that. It’s been a weird and unusual two years.

I don’t want let you down, but I got to let you know I’m doing my best. I’m going to continue working on finding little joys and love in little things and celebrating the small little things. ♡

Biggest Challenges of 2020: Free Time.

Most blogs show you the flawless side of that person’s life, the highest highs, the happiest happy. Well as you have probably read, not mine, but that’s what I like so much about having a blog without a centralized theme. I get to have the freedom of being able to post whatever I want, whenever I want.

FREE TIME.

There was so much free time for me this year and I had no idea what to do with myself. That was the hardest because then I realize without working Sally and this busy lifestyle that I have, who really am I? Without the fancy music festivals and without being around my friends, who am I? Who is the basic, stripped down version of me? I really thought I knew already, but I really didn’t know. Some time along the way, I lost sense of who I was and with this pandemic all I had was this free time to sit in it.

When was the last time I had three months of absolutely nothing to do? Most likely, never. I’ve been working since my freshman year in high school. So to me without work was such a big change in my life. It’s good to be recognized as a hard worker, but there’s so much more that I would rather be known for. Work is not my life. With all that time I just thought about: What were my hobbies? What would I do with my 24 hour days? I tried out a lot of different things to try to figure it out. I didn’t realize that I had gotten so caught up in the work and party life that when work and bar/club/party life was shut down, I felt like I was left with nothing. I tried keeping up with artist virtual streams and perler making as a crafting hobby. I tried beading/making cool rave candies and watching different genres of movies and shows to see if there was something I’ve missed. I’ve tried being more active and taking daily walks, I even went hiking and I don’t ever hike. I even started this blog as a hobby. I’ve tried so many different things this year to try to find what I like or what will potentially stick with me and what one brings out the best of me. Many things came and go and a few stayed, but sometimes I feel like I’m still looking.

With free time, you have to keep yourself busy or you just kind of sit there in your head with your thoughts and mine are not all that pretty. Another problem that I’ve faced with having all this free time. Instead of thoughts getting swept under the rug, they are all just there and pretty loud. I had to actually face them and find a way to correctly heal those thoughts. Strange how it all is.

Anyways, I think this might be something that I’ll still have to adjust to still going into 2021. It’s a slow progress, but I’m getting the hang of it. I’m learning a lot about who I am and who I want to be.
F r e e T i m e .

SALLY ♡ T

Biggest Challenges 2020: Drunk Version.

*** warning: Lots of profanity used, drunk sally is something else***

Yes, you read it right. Drunk version lol. Will I ever post this? idek. I would like to say though, fuck 2020. I thought this year would be better for me than 2019, boy was I wrong. I went through some shit this year. It’s December 2020. Shit should be figured out right? Well fuck that shit. I feel like nothing is figured out sometimes lol.

There’s literally so much I have to say, but it can’t be in just one blog. That’s how fucked up I try to make things better. Honestly, I’m still emotion about thongs in my life. It happens though, you just have to deal with it. You might think my life is perfect, but bitch it’s not, stop putting me on a fucking pedestal. I don’t want that.

Being okay by myself, the loss of my pup, the lost of relationships. it really finds a way to fuck you up. A pandemic on top of everything? Well fucckkk, I’m still trying to figure everything else out from the previous years. It has felt like a lot, but also clarity all at once and I don’t know who to react to that. Am I writing to my blog audience or am I writing to you or myself? Who am I trying to convince at this point? Why am I trying to convince anyone about anything? Am I trying to convince or do I know it? I just don’t know.

I really almost finished a full bottle on wine. I literally have a quarter of the entire bottle left. You know I’m proud of myself for that, but also not. That’s a lot to drink, but I also don’t care. Why should I care so much? It doesn’t help you in anyways at all too care so much. I sound bitter, but that’s cause I can be. I’m not that type of person anyways because I know it’s better to push on past it, but let me just take my moment for a bit. Let me just pause and breathe for a bit. Let a bitch breathe for once. Sometimes I think I push myself too hard, but I wouldn’t be where I’m at now because of it. I got myself out of a rough situation and i’m better coming out if it. Just when can I sit and enjoy that without having to deal with the next situation?